When Saruhiko was fourteen he discovered his love of cross-dressing. He stole the dress his mother had thrown in the trash that morning, the blue one that had become too small to wear. He locked himself in the bathroom, stripped of his school clothes and pulled it on. It was too big for him, but even though he was now a lazy and cynical boy, he couldn't help but smile in approval.

It wasn't that he wanted to dress like a girl, it was more that wearing boy's shirts felt too revealing-like at any minutes someone could pull up his shirt and see Mariko's Crack. It didn't matter that they wouldn't really be able to see it, that they wouldn't hear the small voice taunting him or see the tiny hand that sometimes would reach out and wave to get his attention. The crack was horizontal, and sometimes Saruhiko was afraid to look in the mirror, afraid that he would see his baby's face peaking out.

So the dress was just the beginning, and soon he began to enjoy wearing women's clothing for the feel and the look instead of the safety. He had started to live in an abandoned apartment in a complex near his parent's house. He told them about it but they didn't even spare him a look so he took it for what it was and moved his things in. He couldn't drag his mattress down the block though, so he rolled out a futon over the wood floor he had recently dusted.

Then he met Misaki.

The boy was a male Omega just like him, and just like him he came from parents who were decidedly pissed about that fact. His younger sister Moe was the same, a female Alpha that shamed her parents. Their wasn't really any true shame in it at all, but his parents were traditionalists. They had expected to have an Alpha for a son and an Omega for a daughter, and when it turned out to be the opposite they were devastated.

Frankly, they should have noticed the signs-while Misaki wasn't much of an Omega poster child, Moe had always been more Alpha than Omega from the start. She ran around town in Misaki's clothes, cut her hair short like a boy's and coveted her best friend Haruna, who later turned out to be an Omega, to the point where she beat up any older Alpha who looked at her funny. She was loud and rough and rude, used her fists to make a point and looked at makeup and dresses like they were drenched in lice. Her name, which literally meant 'cute', was everything further from the delicate little girl her parents had named her for.

When Misaki presented as an Omega it was more of a surprise. He loved sports and video games, boxers and baggy shirts, and like his little sisters like to punch people rather than work out a problem through words. The day his sister presented as an Alpha his parents kicked her out of the house, thankfully the thirteen year old girl was able to take up residence in Haruna's house. Misaki, already having presented two years earlier than her, when he was thirteen, was now fifteen and still under his parent's disapproving thumbs. When he met Saruhiko, however, he immediately took the chance to move in with the raven and his parents didn't put up much of a fight.

He moved in his things to Saruhiko's 'stolen' flat, and the added TV was great for their shared love of video games. Thankfully Misaki didn't care much at all that Saruhiko like to lounge around his house in a sweater and leggings, or that he slept in an oversize v-neck shirt and panties. It was a funny coincidence, because the boy blushed around girls despite not being attracted to them, but didn't care that he would sometimes walk with him around town in a skirt and lace blouse. Saruhiko had become a master in walking in heels, though he preferred ballet flats so he could run in them.

He stopped wearing dresses and skirts outside when they joined Homra when they were seventeen, because there was something about being around all those Alphas and wearing girly clothes and being an Omega that struck fear into his heart. It wasn't that he thought they would take advantage of him, and it wasn't like there weren't other Omegas there. There was Totsuka, Eric, Dewa, Shouhei, and Anna too. It was comforting, being around other male Omegas, but the others...the Alphas scared him...but Mikoto scared him the most. There was something about him, the way he looked at you or his power, there was something that reminded him of his mate. The thought of his nameless, faceless mate made his heart hurt and Mariko's Crack to laugh at his pain.

Back at their apartment, Misaki and Saruhiko found an equilibrium, had found a peace in each other. Homra was starting to take up more of Misaki's attention than he would have liked, but everything would be fine. As long as Misaki never knew about the pills under his bed they would be fine.

They would be fine.

Saruhiko waited for Munakata to finish his work but then had an idea and texted him quickly.

To: Munakata Reisi

Let me run to my dorm and change into something appropriate, want to meet at the restaurant in an hour?

He bit his lip when it took more than three seconds for his superior to reply, but when he did he broke out into a smile and a light blush.

To: Saruhiko Fushimi

Sure thing, how about Giordano's?

Giordano's was one of the most expensive Italian restaurants in town, and the thought of his captain willing to spend so much on him, when they weren't even dating, not really, it struck a cord in him.

To: Munakata Reisi

Only if we can go dutch

He received a smile emoticon as a response and mimicked it as he quickly raced to his dorm at the Blue Clan Barracks. He tore open his closet door in a flurry its contents were all over his bedroom. He paused to pull his blinds closed and flip on his light switch, and then quickly sorted out his dresses onto his bed and slid everything else on the floor. He grabbed his knee-high blue dress, the one with dark blue sequins, and held it up against him and made a face and then threw it to the floor. He tried the other six dresses and hated them all-they weren't right for tonight...whatever tonight was.

He had to catch himself and look at himself, really look, in the mirror. He looked like a completely different person than he'd been most of his life. His face was flushed with an excited blush, and his cheek bones looked more delicate than usual. He really looked feminine, he thought, and decided in the end on a long white skirt and a light blue satin blouse with a dark blue sash at the pulled on a pair of black heels and pulled on a dark blue cardigan that matched his sash.

Then he fled to the bathroom to put on mascara, light blue eye shadow, and a light pink shade of lipstick. To finish it off he put on a nice pearl necklace with matching earrings, thankful that he had made the decision to pierce his ears when he joined Scepter4. He grabbed a small black purse and threw his things into it, sprayed on some light perfume and then dashed out the door, only to run back inside and change in black flats to move better in.

He flagged a cab and was silent the whole drive to Giordano's. His heart was racing in his chest and kept looking in the driver's mirror to see if he was staring. He wasn't, never had been, and then Saruhiko became paranoid that perhaps he was ignoring him on purpose. He fretted until he smelled the scent of an omega and calmed. Shizume seemed to have a higher percentage of male Omegas than other cities in Japan, why he wasn't sure, but he liked that they weren't treated so strangely as in other countries. He knew that in China they were treated like whores, and in Russia like freaks. In Japan they were mostly treasure, because they produced the best offspring and were the best mothers, and not for the first time Saruhiko thanked the gods he was born in Japan.

The glowing red lights of the restaurant soon reached them, and Saruhiko thanked the driver and payed. Turning towards the restaurant he took a deep breath and prayed things would go well, that he hadn't made a mistake for dressing the way he liked and perhaps it wasn't appropriate to show such a tendency on the first date. Was this even a date? He thought it was, after all the Captain had shown a romantic interest in him even though he himself had never thought it possible. He didn't think anyone would ever be capable of loving him, the fake him or the real him. He had given up.

Perhaps he would be proven wrong.

He certainly hoped so.

Reisi considered himself a patient man, but he was begging to grow anxious. He had left work early and arrived at the restaurant earlier than he had said, but he couldn't help it-he was excited and nervous and happy all bundled in one. He wondered in Saruhiko felt the same way. Saruhiko was late, it was still rather early, but Reisi still succumbed to his doubts. What if he didn't really want to go on a date and had just run home and stayed there? What if someone tried to attack him on the way here? No, Saruhiko was always a capable soldier who could and had always taken care of himself-just because he knew now that he had been raped at some point in his life didn't mean that now all of a sudden things like that would start happening again. He was just worried. Just-

The waiter came over and offered to pour him some red wine which he graciously accepted. He had chosen to wear a blue satin dress shirt and a pair of black pants with matching shoes, something he found in his closet at work-saved for a time when he didn't have time to change at home. It was perfect for tonight, but then once again he was worried if Saruhiko would show.

He saw a women walk in and took a moment to let his eyes linger on her for a few moments. She looked a lot like the person he was waiting for, looking out like she was trying to find someone amongst the red clothed tables with kyanite eyes. The feminine face was a lot like Saruhiko's, as well as her raven hair that was pinned back by two blue pins.

...

The wine glass he had been holding slipped from his fingers, the goblet hitting the table and and tipping over onto the floor and crashing. The noise alerted Saruhiko's attention to him, and when he noticed him he suddenly looked very worried. The waiter came over and cleaned up the mess while he apologize profusely, and he was too preoccupied with making sure Saruhiko didn't leave to check his clothes for stains.

He had dropped the glass because he was surprised, because out of all the scenarios he had gone over in his head-his lovely male Omega dressing like a woman certainly hadn't been one of them. It was a common thing amongst male Omegas though, the opposite applied to female Alphas, and he was totally fine with it-excited at the prospect even-but surprised nonetheless.

He stood to go and meet his date, and was thankful that he in fact did not have stains. Saruhiko had turned to leave but when he saw him smiling and walking towards him he let his shoulders relax and gave a uneasy smile of his own.

"You look great." Reisi said sincerely, and was happy when Saruhiko blushed and smiled happily. He led Saruhiko over to a new table and the waiter go them set up again. Saruhiko still hadn't said anything and focused all his attention on his menu, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Reisi had always been good at reading body language, and it was obvious that Saruhiko was embarrassed and worried that Reisi wouldn't approve of the way he had dressed.

Reisi reached over the table to put a hand on the younger male's, and felt his heart sink when he saw the boy flinch. "It's fine." He said, knowing that was all he could say to speak everything he felt. Saruhiko's demeanor instantly changed from tense to relieved and he smiled happily with the bright look back into his eyes. "Sorry I took so long." Reisi just shook his head smiling, saying it was no problem at all and that he was actually early.

The makeup suited Saruhiko very well, the mascara only making his long lashes ever longer. Perhaps it was the Alpha in him, but the fact that Saruhiko had worn blue made him suddenly very protective. He tried to remind himself that it wasn't proof of ownership, but the Alpha in him disregarded reason completely and just said mine mine mine.

They both ordered salads, with Saruhiko getting a plate of salmon on the side for himself, and then they settled into conversation. He started by talking about himself, because he felt like asking the other about his past would be too much for the boy. He told him about how his mother was an astrophysicist and his father was a senator. Saruhiko nodded, and then their food came and the eye contact was lost. They ate while Reisi talked between bites and Saruhiko just nodded and listened, sometimes commenting but mostly staying silent and looking beautiful while doing it.

He talked about how his parents would take him to the zoo all the time, and when he asked if his parents ever took him he just asnwered, "They were too busy to take me to the zoo."

It bothered him, it really did, that whenever he asked about Saruhiko's family the boy just shrugged and said, "They were busy."

Busy, always busy.

"Did your parents drive you to school?"

"No, they were too busy."

"What did you used to do for your birthday."

"My parents were too busy to throw me a party."

"What were some things you like to do when you were younger."

"When my parents were busy I would hang out at the library or play at the beach."

"Didn't they ever come with you?"

"No, too busy."

He had access to Saruhiko's file, and he technically knew a lot about the boy's family and medical history-though nowhere it said anything about being mated or having pups or schizophrenia, which led him to believe that the Fushimi family was a proud one that wouldn't allow such things to come to light. Saruhiko's father was a high ranking politician and his mother was the head of the science department at an upstanding University-but surely they would be able to find time to be with their only child?

How would parents like Fushimi's react to something like rape? Surely they knew about it, which was why they had erased from the records, but how would they react? He had originally hoped they had been supportive, like his would have been had he turned out to be an Omega, but now he wasn't so sure. How busy could they have been, and with what, to have ignored their child so much? Though perhaps the biggest question was why ignore him at all?

Despite his personality going back to what it should have always been, the boy still had his wall up and locked tight. While spilled his life's story over Caesar salad and red wine, the boy barely allowed him a glimpse into his heart. Perhaps he wasn't as keen at the whole dating thing as he had imagined? Or maybe it was that he was frightened by the prospect of a potential mate, after all he had just gotten rid of the shackles that had held him down for so long. But could it be something else?

Dinner finished and Reisi felt he was barely any closer to knowing Saruhiko heart than he had been before. They left the restaurant in false happy chatter, Reisi strained and worried and Saruhiko clearly faking his smiles at that point. The air was chilly but Saruhiko denied the coat he offered, instead choosing to walk behind him to get out of the wind. They walked without a destination, smiles false, tension growing, until they found themselves on the bridge leading to the remains of Ashinaka High School.

The fragile atmosphere they've created crumbled when Saruhiko lets out a low growl and reached beneath the neck of his blouse to tear at his skin with his nails. Reisi's reaction is immediate, and suddenly Saruhiko is crowded back against the metal railing of the bridge, with Reisi holding his wrists tightly and his eyes are like blue flames.

"Why exactly do you do that?" he didn't mean to make his words sound so harsh, his grip to be so tight, or his presence to seem so frightening, but he does anyway. Saruhiko shrinks away, layer upon layer of wall going up in defense but Reisi was fed up with them and tore them down by moving his hands to grip the boy's shoulders and shaking him violently. It was an accident, his adrenaline pumping and getting the best of his head, but still Saruhiko started to let out little whimpers and it took Reisi longer than it should to realize the boy was sobbing. Black tears made a mess down his face as his mascara ran, his long eye lashes clumping together as he cried, and Reisi felt overwhelming gilt and self loathing.

"I-I'm sorry, Saruhiko I-" but Saruhiko turned away, his hair hiding his face as he refused to let Reisi see him cry. He let go of the boy's shoulders and he slumped against the metal frame of the bridge post like a rag doll. Reisi felt guilt and didn't know what to do, he wasn't good at dealing with people crying because no one ever did so in front of him before, least alone the boy he loved so dearly.

"I just-" Saruhiko started, "It says such horrible things I just can't-" He moved so that his hair moved out of his face and Reisi could now see how big the boy's eyes had blown, wide and filled with unfettered fear. "No, I shouldn't tell you-you'll hate me and fire me and leave me and I just-" He let out a wine, one only an Omega would be capable of. The kind that sounds like it was made by a sad dog, something left over from their strange ancestral line. Only Omegas could make such perfect animal sounds, and they were almost always unintentional and instinctual.

Sounds made when the emotions mattered.

"You're the only one who's ever cared." he sobbed, "And if I lose you I don't what will happen to me! I'm already crazy!" He let out another whine, this one even more pitiful than the last. Reisi reached out and gently smoothed away the black lines of running mascara, smudging it but cleaning the boy's face nonetheless. He looked down at the boy's blouse and saw the blood that was soaking through the fabric in small patches.

"What says such horrible things, Saruhiko?" The boy looked up at him, seemingly in the amazement that Reisi was still there, still cared.

"The cracks." he choked out, his voice breaking as he tried not to cry again. Reisi knit his brows in confusion, and Saruhiko continued. "That's what I see...what my schizophrenia makes me see...cracks that say mean things...and the sky is always monochrome whether it's day or night..." his eyes flicked up to look at the sky momentarily, and Reisi couldn't help but look up as well. The sky was dark, black with night and sprinkled with stars.

He looked back at Saruhiko who's head was still tilted back as he continued to look up. His adam's apple bobbed visibly as he swallowed before speaking, "Right now the sky is gray, it's always gray, and the moon's black. The sun's black in the day time too and the sky is a bit light than it is now but tha's what I have. Everything else, things hit by sunlight and whatnot, everything else is normal colors..."

Reisi made a move to speak but Saruhiko tipped his head back down and continued to speak whilst looking at his ballet flats, "The colors weren't always so boring...the grass didn't used to be green and water didn't used to be blue...my world used to be beautiful...everything was beautiful...and I had friends then...they weren't real-I knew I was sick but that was the world I lived in so I didn't care but...they left me when Mariko did..."

"And then the cracks showed up and the sky went dark..." he whispered looking up Reisi with renewed tears, "There's a crack here," he took Reisi's hand from it's place on his shoulder and moved it to rest over his old Homra mark, "and the other one's here..." Reisi's hand was moved to the boy's abdomen. He let go of Reisi's hand and he let it fall back to his side, Reisi at a loss for words.

Saruhiko continued, "The crack over my heart uses Misaki's voice...tells me how much of a waste of space I am...how much of a useless and boring friend...that I deserved to be left...sometimes it's Maria's voice though...I hate it when it sounds like her the most..." Saruhiko broke off into a sob, "And then Mariko's Crack is the worst." His hand moved to subconsiously stroke his stomach, "I hate hearing her voice." he whimpered, "Because I love her so much but I'll never get to hold her or see her or tell her how much I wish she was here..." He broke down and that was the end of it, Reisi wasn't going to make the boy say anything else, after he had said so very much.

"C'mon" he whispered, draping his arm around the boy's waist and pulling him in the direction of the mainland, "Let's go to my apartment and get those wounds stitched, it's about time you cared for them properly."

So he led the boy to his apartment, unaware of the consequences that would follow.

PS: I wrote the second half when Reisi sees Saruhiko and then I went back and listened to Jizz in my Pants and read it at the same time and laughed until there were tears streaming down my face. Do it, it's fucking hilarious.