25 Days.
Tris,
Damn you, what have you done?
You stole it from me, Tris. I know that you wanted to live.
You knew that I didn't, not really, after all the things that I'd done. And yet you kill yourself over me? And yet you do this to me? What this all some kind of sick game to you, Tris? As to which one of you, my mother, my father, or you could be the most bloody self-righteous? So that despite you being just as much of a traitor as I, you can prove that you're the best damn Abnegation after all? Or was it your own guilt, Tris, at their deaths for you? Was that what you were looking to escape, erase the debt by some exchange for my pathetic life?
You got what you want Tris. You're the perfect martyr now, your name etched in our histories. You're there with all our dead ancestors, the greatest one of them all.
1 month, 5 days.
Tris,
Forget what I said.
It's my fault. It's always been my fault.
I'm a coward, that's all I am. I should never have given you my burden.
I was supposed to do it, Tris. The truth is I was ready. I'd braced myself for death, knowing it was the only way to achieve my redemption and your forgiveness. It would have been worth it for that.
You weren't ready, were you? Like hell you were, like hell, even after everything at the Erudite compound. You did not want to die, I did. But I can never die now, not until it's my time naturally. My redemption can never be achieved.
I honestly wonder whether what you've given me is a blessing or a curse.
1 month, 17 days.
Tris,
I hope it's true what you said when you told me you really want to forgive me.
2 months, 5 days.
Tris,
I tell myself that I wouldn't have been able to deal with David's gun. I would have panicked, forgotten the pass code, ended up dead anyway – and the people of the city would have ended up losing everything. I tell myself it's for the best that it was you.
I could have never been in Candor.