3 months, 27 days.

Tris,

You never understood me, did you? By that I mean Erudite, and I guess in our would that was everything. You didn't get that just because they said some bad things about Abnegation and their leaders, it didn't mean the whole faction was corrupt. The ideals of Erudite – the focus on expanding human knowledge and the sciences – were always noble, and I stand by that view of the faction. Even though I accept I was wrong about Jeanine now, and I regret what I did to help her, in the end she was the one who was betraying the Erudite values by hiding from the truth.

I guess the question you've always wanted to know the answer to is 'why did I help Jeanine?' I know it's pointless to rationalise myself to you now, to come up with some pathetic excuse as to why I did what I did. But I think you should know anyway. I guess I'd always believed faction before blood, and I was blinded by the noble ideas of the Erudite faction. But there was more to it than that. I really believed in Jeanine, that she was right, and that it getting out would destroy everything. I'd always admired Jeanine, despite my father's words, perhaps because of them. And when Jeanine spoke to me, I always believed that she had a plan for me, that I would be able to do great things because of her. She had that kind of pull that is difficult to explain, especially to someone who has always seen Erudite as evil.

In one respect, it seems like it's all nothing, irrelevant and stupid now that the factions no longer exist. But it was my identity, Tris, everything that I stood for, my ideals, my friends, myfaction, my faction before blood.

I've found a new way to be faithful to Erudite values in this world. I'm going to work for knowledge that can make this place better, really and truly, even if it can never undo my wrongs.

4 months, 1 day.

Tris,

I look back at all my memories of you again, just like I have been doing over the past 4 months. I realise: most of those memories are lies, aren't they? The memories of the quiet Abnegation Beatrice aren't real, because your selflessness doesn't belong in that Abnegation box. Tobias and Christina: it's them that have the true memories of you.

6 months, 10 days.

Tris,

I see him again. Tobias.

I tell him to hit me. I want him to smack me right in the face for being such a coward, for letting you die.

Instead he stands there across from me, looking defeated, his muscular body somehow managing to look fragile, his eyes empty. He doesn't say anything. I watch his right hand ball into a fist, and his right arm shake.

I think that I will get what I want.

Instead, he turns and walks away, shoulders slumped.

9 months, 0 days.

Tris,

I know my parents always said that they loved us both when we were growing up. That we were both equal in their eyes. I don't believe that, not for a moment. I know that you were the one that they really cared about, brave Tris over coward Caleb, abnegation Beatrice over erudite Caleb. I know with every fibre of my being that my mother, my father would have wanted me to walk through that door instead of you. I hate that, the fact that you are always better than me and I can never live up to that, not now that you're dead, not only dead but a martyr, the greatest dead of all.

9 months, 1 day.

Tris,

I'm sorry. It isn't about me.

1 year, 0 days, 0 months, 0 hours.

Tris,

I remember.