60 years, 11 months.
Tris,
I wanted to let you know that this is the last thing I'll ever write to you. Right now I'm very ill and there's little that doctors or anyone else can do for me. So soon I won't need to write, because I'll be with you, wherever you are. The Abnegation way taught me the ideas of religion and that there is a loving God; the Erudite way taught me the ideas of science and that there is no God above us. I used to believe in the Erudite way, but now I'm not so sure who is right about this. I can't help that hope there's something, so you had the chance to live a full life somewhere, even if it wasn't here.
I have spent much of my adult life thinking of the themes of religion – the concept of debt and redemption. My whole adult life has been lived in the shadow of debt and the fact that I was never able to achieve my redemption. I accepted a long time ago that I would never get my redemption through the manner of my death; instead, I could only try and achieve it through the way that I live my life. All that I can offer you is my achievements in my field – the overseeing of the production of better and more efficient fertiliser – and what has happened in my personal life – my two beautiful daughters, Dana and Louise.
I tried to make no judgement about whether or not, in the grand scheme of things, your sacrifice was 'worth it'. To me, I'm not sure my life can ever be worth the price. But to you, maybe it can be.
With love,
Caleb.
~fin~