Brave New World
Chapter 4: Stains
Cosima was happy for Delphine. She was proud of her, she really was. Getting a job with a research team was a huge opportunity at this stage in her education. It was a big step toward the career she'd been working toward her entire adult life. It was a circumstance that deserved praise and congratulations and support.
But it turned out that it was also work that kept Delphine at ridiculous hours, and Cosima didn't get to see her as often as she'd like - a circumstance that made Cosima slightly less enthusiastic about the whole thing.
Cosima sat at what had become her regular table in the coffee shop where she'd first met her girlfriend. With Delphine getting in so late from the training her job apparently required, Cosima had found herself facing a lot of alone time, so she chose to spend it people-watching in the little campus café, where she could at least pretend to have a social life outside of Delphine.
She curled her fingers around a steaming mug of cinnamon latté. The changing colors and cool winds of autumn had her craving something hot and comfortable, to heat her from the inside out. Though perhaps it had less to do with the new chill in the atmosphere and more to do with the absence of the girl who she'd become accustomed to keeping her warm. She sat still in her little booth in the corner of the shop, virtually lifeless as the rest of the world passed complacently by.
She tried to remind herself over again how important it was for Delphine to be committed to this new position. Her work was important. She was doing cutting-edge research. It wasn't her fault that she was kept so long every day. It was only to be expected that she would be put to work at the times no one else wanted to be, since she was only a grad student.
But Cosima hadn't so much as seen her girlfriend in a week. She missed her.
With a sigh, she took a long sip from her drink and slumped down into her seat. A drop of her latté trailed a winding stain down the side of her mug. She traced it delicately with the tip of her finger. A grimy residue collected on her fingertip as it followed the brown streak down the dull white ceramic.
Faces around her chatted animatedly. Some gestured enthusiastically with their hands. Some nodded seriously in agreement. Some threw their heads back in uncontrollable laughter. She watched them blankly for some time. She took notice of the color in their cheeks, the twinkle in their eyes. They had their people with them. They were living.
Cosima closed her eyes and shook her head at herself.
She was living, too, wasn't she? She blinked and breathed and ate and drank and moved just like everyone. She was as real and alive as anyone else.
She was just lonely. Again.
Cosima downed what remained of her latté and stood from the table.
When she got back to her apartment, she immediately dropped her bag on the coffee table and strode into the kitchen.
She made herself a cup of coffee, black. She knew all the caffeine she was consuming was likely to make her jittery, but in the moment, it comforted her. It was hot and smooth, and it was almost half as good as what she was missing. She carried it by the handle through her dark living room to her desk; she cursed softly when she stubbed her toe on the couch in the process. She stuck the side of her finger into her mouth and sucked where a few hot drops spilt over the side of her mug and burned her skin.
Cosima placed the cup carefully on her desk and dropped into the chair behind it heavily. She used her thumb to lift the top of her laptop and power it on. For a moment she just looked at her desktop background; it was a series of pictures of Delphine blowing a kiss. The slightest smile emerged on her lips at the sight of it.
She clicked to open her video chat program. Her grin grew when she saw the brightly smiling icon of her soccer-mom-self aglow, signaling that Alison was online. Her mouse hovered over the little picture. Fractions of the faces of Alison's family covered the edges. Cosima thought for a moment how her own family would react if they found out what she was.
She jumped when her computer chirped with a ring resembling that of an old-fashioned telephone. Alison, it seemed, read her mind and took the initiative to call her.
She sat up in her chair, cleared her throat, and clicked the button that read answer.
"Alison, hey-"
"Cosima Niehaus! Just where the hell have you been? We haven't seen or heard from you in weeks!" Alison huffed and aggressively straightened her bangs.
Cosima breathed a chuckle. "It's good to see you too, Alison."
"Is it? Is it good to see me?" Alison's eyes were wide, strained. Her eyebrows had disappeared into her hair. "Given all the time since I last heard from you it's a wonder you even remember what I look like."
"She's your clone, Alison, she's not going to forget what you look like. All she has to do is look in the mirror," deadpanned a voice offscreen on Alison's end.
Alison scowled into the distance. "Yes, Beth and Sarah are also here."
Cosima's brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay… And Sarah is…?"
Alison's lips stretched into a falsely sweet smile. "Oh yes, that's right. You don't know who Sarah is because you've been MIA for the past three weeks and haven't been around to find out that we've been found by another clone. Whoops. So sorry to leave you out of the loop."
An arm reached across the screen and handed Alison a glass of wine. It was then joined by a body as Beth nudged Alison to scoot over and sat beside her. "Give her a break, Al, she's been off honeymooning with the new girl. Right, Cos?" Beth winked at her through the computer.
Cosima felt her face flush. "Yeah, well-"
"Oi, who are we all talking to?" Another face joined the two on Cosima's screen.
Cosima supposed she should have been accustomed to seeing women with faces identical to hers by then. Yet when a third twin appeared by Beth and Alison's side, she was momentarily taken aback. Seeing the three of them lined up before her, knowing that their faces were all but interchangeable with her own, was still something of a shock to the system.
Cosima raised a hand in greeting. "You'd be Sarah, then. Hi. I'm Cosima."
She watched as Sarah looked her over, as much as the limited view of the computer would allow. As she did, Cosima took in what she could of this newcomer as well. Sarah was clearly hard around the edges. At least, she was trying to be. Her default expression was one of scrutiny, of distrust for anyone she didn't know. Her hair, braided in part, was wild where it was loose. Her accent was thick and hard. She held every aspect of a punk from the streets, and yet Cosima couldn't help but feel an urge to trust her.
Sarah nodded. "So you're the scientist. Right."
Cosima breathed a laugh. "Charming."
Sarah brought a glass of brown liquid to her lips. "So, what's this I hear about a girlfriend?"
Cosima cocked her head to the side slightly. "You certainly don't beat around the bush. You haven't even asked about the weather yet."
Sarah smirked and gulped down the rest of her drink. "Yeah, I'm funny like that. Especially when I'm meeting… What did you call them?" She turned to crinkle her forehead at Beth before she snapped her fingers and bobbed her head. "Right, my genetic identicals. You understand if I'm a bit on edge." Cosima had to nod at that. Sarah's smirk morphed into an outright grin before she gave Cosima an expectant look. "So? Let's hear about the girl! I've been alone long enough, maybe hearing about another version of myself getting some will be half as good," she said with hooded eyes as she poured herself another drink.
"Um-"
"Please, spare us the details," Alison interjected. "I only called to make sure you're still alive. Having done that, I'm happy to let you go."
Beth turned to Alison and patted her on the shoulder with joking patronization. "Aw, Ali, I know things have lost their heat with Donnie in the bedroom, but there's no need to be jealous of Cosima." Alison shot her a fiery glare. Beth just looked loftily around and pinched Alison's cheek playfully. "Don't worry though. I know I'm still your favorite, babe." She planted a big, sloppy kiss on Alison's cheek, which Alison immediately went about wiping off.
Cosima laughed heartily at their antics. They may have been strange and dysfunctional, but they'd become her friends, and the sight of them fooling around with each other in good nature was a welcome one.
Sarah let out a rather booming laugh as well. Alison's eyes grew comically wide, and she shushed her British counterpart emphatically. She hissed at her, "Be quiet, my kids are asleep upstairs."
Beth, still chortling merrily, slung her arm around Alison's shoulder and spoke over her. "Calm down, Al. She's not going to wake up your kids and tell them what a freak you are." When Alison's expression inevitably became one of affront, she added, "Oh, shut up, you know I like your freakiness."
Sarah rolled her eyes. "Would you two just get married already?" She looked down as some of her drink dribbled over the side of her glass and dropped into a circular stain on her shirt.
Beth looked at her with feigned earnesty. "You know, I keep asking this one to run away with me, but she keeps playing hard to get."
Alison crossed her arms over her chest and twisted her face into a frown. "You all know that I am happily married, thank you very much." She looked up to find the same skeptical look in both Beth and Cosima's eyes. She amended her statement. "It's true! Happiness notwithstanding. I am married. And you," she turned to face Beth more fully, "have a boyfriend. How is Paul, by the way?"
Beth's smug grin melted off of her face. Her eyes locked on Alison's, she set her wine glass down and smacked her lips. "As a matter of fact, he'll be wondering where I am." She stood, stopping only to lean down and mutter a goodbye to Cosima.
Sarah got up as well. "Yeah, I should go too." She was a bit unsteady on her feet, but she managed a grunt of thanks and a wave toward the screen as she stumbled toward the door.
Cosima watched her go with concern. "She's not driving, is she?"
Alison rubbed her face, paused for a moment, then shook her head. "No, no, her brother's waiting for her outside. He'll make sure she's okay."
Cosima nodded. She bit her lip. "Alison… is there anyone making sure you're okay?"
Alison dropped her gaze before she said with a serious tilt of her head, "I could ask you the same thing."
Cosima woke to the sound of a gentle but rapid knock on her door. She jerked into an upright position in her desk chair and rubbed roughly at her eyes.
The knocking persisted, so Cosima stood and padded across the carpet to the door. With a yawn, she unlatched it and pulled it open.
Delphine stood just beyond the threshold. Their eyes met and the blonde's voice fell out breathily. "Cosima."
Cosima licked her lips. After a moment, she stepped to the side with an understated sweep of her arm. "Come in."
Delphine closed the door behind her and stepped into her girlfriend. "I'm so sorry I haven't been able to see you the past few days. I missed you."
Cosima brought her arms up around Delphine's neck and pressed their lips together.
The mug of coffee sat, still where she'd left it and forgotten it, by then cold and stale. Stains once again wound their way down the side. Twin curving lines forged paths across the smooth ceramic. They came together where the base of the mug met the dark wooden surface of her desk.