Brave New World
Chapter 5: What is the Road to Hell Paved With?
Cosima rolled her head over on the pillow to sneak a glance at the girl who occupied the other side of the bed. Moonlight poked its way through the window and cast a muted illumination over her bedroom.
Delphine slept soundly beside her, one leg flung over both of Cosima's. Her breathing was soft and even.
Cosima inhaled thickly; Delphine's mild, sweet scent filled her nose. It was comforting to have the smell of her girlfriend's hair on her pillow again.
Cosima's lips spread into a smile as her girl's brow scrunched slightly and Delphine rolled over so that she was lying half on top of her. This brought Delphine's face just centimeters from her own. Cosima closed her eyes and shrugged herself further under the covers and into the embrace. She slipped her arm over Delphine's hip and around her back. Her fingertips traced over the ridge of Delphine's shoulder blade. Her creamy skin was warm and smooth. Cosima leaned forward and gently kissed a freckle that stood out on Delphine's cheek. Her skin was alive as every nerve registered Delphine's proximity and memories of the things that transpired when Delphine pulled her into her arms and their lips were reunited spun through her mind.
Immediately upon entering the apartment, Delphine had shed her coat and left it to sag and rumple on the floor. Cosima's hands found Delphine's hair and tugged lightly.
Delphine grabbed her face in both of her hands and brought it forcefully to her own. Cosima's heart flurried in her chest. She was a whirlwind. Delphine's arrival was unexpected, and the vigor with which she kissed Cosima was more than enough to steal her breath.
She had spent so much of the time she'd been alone wallowing in the emptiness. Normally she didn't mind being on her own; in fact, she preferred it a good deal of the time, but since she met Delphine, any nights she slept alone were ones she woke up cold.
She'd never trusted anyone the way she did Delphine. Every day she spent with Delphine, she gave more of herself. She split her chest and opened her heart to reveal its contents.
She'd spent her life believing that when people described meeting people and feeling as if they'd known each other forever, they were just using hyperbole to effect a romantic overtone. She never thought that such intense and consuming feelings existed outside of the stories. They had always been fantastical myths to her. Yet the more she grew to adore Delphine, the more it felt that their lives had always been intertwined.
Delphine was like a drug. When she had her, she felt better than she ever had.
When she was gone, it was the hardest crash Cosima had ever known. The withdrawal was painful. There was an undeniable urge inside her; she had to have her fix of Delphine. Her heart grew to ache with every second they were apart.
So when she returned, when Cosima was able to look into those eyes and feel the pressure of Delphine's body against her own, it was like the sun had finally come out after a hurricane. The world was at peace again.
As they met just inside the doorway, their kissing was frenzied. She couldn't get enough. Cosima backed Delphine forcefully into the wall. A gasp escaped Delphine's mouth before it was smothered by Cosima's once again. Delphine's eyes slammed shut.
Both their hands grasped at clothes, hair, skin. Cosima's fingers finally settled on the back Delphine's neck, trying to pull her impossibly closer. She kissed harder. Their lips crashed together with vigor. Cosima's skin grew hot, her face flushed, as Delphine's hands snuck under the fabric of her shirt and her fingernails dug into the skin of her waist.
She grabbed Delphine by the front of her shirt and dragged them both further into the room, stumbling backwards over herself. The backs of her legs rammed into her desk, and she threw an arm back to catch herself before she fell completely on top of it, breaking the cement that had seemed to glue their lips to each other.
Delphine sucked in a large breath, and her eyes shot open. Both of their chests were heaving. Cosima immediately pushed herself off of the surface of her desk and back onto her feet to attack Delphine's lips again, but Delphine's brow furrowed. Her hands found Cosima's shoulders and pushed lightly.
"Cosima-" she said through the kisses the brunette was still planting all over her mouth, "Cosima, wait-" Cosima's hands were back in her hair, tugging at the strands. "I - oh - I can't-"
Cosima's eyes were screwed shut as she continued to place kiss after kiss on Delphine's lips. "Please, Delphine." She blindly felt for Delphine's hands, and once she found them, guided them around her back. "I need you." Her lips trailed a hot path down over Delphine's jaw to her throat. Between every kiss, her voice carried on a mantra. "I need you. I need you."
She kissed Delphine's shoulder. "I need you."
She kissed the dip between her neck and her collarbone. "I need you."
It didn't take long for Delphine to give in. She ducked her head to capture Cosima's lips again, and her hands pulled Cosima's hips into her own.
Cosima let out a small squeak when Delphine lifter her up and onto the desk and stepped quickly and assertively between her legs. Cosima hooked her knees around Delphine's hips and linked her ankles. Delphine bit down on her bottom lip and smirked at the hiss it elicited from Cosima.
Delphine bent her knees and slowly dragged her body up Cosima's front. The friction stole a mewl from her lips. It stretched into a moan when her lips found Cosima's earlobe and sucked. Cosima squeezed her thighs more tightly around Delphine's waist.
Her nails scraped up Delphine's back as her own arched to bring her lips up toward the blonde's ear. Her voice was slightly hoarse when she muttered, "take me to bed."
Delphine paused, eyes wide. Her eyes were dark. She bit her lip and worried it between her teeth. Her longing was evident; so was a hint of hesitation.
"Hey." Cosima put a hand on either side of Delphine's face and stroked her cheeks softly with her thumbs. "Baby, what is it?"
"I…" Delphine sighed and closed her eyes as Cosima's fingers slipped onto her neck and played over the wispy hairs at the base of her skull. Her eyes remained closed as she gave a small grin. "Nothing." She took Cosima's hand. "Let's go to bed."
And go to bed, they did.
Daylight was just beginning to break outside, and her apartment was becoming slowly and quietly lit with a dim glow. Cosima rubbed her face with one hand and used the other to prop herself up. She stretched her arms over her head as she drifted back into awareness.
She paused for a moment, trying to remember what it was she'd been dreaming about. The details slipped away with each passing second, though she recalled vaguely images of machines and tubes and needles.
She found herself suddenly very glad to be awake.
Her gaze instinctively fell on Delphine, who was still asleep. Her face was perfectly blank and calm in unconsciousness. The warm sunlight gave the gold in her locks a certain shimmer as they splayed over her pillow.
A short, loud vibration sounded from the bedside table, and she was reminded of the reason she had awoken so abruptly in the first place. She reached over and grabbed her phone to view a text from Alison that read: "Cosima, I'm sorry I was short with you last night. I was unnecessarily rude, and I apologize. I do stand by my opinion that we'd all do well to err on the side of caution, but we all have lives to live. Speak soon."
Cosima shook her head. It was just like Alison to send a perfectly polite and grammatically correct text message first thing in the morning. She supposed that was part of her charm.
With a yawn, she replaced the phone on her nightstand and laid back down to enjoy taking her time getting out of bed.
Cosima sprawled across the mattress, Delphine half on top of her with the covers tossed about around them. Even through her exhaustion, she placed kisses along Delphine's arm and shoulder as they both regained their strength.
A small frown emerged on her face when she felt a warm dampness seeping into her skin where Delphine's face rested. She peered down to see silent tears leaking from her eyes.
With one finger, she gently lifted Delphine's chin and sat herself up. "Are you okay?" Her hand trailed down Delphine's arm to lace their fingers. The blonde nodded wordlessly for a few seconds before she gave a telltale sniff. She used her finger to dab a tear from her cheek. "Then why are you crying?" Her espresso eyes searched Delphine's imploringly.
Delphine took a long, stuttering breath. "Because I-" she stopped, closed her eyes, and shook her head at herself. "Just... you make me really happy."
Snowflakes floated lazily toward earth as Cosima walked a near-empty sidewalk on her way to class. The ground was blanketed in half-melted slush. A freezing wind cut straight through her layers, and she pulled her long, red jacket more tightly around herself as she blinked up at the dreary gray sky. When a shiver quaked its way through her body, she understood why the streets were so devoid of people; if she hadn't had a class to be in, she would have chosen to stay warm inside as well.
She reached a hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone to take another look at the message Alison had sent her. It was a pleasant change of pace for Alison to admit that her behavior might have been less than stellar, let alone apologize. Cosima knew it was difficult, adjusting to the idea that there were any number of women out there somewhere who wore her face. Alison was handling it rather well, all things considered. She could tell some parts of Alison's life seemed to be coming apart, and she found herself actually admiring the way Alison had been able to keep herself together.
A single car sped past her, tires rolling over the asphalt with a wet tsst, and brought her back to the present just in time for her to remember to follow the turn into her usual shortcut. She shuffled down the thin alleyway that would take her out just a block from the lecture hall where she was headed.
Trash cans lined one side, shoved haphazardly against a ruddy brick wall. It wasn't until she was past them that she heard the footsteps behind her.
Then her vision went black.
Cosima shrugged her jacket on and slipped her bag over her shoulder as she leaned over the mattress to kiss Delphine, who was still comfortably beneath the sheets. She lingered on her lips, goodbye on the tip of her tongue.
With a moment's consideration, she instead whispered a dangerous phrase, voice so soft Delphine couldn't be sure it had really been uttered.
Delphine's breath caught in her throat, and she watched with unblinking eyes as Cosima strode out the door, wide smile intact. The words echoed through her head, bouncing off of the walls of her skull. She couldn't have known. Her heart grew heavy as a long exhale weighed it down. It was only when the door closed with a click behind Cosima that she closed her eyes and allowed her tears to slide down the bridge of her nose. She mouthed her response, syllables supported only by the slightest puff of air.
"I love you too."