A/N: Evening, fellas! Again, it took me forever to update, but this time I really have been busy, and then sick, and then freaking busy again. I hope this chapter makes up for all the waiting time.

I haven't been replying to the reviews you've been leaving for the last few chapters, but my life is pretty crazy right now and I don't have much time to write, let alone write my thanks to all of you, amazing people. That doesn't mean that I am not extremely grateful for all of your comments and sweet words. I will try to catch up on my replies once work slows down a bit, I promise! That said; THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I am not gonna lie, I LOVE writing these two at odds. It's fun! But don't worry, the angst won't last forever. I am a sucker for happy endings. Enjoy!

Chapter 5

It burnt. The feeling of his clothes on her, burnt her skin, even as sinfully soft as his hoodie was. It was his scent all over her that made it unbearable. The heavy load of disappointment in his eyes when she walked out on him that made it weigh too much on her shoulders.

She wanted to get rid of it and never take it off at the same time. He made her feel such a mixture of things that she felt like a contradiction herself. What was she going to do?

She opened the door to her apartment and walked inside; sighing loudly at the cold, empty space that greeted her.

She was tired. She had slept a few hours in Castle's bed, but drunken sleep was not exactly restful, and her brain was starting to pound rhythmically against her skull.

After walking through her messy living room and making a mental note to self to clean up a little bit later, she walked to her bedroom and started getting rid of her clothing.

Castle's hoodie landed in her bed, right in the middle of it, like it was presiding over the damn thing, as if it owned it.

How did he do that, anyway? How did he manage to get in the middle of everything?

She huffed and turned around, looking away from the bed. She was so tired of thinking.

She unzipped the dress and walked out of it, kicking it to one corner of the room, working now on her bra. The thing was a mess. It was all scrunched down, the straps too loose and twisted. Dennis had taken care of that, she thought, a little disgusted.

Guilt and embarrassment assaulted her suddenly when she looked down and saw the now almost black bruise still growing between her breasts, and she let herself fall to her knees.

"Shit!" She mumbled as she touched the marred skin, hissing at the sting-y throb she felt under her fingers. That stupid mark had given her away, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was all for the best.

She and Castle needed some distance, or so she kept telling herself. It was the only way to make things go back to how they were before, although she doubted they could go back to that after the stunt she played the night before and how she had pretty much walked out on him that morning, leaving the terms of their partnership in the air…

Fuck! Castle was not going to let this one go. This was not something she was going to be able to sweep under the rug like she always did.

Her writer – no, scratch that – Castle was physically incapable of keeping his mouth shut; he was one of those people who needed to talk it out, just exactly the opposite of her, and that was definitely going to be a problem.

She woke up way after 2 pm, the two tablets of Advil she had taken before going to bed having done nothing to tamper down her horrible headache, and now her stomach was joining the mix, rumbling loudly for something to calm down her appetite.

She got out of bed and jumped in the shower to get rid of the remnants of her hangover, along with the ghost of Dennis' hands and mouth on her; just the memory of being with him made her squirm, and not precisely in a good way. If only it had been just Castle touching her that night.

After putting on a worn pair of yoga pants and a loose t-shirt, she made some coffee, ordered Chinese from her favorite place and started tidying up her living room, just to have something to distract her mind with while she waited for the food.

She didn't want to think. Not yet. She'd have plenty of time for that. There'd be a big opportunity for self-deprecation after she'd eaten and recharged her brain with new fuel, so it could go back to traveling along the wonderful lands of Guilt.

She was putting away a bag full of Styrofoam containers, piling it on top of the other 3 trash bags that she had collected, - she really needed to work on her cleaning routine - when there was a knock at the door.

Her stomach growled at the thought of the delicious spring rolls and the beef teriyaki she had ordered, so she padded quickly to the coffee table to grab her money and then back to the door, regretting her decision of not checking who it was as soon as she opened it.

"You are not Chinese." She blurted, her eyes wide with surprise and then falling into a deep frown.

Castle smiled and shook his head amused, raising an eyebrow in question. "I'm… sorry? But I can speak some, if that makes you feel any better." He supplied, still grinning.

Kate rolled her eyes and huffed, pointing her head towards the Chinese delivery guy that had just appeared behind the writer. "No, Castle. I was expecting food, not… you."

His face fell and he stepped aside to leave room for the other man, who traded the big paper bag for the money Beckett was offering him, and left looking fairly confused.

Kate stared at him from inside her door, chewing on her lower lip, the paper bag pressed against her chest.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I just…" He trailed off feeling at a loss for words, 'cause what was he supposed to say? She clearly didn't want him there, but he already knew that before he took a cab all the way to her apartment.

"Are you hungry?" She asked impulsively. She couldn't help it. The sadness in his eyes when she had pretty much addressed him as unwanted company was too much for her to bear. His face had become so somber that she just could not stand it. "There's too much food in here anyway."

That was enough to make the shadows leave his eyes, so she sighed and walked inside the apartment without waiting for his answer. She knew he would follow, like he always did.

"Can you lock it, please?" She requested from the kitchen counter. "I'm a bit paranoid."

Castle laughed, turning the bolt closed. "Hey, this is New York. Paranoid is a virtue here." He joked. "And you're a cop, so… totally understandable."

She couldn't help but smile at him. He was still standing by the door, his back pressed against the wooden surface, not knowing what to do with himself. That reassured her somehow. It made her feel like she was not the only one freaking out about the whole situation, but she needed him to move, talk, do anything. The last thing they needed was adding more awkwardness to the already charged atmosphere surrounding them.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" She asked, trying to sound disgruntled and failing.

"I uh… no. Sorry." he mumbled through a mild smirk, trotting his way towards her. "So, what did you order?"

Normalcy lasted just as long as the food did. The moment they finished eating, the shadow of awkwardness hovered again above them, and neither of them knew what to do to break the silence.

Finally, after a few minutes full of longing sighs and furtive glances, Kate seemed to have had enough of it and huffed loudly, earning her a pointed look from Castle.

"So what's with the silent treatment? Is that what you came here for?"

He looked at her quizzically for a long while, trying not to snap at her sharp comment. Was she joking? Was she serious? He had no idea what she was trying to do.

"You know perfectly fine why I'm here, Beckett." He replied calmly. "We both know."

"Yeah, well…" She whispered, scratching her head and avoiding his eyes. "Then maybe you should just leave, because I don't think what you're expecting is going to happen, Castle." She rasped. "I'm sorry."

"What do you think I am expecting?" He asked confused.

"Talking?"

Bingo! And yes, that was more like it, right? This was the Beckett he knew. The defensive mode kicking in and getting the best of her, making her push him away and run in the opposite direction as fast as possible.

"Why can't we talk about it?"

She got up from the couch, her eyes hard on him, begging him to stop. "Why can't we forget it ever happened?"

"Kate." He pleaded with her, her name burning his tongue. "I just…" He sighed, rubbing his forehead a little too hard.

He didn't know how to go on. She was looking at him like a lost little girl. He could tell she was in pain, that what had happened the night before had affected her as much as it did him, but she was trying to bury it under denial, hoping that maybe that way she wouldn't have to face the real reasons for her actions.

"What, Castle? You just what?" She inquired desperately. "What do you want from me? What do you think is going to happen if we talk about it? What happened last night? Is that what you're looking for? Finish what we started?"

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her, incredulity flooding his stare. "What?"

She walked closer to him, leaning down and placing her hands on his shoulders. "You heard me, Castle. Is that why you're here? We talk it out and you get some after?"

He shrugged her hands off and slipped off the couch, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. "How can you even say that, Kate? You know perfectly fine that that is not why I'm here." He panted. "Maybe that was all I wanted from you some time ago, but not anymore."

Her face darkened at his confession. She couldn't deal with that at the moment, why was he doing this? Why was he pushing her to do exactly what she had been trying to avoid?

She could feel the wall she so perfectly built around her heart ten years ago shaking to its foundation, and she couldn't allow that. The fissures and cracks had started to let some of the outer light inside and it was so bright and scary that she was hiding in the only dark, humid corner there was left, protecting herself as much as she could from the external menace. It was time to fight back and get rid of the threat for once and for all.

She needed him gone. The farthest the better.

"Are you sure, Castle? Are you sure you don't want that?" She asked seductively, walking closer to the already stunned writer. "Because if that's the price I have to pay for you to leave me alone, I am more than willing to do it."

Castle stumbled backwards; his eyes wide open, sporting his hands as shields to keep her at a distance. "Are you fucking crazy?"

"Why, Rick? That's what it takes, right? I give you what you want and you vanish from my life like the good womanizer you are." She hisses, drawing closer to him. "We both get what we want."

Her green orbs sparkled with fire and determination as she advanced towards him, undoing the buttons of her shirt very slowly, her eyes locked with his.

Castle swallowed loudly when she uncovered her chest, the offending hickey mocking him from between her breasts. His throat bobbed up and down exaggeratedly, attracting her gaze to his Adam's apple. "God, Kate, that is sick!" He whispered, not sure where his voice had gone to.

She shook her head and licked her lips, smiling when the writer hit an armchair in his backwards retreat and fell down to a sitting position, allowing her to get closer, straddling his thighs and sitting on his lap. "No, Castle. That's called survival."

He scoffed, completely lost. "I am not a fucking predator, Kate! I am not here to hurt you."

"Yes! Yes, Castle, you are." She yelled, her eyes filling up with tears. She grasped the collar of his shirt and leaned closer, her breath mingling with his.

"You'll get too close and you will see the ugly truth, and then, you'll walk away, so why don't you do it now, huh?" She panted the last few words. Her breathing was labored and irregular, making evident that she wouldn't be able to keep from crying for much longer. "Save us some unnecessary pain."

The tears started rolling down her face as her body shook with the shudder she had been trying to restrain. "Just go away, Castle. Please. Before it's too late."

Those were the last words she said before she closed the remaining distance and kissed him, her teeth chasing his lower lip with desperation.

Castle was stunned, not knowing what to do with his hands until her mouth traveled down his neck and it all became too much to bear. "Kate. Kate, stop, please. I… I can't do this."

The detective stopped the kissing, separating her lips from his neck with a soft pop. "Oh, but you can, Castle." She replied, rolling her hips insistently and extracting a moan from him. "You so can."

A few deep breaths was all it took for the writer to regain his composure and push her away, placing his hands on her shoulders to steady her. "No. I can't."

Kate wiped away the tears from her right cheek and slid off his lap, pulling the two parts of her shirt together, covering herself.

"Look," he sighed. "If you want me to leave you alone, I will, Kate. You don't need to do this."

He was the one approaching her now, reaching for her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb. "I just want you to be happy, and if that's what it takes, you have it." Leaning closer, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering for a second too long. "It's been a pleasure, Kate. Tell the boys I'll miss them."

She didn't turn around to watch him go. At the sound of the door closing after him, she fell to the floor and started crying again, rocking herself back and forth.

"This was for the best, Kate." She mumbled, not believing her own lie. "It had to be done."

TBC.

Thank you so much for reading and for keeping on supporting this story. I love you guys so much!

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Big thanks to the lovely Tshlw for editing this chapter for me and for being there, cheering me on every step of the way.