[On my own pretending he's beside me…]
He never did realize that you loved him,
did he?
Though,
now that you think about it,
he never was the brightest.
Handsome, definitely.
Sharp, not exactly.
So when he calls you out for being clingy,
irritating,
a nuisance,
you shouldn't really be shocked,
now, should you,
Lucy.
So you're single,
you're free,
you're on your own
without having to deal with Louis
anymore.
But you can't get him
off your mind.
You still see him everywhere,
as though he's made it
his private mission to know every detail
about your life
by careful observation,
constant observance,
camouflaged onlooking.
But you can't argue
because deep down,
you wish he was still with you.
[…All alone I walk with him till morning]
.
[Without him I feel his arms around me…]
He's around every corner you pass.
He's on every thought you ponder.
He's in every song you sing,
because even though you're not together
you can't seem to find a way
to separate his life from your own.
And you can't decide whether
you like it this way
or not.
When you're lost,
abandoned,
forgotten,
overlooked,
unwanted,
you think of everything you put poor, poor Louis through
(because being Lucy Weasley's girl
is not a part time job)
and you wonder
if you were in his place
would you be able to stand tall
after all that?
[…And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me]
.
[In the rain the pavement shines like silver…]
You've always had
mixed feeling about the rain.
Rain's restricting,
yet cleansing.
And you get to thinking
that maybe one of these days, you'll be cleansed from your sins
if you can put aside all your inhibitions
and learn to dance in the rain.
The earth is wet and hazy
from the steady downpour
drip
drop
drip
drop
Louis
drop
drip
drop
Everything seems to scream his name
lately.
[…All the lights are misty in the river]
.
[In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight…]
The Astronomy Tower becomes your secret haven,
your hiding place from the rest of the world.
All you need is the fresh air,
the stars,
and your thoughts
to keep you company.
Because up there,
amongst the celestial beings,
you are in a world all on your own
with no haunting cry of
"Louis"
because up there,
it's only you,
no one else.
But you can't escape him forever.
And the one night you decide to let it all out
and remember him,
and all you went through
the joys,
the sadness,
everything.
He's there, too.
Looking at the stars,
he tells you.
Because you never thought
you could really escape him,
could you, Lucy?
[…And all I see is him and me forever and forever]
.
[And I know it's only in my mind that I'm talking to myself and not to him…]
The constant chant of
"Louis, Louis"
that you hear
is coming from your own subconscious mind,
you know that,
though no amount of
sanity
can pull you back to where you were before you were
with him.
The voices
are nothing
if you let them be.
And you hate the fact that he carried you along
all this time.
You hate him for being so oblivious to you,
for seemingly forgetting that
you have feelings,
but then you think
you've forgotten that, too.
He has feelings
you ignored.
And you don't even know if
you'd take him back
if he ever was to ask.
[…And although I know that he is blind still I say there's a way for us]
.
[I love him but when the night is over…]
But you can't help the fact that
you love him,
deep down.
Lucy, you love Louis.
No arguments, no refusal, no doubt,
because you can't help it.
The heart wants what the heart wants
And your heart wants Louis.
But he's older than you,
and when he leaves Hogwarts,
moves on without a passing glance
in your direction,
you wonder if any of this had really been worth it.
[…He is gone, the river's just a river]
.
[Without him the world around me changes…]
Without him
you can't find your way
anymore.
It's like you've been blinded
right after you learned to see.
Everything's shifted
and been flipped upside down.
Because you can't spell Lucy
without Louis.
Everything seems so
gaunt,
so haunted.
The earth seems hollow and off-kilter.
And in your constant quest
to see Louis everywhere you go
(you can't control it, he just
appears everywhere
waiting for you to see him)
you notice that every face you pass
is unrecognizable
and unknown.
[…The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers]
.
[I love him but every day I'm learning…]
You know
he's moved on.
You know
it's foolish to dwell on the past.
You know
that he won't remember you
any more.
But you can't stop the
positive thoughts from being thought.
Simply wishful thinking,
though who's to argue with a little
hope
every once in a while?
You realize that you don't care
anymore,
whether or not
he still thinks about you,
because you've somehow
contented yourself
with make-believe
and fairytale endings
that you know will never come true.
It doesn't hurt to dream.
[…All my life, I've only been pretending]
.
[Without me his world will go on turning…]
Because he never really gave you much thought,
did he?
Just a little
foolish
young
stupid
girl that he could use when he needed
and move on when he wanted to.
You made no real difference in his life
when he was still here,
so what's got you thinking
you'll matter to him now?
He's probably happy on his own,
without having to worry with
little Lucy,
baby Lucy,
stupid, worthless, annoying Lucy.
He's grown up
and moved on, so
why can't you do the same?
[…A world that's full of happiness that I have never known]
[I love him…]
[I love him…]
[I love him…]
[…But only on my own.]
A.N:
The words in brackets are lyrics from the song On My Own from Les Mis. I do not own these lyrics.
This was written for Camp Potter-Day One Tech Discovery using the prompts Lucy Weasley (mandatory) and On My Own from Les Mis.
If You Dare using prompt # 189-alone
.
Please review