CHAPTER 4

"Why don't you go to the common room, Prongs? Play a game of exploding snap and get your mind off of her," Sirius said, not taking his eyes off of me. "And I'll catch up in a few."

Remus gave Sirius a questioning look and the dark haired boy turned to him, made a pointed expression, and turned back to stare at me with narrowing eyes as Remus, Peter, and James gathered their things.

I waited for them to leave and then sank to the floor. A few moments later, Sirius was standing in front of me, arms folded across his chest.

"Evans, care to explain?"

I looked up to him with a guilty expression on my face. "Um, no?"

"Tough break—you have to."

I played with a strand of my messy, curly hair. "Well, I came in here to get a book on potions when I heard you say my name. When I realized that it was Potter, I just sort of... froze."

He looked at me suspiciously, and then plopped himself on the ground, leaning against the bookshelf opposite me. He looked at me for a few moments more before he said, "Why do you do this to him?"

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean. Why do you let him chase after you and then reject him and make him miserable? He could be happy with someone else."

I gritted my teeth. If I told the truth, I'd be subjected to endless ridicule from Black and James would definitely find out. But if I lied, then I would seem heartless and James could even end up finding someone else to date, which, I was beginning to realize, I definitely did not want to happen. I sighed.

"Look, Black," I said, wishing I didn't have to say this, "Not that it's any of your business, but I don't actually know that I want Potter to be with someone else." I watched his surprised expression but held up a finger to let him know that I had more to say. "Don't you go telling him that I said that, either. I don't know what's going through my mind—I haven't even said anything to Dorcas or Mary, so please keep this to yourself... It's just that sometimes he is so... funny and sweet, and sometimes I'm just staring at him because he's unbelievably fit and—"

"Evans," Sirius said, sounding disgusted, and I felt myself blush with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to," I muttered. "So sometimes he's... all of that, and then sometimes he's insufferable, and I remember how much he irritated the living hell out of me in the past, and I just don't know what I want yet."

Sirius sighed. "You know that he's known what he wants for years, right?"

I nodded guiltily.

"For some reason, Evans, James is head over feet for you, and it's not just because you have nice knockers—believe me, I've asked," he said, and I blushed again. "He really likes you, and I don't want to be the one that tells him you've got no interest."

"I do have interest," I said immediately.

He smirked. "Yeah, I know. It's written all over your face. Just, Merlin, Lily, figure out if you're going to act on it. You're driving him insane."

"Just give me a few more weeks."

"Fine. C'mon, let's go to the common room."

-/-/-

During prefect rounds one night, James asked me what I wanted to do after Hogwarts.

"Maybe work at the Ministry? I don't know, I'd like to do something with magical artifacts, I think," I answered. "What about you?"

James shrugged. "I've always thought I'd do something with Quidditch—maybe not play full time, but work for a team or do something in the Department of Magical Games and Sports. But now that there's so much going on and there are Death Eaters to think about, I feel like an idiot for wanting to play games for the rest of my life."

I was surprised at the maturity of that statement. I was also surprised at my own response.

"It's not idiotic to want to do something that makes you happy."

He sighed. "It's not important though. There are important things to do, like fight off whatever this Voldemort guy is starting up. Maybe be an Auror or a Hit Wizard or something."

I picked at my fingernails. "That's really dangerous, James."

He looked at me in shock. "Did you just call me James?"

"Isn't that your name?"

He stared at me for a moment and a grin spread across his face. "Does that mean I can call you Lily?"

I nodded and laughed when he looked utterly giddy. Here we were, having a completely serious conversation where I'm about to confess that I'd worry about him if he took on a dangerous job and he completely misses it, excited that he can call me by my first name. I roll my eyes and give him a shove as we check the next empty classroom.

-/-/-

Dinner in the Great Hall on a Friday evening was always one of two things: either really excited for a Hogsmeade weekend or a Quidditch match or really empty because everyone was tired from a long week. The final week of September, it was practically booming with excitement. The first Quidditch match of the term was tomorrow, and the whole school was squirming with excitement.

"You lot are going to win, right? I've got a bet going against Ludo Bagman, that fourth year fanatic from Hufflepuff," Sirius said, taking a bite into his Shepard's pie.

"Of course they're going to win," I said, rolling my eyes at Black's antics. Then I turned to James. "You are, aren't you?"

He shook his head with disbelief. "The lack of faith is unbelievable. Of course we're going to win!"

"Here, here," Peter said, swishing his goblet of pumpkin juice around and taking a swig.

Dorcas nodded. "If we don't win, then I'll kill James for making us practice four times a week for the past month."

James swallowed nervously. "We'll win."