Chapter Six - Denouement

Maura disappeared to the bathroom and removed her makeup, it was step one of a nightly routine designed to be efficient and avoid any chance of soiling her expensive outfits with cosmetics. Once complete, she stood in the middle of her bedroom, one hand on her hip, the other hanging loosely by her side and not really knowing what to do with herself. Her head had dropped low, her chin almost reaching to touch her chest, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Shaking her head after a moment she raised open eyes to the ceiling and inhaled a deep breath. What was that? She breathed out, a tremulous, shaky breath through pursed lips that did nothing to calm the thundering inside her chest.

She had feelings, so many feelings. They were familiar and yet unsettling, commonplace yet unexpected. Her gut writhed with confusion. Work it out, genius, come on! The burn she had felt, now felt, was the enticing twinkle in his eye, the glorious glow of his skin, his dark complexion, his freckle... that lone freckle had drawn her in with an almost gravitational pull, it was a singularity, inexplicably begging for her touch... her touch... her freckle.

Oh. It continued to burn, deep within her belly.The twinkle in her eye, her skin, her smile. Her friend. Her beautiful Jane.

Maura stopped pacing and lifted the hand that wasn't still firmly planted on a svelte hip to pinch the bridge of her nose. As it turned out it didn't take a genius to come to a satisfactory conclusion; the cause of her sudden onset of palpitations was clearly right in front of her and had been for approximately six years.

With both hands on her hips she peered down at her feet, still clad in towering heels that bit divots into the plush carpet of her bedroom, and decided to take a little extra time to think before returning downstairs. She stepped out of her shoes and bent down to pick them up before walking into her vast closet. She moved slowly to place them on the shelf in the exact same spot they had occupied only a few short hours earlier.

She took solace in being able to control the arrangement of her closet. In this moment it seemed significant, the comfort of tidy organisation, as she worried that other aspects of her life were about to become rather messy.

She took another minute to carefully remove her dress and hang it on a rail, before donning some casual slacks and a sweater. Suddenly the thought of wearing her usual silk pyjamas felt inappropriate and stirred another bout of butterflies in her belly. It was ridiculous. She felt ridiculous. Jane was bound to notice her odd behaviour. She notices everything.

As Maura took a deep breath and exited back into her bedroom, she resolved to face the situation with honesty; if Jane asked her directly she would answer in the same vein. By her very nature she could do no less. She owed her best friend nothing less.

That resolve was all well and good until she exited the closet and came face to face with Jane. The detective was standing in her doorway, leaning against the frame with a worried expression on her face. She was barefoot and backlit by the warm glow of the hallway lighting. Oh.

"Was it something I said?"

"What?"

"Why you disappeared back there; did I –"

"No, no! Nothing..." The doctor shook her head firmly, "You didn't... It's... Really. I -"

"But there is something?" Jane prodded.

Smiling warmly and waving a dismissive hand, Maura replied, "Really, Jane. It's nothing."

Jane took a several long strides into the room and opened her arms wide, inviting Maura in for a hug she knew the other woman had no good reason to avoid. She squeezed Maura a little tighter than usual and spoke muffled words into her long hair, "I'm sorry."

"What. Why?"

"For whatever I did to upset you; my whining about dates, complaining about foreign food, banging on about your poor taste in men… I shouldn't have said anything, it's none of my business. I mean its kind of my business but you're a grown woman and I'm just a grumpy child sometimes. So, I'm sorry, Maura."

"No, no. Please don't..." Maura's voice cracked and she couldn't finish the sentence. She had no hope of Jane not noticing.

Jane pulled back and held her friend at arm's length by the shoulders. "Hey," she drawled softly, wondering what on earth was the matter.

"I'm ok, really, I'm just feeling a little... mixed up all of a sudden. It'll pass." Maura shrugged off the taller woman's hands and turned away before starting to remove her jewellery and laying it neatly out on the top of her dresser.

Jane cocked her head, still concerned, "Mixed up how?"

Maura gave another small shrug and a timid reply, "It's hard to explain and I'd rather -"

Folding her arms over her chest, Jane remained rooted to the spot just behind her friend. "Try me."

Maura finished fiddling with the chain of her recently removed necklace and turned back to face the brunette. She waved a dismissive hand at the annoyingly astute detective and with an upbeat energy she didn't really feel said, "Let's go back downstairs. I could use a drink –"

"Maura," Jane gripped the blonde's wrist gently and jerked her head in the direction of the bed. A full glass of wine perched on Maura's bedside table, its twin resting on the other.

Maura sighed. There was no getting out of it now. She freed her wrist from Jane's careful grasp and smoothly pressed their palms together. Holding Jane's hand she moved to sit on the end of the bed, pulling the brunette along to sit next to her.

After settling herself and wiping shaky hands over her face, Maura breathed another huge sigh and began admitting her unsettling thoughts. "Just - okay. It didn't work out with Felix tonight, that much was obvious, but I was attracted to him." She had her hands out in front of her, placating, hoping Jane would hear her out.

Jane rolled her eyes, "Well, yeah, you agreed to date the tool –"

"No. I mean, yes, I agreed to the date but that's not it. I was so drawn to him... Physically, I mean more than anyone I've met in the last few years, and I almost couldn't stop myself." The confession coloured her cheeks with embarrassment, a tingling heat spreading across her skin in other places. "There were things about him that I couldn't put my finger on. He felt… safe, familiar. And that feeling was a turn on, or it was until..." Maura didn't continue as Jane vaguely nodded. The rest didn't need to be spelled out or dwelled on again.

Jane dipped her head and searched out Maura's gaze. Meeting her eyes, she wanted the blonde to see as well as hear every ounce of conviction. "You don't need to feel a connection with a jerk like that, Maura."

Maura smiled gratefully, "I know."

After a few beats of silence Jane's eyebrows drew close with curiosity, "So, who...?"

Maura looked up into her friend's warm eyes again, "Hmm?"

"You said he seemed familiar," she prompted.

Maura waved a hand in front of her own face, her palm outward, deflecting that which was seemingly innocent questioning to her friend but in reality a minefield of confused feelings. She thought the amused smile she presented might be enough to end her friend's line of questioning, "Oh, it's not important –"

Jane chuckled. "Honestly, Maura, it's easier if you just tell me things, saves me having to interrogate you!"

Oh dear. "It's probably better that I don't –"

"Maura."

Jane's tone was unmistakable and Maura, though petrified, didn't miss a beat, "You. I didn't realise it at the time, but... he reminded me of you."

"Oh." She paused. Wait. "And you..."

"Romantic transference!" Maura blurted as she quickly stood and stepped away, cutting off Jane's mumbling. "I'm the patient and you're the therapist."

"Huh?" Jane was totally confused; she heard the words but her brain was still trying to process what had come before.

Maura had a hand on her hip again as she paced lightly to and fro. It was something she often did as her mind worked things out; likening it to her version of Jane's gumshoe thing. "It's pretty obvious now. I don't know why it didn't occur to me sooner."

What the hell? Jane still hadn't had enough time to work anything out. "That's all great, Maura, but can you please stop."

Jane's sudden harshness was firm and effective. It wasn't loud or aggressive, it was all that was needed to make Maura freeze and return her wayward attention to her confused companion.

The brunette wasn't mad or upset. Her eyes were pleading, begging for Maura to slow down and give her something, anything, in layman's terms so that this could go back to being a two-way conversation. "Just stop… and explain it to me?"

Maura regarded the brunette seriously for a long moment. She worried how the next words she spoke might be received. Neither extreme reaction, from bored apathy to frantic flight, was favourable.

Jane reached out and quickly squeezed her friend's hand before releasing it. She quirked an eyebrow and smiled, "In words less than four syllables please."

Just keep it simple. Stay calm. Maura took a deep breath and planted her gaze on the carpet by Jane's feet. "Sigmund Freud noted a process called 'romantic transference'. It is the reason why so many patients fall in love with their therapist." She gestured with her hands as she spoke, emphasising certain points and drawing Jane's eyes to and fro. "What most people don't realise is that it's a deliberate method used by the therapist to recondition the mental and emotional state of the patient. For abuse survivors, for instance, it's very useful. In the case of romantic love, often the transference is so seamless, so… easy, that it causes emotions to linger on an inappropriate person or for an extended time."

Jane leaned back on the bed, resting on outstretched arms, her elbows locked, and peered downwards into her own lap. Her face was blank for a long moment, belying the whirring speed of her own grey matter. Thoughts and observations, old and new alike, made fitting connections, whilst solid facts clicked them all into place, filling the vacant spaces of her heart that were previously clouded merely with suspicion and wishful thinking.

When the detective next spoke her voice was so quiet Maura almost missed it. "And I'm the therapist?"

Maura chewed on her bottom lip and nodded.

Jane turned to look at Maura intently, her piercing gaze igniting a fuse that ran the full length of Maura's body. She couldn't concentrate fully amidst the fire that was now raging throughout her lower abdomen. "It doesn't mean... It doesn't have to mean... anything." She flailed. Oh god, what was I thinking? "I think it's natural that a disappointment of that magnitude, after such a build up, could result in a confusion of romantic and platonic feelings since my only available source of affection is the one person I can't -"

Maura was rambling but Jane didn't hear most of it.

"- And this is exactly why I didn't want to… why I shouldn't have said what I was thinking out loud because now you're looking at me like that and I can't –"

The detective had heard enough. "Perfectly natural?" she snapped.

Maura was trying not to sound too pitiful as her voice rose an octave in desperation, "Yes! Clinically speaking, it's recognised and -"

"Inappropriate?"

Maura scrambled, shaking her head furiously, "No! That's not -"

"And what about therapists that fall in love with their patient?"

Maura was still shaking her head, stunned by the sudden change of direction and missing the relevance, "Well, that's… rare. Unheard of really. Quite… unusual."

Jane stood quickly and took a step into Maura's personal space. "Unusual?" she husked, her eyes searching Maura's face.

A tiny gasp escaped Maura as she fought her body's instinctive reaction to back away from the physical intrusion. Her every limb trembled with need. Her blood felt like lava, filling her organs and winding its way around her pelvis; it was sublime. Her skin prickled with every laboured breath she took and she felt it shiver again in sympathy every time Jane breathed near her. Ignoring the false sharpness of Jane's tone, she thought she knew what she could see instead in Jane's eyes, but she wanted to be sure. She couldn't bear the thought of losing her friend over a misunderstood psychiatric diagnosis and a miscommunication. "What… what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking… you -" The brunette took another small step forward, forcing Maura's balance backward into the dresser, "…are quite -" Another small step and there remained no more space between them.

Maura's breathing hitched as her fingers fumbled to find the edge of the dresser. She needed something to keep her from literally falling. Metaphorically speaking, it was already much too late.

Jane's lips practically brushed Maura's mouth as she spoke in the smokiest, sexiest voice Maura had ever heard, "…unusual."