With Sophia awake at least for a short time Alex Vartan had captured a little bit of the hope that had been slowly ebbing away since he'd first walked into the hospital after receiving the news about the woman that he loved. When he walked reluctantly out of the ICU he at least did so with a smile. Relief was clearly written on his face as he returned to the chair next to where Sara was still sitting; where he'd been sitting since Sophia had been brought to the ICU from the OR.
"How is she?" Sara could tell that much of the weight that he'd been carrying on his shoulders was gone; she only hoped that she could feel that same sense of relief when she knew that Sophia was completely out of the woods. As it was she was still struggling with feeling so helpless to have done anything to prevent her from being shot in the first place.
"She's good; tired..." Vartan's voice caught and then he let out a soft laugh and a smile spread across his face. "And she looks so damn beautiful." Those few moments had energized him from the haggard looking man he'd been just a short time ago to someone who looked like he might just need a shower and a shave.
"She's lucky to have you." There was a wistful tone in Sara's voice; she wanted what Vartan and Sophia had. She had thought for the longest time that she'd find it with Grissom, but right now she wasn't so sure. If Grissom could accept the consequences of their actions; if he could recognize that if they went public it wouldn't be the end of the world even if it might mean the end of one of their careers, then maybe they might have a chance.
"I know." Vartan was happy; not happy about why he was there, but damn happy that Sophia seemed to be doing better. He was confident that he had been given a second chance and he wasn't going to squander it.
"When can you see her again?" Sara knew that the rules governing the ICU were strict and that the health of the patient was put well ahead of any need that their loved ones might feel they had to see them.
Vartan glanced over at Sara. "I'm not sure; they were giving her some pretty heavy duty pain drugs and the nurse said she'd have a really hard time staying awake...she suggested that I go home and try and get some sleep." He had a bit of a smirk on his face.
"She's right, you should." Sara smiled warmly at him. "You go, I can stay here." She was going to argue that he couldn't live at the hospital until Sophia was released; provided things went as well as they hoped and she made a full recovery.
Vartan let out a chuckle. "Sophia thought so too...she said I looked awful." He rubbed the stubble on his chin. "She thinks I should shave." His spirits had definitely been bolstered by whatever they'd talked about; the fact that he'd gotten to talk to her at all regardless of the conversation was undoubtedly responsible.
"I'll call you if she wakes up while you're gone." Sara knew she wasn't going to get sleep anytime soon; she might as well stay here and sort out what had transpired over the last several hours. At some point in time she was going to have to talk to both Grissom and Nick and she needed to process what she was thinking; what she wanted really.
"Ok...I think that sounds like a good idea." Vartan wouldn't admit to himself, let alone Sara, but he was still scared for Sophia and he needed a little time alone to deal with all of the implications of what had happened and what still could happen; and truth be told, he wanted to be prepared when she woke up again; he was going to go pull that engagement ring he'd bought her out of his dresser so he could propose to her properly before more time slipped away from them.
Sara watched him go and she let herself get lost in thought. Was it fair for her to be so upset with Grissom to not want to go public? And what was so wrong with her that he didn't want anyone to know that they had been seeing each other in the first place? Why couldn't he see that she couldn't live like that anymore? She had agreed with him to keep it quiet in the beginning because she'd been afraid that he might change his mind; and then when she'd realized that he seemed to be a whole different person when they were alone, she began to get frustrated that no one knew that he was the single most important person in her life. Something worse than falling out of love with Grissom had happened; she had begun to resent him. That was something she wasn't sure she could fix easily.
And then what in the world had happened with Nick? Why had she kissed him back? What had made him kiss her in the first place? Did he actually have feelings for her; or did the emotions of the day fuel something that they'd regret? But did she regret it? She had returned that kiss with everything in her being and she had wanted more; a lot more. For the first time in a long, long time, she found herself wanting someone other than Gil Grissom. But was it real? Was he just convenient? Was he just a fantasy that she'd thought about now and then over the course of the years that they'd known each other? She really didn't know. What she did know though was that she was confused and had no idea what to do about it all.
She didn't hear the footsteps until someone was sinking into the seat next to her; a sleepy drawl breaking through her thoughts. "How's Sophia?"
Sara glanced up and found herself staring into Nick's eyes, completely unprepared for the feelings she found surging through her. "Uh, she's awake...I mean she woke up...she's sleeping again...Vartan went home to get some rest."
"Thank God." Nick let out a sigh of relief; he'd managed to get about an hour of sleep before he'd woken up feeling as if he had been rendered useless and so he decided to take a shower and head over to the hospital. He really hadn't expected to run into Sara; but he reasoned that he had to talk to her about what had happened sometime and since fate had dealt him an opportunity, he was going to take it.
"Yeah." Sara didn't really want to look at him; she wasn't sure what to say to him. Although, clearly he deserved some sort of explanation for what had happened. She just didn't know how to tell him that while she was apparently very attracted to him she was in a secret relationship with their supervisor that was obviously serious enough to exchange house keys, but somehow not serious enough for anyone else on the planet to know about it; so please forgive me for letting you help me cheat on him. No, there was just no good way to say that, especially since now she and Grissom weren't really together.
Nick didn't seem to have those same reservations; he just started talking. "Sara, I wanted to apologize for earlier..." He took a deep breath and continued. "I had no idea...ok, I knew you were interested in him, but I didn't know that there was actually something going on between you and Grissom."
Sara's eyes were wide and she dared to glance over at him again. "Was." Where the hell had that come from? She had only just broken things off with Grissom and even that was ill defined.
Nick furrowed his brow in confusion. "I'm sorry; what was that?" He clearly wasn't picking up on what she was saying because if he'd heard correctly, the romantic relationship with Grissom was past tense.
Sara let out a groan and raised her hand to her forehead. "I broke things off with him." Clearly she was going to have to explain far more than she'd intended to; for some reason after keeping things hidden for so long, she felt the need to just spill it all out.
"Why?" Nick was confused; he thought that Sara had wanted a relationship with Grissom; he only thought it would never happen and that was one of the reasons he thought he'd take the risk earlier and kiss her.
Sara looked over at him again; afraid she just might get lost in those brown eyes of his. "He didn't want anyone to know we were seeing each other...after what happened to Sophia I decided I just can't do it anymore." She felt her voice catch for an instant. "The worst part about it is that he just doesn't get it, Nick."
"Oh, Sara." Nick tried very hard to push his own feeling aside for a moment and be the friend to her that he'd always been, but he just didn't know what in the hell to say.
She found herself looking into his eyes and her mouth just took over again. "I told him that you kissed me." She regretted saying it almost as soon as the words registered in her mind.
"Oh, shit." Nick clearly thought he was a dead man by the way his eyes widened. He felt his mouth go dry as he looked at her again. "I am really sorry about that, Sara...if I'd known you two were seeing each other, I wouldn't have done it." He wasn't sure how else to convey that to her.
The faintest hint of a smirk tugged at the edges of Sara's mouth as she looked back at Nick and considered the irony of it all. "I'm not so sure you should be sorry at all."