You Keep Me Going

Chapter 8: Conversations

Sorry for the sort of long wait. I wasn't really sure what to write for this chapter. I think it's a bit poorly written. Well, here it is.

Enjoy. Reviews would be super ^ w ^. Kthxbai -rolls to corner-

Night fell, and I helped make dinner. Daryl showed me how to skin the bunny I caught. It was fun. I remembered watching TV, and every now and then, I would watch a show that had kids dissecting frogs for science. Skinning a bunny seemed a lot better than cutting a frog open, even though I did a terrible job at it. I gagged a couple of times, but it was mostly because of the smell that came from the bunny, not because I couldn't stand the sight of what I was doing. I'm pretty sure everyone in the world by now should be used to this. I was helping serving dinner with Carol when I struck a conversation with Rick.

"Was it hard being a cop?" I asked while I got my portions and started to eat.

"Yes and no. It was my job, so I had to deal with the challenges," Rick answered.

"Ah. Is that good cop, bad cop thing real? Every time I see it on TV, it always looked so fake." Rick chuckled and rubbed his beard.

"Haha, um, sort of, but definitely not like on TV."

"Were you the good cop? You seem like someone who fits that role."

"Yeah, I guess I was. Whenever Shane and I arrested someone, he was always up their ass. He was my best friend, but he was really hard to work with." Rick went silent for a moment. He seemed distant.

"Rick?" I called out, and he snapped his head up.

"Yeah?" I gave him a worried look.

"You okay?" He gave a quick smile and nodded.

"Yeah...," he answered, but I knew he wasn't. I wanted to ask who Shane was, but I didn't want to cause any trouble.

"What did you do before all of this happened?" Rick asked me, changing the subject. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Same as every other kid: I went to school."

"Are you from Georgia?" I smiled and nodded.

"Born and raised."

"Which town?"

"I was born in Atlanta, but after my dad died," Rick frowned a bit as I said that, "I was put into an orphanage in Macon, because both sides of my family were gone completely. Most of my raising was from there under my caretakers."

"How did your dad die?" I looked at my now empty plate.

"Lung cancer. I had no idea how he got it."

"What about your mom?" I looked at him.

"She died giving birth to me. I was a C-section baby, my dad told me. She was already sick, and she didn't make it." Rick looked over to Judith, who was being fed by Carl.

"Judith was a C-section," Rick said quietly. "Lori died like that." I pretended not to know about Lori. I knew she died giving birth to Judith, but I didn't know she died like my mom did.

"Wh-Who's Lori?" Rick took a breath.

"She was my wife and Judith's mother." I took hold of Rick's hand.

"I'm sorry...," I said quietly. I felt like everyone in the area was watching us. Rick smiled slightly and placed his hand on top of mine.

"It's okay. That was a long time ago, and I should be over it," Rick said. I could feel his hand shaking, and I was holding back tears.

"I should be over my losses too," I said, "but it's really hard to get over the loss of someone you loved." Rick nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, but," he looked at me, "you seem like a strong kid." I shook my head.

"I'm anything but that," I slightly chuckled. Rick took his hand back and smiled.

"You've been through a lot on your own. You are." I looked down and pinched my fingers.

"Is a person who joins groups because she can barely take care of herself considered strong?" I asked. I saw Rick rub under his nose. I had to admit that when this apocalypse began, and even before I came across the house I lived in, I could barely survive on my own. I couldn't hunt, so I was always weak from hunger, and I always had a hard time finding food. I was still very young (yes, twelve is considered very young), so I couldn't bring myself to kill people or even walkers. I would freeze whenever I came to the decision of killing something. I would always miss with my gun only to have a few lucky shots, like when I killed the soldier when I ran from the orphanage. That night was the first time I killed anything. I felt so sick afterward. Whenever I met groups, I would have hope of surviving only to lead myself into a trap of assholes. It was until I met my third group I started to kill in cold blood. I had no regrets. When I left my fourth group, I was about fourteen. They were all dead, but I had to keep moving. I was more aware of what I had to do to survive. Stay low and hidden, travel during the day, and sleep in high grounds at night. Always have a close range weapon, that being my bat and my knife. Try to find a quiet firearm, which I ignored because I rarely used my gun to begin with, and the most important rule I made with myself that I kept on breaking: Don't bond with people. Making a bond with someone only to have them die because of you. Yeah, what a world. When I met my fifth group, which I knew was probably going to be my last, I thought I would be with them until I died. Boy was I wrong. After I was nearly raped by one of them, I killed a few of the group's men, stole, and ran. I wasn't able to take down all of them, but I was quick, so they I knew they would stop looking for me. I stopped trusting people that day. I couldn't even trust myself.

If I knew Daryl was in a group, I probably wouldn't have come with him when he asked me, but Rick told me that he didn't say he had a group out of protection. I understood that, but Daryl lying to me at first wasn't a good way to start gaining my trust, and breaking and entering was definitely not a good way to gain anyone's trust in this group. But they let me in so quickly though, even Daryl, but reluctantly. The worst thing they did was handcuffing me and locked me in a broom closet. But there was a problem. Daryl and everyone else just thought I joined groups so I wouldn't be alone. They didn't know I couldn't take care of myself beforehand. Now, Rick knows.

"In a way, no, but, in another way, yes," I heard Rick say. I looked at him. "We all make mistakes, but you become stronger when you right them." I gave out a smile that you probably need binoculars to see the corners of my mouth turn up, but then I stopped as a thought question came to mind.

"How long can I stay here?" Rick looked at me funny, and he squinted his eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked a little surprised with a bit of harshness. I sighed.

"To me, this is just a rehab. What if I finally redeem myself about people, and 'Oh, I see that groups aren't so bad. The world is different now. Now I'm ready to go back out there and find groups,'" I said. "You guys gonna send me out?" Rick frowned and shook his head.

"No! We can't just let a kid go out there alone," he answered.

"What if I wasn't a kid?"

"We still wouldn't have sent you out." He took my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "You're one of us now." I looked at his eyes. They were like Daryl's: a piercing blue, and calming, but they don't seem to change into dull colors in an emotional situation like this. What Rick said next were words I haven't heard in years, and they stuck with me. "You're family." I smiled. Rick stood up and took our plates. "Thanks for helping with dinner," he said before he walked to the kitchen. I looked around, and everyone seemed to be socializing. I sputtered my lip and rested my chin on the table. I was bored, and I didn't feel like striking a conversation with anyone at the moment. Most of the group already dispersed, so I decided to do the same. I stood up and began walking to my room. Along the way, I heard music. Video game music. It did sound a bit creepy coming from the hall, but I was wondering who was playing it. Could be Michonne. Hamtaro seemed a game she could get into. What about Carl? Well, no, because I remembered leaving my pokemon game on the table when I left, so he could have popped that in instead. I poked my head in my room.

Daryl was laying on my couch, slouching, feet crossed on the armrest toward the window, the whole shebang. He was playing my Gameboy, and I could see he was playing Hamtaro. What he was doing in the game, I'm not sure, but I was hearing rush music, like when you're in one of the mini-games.

"I would be caught dead playin' that shit," I said trying to mimic his voice. He nearly fell off the couch when he shot straight up. He turned the game off and tossed it on the cushions as he caught his breath.

"Don't do shit like that to me, kid!" he yelled, and I just laughed, pretending to wipe a tear away.

"I'm sorry," I said. I walked to him and rocked back and forth on my feet with my arms behind my back. "Do you like the game?" Daryl looked at me. Angry dull eyes again. I was expecting that.

"I was stuck on that balloon game." I knew what he was talking about. I sat beside him.

"Addictive, isn't it?" I could tell he didn't want to admit it.

"Yeah...," he answered. He seemed embarrassed.

"I wasted so many sunflower seeds on that game. I was trying to get a Ham-ham back, and the only way I could do that it to win him a hat from that game. I always got so frustrated on that game."

"You'd do terrible in Vegas then," Daryl said.

"You've been?" Daryl was silent for a bit.

"Yeah."

"What for? Vacation?" I asked.

"Sort of. It was for a friend of my brother's," he answered.

"Merle?" Daryl shot me a look, and I flinched. He sighed and looked away.

"Yeah. Me, him, and a bunch of his friends. It was for this guy, Joseph. Merle and the others were all up in his ass about him being a virgin. So," he continued as he scratched the back of his head, "we decided to go to Vegas to get him laid."

"Did he?" He scoffed.

"Yeah, and he got herpes too."

"Oh," I chuckled. "What about you?" Daryl looked at me.

"What about me what?" I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees.

"What did you do when you were in Vegas? Did you get laid too?" I could feel my lips curling into a smile.

"Why the hell do you want to know?" he asked.

"I was just wondering."

"Do you think I'm a kind of person goin' 'round doin' that?"

"No! Of course not, but you know everyone has a Vegas moment," I said, throwing my hands up in surrender. Daryl sighed.

"No," he answered gruffly. "I wasn't interested. To be honest, I only came to make sure Merle and his friends wouldn't get themselves killed."

"Did you gamble?" He shook his head.

"Didn't want to risk the money I carried."

"So you were just a watchman?" I asked.

"Yeah…" I hummed.

"How long was this ago?"

"'Bout…ten, fifteen years," he said.

"Any girls hit on ya'?"

"How many dumbass questions are ya' gonna ask?" Daryl asked angrily. He was getting annoyed.

"C'mon, I just wanna know," I said. The man just groaned.

"If you count prostitutes, just a few." I bit the inside of my lip.

"And nothing happened?" I asked.

"I made out with them! Is that enough information to shut you up!" Daryl snapped before I finished the question. I laughed.

"Yeah, that's enough." I rubbed under my nose. "Did you-"

"How many more questions are there, girl?" Daryl nearly yelled as he slammed his hands against his knees.

"Hey, don't get mad at me! I'm just making a conversation," I replied.

"Can we just...," Daryl leaned back, "Can we just change the subject please?" I leaned back as well and patted the cushions rhythmically.

"Okay, um, let's see..." I sputtered my lip. I started thinking of topics. What did you do before all of this? Wait, we already discussed that. Daryl gave me the shittiest answer. What did you do when you were a kid? Oh god, I can't ask him that! He's either going to get all emotional or he's gonna murder me. What did you wanna be when you were a ki- No no no! Still childhood related. Oh, I got one.

"Why did you come back for me?" Daryl looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"To give you a chance, like I said earlier," he said plainly. I grimaced.

"A chance to redeem my trust of people?" I crossed my arms. "That's a stupid reason."

"Well, that's my only answer."

"I know there's another answer." Daryl looked at me.

"No, there isn't. You didn't trust people, so I brought you here to fix that. Sometimes trust is something you need to survive…"

"Really, because I trusted a lot of people out there," I pointed to the window, "and they just turned against me. I'm by myself for nearly a year, and I'm doin' just fine. Hell, you didn't even had to come back! You saw clear as day I was doin' fine on my own when you found me."

"Well you didn't have to come with me. You said yes immediately after I asked you, so who's fault was it for you coming here?"

"Yours! If you didn't have come back, I wouldn't have to say yes, and I would've been in my little house…," I paused suddenly. I looked down towards the little table in front of the couch. "Alone…" I shifted my weight. "I would be alone…" There was a silence.

"What about yer cat?" I scoffed and shook my head.

"She doesn't count." I sighed. "I guess it's my own fault for being here. I did say yes..." Daryl grunted.

"Yeah, I guess so." I looked at him.

"So after I supposedly redeem myself, what then? Do you want me leave?" Daryl leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

"I don't want you leave."

"What if I still have to go?"

"I still don't want you to leave. Rick calls the shots on who leaves the group. You go talk to him about that," Daryl said a bit rudely. I bit the inside of my lip.

"I already did." Daryl gave me a confused look. "He said that you guys weren't gonna kick me out."

"Then why'd you ask me if we wanted you to leave?"

"I didn't. I asked Rick that. I just asked you if you wanted me to leave," I said and smiled. "And you said no." Daryl grimaced.

"What you getting' at, girl?"

"Nothing. I'm just happy to hear that you don't want me to leave even if I have to," I said happily.

"Well of course I don't want you leave! Yer just a kid! We can't send someone like you out there by yourself," Daryl said as he shot up from the couch. I stood up as well. I had to tilt my head sixty degrees to look at the man's face.

"What if I wasn't a kid?"

"We still wouldn't have sent you out!"

"Funny. Rick said the exact same words." Daryl buried his face in his hands and groaned angrily before placing them to his hips.

"Why are you asking me things you already talked to Rick about?" I shrugged.

"Just wanted to hear your answer."

"You gonna interrogate everyone else too?" Daryl asked. I pretended to think while looking up to the ceiling.

"Nope. Just thought I'd torture you more than I already do," I smirked. I turned and started walking out into the hall. "I'm going to go in your room." Daryl pushed me out of the way and blocked me.

"The hell you gonna go in there for?"

"Don't know. You go in my room and play with my stuff, so I'm gonna see if there's anything I can play with in your room," I said while trying to keep a straight face. I started walking again, but Daryl placed a muscular arm in front of me.

"There's nothing for you to mess with in ma room."

"But can I go in your room?"

"Fuck no!"

"Why? You hiding some porn stuff I can't see?" I asked quickly while trying to run passed him, but he always jumps to block my path.

"No! I just don't want people goin' in ma room!" Daryl and I continued bickering until I heard Rick's voice boom.

"The hell are you two doing?" I turned to find Rick with a very confused expression on his face. Carl was behind him.

"This demon spawn won't leave me the hell alone!" Daryl said as he pointed his finger to me like a child. I gaped my mouth at what he called me.

"Demon spawn?! How dare you! I am nothing of the sort! You, sir, are just being a killjoy!" Daryl's eyes weren't dull when he looked at me. They were bright again. Bright as flames. Flames of rage.

"I'm not! I just don't want you in my room!"

Rick's P.O.V

Oh, god, this is actually happening...

Daryl's P.O.V

"Just a quick peek?" Rebecca asked, pinching her fingers together.

"I said no," I snapped. She slouched and groaned.

"Please?" She gave me some sappy puppy-dog look. What is up with this kid? I think she was put on this world to torture me. "Please?" Rebecca said again, but more drawn out. God, she had the most pathetic look ever. It was sickening. I groaned and pinched my fingers between my eyes.

"Look, just, no. Not now, okay?" I grumbled. Her face brightened up a bit.

"Sooo, later then?" I moved my eyes to Rick, begging for help. He shook his head.

"This is your problem, brother, not mine." I just sighed.

"Yeah..."

"Promise?" I gave a brief nod, and she smiled.

"But if I walk in and catch you in there, I swear I'm gonna kill you," I said with a smirk.

"Same thing goes to you if I see you in my room again." Rebecca placed her hands on her hips and looked at Carl. "Well, there goes my plan," she said as Carl laughed.

"You're not going to sneak into my room, are ya?" Carl asked jokingly. Rebecca let her arms drop.

"I don't know where you sleep, dude." Carl turned around and headed towards the lobby.

"Good," he said as Rebecca slid passed Rick and followed Carl.

"You know I'm going to find out and draw stuff on your face...," and their conversation was fading as they reached downstairs. I let out a breath of relief I was holding in, I rubbed the back of my head. Rick looked at me and chuckled.

"She's a handful," he said.

"No kiddin'," I replied. "Rebecca is more than a handful." Rick walked up and leaned on the wall opposite to me.

"I'm pretty sure she was just messing with you. She seemed to be enjoying herself." I leaned against my side of the wall.

"She must be a little sadist then." Rick chuckled a bit before giving a concerned look.

"How come you were in Becca's room?" I inhaled sharply.

"I was playing on her Gameboy," I said. Please don't ask what I was playing... Rick gave a curt nod.

"What were you playing?" Shit.

"Um...Pokemon," I said, lying of course. I don't like lying to Rick, but I do not want the word of me playing Hamtaro. Actually, I should have just told Rick the truth. Knowing Rebecca, she'll tell the whole group. She'll even tell people she doesn't even know. I can see it now: All of us being tied up by some other group, and Rebecca just shouts out that I play a game about a talking hamster. And then she gets shot.

"Cool." Rick's face relaxed, and I scrunched mine up out of suspicion.

"What did you think I was doin'? Goin' through her stuff like some pedophile?" Rick widened his eyes a bit.

"No! I was just wondering why you were in her room," he said as he straightened himself up. I crossed my arms.

"You seemed a bit worried before," I said with tension.

"I wasn't, Daryl." I narrowed my eyes.

"Y'sure?"

"Yes," Rick answered. We just stared at each other for a little while.

"Alright." I finally said. I gave a curt nod before walking back to my room. I closed the door as soon as I got in, and I threw myself on the couch. I didn't mean to go in Rebecca's room. I saw her freaking cat, and I walked in to pet her. The Gameboy was right beside Ella. I didn't know how I found myself playing it. I just grabbed it, turned it on, and I started running around in the game. I had no idea what the hell was going on until I got to that balloon game. I swear if Rick was actually thinking I was doing some sick stuff in her room, he's got another thing coming.

"That fuckin' kid," I mumbled to myself. I closed my eyes and sighed.

Becca's P.O.V

Carl and I were inside the room he stayed in. It was just the two of us.

"Am I doing this right?" Carl asked.

"Almost. If you pinch this and put your finger there to guide it, you'll get it eventually," I said as I showed Carl with my fingers. He looked down and tried again. "There, you did it. Now do it again with the other side." He did. "And you bend this here."

"Is this good?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. Now spread these apart and blow in the little hole at the bottom." Carl did as I said, and I did the same thing. I held up my paper crane as Carl held up his sloppy one. "And that's how you make an origami crane." Carl fixed his paper crane's tail a bit.

"I was never into origami before all of this," he said as he stood the paper crane on the table next to the paper cup and hat he made. I set mine down as I started cutting a square from some paper we found in one of the office rooms.

"Me neither, but you get bored during the apocalypse, and you pick up things here and there." Carl nodded in agreement.

"What else can you make?" I thought for a moment.

"I can make a lily," I said.

"Can you show me how?"

"Sure." I cut out another square and gave it to Carl, and I showed him the steps.

"Why was Daryl in your room?" Carl asked as he lifted and fold the flaps of his paper like the way I showed him.

"He was playing Hamtaro on my Gameboy," I said with a smirk, and Carl nearly laughed, meaning he at least knew what Hamtaro was. He covered his mouth as he stifled a laugh through sputtered lips.

"No way," he said as he caught his breath and continued folding.

"I'm serious. I caught him red handed." I showed him a couple more steps, and we were both holding decent looking paper flowers.

"Where'd you get the Gameboy?"

"A friend gave it to me a while back. I only have two games for it."

"What's the other game?"

"Pokemon." Carl smiled.

"Oh cool. Can I play sometime?" I smiled and nodded.

"Sure, but if Daryl wants to play Hamtaro, you'll have to give it to him." Carl and I laughed for a good few seconds when Rick walked in. I gave a friendly wave.

"What are you two laughing about this time?" Rick asked. I scratched the corners of my mouth.

"We're laughing at Daryl for playing Hamtaro," I said. Rick chuckled and shook his head.

"That son of a bitch told me he was playing Pokemon." I drifted my gaze at Carl.

"Aw, he's ashamed." Rick shook his head some more, and he snapped his fingers a couple of times.

"We'll make fun of him tomorrow, but we gotta go to bed." I sighed and stood up from the floor.

"Aw, man." I tipped Carl's hat. "G'night dude." Carl fixed it as he said goodnight. "Goodnight Rick," I said and I started walking out of the room.

"Hey, Becca?" Rick called out, and I stopped and turn.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I squinted my eyes with a raised brow.

"Sure," I said, and Rick and I walked out. We walked to the base of the stairwell, and we stopped. No one was around. "What do you want to talk about?" Rick looked to the side and rubbed his beard with his hand before looking at me.

"Um, about Daryl…"

I looked to the side. "Oh boy," I said with both sarcasm and worry.

"You two have been spending a lot of time together." I tilted my head.

"And…is that bad?" He shook his head.

"No, but…he's not like…" He didn't even have to finish his question. The way he was looking at me says the whole thing.

"No!" I snapped. "Why the hell would you think that?!"

"I'm was just a bit worried because he was in your room, and-" I held my hand up to make him stop talking.

"He isn't doing anything wrong. He never was, and he never will," said angrily. Rick just nodded.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry." I put my hand down.

"You should be, Rick."

"I am. I was just worried. You got to understand that." I took a slow breath.

"Yeah. I do."

"Well, we should get to bed now," Rick suggested. I nodded with a yawn I've been holding in.

"Yeah, we should. Goodnight," I said while already walking up the stairs.

"'Night, Becca," I heard Rick say. I stopped at my open doorway and looked down the hall to where Daryl's room was. I was thinking of going there to see if he was awake so I could say goodnight, but I just shook my head. I took another step into my room. I turned sharply and headed down the hall to his door. I held my hand up in a fist, and I was about to knock, but I nearly bumped my fist into Daryl's chest when his door swung open. I quickly retracted my hand and looked up at him in total silence.

To be continued...