Sara couldn't seem to stop smiling as she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex; she and Nick had stood outside the hospital for quite a while sharing long slow kisses and she'd had to carefully extricate herself from his embrace so that she could go home and get some sleep.

Alone.

She was sure that Nick would have been more than happy to go home with her, but she needed to think. Despite her words to Nick that she wanted to try and see where these feelings between them might go, things were anything but clear to her. It was going to take some time to work out in her mind how to deal with the feelings she still had for Grissom; the good feelings as well as the anger and frustration she felt towards him for not seeing how important it was to her to go public. She was going to have to see him on a daily basis and she didn't want to have an awkward working relationship. Shit. Who the hell was she kidding? Other than the last few months while they'd been dating, ever since she'd come to Vegas, she'd had an awkward working relationship with Grissom.

She also knew that Nick would have no problem telling anyone and everyone about them; and while part of her found that comforting another part made her scared shitless. What if things didn't work out? What if their friendship ended up being ruined as a result? What if the rest of the team had a problem with it? Who was she kidding? The only one who might have a problem with the way things were was her. She had made her choice, but she was already questioning if it was the right choice; not that she didn't want Nick, because she did, she wanted him so much it scared her. The problem was there was a part of her still wanted Grissom desperately, only she couldn't continue living a double life, she couldn't continue to build up resentment towards him for insisting that their relationship had to remain a secret because if she did, she might end up hating him. And she didn't want that.

And so she had chosen Nick.

The last thing Sara expected to find as she walked into her apartment was a stricken looking Gil Grissom. She looked startled as she closed the door behind her and set her keys down on the counter. "Grissom, what are you doing here?"

Grissom looked up with such sadness around his eyes. "I thought I should get my things and give you back your key." He didn't have much there, but he reasoned that if Sara didn't want him any longer that he ought to remove any trace of himself from her apartment. The problem was that he had found some photographs they'd taken together when they'd gone to the California coast for a weekend about a month ago. They looked so happy together and he was kicking himself for being such an old stubborn fool.

"Oh." Sara hadn't really thought through all the details of dissolving their romantic relationship when things had sort of imploded earlier. She glanced over to where he sat and saw him thumbing through the photos she had been so excited to get developed. That trip had been a weekend of pure bliss and it was that in part that had contributed to why she so desperately had wanted to let everyone know about them. Then he'd gotten defensive when she'd brought it up and things seemed to spiral down from there until Sophia had been shot. That event had been the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

Grissom let out a soft sigh. "I thought you'd be with Nick." He clearly hadn't expected her to come back here; the way he'd seen them kissing he was sure that Sara would be in his arms for a good long while; perhaps even ending up back at Nick's for a romp in the sack since both of them were still on administrative leave. He was having difficulty trying to believe it was possible that nothing romantic had been going on between the pair prior to the kiss that Sara had confessed to. He felt completely betrayed and hurt; yet he wanted Sara even still. His pride wouldn't let him tell her that though; he wanted to protect his heart and so he had determined to keep it walled off from her so he couldn't feel anymore; perhaps feeling nothing would be better than feeling all of this pain.

"No." Sara furrowed her brow and wondered if Grissom had seen her and Nick making out in the parking lot. "He went home...I needed to sleep." This was quickly becoming an awkward conversation.

There was a hurt and bitter tone to Grissom's voice as he spoke. "How long have you been seeing him, Sara?" He saw the way they were kissing each other; he couldn't reconcile a kiss like that to something brand new; he had never really kissed a woman like that.

Sara felt a stab at her heart and she wanted to lash out against him, but she felt sorry for him instead. "We just decided to start seeing each other, Grissom...I told you I didn't cheat on you." She wished that she could make him understand, but then that was the problem in a nutshell; somewhere along the line they'd stopped being able to understand each other. Or maybe they'd stopped trying.

"What did I do wrong, Sara?" Grissom just stared at her as if he could somehow unlock the answer that eluded him. "What made you stop loving me?" He searched her face for anything that might help him understand.

Sara's words came out in a whisper as she realized how vulnerable he looked just then. "I haven't stopped..." This was all so damn complicated and the surprise that flickered across Grissom's face gave her a rush of guilt. It would be so much easier if she'd simply stopped caring altogether.

Grissom was confused and he looked at her gape-jawed as he tried to wrap his mind around what she'd just said. He stammered a bit. "Then why? Why this?" He gestured between them. "Why Nick? Why can't we work this out?" Deep down he knew the answer, but he didn't really want to face that right now. He stood up and walked over to where she still stood by the front door.

"Grissom, I can't do this." Sara's voice was barely audible; her resolve was crumbling a bit as she felt how near he was. She shook her head and gathered her courage; there was a reason she'd called things off; there was a reason that she'd told Nick she wanted to try a relationship with him. "I can't be a secret...I know it's asking you to maybe give up everything you've worked for, but I just can't do this any other way."

Grissom stiffened. They were back to that now. His tone sounded defensive. "I could lose my job...you could lose yours." He knew that she was well aware of the consequences; probably far more aware than he was and he knew it. He knew that she'd thought this through, but he just wasn't sure and apparently it was that uncertainty; that indecision which was to become his biggest failing.

"I know all that." Sara looked into his eyes; memories of tender moments they'd shared made this so difficult; he was a good and decent man and yet he was so afraid of where their relationship might go; he was perfectly happy with the status quo and she had found that she simply wanted more than that.

"Why Nick?" Grissom's eyes searched hers for some sort of understanding of what the younger man had that he didn't.

Sara smiled sadly and reached up and touched Grissom's face in spite of herself. "Nick and I just happened...I didn't look for it; it was just there." She studied his face as she continued to talk. "I feel something with him that I haven't felt before and I need to see where it's going to lead." Her brow was furrowed as she watched Grissom's expression fall.

Grissom looked at her earnestly. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed me to be, Sara." His heart seemed to be breaking almost audibly.

Sara whispered. "I'm sorry too." She had put so much time and energy into the man standing before her and she was sad to see the way that things had turned out between them; she only hoped that she could salvage the friendship that they'd shared for years.