It had been a long shift and Sara was tired, but with a mountain of evidence yet to process on the case she'd been working with Nick and Grissom she knew that she'd probably be pulling a double. At that moment she was sifting through one of a dozen or so bags of garbage collected from the crime scene where their victim had been found. She was so intent on the task at hand that she almost didn't hear Grissom walk into the layout room.
"Anything probative?" Grissom had been surprised at how nervous he had been about working with Nick and Sara; nervous was not a word that usually describes him. Despite the fact that people claimed he didn't have a heart, he felt like his heart was going to fall out of his chest as Sara glanced up.
Sara felt a pang as she noticed the tired lines around his eyes and she wondered how well he was sleeping since they'd broken up. "You mean other than the fact that our vic probably suffered from a severe case of OCD?" She couldn't think of any other explanation for why someone would keep this much garbage in their home.
"Or perhaps they simply didn't pay their collection bill." Grissom's brow was furrowed as he looked at the other bags and he let his thoughts wander for a moment to the other reason he had come to find Sara.
"I might agree with you if the garage hadn't been completely empty; you'd think if they had been unable to pay the bill they would have at least put the trash out in the garage." Sara wrinkled her nose; most of this stuff was nasty. "On second thought, maybe they kept it in the house to take advantage of the air conditioning so it wouldn't smell as bad from the heat."
"Or maybe he brought it in because the neighbors complained of the odor; it certainly might provide someone with a motive." Grissom was trying to work up his courage before it became obvious that he was staring at her with a hint of longing in his eyes.
Sara glance up at him and immediately felt a flurry of nerves as she considered that she wasn't quite sure of what to make of the expression on his face. "Maybe." She could tell that he wanted to say something. His face looked pale and Sara furrowed her brow with concern. "Are you ok, Gris?"
Grissom knew that he had to do this now; if he waited too much longer she might not have any feelings for him and he couldn't take that chance. "Sara, I've been doing a lot of thinking." There was such a sadness to his tone as he looked at her and he realized that he had let the best thing in his life get away from him because of his own fears. "I want another chance."
Sara felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She still had strong feelings for Grissom, but she was with Nick now and the more time she spent with him the faster and harder she was falling for him. She just looked at Grissom with her mouth slightly agape; she really didn't know what to say.
"I don't want to hide it anymore." Grissom didn't want to beg, but he was prepared to resign from the lab if that was what it took to convince her that he was serious. "I need you, Sara."
Sara finally found her words. "You'll lose your career." She knew exactly what the cost would be for him to publicly date a subordinate; that had been a conversation that had come up repeatedly while they had dated after she had tried to get him to succumb to temptation with her on the couch in his office. He had made it abundantly clear to her then that his career was the center of his world and that he wasn't willing to risk it, so now she was having difficulty comprehending that anything would have changed; she wasn't sure she could believe that he was implying that she was the center of his world.
"I'm not sure my career is enough for me anymore." Grissom had regrets and the biggest of those was that he had let Sara slip through his fingers; he hadn't realized until she was gone what he'd had. In a word he felt lost.
Sara let the evidence she'd been examining drop back to the layout table. "What are you saying, Gris?" Her mind was a jumble of thoughts right now; not the least of which was Nick and what he might say if he knew that Grissom was in here trying to win her back from him.
Grissom took a step towards her; his voice was soft and full of emotion. "I love you and I don't want to think that I lost you because I didn't even try." He was well aware that it might already be too late; a wiser man would have gone public when she'd first suggested it instead of insisting that it was too risky. He knew now that he had deeply hurt her and that what she needed was to be able to let the world know who loved her.
Sara had a sad lilt to her voice and her eyes looked conflicted. "Sometimes love isn't enough." She wasn't sure she could trust him to be telling the truth; what if she went back to him and he decided that he'd made a huge mistake by giving up his career for her? She knew what it was like to come to resent someone that you loved; she didn't want him to ever resent her for ruining his career because even though he claimed it wasn't enough for him anymore, she knew it was still his identity; he'd be lost without it.
"It's a good place to start." Grissom knew he needed to lay his cards out on the table. "I've been exploring some options outside the lab. Western LVU is looking for a forensics professor." It certainly wouldn't be as satisfying as following the evidence and solving crimes, but there was a point in this job where burnout was almost inevitable; he wasn't sure that he wasn't already on the brink.
"You would leave the lab?" Sara looked at him a little shocked; he was a brilliant criminalist and she couldn't believe that he would give that up for her; she wasn't sure he should give it up.
"Would it bring you back?" Grissom wanted her to know that he truly was serious. He wasn't sure how he would fit as a professor; it would be an adjustment to be certain and the politics of a university were probably just as bad as those in law enforcement, but if it meant having a normal life with Sara he was willing to try.
"Grissom, don't ask me that." Sara didn't know what to do; she had feelings for the man standing there in front of her but she also had begun to develop some pretty strong feelings for Nick and she wasn't willing to give him up.
"But I am asking." He looked at her intently; his voice soft and controlled. "I want you back, Sara, and if I have to resign my position and leave the lab to prove that to you I will." He felt as if he was about ready to step off into an abyss with nothing to prevent him from falling forever.
Out of the corner of her eye, Sara noticed that Nick had just rounded the corner and judging from the expression on his face, he'd heard what Grissom had just said. She swallowed hard and with far more control that she felt at that moment she gestured towards the pile of garbage sitting in front of her. "I have a lot of evidence to process and I think that Nick might have some results from trace."
Nick's jaw was clenched slightly and there was a hint of hurt and a bit of fire in his eyes, but as he addressed Grissom he was the consummate professional. "The substance we found on the body was ordinary corn oil." He glanced over at Sara for some sign that she wasn't seriously considering going back to Grissom and when all he saw in her eyes was confusion he decided that they were going to have to talk later.