Sara could tell that Nick was awake by the way his fingers softly trailed down her arm. She wasn't sure she wanted him to know that she was awake quite yet; that might mean that they really needed to talk. Not just about the three little words that he'd shared with her before he'd fallen asleep, but about Grissom and his confession that he wanted her back; Nick's three little words had just complicated things a bit. The truth was she didn't know what she truly wanted. Part of her still ached for Grissom and the idea that he was willing to give up everything for her made her second guess her decision to leave him. She had to question if she had really given their relationship a chance or if she had been so blinded by her quest for Grissom that she hadn't really understood who he really was or what he needed from their relationship. There was a part of her that wondered if he had just finally given in to her after she'd spent years wearing him down and that maybe she'd caught him at a weak moment because the Grissom she thought she knew had integrity and would never have consented to a romance that would have negative repercussions for the lab. And if that was true, then she had to wonder if she had destroyed the man that she'd sought to emulate as a professional. His career had defined him and yet here he was willing to give it up for her and she really didn't think that she was worth that kind of sacrifice; especially when she wasn't sure that she believed he was doing it for himself. The last thing she wanted to do was to force Gil Grissom into a university job just because he thought that was what it would take to win her back. She wasn't sure she could respect him for killing his soul and it was then that she realized that she needed to talk to him; no matter whether she chose to stay with Nick or ultimately chose to go back to Grissom she needed to make sure that Grissom made his choice because it was what he truly wanted.
Nick felt Sara stir and he could tell by the tightened expression on her face that she was deep in thought and perhaps that talk they should have had over omelets was something that couldn't be delayed any longer. He had meant it when he'd told her he loved her; he wanted her to know that, he didn't want to have any regrets if in the end she went back to Grissom that he'd held anything back. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her shoulder just as he saw her eyes flutter open. "You look beautiful when you wake up." Of course he thought she looked beautiful with CSI coveralls and goggles on, especially when she had that look of determination on her face that made him want to work just that much harder to keep up with her.
Sara felt a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth; Nick just had this way about him that melted her heart into a pile of goo. She turned in his arms and smirked as she noticed his short hair sticking up every which way. "And you look a little on the rumpled side."
Nick grinned at her and leaned in to softly kiss her, as he pulled away he spoke those words again. "I love you, Sara." He could tell by the look in her eye that she wasn't completely comfortable with his confession, but she wasn't running away either so he didn't think that her reaction was exactly a bad thing.
"That's what you said." Sara wasn't ready to say those words to him; she was certainly having strong feelings for him that left her feeling giddy and dizzy at times, but love was much more serious and she didn't want to say it unless she was completely confident that she meant it. Having second thoughts about another man was a sure sign that she wasn't ready to tell Nick that she loved him too.
Nick reached for her hand. "I mean it, you know. I just...with everything going on, I had to tell you...I've been thinking it for a long time though. Just Grissom's timing made me realize that maybe I should tell you now." He knew that he was laying his heart out where she could easily break it, but if she really and truly was the love of his life, he wasn't about to hold back.
"I'm not sure what to say, Nick." She could tell from his earnest expression that he meant what he said, but she was still mulling things over in her own mind and she didn't want to hurt him. "I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been thinking about what Grissom said." The flash of fear on Nick's face caused her to squeeze his hand. "I'm not going anywhere right now, ok?" She held his gaze until he nodded. "Ok." She smiled at him belying her inner turmoil. "I just didn't expect him to do that...why does he have to be willing to do it now?"
"I don't know." Nick had his suspicions about why Grissom had chosen now; jealously was the top of his list of reasons. He probably would be jealous too if the shoe was on the other foot, but then again, he wouldn't have put Sara in the position of having to keep their relationship a secret either.
"Be patient with me." Sara regarded him as her friend before anything else and she didn't want to lose that if this romance between them didn't work out. "I care about you, Nick, I really do. I just didn't expect him to do that...I'm not really sure he should do that, you know." She let out a sigh as she studied his expression; she could tell that he was scared that he'd put everything out there and she might still walk away. "This isn't fair to you is it?"
Nick's brow was furrowed, but he began to gently caress the back of her hand with his thumb. "Life isn't fair, Sara." He glanced at her and looked into her eyes. "You need to ask yourself if he makes you happy. Would you be happy if he gave it all up for you? Would it be what you really want?" He knew how he wanted her to answer that question, but he didn't know if she would.
"I don't know." Sara knew that she needed to be honest; she couldn't give Nick false assurance that everything between them would work out when she really didn't know deep down what she wanted. "I think he'd be a fool to give up his career for me; I think he'd end up resenting me if he did and I don't think I could live with that." She was still struggling with the fact that he hadn't been willing to even risk those things to go public with their relationship when she'd wanted him to, so now she had to question what was behind it and if it really was genuine. And even if it was, was that enough?
Nick felt conflicted. "Look, you know how I feel about you." He smiled in spite of himself. "More than anything, Sara, I want you to be happy. But you can't divide your heart between two men forever; at some point you have to decide which one you think will truly make you happy. Now I really hope that it's me; I really want you to pick me, I do, because I love you so much it hurts sometimes, but I want your whole heart not just part of it." He took a deep breath before he continued because the words themselves felt like they were ripping his heart out as he spoke. "Grissom says that he's willing to give up his whole world to show you that he loves you and wants you back and I know that you still care for him too." Nick's voice began to waver a bit. "You have to ask yourself if he makes you happy; you have to ask yourself if I make you happy." He hadn't wanted it to sound like an ultimatum, but it was in a way; he truly wanted all of Sara's heart.
"I don't know if I can answer that right now." Sara's expression reflected Nick's and she felt like she was on the verge of crying. It would have been so much simpler if she'd just stopped loving Grissom altogether; this business of caring for two such different men was pain and joy all wrapped up in confusion and she didn't have a clue what to do about it except to let it unravel at its own pace. She only hoped that when she did figure it out that one of them would still be there and it would be the one that she truly wanted to be with deep in her heart. Only at this moment she had no idea which one of them it was.