As the news rippled through the lab, everyone was completely stunned. Nearly losing Sophia in the line of duty had shaken all of them, but to lose both her and Alex Vartan in a senseless head on collision on the way to their honeymoon seemed like a cruel twist of fate that no one could stomach. As much as there were plenty of crimes to investigate that night, not a single person in the lab could really focus on anything else but the horrific news.
Sara had holed herself up in a layout room in an attempt to continue processing the mountain of evidence that she'd been working on before she'd gone to talk to Grissom. She'd been holding onto the same matchbook staring off into oblivion for the last fifteen minutes or so and the tears that had been streaming down her face had petered out until she felt completely numb. None of this felt fair. You could find the love of your life and in the next instant it could be snatched away from you forever. In the face of that how in the world could you give your heart to someone?
The sound of a door opening caused her to glance up and from the troubled expression on Nick's face she was sure that he'd heard the news about Vartan and Sophia. He softly made his way over to her and without saying a word he took the matchbook out of her hand and enveloped her in a hug as she melted into his arms. The feeling of safety his embrace offered caused Sara to choke back a sob before the floodgates opened up once again. She didn't have to say a word to know that he was feeling this just as keenly as she was.
Sara's voice was raw as she sniffled against his shoulders. "Why, Nick, why? Why them, why her after everything they've been through, why?" She knew that there really was no answer, in this line of work she knew that all too well that logic didn't apply when it came to death and tragedy.
"I don't know, babe, I just don't know." Nick felt like he had been sucker punched as he heard the news filtering around the lab and as the reality of it began to sink in, he needed to find Sara. They had been there together when Sophia had been shot; it had been that event in particular that had been the catalyst for that first kiss, for his confession that he wanted to be with her and he knew on her part, it had been the straw that had broken the proverbial camel's back in regards to her secret relationship with Grissom. The deaths of his two friends made no sense at all and he knew that no amount of rationalization would make it so.
Sara didn't care that they were in the middle of the lab in a layout room that had windows out into the hallway; time, which somehow used to seem like a luxury, had very quickly become a rare and precious commodity, especially when you were with someone you cared about. She pulled back to look into his eyes. "Promise me I won't lose you like that." She knew that it was completely irrational to suggest it in the first place; none of them had any control over how or when they would die.
Nick looked at her intently, he could see a measure of fear in her eyes; fear that he was sure his own eyes reflected back to her. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, you understand?" He of all people knew he really couldn't make that kind of promise, and he knew that she knew it. His kidnapping and burial was still a little too fresh in his mind to take away the reality of his own mortality.
"This is so unfair." Sara was sniffling. "They didn't even get a chance, they decide to go public with their relationship and they didn't even get a chance to enjoy it." The fact that she'd learned that they'd only just gotten married made it seem even more unfair.
Nick's voice was steady and his tone was gentle but urgent. "Their time was short, but they knew for sure that what they had was real. At least they had that." He looked into her eyes trying to read what she was thinking but her expression was clouded.
Sara wiped at her tears, she desperately needed to pull herself together. "I was in Grissom's office when he got the call from Brass." Maybe those weren't the best words to interject into a conversation with Nick right then because his expression clouded a bit. It was then that she realized that Grissom's first thought at news like this was the crime scene, and Nick's first thought had been her. They were so different and yet there was something about each of them that she felt drawn to.
Nick's jaw twitched; he wondered to himself if she was in there at Grissom's bequest to discuss the future or demise of their relationship or if she'd gone on her own accord. As much as he didn't want to, he couldn't help but feel insecure about being with Sara as long as Gil Grissom wanted her back. "You find a new lead in the case?" He only hoped that she'd gone in there to talk about evidence; he didn't want to sound like the jealous boyfriend he was sure he was coming off as.
Sara could see his conflicted expression and she knew it was only partly because of what had happened to Sophia and Vartan. "No, I haven't made any progress really." She let out a sigh and looked up into his eyes and offered him a soft smile. "I needed Grissom to know that I don't want him to leave the lab; he's too much a part of why this lab is a success to give it up for a hope for something with me that I can't promise him." Between the lines it was clear that she hadn't entirely made up her mind.
"Do I make you happy?" Nick cut her off; he didn't want to hear about Gil Grissom and his brilliance as a scientist and a criminalist; he didn't want to hear about how he didn't have the balls to come after Sara until she'd already chosen to be with another man; with him. What he wanted to know was if being with him, Nick Stokes, average guy from Dallas, Texas, made her happy.
Sara didn't know what to say, she knew what he was implying and she wasn't sure she was ready to answer that question with her whole heart; maybe it was partly her feelings for Grissom that she still struggled with and maybe it was just the fear she had at being that vulnerable with someone. But if she asked herself honestly, there was a reason that she'd chosen to be with Nick and she knew that even if she couldn't give him her whole heart, he had already had part of it.
"Do I make you happy?" Nick repeated himself and then leaned in and kissed her not caring if Ecklie himself walked by and caught them during company time. He whispered as he broke off the kiss, looking at Sara intently in the eyes. "Do I make you happy, Sara?" He felt like his heart had been hung out over the Grand Canyon by a piece of thread and the smallest puff of air could cause it to plummet to the bottom.
Sara's voice was a whisper as she looked into his eyes feeling as if she had spun out of control only to find that she was enjoying the ride. "Yes, you make me very happy." There was something about it all that both scared and thrilled her and yet there was still a part of her that kept asking if she was making the right choice, if perhaps the man that had consumed her thoughts for the better part of the last three years would be any different in a romantic relationship without the lab to worry about.
Nick sensed her hesitation and despite the fact that her answer thrilled him to the core, he needed to ask her another question. He held her gaze as he reached over and brushed his fingers across her cheek tenderly. "Did he make you happy, Sara; do you think he would if he had another chance?"
Sara felt tears welling up in her eyes again; between all that was happening with Nick and Grissom and what had just happened to Sophia and Vartan, this was just too much. "Please don't ask me that right now." She leaned into him and slipped her arms around his waist, letting her face nestle in the crook of his neck. "Please just hold onto me for a little while, ok?"
"It's ok, Sar." Nick realized that once again his timing was shitty as hell and he berated himself for being an insensitive bastard for thinking of himself when two people that both he and Sara cared about had just been killed. There would be time to sort out all of this later. "I'm sorry, it's ok, it's gonna be ok." He whispered against her ear and he just held her as they stood there in the middle of the layout room.