Risen

Chapter 7...

Buffy obviously knew I was plannin' on doin' somethin' to relieve the tension inside me, but I guess she was expectin' somethin' else. She figured she'd just walk in on me with my pants off, hand workin' between my legs, and I'd be too busy moanin' to tell her to go away. What she didn't expect was me takin' a completely different approach.

You see, I studied mixed martial arts for a while after Sunny-D got blown up. It was basically glorified self-defense, but I was cool with that. I just needed somethin' physical to do, seein' as evil took a bit of a break after the First lost. No one wanted to take on the army of Slayers that beat the thing that can't be killed. So, I had to turn to highly physical jobs, like takin' over Xander's construction gig since he's not really fit for it anymore, what with the eye patch and whatnot. Anyway, while I was studyin' under my sensei, Master Baer, he taught me and a few other students about this form of meditation called a kata. It's basically just muscle memory. It gets the juices flowin' and improves your focus. So, most of the time, when I have a lot of tension I need to relieve, I just do one of them.

I know 25 different katas, but right now, I'm stickin' with one of the basic ones. Master Baer called this one San Dan.

I raise my left fist up beside the right side of my head, and my right fist down in front of my stomach, then step off with my left foot, turnin' to the left. I bring my left fist down in an arc in a downward block while my right fist comes back to rest on my right hip. I exhale smoothly as I do so.

I step forward with my right foot and thrust my right fist forward with a sharp exhale, and bring my left fist up and back to rest on my left hip. My right fist come up to my left cheek while my left fist goes down in front of my stomach, and I turn on my right foot to face behind me. I down block with my right hand this time, then step off with my left foot and punch with my left fist.

I fold my left fist up again, my right fist returnin' to my stomach and I turn ninety degrees towards the direction I started out facin'. I down block with my left fist, then step with my right foot and punch with my right fist. I step again and punch again with my left foot and fist, then once more with my right foot and fist, exhaling smoothly each time, ending with a shout on the third punch.

I get into the next position, which is basically just startin' all over again, but facin' the opposite way.

I ignore Buffy standin' there, watchin' me, but her presence is already causin' me to tense up again, undoin' the effects of the meditation. I give up halfway through, knowin' it won't help with her standin' there, makin' me all self-conscious.

"What do ya want, B?" I ask frustrated.

"I gotta admit, F, when you left the circle, I assumed you were just as worked up as I was. So I thought you were coming back here to scratch an itch or something. Thought maybe I could help with it. Now that there's no bars between us. But I expected something a little less... PG-13, and more Rated-R."

"Well, hell. You can help, I guess."

"What?"

"Yeah. Come on. If you want me, come and get me." I smirk. She can't decide if it's a trick or not. Finally, she makes up her mind. She steps forward, arms outstretched, like she's tryin' to actually give me a hug.

My fist connects with her face before she ever sees it comin'.

"What the hell was that for?" Buffy growls.

"What? I said you could help scratch my itch. I need to get physical right now. And for me, physical means beatin' shit up."

"Bullshit. It means sex. It's always meant sex with you!"

"Well, that may be true, but I changed. I changed when I fell in love with B. Sex wasn't as important to me anymore. 'Cause I didn't just want sex with her, I wanted her. Since then, I've been celibate."

"What?"

"Yeah. Surprise." I smirk. She definitely wasn't expectin' that. "I don't have sex anymore. Haven't since the day I got outta prison. Knew that everyone I'd ever sleep with from then on, I'd be imaginin' Buffy. Her touch, her smell, her body, her voice. And it would hurt me every time I finally realized that she wasn't Buffy after all, just another girl I'd fuck. So, I do other things to relieve my stress. Remember when I was doin' construction for a while after the First? Well, I did that to work up a sweat, to tire myself out. So that's how I did it at first, after we beat the First."

"When... When did you realize you were in love with me?"

I laugh. "With you? Never. But I realized I was in love with Buffy the day I decided to go to prison. She was just standin' there, all angry and pissed, and hatin' me, and I felt sick, knowin' that I deserved it. I tried to apologize, but she wouldn't let me."

"I remember." She whispers.

"Yeah. It hurt. Big time. So I let her beat the shit outta me for a while, hopin' it would let her let go of some of her anger, and I'd be able to apologize. But then I realized she was holdin' too much. I doubted she'd ever forgive me, or even calm down enough to look at me with anything but disgust and hate. So, I figured the only way to ease her, would be to go to prison. I didn't do it to redeem my soul or anythin'. I did it to redeem myself in her eyes, or at least let her not have to worry about me goin' after her again. I fucked a couple blondes in prison, tryin' to imagine it bein' B, but then I realized that was only makin' everythin' worse. So... I took a vow of celibacy. Said I'd never have sex again, unless it was with her. I added that loophole in just in case, but I never really believed it would ever happen. So, I was prepared to never have sex again."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. So, if you wanna help me out, just fight me, okay? I need to work up a sweat right now."

Buffy sighs. "Fine. But I'm not going to hold back."

"Good. I don't want you to."

Buffy's suddenly right in front of me, her face still in the process of twistin' into the mask of a vampire. No, this is her face. B's face is the mask now.

Her fist is about to smash my face in, and I actually regret tellin' her not to take it easy on me. She's so fuckin' fast.

Even my Slayer instincts aren't enough to save me. Her fist connects with my face, and her other fist plows into my stomach before my body even recoils an inch from the first hit. I fly backwards and smash into the cave wall, sinkin' almost an inch into the stone from the force of her hit. I can't breathe. I hurt all over. I feel like I'm just some newbie Slayer takin' on the First all by myself. How the hell can the difference in our strength be that big?

Then, in the blink of an eye, she's beside me again, and her right roundhouse kick smashes the stone on either side of me and buries me another two inches at least into the wall of the cave. Luckily, the stone is actually just hardened sand and not actual stone, otherwise, I'd be damn near dead right now.

Buffy senses this, and decides I'm worth more to her alive, 'cause she helps me out of the wall and helps me stand up.

"Told you I wouldn't hold back." Buffy growls, like she's angry. But angry about what? I don't get it.

I cough, and my eyes grow wide as I see the blood I just coughed up.

"Fuck. Looks like I broke you." Buffy doesn't actually sound upset about it, more like it's an inconvenience. But no... That's what I was expectin' to hear. But since I talked to Angel earlier, I'm tryin' to look for some kind of sign that Buffy might still be in there. I still don't think she's fully there, but there's definitely still some Buffy-like qualities.

Point is, there was some emotion similar to guilt or somethin'. Whether she's feelin' guilty for hurtin' me, or for nearly killin' her bodyguard, I don't know, but she definitely was cool as a cucumber about it.

Cool as a cucumber? There's somethin' else that B's gotten me into. Those stupidly childish things she always said, that I always found annoyin', they've grown on me now, and I actually find it kinda cute now. And what's more, now I've even started to use them, and not just in my head, in actual conversation with actual people.

But that's another thing that B and this vampire does NOT have in common. The vamp's lack of childish humor is just another reminder that she's not Buffy. Instead, she has my usual taste in dark, and mostly sexual humor. Used to be, I would've loved for B to share my sense of humor, but now, I just want her to say somethin' silly. Somethin' annoyin'. Somethin'... Buffy.

The thought of hearin' somethin' like that comin' from her mouth again fills me with longin', and the realization that, even if we do get her soulback, she might never get that back sends me fallin' to the ground, clutchin' my stomach. A sob escapes before I can stop it.

"Oh come on, F. I know I hit you hard, but you never cry." Buffy rolls her eyes. I can sense it.

More and more. I think to myself. I cry more and more each day.

"Just go." I whisper.

"What?"

"Just go."

"But... Come on, you said you didn't want me to hold back, so I didn't. If this is just 'cause you lost-"

"Just go!" I scream. I don't know why I'm mad at her. She's right. I did say don't hold back. I knew she was stronger and way faster than me, because she has the combined strength of a Slayer and a vampire. I knew I'd get my ass kicked, get the shit beat outta me. And yet, I said don't hold back. So she didn't. So why am I mad at her?

Because she's not Buffy. She's darin' to use her face, her body, her name, her voice, even her fuckin' smell, and she's usin' it all against me. Tryin' to get me to make that one mistake that would end up with her absolutely dominatin' me. If I let any single thing she does get to me, I'd end up lettin' her control me, lettin' her dominate me, lettin' her fuck me 'til she dies.

But that's not what scares me. What scares me is that I might like it. What scares me is I might let her do it again. And again. And again. I'm afraid I'll let her do me the way she let Spike do her.

And by doin' that, I'll betray Buffy.

"Faith?" Buffy asks.

"Please... Just... Just go. I've got this. I can take care of myself." I say softly, tryin' to calm down.

Finally, I fall to the ground as Buffy drops me and storms off.

When I'm finally alone, I let myself cry. I let it all out silently. The thing about caves, things tend to echo. So if I'm not quiet, everyone'll know what's goin' on.

I feel so much right now, and I know I've said it before, but I really hate feelin' this fuckin' vulnerable.

(Buffy's POV)...

Dawn sees me storm past, and she hurries after me.

"Buffy? What's going on?"

"Just leave me alone, pipsqueak." I growl. I've only been a vampire for about a month, and I'm already sick of humans. They're all so emotional. They attach themselves in some way to every little fucking thing. For me, there's only two things that matter: surviving, and having as much fun as I possibly can while doing it. At least, that's the way it is now. Back when I was human, I was so fucking uptight, thinking I was better than everyone else. I should've taken a leaf out of Faith's book and gotten laid more. Maybe then I wouldn't have always been so tense all the time. Lose the whole "good girl" thing and just have a good time.

I'm not mad because Faith sent me away. I'm not. I'm mad because no matter how hard I try, she's just not giving it up! It's so frustrating! My options for getting laid right now are severely limited. My options include Angel, that werewolf kid, Dawn and Faith. Dawn's my sister, or at least she was "Buffy's" sister. That's just disgusting. Oz is... well, hell, who knows, maybe I have an undiscovered fetish for bestiality, I don't know. But,to me, at least, he's very unappealing to even look at, let alone to fuck.

And Angel? Please. Been there, fucked that. That chapter is closed.

And that leaves Faith. The one with the heavy-duty padlock over her pussy sayin' "hell no!" to me every time I try to get in her pants. God, I suddenly miss the days when Faith was willing to fuck anyone she thought could even remotely satisfy her.

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong is you won't fucking leave me alone. God, can't a vamp get some privacy around here?"

"What happened with Faith?" Fuck! This little human just won't give it a rest!

"She won't budge." I admit. "Oh well. Next town we get to, I'll find someone willing to give me a ride or something."

"Where?" Dawn asks softly.

"I don't know. First spot we find, I guess. I don't really care if it's a hotel room or even up against a dumpster. Just need someone willing to show me a good time."

"Oh. You meant that kind of ride. I thought..."

"You thought I was gonna leave."

Dawn nods.

"Well, unfortunately, looks like I'm still stuck with you guys. The Watchers get their hands on me, and I'm dead. Least this way, I've got some bodies to throw at them so I can escape." I flash her my fangs, hopin' it'll scare her off.

"Not gonna work."

"Sure it will. They'll be too busy killing you guys to notice me sneaking away."

"No, I meant you trying to scare me off. It won't work. I've seen things Buffy never knew about. And because she's going to be back soon, and have your memories, I'm not going to tell you what they are. But my sister as a vampire doesn't scare me. Sorry. And that thing you're trying to do? Get into Faith's pants? That won't work, either. She's too in love with my sister. The only way you'll ever get in her pants is if we get your soul back. If we get Buffy back."

I fall silent. She's assuming that I'm upset because Faith won't let me fuck her, but that's not it. That's not really it at all. That's just annoying. Not upsetting. No one can know what I'm afraid of. No one.

So... anyone got any reviews for me? Anyone? Hello? Heeeeellllllooooooooooooo?