"You let him feed off you!" Buffy cried out, interrupting Fawn in the middle of her long winded monologue.
Fawn just laughed and replied, "And what else would you have had me do? Let him wander the streets, feeding on anything that moved. At that time, we didn't have the ease of the blood banks. We had some willing donors. Those we could pay a bit at a time to allow us to siphon from them. Give them money to eat, give my people something to eat, all without hurting somebody."
"They could have eaten at the butcher shop, just as easily," Buffy argued.
"Dear, that wasn't a thing back then. You must forgive us. We were so far behind the times. It was difficult enough for us not to allow our people to cut a path through the eastern United States. It was almost impossible to stop them from feeding. The most we could do was stop them from killing and turning. There were vampires fighting one another to build their own armies. We were doing the only thing we could to stop them. We were trying to reason with them."
"And inviting Angel did what?"
"They actually didn't invite me," Angel informed them.
"Angelus liked to invite himself over," James said bitterly. "He enjoyed shaking things up when it came to our little family."
"But Angelus didn't kill you," Buffy commented to Fawn.
"That's because I would have restored his soul," Fawn informed her matter-of-factly. "I do understand that it wasn't his time for that, but had he attacked me, it would have been done in a heartbeat."
"And I knew that," Angel replied. "Even as a dangerous murderer, I had some self-preservation."
"I was dangerous," Fawn chirped happily.
"You were barely present mentally most of the time," James corrected.
"I was very much mentally present! Those weren't even my drinking years!"
"Right. That happened when I left your little ass alone for more than five minutes."
"Or, you know, ten years."
"Bunny, ten years is nothing in your life time. Nothing but a drunken black hole, you little lush." James leaned forward and nuzzled her neck gently.
"Oh, please continue speaking in riddles to one another while you practically have sex in front of us. It's truly adding to the story," Buffy said sarcastically.
"Oh, hush. You're enthralled. You're wondering how we went from Jamie telling me how much he hated me to the two of us being inseparable. You're curious, slayer."
"Oh I'm just enthralled."
"Hm. Tell her about Angelus's visit, sweetheart. You interacted with him more than I did. Tell her why you suddenly disappeared for ten years."
Angelus only visited Fawn once every fifty or sixty years. Just to keep in touch with a branch of royalty, build a few allies, and figure out where he was going with his decisions. Of course, Fawn always told him that he was making bad decisions, but he wasn't there to hear about his decisions. He was there to make nice with she who lead the lions into the light. So, just an hour after sundown, Angelus showed up with blood still on his shirt sleeves. Fawn was sitting at the head of the greeting table, having her evening meal while her father and a few of his advisors were surrounding them. I was standing behind her, trying to get her not to hand feed me bits of raw meat while there were people who could see. I had enough problems being called a pet. So I was fighting not allowing her to do that while also not pissing off her or her father. And, of course, Angelus had to add to it.
"James, you pet!" he bellowed. Every time he walked into a room, he had to yell. "Good to see that you have the almighty Chosen One fully protected! And you, Vengala! What are you going by now? Fawn? It's been a while, hasn't it?"
"Angelus, still making bad decisions I see. So many bad decisions and…" she raised her little tiny hand to her forehead and I knew what was coming next.
"Don't you dare right now, Fawn," I warned under my breath.
She snorted and reached for her wine. Angelus took his seat at the other end of the table and greeted, "Of course, this is just one of the usual meet and greets, Fawn. You don't have to tell me that the decisions I'm making are bad. Just here to see how you and your wife are doing."
"Don't call him that," bunny snapped at him whenever he visited. "James is a protector."
"James is neutered," Angelus laughed.
"Angelus," her father scolded, "you insist on visiting us. Speak to Vengala with respect."
"Yes, Sir Bantheazar. Fawn, how have you been? I apologize for missing your coronation. I was busy in Europe."
"I've been fine. It's only been fifty years, Angelus. I didn't expect a visit from you for another ten. You generally show up on the eve of my ritual and argue with us over which virgins we should use."
"Yes, but I hear you're not using virgins anymore. Very modern choice. Do you still allow your subjects to feed on them?"
"We do not force our subjects to do or not do anything," Fawn was regal when speaking with anyone she didn't see on a daily basis. "And we aren't actual royalty, Angelus. We aren't recognized royalty."
"Fawn, your father's protectors refer to you as Princess and themselves as your knights. You are very much royalty. Jamie, how have you been?"
"Do not call him that."
"James, how have you been?" he corrected himself.
"Fine. Dinner will be served soon. Fawn, do you want to go get changed into your dinner wear? I'll show Angelus to his room."
"Thank you, James. I'll meet you here in an hour. Angelus, you can catch us up on how you've been spending your time of late." She rose in all her elegance and crossed the dining hall, leaving us to stare after her.
"James, lead the way, old boy."
I led Angelus out of the dining hall and as soon as we were far enough that her father wouldn't hear us, Angelus started talking.
"Holy shit, old man, I see why you stay. The little human's got it going on. I wish you could have seen her back in her hay day. When she didn't have to wear half as many clothes as she does now. I wouldn't have gone as far as to swear fealty just to sleep with her, but damn she must be fun in bed."
"Don't talk about her that way." I couldn't have killed him. I couldn't defeat him that way and I knew it. Trying to fight him was useless. So I had to listen to him.
"Come on, James. She has you neutered. How long has it been since you've eaten? Truly eaten. None of this cold shit, pulled from people's bodies willingly. How long has it been since you sank your teeth into somebody wriggling and fighting you? Since you tasted blood when it was fresh and hot and full of fear?"
"Shut up, Angelus. This is a new era. Why risk death when there are easier ways to live?"
"God, she has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she? Do I smell love on you, James? Are you tainted by humans?"
"I'm tainted by nothing."
"You are. God, you love her." The way he laughed at human emotion irritated me. He poked at me. He was truly working hard to get under my skin.
"Love is a human emotion. I'm a demon."
He snorted. "Barely. We've all heard about you being Fawn's lapdog. About you sleeping in the same bed as her every day. About her feeding you. About the punishment you give those who dare mess with her. The nickname for her. I've never heard any of the other knights call her bunny. You're in love with her."
"I'm not in love with her."
"You're not in love with her?"
"No."
"Then take your break. You've been with her for fifty years. You get a break. Talk to Bantheazar. Tell him you want to take a break. Come with me and I'll show you what you've been missing. You'll spend a little time with me and then show up again in ten years."
"No." But he was getting under my skin.
"Come on. How about this? In the morning, when you crawl into her bed, think about it. How long has it been since you've been away from her for one day? How long has it been since you've been away from her for longer than a few hours? Ten years is the blink of an eye to her. To us. If you don't love her, it's nothing."
"I've sworn fealty. I'm unable to just leave."
"Oh please. Bantheazar will give you a reprieve. You've been with his little pet for fifty years, James. You've done your time. Tell him you will be taking leave and will return upon her next renewing. He will let you go. You just have to be willing to ask him. Are you willing to leave behind your little love?"
"I am not in love with her. This is your room." I left him at his room and I went to Fawn's room, our room. I hadn't lived in my own room for several years. It wasn't like current times. When a significant other had a drawer at their lover's place. All of our things were intertwined. We had the same drawers. We shared everything.
She was in her underwear, pinning up her hair in the mirror. Without turning to look at me, she asked, "Is Angelus sent to his room?"
"Yes."
"Well, he'll only be here a night so you won't have to worry about him annoying us for days on end. Also, whatever you're thinking is a bad decision. What are you thinking?" She turned around and stared at me and I knew what was coming. She stared at me hard and I thought about how gorgeous she looked with half of her hair pulled up and half falling down and her makeup not yet done. And then she pressed the heel of her hand above her left eye and cried out.
I stood up and crossed the room to wrap my arms around her like I always did but she took her hand away from her head, put both her arms up, and shoved me backwards, hard. I said slowly, "Fawn, I haven't made up my mind yet."
"Yes, you have! You let him goad you into leaving because of what?" I was always surprised by how loud her airy little voice could get when she shouted. She stopped being a sweet, airy little individual and went right to being the Chosen One. "Because you fear love? Because you fear that it will make you less of a demon than what you are?"
"Fawn, calm down. Nothing is decided."
"Fawn! Fawn! Of course you've made up your mind! Jesus fucking Christ, did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think you could come in here and act like everything's normal and I would realize that you were wrong? You know who I am! You know what I can do! Why would you come in here and let me see it? Why didn't you just leave?" There were tears falling from her eyes and I realized just how human she was.
"Fawn, you must realize that this is something that needs to be done. You're very attached to me. It isn't good for you."
"Don't say this like you're doing it for my own good, you piece of shit!" There were people coming in the hallway. Responding to the sound of her shrieking. "You're doing it because Angelus teased you and your big demon pride can't stand being teased."
"Fawn, I think it would be best if I leave. I'm going to ask your father to give me leave for ten years. I will be back for your revival."
"Don't you fucking dare come back for my revival. You don't need to ask Father for leave because I grant it of you. You are released from my service. You are released from my presence. Get out!"
The door flew open and her father was standing in the doorway. He demanded, "Vengala, what is going on?"
"James has decided to take leave of our service." She wasn't crying anymore. She was staring at me with ice cold eyes. "He and Angelus have decided to leave this evening. I have need of a new knight. James needs to pack."
Behind her, drawers began opening and my things began floating out the door. Her father said calmly, "Vengala, do not make things float. It makes the other subjects uncomfortable. James, I think you should leave. I grant you leave for the next ten years. Then you will return to the court and we will discuss your return then."
"Sir, please let me talk to Vengala."
"No." Her voice was cruel and cold again.
"She said no. James, I will collect Angelus and the two of you will leave."
And we did. That was it. There were no other choices. I was gone for ten years. I roved the countryside with Angelus. Killing, destroying, drowning myself in the blood of the innocent so that I wouldn't think of Fawn. Drowning myself in carnage so I wouldn't think of the girl I left behind. But, sometimes, I'd see a girl with olive skin or a blonde and I'd think of her, alone in her castle. And I'd slaughter a few people to get over it. Then, when we were slaughtering our way through Texas, I got the news that she was sick.