03—restless

When Kai left home to buy his groceries, he did not expect to return to find two flashy robbers trying to break into his apartment. He paused by the lift to catalogue their physical features for the police report. They were both young men. The one who was attempting to unlock his door with a credit card was a lanky redhead and his accomplice was short and had turquoise hair.

Wait a minute. Those were his mates.

After registering that fact, Kai strode to his apartment and confronted Ren and Gaillard directly. "Step aside, before my stuff rots."

"One moment." Ren said, not bothering to face Kai and stop his criminal activity.

'Why am I friends with this guy again?' Kai thought, though the question had become rhetorical after he had gotten used to Ren's presence again. He did not realized he had voiced it out loud until Gaillard muttered under his breath, "Because he's awesome, of course."

Instantly, he looked at Kai, as if readying himself for a verbal sparring. Kai would be willing to humor him for a while, as he had done, since Gaillard's visit usually promised a cardfight of high quality afterwards. But then Ren pushed against Kai's door handle, and Kai kept his mouth shut. The presence of this third party ( he who tends to know too much) had put a damper on his willingness to be openly rude.

Kai would sooner unlock his door with dormant psychic powers than convince Ren to cease. As he and Gaillard stood in the awkward silence with nothing to do, Kai decided to experiment with hospitality. He reached into the grocery bag he was carrying and took out a carton of milk that would otherwise be sacrificed to the afternoon heat.

"Want a drink?" He asked, gesturing the milk at Gaillard.

"Are you trying to be funny?" Gaillard snapped at him.

"How?" Kai honestly had no idea what he was supposed to be doing.

"By implying that I'm a growing boy who needs his milk," Gaillard said, "I'd say, you're the growing boy around here. One who probably gets a kick out of forcing his milk-like substance on other people."

"What milk-like substance?"

"Semen."

A normal boy would be embarrassed by saying that to his adversary, but Gaillard stood firm and looked expectantly at Kai. Kai needed to buy some time to think about what to say next, lest he give the impression that Gaillard had succeeded in silencing him. He took a sip of the actual milk in his hand.

"Not today," he finally said.

The clicking sound of Kai's door being unlocked reminded them that they were in public. "Yahoo, I did it," Ren announced, waving his card about for emphasis. Upon closer examination, Kai noticed that it was actually a Vanguard card.

"Oh, this is my actual credit card. My entire deck is insured for five times the amount in it." Ren explained.

Kai ought to know better, but he couldn't stop his brain from instinctively striving to process what Ren had just said. With his mind occupied, he didn't think twice to catch when Ren tossed him the Vanguard-credit card. Gaillard took the opportunity to grab his grocery bag and pocket Kai's wallet, along with his keys. In the next moment, Ren and Gaillard were indoors and Kai was left locked out of his own apartment.

"Kai, don't worry!" Ren said from the other side of the door. "I know where your fridge is!"

Kai had to act fast. He looked down at the card he was holding and was about to slide it down the crevice in his door when he remembered that it contained money. He took out the phone he had left in his jacket's pocket, turned it on and scrolled for the number of the locksmith that Miwa had saved in it.

"Hello," he said. "Do you accept payment by credit card?"

In the middle of explaining the situation, he could hear Ren whispering to Gaillard: "See, I told you that he can use a Smartphone!"

A/N: When I write crack in this vein, it is chiefly because I answered 'no' to these questions: "Would I encounter a passage like this in any other fic or fictional work?" and "Would the crack in this passage still hold up if I were writing about a different ship in the same context?" Anyhow, I shall strive to be more insightful tomorrow.