As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. ~Emmanuel

Chapter 3

(Bella's POV)

I can't remember when the last time was that I had that much fun like yesterday. After the little talk I had with Kathleen, we immediately ordered some food, because she was starving. Our conversation were much more light hearted, which I was really happy about after we had cried so much before. It actually felt as if nothing has happened the past year, as if I was still the same old Bella and Kathleen was still the same as always.

And I missed her. I missed her so much.

All this time I was longing for her support and her ability to make me laugh at times I rather feel like crying. I can say it was harder to go through all of this without her. Yes I did have my parents, Meredith and even her boyfriend Jamie, but I needed Kathleen. I needed my twin sister, who was my other half. We're indentical twin sisters and the only thing that really differents us are our personalities. I am shy, clumsy, awkward and stubborn at time. She was self confident, outgoing, loud and open minded. Though she did have her stubborn days or even months.

''So do you mind if I go out with Kimmie today? She wanted to go shopping for a prom dress.'' Kathleen told me after she had looked up from her magazine. We were both lying on my bed.

''Not at all. I actually wanted to search for one too, but it's okay Mer offered to go with me.'' I told her. She let out a chuckle.

''Bells we had our prom and you didn't go remember?'' Kathleen reminded me with a giggle. I rolled my eyes.

''I know Kathy. I actually wanted to go to the prom in Forks.'' I replied. Her mouth dropped open.

''Forks? Are you sure? You're not feeling alright?'' Kathleen said and sat up. She put a hand on my forehead to check my temparture.

''No I'm fine and I was being serious. I need to.. sort out a few things.'' I told her and moved her hand away. She raised her eyebrows.

''Sort out what? Don't say you want to get back with Eddie boy.'' Kathleen moaned as she let herself fall back into my bed.

''Well you're close. I don't want to get back together, I just want to explain why I left him.'' I answered.

''Why you left him? You didn't tell him the truth?'' Kathleen asked astonished.

I shook my head. ''No I didn't...''

''But...'' Kathleen paused. '' If you didn't tell him the truth about your cancer, then what did you tell him?'' she asked confused.

''I told him that I wasn't in love with him anymore and that mom decided to move back to Arizona. And that I couldn't have a long-distance relationship with him.'' I said guilty.

''More details Bella.'' Kathleen whined.

To lie to Edward had to be one of the worst things that ever happened in my life. Or that I ever did. His heart wrenched face was still burned in the back of my mind and I could never forget the day..

Flashback

After my last period, I walked out of the school building and into the woods. I had told Edward, that I wanted to meet up with him after school and of course he agreed to it. He thought we would spend another regular afternoon together, but that was far from the truth. This would be the last time he'll get to see me for a very long time.

I was going to break up with him today.

Not because I didn't love him. I really did with all my heart and just the thought of leaving killed me, but I had to do it. I was diagnosed with cancer a month ago and it was only a week ago when my doctors told me that there is no chance to cure my cancer. They could give me more time by trying to shrink the cancer or it's growing with special treatments, but they couldn't prevent me from dying.

I know exactly how Edward would react if he find out I have cancer. He would drop everything he has. Literally. He will stop going to school and won't concentrate on other important things. He will only care about me and while the thought is heart warming I couldn't let that happen. I don't want him to destroy his own future and life because of me. I was already going to destroy the lfies of my family, since they already worry way too much.

It wasn't long before I could spot Edward. He had his hands in his pockets and a huge smile was on his face. Oh boy this was going to be harder than I thought.

''Hey my love.'' Edward said as he approached me. He wanted to give me a kiss, but I pushed him away.

''What is wrong?'' He said very confused. I sighed and put up a stern face expression.

''Edward I can't do this any longer.'' I told him. I wasn't looking at him. I couldn't look at him.

''Wh-at d-do you m-ean?'' Edward stuttered. He still had no idea.

''I'm..'' I took in a deep breath. '' I'm not in love with you anymore Edward.''

Edward's lips were formed into a straight line and I could see the pain in his eyes.

''No you're lying.'' He stated painfully.

''No I'm not Edward. I. Am. Not. In. Love. With. You.'' I said slowly, word for word. He shook his head rapidly.

''I know it's not the truth! Bella don't lie to me, you're a terrible liar. What is it that you don't wanna tell me huh?'' Edward said angrily. It was now starting to rain.

''I'm not lying Edward. I know you don't want to believe it, but it's the truth. And I'm moving away with my family.'' I added.

''So that is the reason? You're moving away? I can come with you.'' He said more relieved.

''I don't want you to come with me Edward. And I can't have a long distance relatiionship either. I'm sorry.'' I said. I had to swallow several times to be able to breath again. This was killing me.

I wanted to scream 'Forget what I said, I love you so much Edward' and tell him the truth about my cancer.

''So that's it? You're throwing everything away we had? Every kiss, moment and the loved we shared?'' Edward questioned. We were both completey wet because of the rain now, and the rain drops were streaming down his face or maybe he was crying. I couldn't tell.

''Yes I am. I'm sorry.'' I said one last time, before I turned around and walked away. No I ran away. I was crying now and a part of me wanted to ran back into his arms.

End of Flashback

''Wooow, poor Edward.'' Kathleen said pitiful.

''Don't make me feel even more guilty.'' I groaned.

''It's okay you had your reason. I even think that I would have done the same Bells.'' Kathleen said softly. I moved closer to her and she pulled me into a hug.

''I miss him so much.'' I whispered.

''You know what? I'll come with you. Let's go to the glorious Forks prom!'' Kathleen said happily, trying to light up my mood. I chuckled.

''Let's go to Forks prom.'' I agreed with a smile.

While Kathleen called Kim and informed her about everything, I made my way downstairs and told my parents what we're gonna do. To say they were surprised was an understatement. They were shocked and didn't say anything for a few moments. Of course my mom insisted to accompany us and I didn't argue. She was the better driver anyways and I didn't want to deny her again. She couldn't come to the hospital and I know how much that killed her.

After my parents and I talked everything through, I went back to my room where Kathleen already picked out some clothes for me. We quickly got dressed and went to meet Kim who was waiting for us in front of a shop. We went inside and searched for some 'cute' prom dresses and I wanted to find the perfect one. It would be my last prom, so I wanted to look the best. Fortunately I found the perfect dress and so did Kathleen and Kim.

We arrived home and my mom already booked us a flight and packed everything we needed. I noticed she didn't bring as much medical equipment as usual, which surprised me but I decided not to ask her. We said goodbye to our family and made our way to Forks, where we would stay the night at our old home in forks. I have to say it was amazing to be in Forks again, our home town. Yes, we weren't born in Forks, though we spent our childhood and teenagehood there and I enjoyed every moment. Kat and I shared a room together, because neither of us could sleep.

The next morning arrived and we were so excited that we even skipped breakfast just to get ready. We still had a few more hours to go, but we didn't care. Our mom did our hair and Kathleen did her and my make up. I was really surprised how good I looked as I saw the end product. And Kat wasn't any less beautiful.

''Let's go girls. Prom starts soon!'' Mom shouted from downstairs. Kathleen quickly put on some more lipstick and walked downstairs. I checked if I had put in the letter for Edward and then walked down.

''Ahh I'm so excited! Are we even allowed to go to prom when we're not students?'' Kathleen asked.

I shrugged. ''Not sure, but they know us since it's only been a year and I don't see why it should be a problem.''

''Oh I talked to the principal just in case and he is totally fine with it.'' Mom said with a grin.

''Thanks mom.'' Both Kathleen and I said in union.

We laughed, got into the car and made our way to Fork Washington High School where I would soon meet the love of my life. I didn't hesitate and got out of the car as soon as we arrived. Prom already started, so I made my way inside where I searched for Edward. I couldn't spot him at first, but then saw him dancing with Tanya.

He looked happy. She was laughing in his arms and he was twirling her around the dancefloor. I smiled. This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to move on and life a happy life and that was what he was doing.

I walked towards then and Edward's mouth fell open as he saw me. He looked as if he couldn't believe who was standing right in front of his eyes. He looked shocked and happy at the same time, but his face became very angry after awhile.

''Oh look who decided to return.'' He said through gritted teeth. Try and act as if it didn't hurt Bella.

''Look I just want to talk to you for a minute, please..'' I told him.

''And I don't want to talk to you. Not even for a second.'' Edward hissed. A wave of pain shot through my body. His words were poison. He has never talked to me this cold and cruel before, but I guess I deserve it.

''Please Edward. I know you don't want to, but I wouldn't be here if it isn't urgend.'' I said and tride to hide the pleading undertone. He chuckeld. It wasn't a light chuckle.

''I don't care. And I'd be really grateful if you could leave now.'' Edward said coldly. The letter was in my hands and I was about to give it to him, but his look was too hateful.

''I'm sorry.'' Was all I was able to say, before I broke down into tears and walked away. I could see Kathleen staring after me, but I headed straight for Jasper and Alice.

''Bella? Is that you?'' Alice asked surprised.

''Yes it's me. Could you please give this letter to Edward? He.. he doesn't want to talk to me and I understand that. But please you two, I can't leave this world without him knowing the truth.'' I sobbed. I handed them the letter, but both were confused.

''What are you talking about Bella? Leave this world? And what truth?'' She asked confused.

''I have cancer. Since a year. And I only have little time before I die. It was the reason I left, Alice. Please, give him the letter.'' I said. She took the letter and before she could say anything, I ran outside.

(Edward' POV)

Bella. She was here. I saw her beautiful face again that in the end was covered with tears. Tears that I was the reason for. But why did she came? To tell me she got bored of her life and how she regrets leaving me? Did she reconsider that our love wasn't as bad as she thought?

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how cold I was towards her. I never believed I could talk to her this way, but I wasn't going to let her hurt me again. To be angry was the only way I could control my other feelings. As in being hurt. I knew I would have broken down if I had actually talked to her.

''Come on Edward dance with me. Don't let her ruin our night..'' Tanya told me, as she tugged on my arm. I wasn't looking at her, I was still staring after Bella.

I shook my head. Tanya was right. I wasn't going to let Bella destroy my prom night. I can't let her have the power. Not again. Not after she killed me by leaving.

''You're right I'm sorry.'' I told Tanya and gave her a kiss on her forehead. A smile spread across her lips.

We started walking towards the dancefloor and began to dance. And again I had to compare Tanya to Bella. Tanya was much more confident and secure when she was dancing with me. Bella used to be clumsy, but I loved it. It gave me the oppurtunity to hold her tighter and closer to me. What am I thinking. I'm dancing with Tanya. Not Bella.

''So.. do you have any plans for tonight?' Tanya asked me. Her finger trailed down my chest.

''We could go out for dinner or go to mine.'' I said shrugging.

''Mmhhh.. I like the sound of Option 2.'' She said and smirked up at me.

I couldn't answer her, because Bella's sister Kathleen caught my attention. She was dancing with Jacob a few meters away from us. That wasn't all too surprising, since she had a crush on him for years. She shot me evil glares all over the room, but there was also sadness in her eyes. I know Bella is her twin sister and that she cares for her, but was she seriously expecting me to welcome Bella with open arms after everything?

''Edward don't think too much about her. She left you not vise versa remember?'' Tanya reminded me. I looked down at her and saw her staring up at me.

I sighed. ''I know. It's just.. I didn't expect to see her ever see her again. She made it clear that she won't return.''

''But why does it bother you so much? I thought you moved onn.'' Tanya said with raised eyebrows.

''And I did. But she was still a huge part of my life Tanya. You can't expect me to forget her just like that.'' I answered her and broke the stare.

''I don't expect that from you Edward. I just don't want her to hurt you again.'' Tanya whispered and held tighter on my shoulders.

''She won't hurt me again Tanya, don't worry.'' I reassured her.

''I saw how you looked at her Edward. That was more than the look you'd give an ex-lover.'' Tanya stated.

''Tanya.. I loved her.'' I told her. I could see the pain in her eyes.

''And..'' She breathed. ''... you still love her.''

That wasn't a question. She stated it. And she was right. I still love Bella, I will always love her. No matter how much she hurted me, no matter what she will ever do. I will always love her and no girl can change that. Which still doesn't mean I didn't love Tanya. I do love her, but the truth is my love for Bella is stronger and Tanya knew it.

''Yes.'' I paused. ''I still love her. But I also love you Tanya.'' I told her. A small smile spread across her face.

''I know you do Edward, but..-'' Tanya was cut off my the voice of my sister Alice.

''Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!'' Alice yelled from across the dancefloor. She was marching over to me and I gotta admit, she did look pretty scary.

''What do you want Alice.'' I said slightly annoyed. Tanya pulled away from me, but I wrapped an arm around her before she could go away.

''Did you just tell Bella to leave?! Without even taking the letter she wrote for you?!'' Alice hissed at me.

''Err yeah I did?'' I questioned a little taken aback. Why was she so angry?

''And you're not curious why she mad the effort to come all the way from Florida to Forks just to give you the letter in person?'' Alice asked with a stern look.

''I don't know Alice, just spit it out.'' I told her.

''She is sick Edward. She's really really sick. And she's is dying, but before that she wanted to explain everything to you and you just sent her away.'' Alice scolded me, pretty pissed out.

She is what?! Bella is dying?! No No No No No. She can't be dying. She can't leave this world. She's simply not.

''I'm sure this is an misunderstanding Alice. She can't be dying.'' I said with a fierced look. Tanya squeezed my hand tightly. She was also looking pretty shocked.

''No it's not Edward. She is dying.'' Alice said and her voice broke. Tears started to make their way down her cheeck. Jasper was at her side in a matter of seconds.

''She's telling the truth Edward. And she really wanted you to read this letter.'' Jasper said sadly, handing me the letter from Bella.

I couldn't believe what both of them were saying and I didn't want to. This was a thousand times worse than the day Bella broke up with me. And I couldn't order in the feelings that hit me all at once. With shaking hands, I took the letter out of his hands, dropped Tanya's hand and made my way outside. I walked a bit further until I found a bench to sit on. I slowly opened the letter.

Dear Edward,

I know you must be surprised that I wrote you a letter or that I even came to Forks to see you one last time. I intended to tell you everything personal, but in case that goes wrong I decided to write it in form of a letter and I truly hope that you will understand everything.

I will not try and beg you for forgivness, because you can decide whether you'll forgive or or not after reading this. What I want to say is, I know you're mad at me for leaving you last year, for breaking apart everything we had. And yes I am sorry for that.

For destroying our forever.

Because I did enjoy it. No. I loved it Edward. I really really loved it and I guess you won't believe me, but I did. You are the first I guy I loved with all my heart, you were and still are my world Edward. I didn't leave you because I didn't love you. I left you, because I didn't want to hurt you.

I left you because I have cancer.

To be specific : acute lymphoblastic leukemia. And this cancer is killing me. Not sure if you're reading this before or after my death, but it doesn't matter. Edward.. I didn't want you to suffer. I knew you'd probably drop everything and I didn't want that. I didn't want to destroy another life. You had the right to live a happy life and I wasn't going to take the happines away from you just because fate is against me.

Don't every think that leaving you was easy. It was the most terrible and heart breaking thing I've ever done in my life. Heck even dying is easier. When I saw the look on your face after I told you I was going to leave you.. it killed me from the inside out. I was a step away from telling you the truth. The selfish me was screaming to tell you the truth, but selfess Bella won in the end.

Just think about it Edward, I guess after you moved on you had a happy life again. You lived Edward and I saved you, while I couldn't save my family. They were fighting all the time, they were breaking apart just because of me. And I couldn't bear it.

But you weren't the only one I left Edward. I also left our daughter behind. Yes our daughter.. I was 4 month pregnant with her when I was diagnosed and when the doctors told me that my cancer isn't curable. I didn't want to start raising her, when I was about to die in a few month.

It wasn't fair.

Why I didn't tell you? If I had told you, then you would have asked me why I wanted to give her up. Yes you wanted to have children, but you always told me how you wanted them far far in the future and not as a 17 year old teenager. Your parents brought so much effort in your education and so did you. A child would have destroyed it. Plus, I knew you would know of her when she's still a baby, since I only had a few more month to live and I was going to tell you.

It is your choice. I don't want to pressure you in adopting her, but she is your daughter. And I can't change the fact.

Her name is Valerie Faith, which means strong and faithful. And I'm sure that's what she's going to be. If you decide to take her, then please can you give her my letter? I gave them to Kathleen and she will give them to you, if you decide so.

I wish you could hold me in my last hours. To tell me stories about heaven and how I'd peacefully live after my death. How we would meet again when the time has come.

I know what you're asking yourself. You need to know if I fought against the cancer. And I did Edward. I did until a month ago, when my death was offically signed. Now I wanted you to know it.

I wanted you to know that I loved you with everything I had Edward and I will always love you.

Always and Forever.

Forever Yours,

Isabella Marie Swan.

I couldn't supress the heart wrenching tears that were now streaming down my face. She loved me. And she was dying. My Bella way dying. The one I loved and still love after everything. After she broke up with me, after she took my heart with her. She told me to move on and I did.

I moved on.

I continued high school and just gratuated. I fell in love again with Tanya, but I never loved her the way I love Bella. I could never love anyone the way I love Bella. Our love was special and it will forever have a special place in my heart. My heart that was shattered by her.

I wanted to scream at the letter and tell her to stay. To stay with me.

I held the letter even tighter. ''I love you Bella. I love you so much.'' I sobbed.

And I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I rejected her today, when she was about to tell me everything in person. I didn't even let her speak, even though I wanted to, but I was too angry. All the emotions I've surpressed all these years were finally coming out as I saw her again. I didn't know what she wanted to tell me. I didn't know.

I would have let her speak . I would have held her in my arms and tell her that I still love her. I would have kissed her warm and soft lips, and tell her that I'd be there until her last breath.

My wet eyes flew over the text again and I couldn't bear it. Her words were like a sharp knife that was stabbing me over and over again. It felt as if my heart was bleeding from the inside out.

I was dying with her. The pain of loosing her forever was killing me. It hit me like a thousand trucks at once. And I couldn't handle it. I couldn't let her die without apologising. Without telling her that I love her.

And with that I stood up and ran as fast as I could through the pouring rain towards my car.

I know the first half may seem a little rushed or even the story, but keep in mind that this is a short story. It was suppose to be a one shot, but I had a few more ideas and couldn't fit it in one single one shot. So how do you feel? Do you think Edward will make it to Bella before it's too late? Or will he arrive when it is already too late? Hope you all like the chapter. In the meantime please review! :)