"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Chapter 4 - Let go.

Now that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would take me a lot to step in front him, face him and explain everything and even though I expected him not to listen, I still hoped he would. Hoped he would hear me out, so I could tell him the reason I left. I wish I could have told him how much I love him for one more time. But I couldn't. My last hope were Alice and Jasper, I handed them my letter and who knows maybe he'll read it.

''Bella wait up!'' I heard someone shouting behind me. I was now outside of the school and on my way home. Someone grabbed my arm and I turned around to face Jacob.

''Oh hey Jake.'' I gave him a genuine smile. He seemed as if he wanted to return the smile, but couldn't for some reason.

''Is it..'' He took in a breath. ''Is it true? About your cancer?'' Jake asked me with a frown on his face.

''Sadly it is, but please don't pity me. That's the least I want right now.'' I sighed, wrapping my arms around my own body. It's starting to get cold.

''I wasn't going to. I know it sucks when people tell you how much they're sorry. Even thoughI wasn't the one dying, my mother died and I remember how much I hated to see the pitiful looks on all their faces.'' Jake said with an understanding look on his face.

''I can't help but to say I'm sorry for your loss. I never knew she was dead...'' I started, but he interrupted me.

''Lemme guess, you thought she abondanded us by leaving with her new husband?'' Jake said and as he let out a small chuckle.

''Errr... yeah? I'm sorry.. I knew I shouldn't have listened to the rumors, but you never mentioned her.'' I apologised and I meant it.

Me and Jake used to be good friends before I left, but as we moved our friendship fell apart which I was really depressed about. He used to be there for me all the time, when ever I needed to talk to someone outside of the family, he was there in a second. Jake gives, in my opinion, the best advices ever. He understands someone and doesn't judge, before he knows the whole reason. And even when he knows it, he rarely judges.

''I know, I wasn't really ready for it before, though I did want to tell you last year but then as I was making my way to your house, I just heard The Swans moved.'' Jake told me. He tried to shrug it off, but I saw the hurtful expresion.

''I- I'm sorry Jake. I just didn't know what to do and didn't want anyone to find out about it.'' I replied to him as I put one hand of mine onto his arm. He gave me a smile.

''It's okay Bells. I knew you had your reasons. Besides.. I missed all of you. Do you know how terribly boring this city is without all of you?'' Jake chuckled as he lightened up the mood. I couldn't help but smile.

''We missed you too Jake, especially my sister.'' I smirked and playfully punched his arm.

''Oh yeah I'm so glad she's back.'' Jake muttered under his breath. His eyes were glowing and just to see that was making me incredibly happy.

''And I'm glad she has you. Please make her happy when I'm gone.'' I told him. My voice was barely a whisper.

''Bella...'' Jake said.

''Jake, please.'' I said and ended our conversation by hugging him.

''I wish I could spend more time with you.'' Jake whispered as he hugged me tighter.

I smiled over his shoulder. ''I'll always be here and watch you.''

''You better do so.'' Jake chuckled.

I didn't want to pull apart from him, but I had to go. There was still one person I had to meet and I don't even know if she's is still in Forks or not. If I could only see my baby girl for one last time. I think I'd be ready to die then. As I slowly pulled apart from Jake, I saw how Emmett was watching after me with a pained expression. Rosalie who had a blanked expression was standing next to him. Should I go back and talk to them? I would, if I had more time.

I didn't tell anyone, but I know that I have a very short amount of time. And when I say very short, I mean it. Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night, because my whole body was in pain. I didn't scream, because I couldn't bear neither my mom or Kathleen to see my like this. To see me this weak and dead. Fortunately I made it out of my room and I tip toed to the backyard where I just lay down. My doctors always asked me to discribe my pain from a skala from 1 to 10, where 10 is the worst and honestly the pain I felt yesterday was a 11. I was on the edge of waking my mom up, but couldn't. Everything was going sort of well again, I haven't seem them smile so often, so I wasn't going to destory that.

''I gotta go Jake.'' I told him and slowly pulled apart from his warm body. I had no idea how he could be warm when he was barely wearing anything.

''Where are you going?''

''I'm going to see my daughter.'' I said and without looking back again, I quickly walked to my mom's car and hopped in. I knew she was still somewhere here, but I also had an extra key for her car. Plus I know she'd be mad if she knows I'm driving on my own.

I did exactly know the way to the Orphanage, since I've walked past by it a lot of times in my teenage years. Mostly alone and I always used to feel very sad for the children in the Orphange who had no parents anymore. I even saw a couple that gave their child away and what did I do? Judged them. And what did I do? Gave my child away.

I know there's only a little chance that Valerie will be there. She must be around one year now so either way she was adopted or she's still here, but since most couples search for babies and Valerie was and still is a baby, people must have adopted her. Even if they did, I will find her.

I stopped the car, by turning the keys and stayed in the car for a while. Some kids were outside playing with a middle aged woman, but I could see there were a few children inside. Taking a deep breath, I opened the car door and stepped outside, making my way to the Orphanage. As I reached it, the middle aged woman came to me.

"Good Afternoon, can I help you?" She asked politely.

"Uhm.. I was wondering if a little girl called Valerie is still here? She is around one year." I told her nervously, rubbing my finger knuckles.

The woman raised her eyebrows. "Yes she is. But can I ask why you want to know that?"

"I am her mother and gave her away right after I gave birth due to my cancer. And now my last wish is to see her one last time." I said slowly, looking the woman straight in the eye.

She gasped. "You must be Bella then! Mrs. Leyton said I should call her when you arrive." she said hastily and rushed inside.

Not knowing if I should follow her inside or not, I just stayed outside and hoped she would come out soon. It was cold and I didn't have a jacket on, plus I had the feeling it's gonna rain any second.

"Isabella! It's great to see you again!" Mrs. Leyton said with a smile as she came out with a baby on her hip.

My baby girl.

Valerie had beautiful brown curls that reached until her ears. Her face feautures were pretty much the same as Edward's, the only thing she inherited from me were probably my eyes and nose.

I put my hand over my mouth as I tried to grasp my shockness, tears threatening to prick my eyes. My daughter. You know they say motherhood is a natural instinct, but even if it was not, I dont think no amount of teaching would prepare me for this moment. I have truly loved her and enjoyed the 9 month that I was able to carry her, able to protect her.

''She grew up quite a bit didn't she?'' Mrs. Leyton said grinning down at her. Valerie gave her an adorable baby smile that made my heart melt. Oh if I could only see for a longer time. I should have come earlier.

''Indeed she did and she is so beautiful...'' I replied awestruck as I continued to stare at her. ''And I take no one has adopted her?'' I asked, but more stated it, since it was obvious.

Saying it out loud made my heart ache, no one wanted her. I had hoped someone who wished for a child, would find their happiness and Valerie would find hers. Instead she is still in the Orphanage.

''Not until a week ago no. Your sister Kathleen called and said she wants to adopt Valerie, but she's watiting for her father's response if he wants to adopt her or not.'' Mrs. Leyton informed me, as Valerie played with her hair.

My sister wants to adopt my baby? Kathleen? The one in the family that never liked children and who wasn't really into the idea of having kids in the future, wants to adopt when she's still a teenager. Yet again, I would probably do the same if the roles were switched. I'd do everything to make my sister happy and couldn't bear the fact that her baby wasn't in the care of our family. But still I couldn't believe she did it. This way I didn't have to worry about my baby girl anymore. She'd be safe and sound. Though since when is Edward considering to adopt Valerie? He doesn't even know about her existence.

''Are you sure she said her father wants to adopt her?'' I asked slightly confused. She nodded, also confused.

''Yes that's what she said. Are you not fine with it?'' Mrs. Leyton asked.

''No I'm more than fine with it. He is her father and I'd be thrilled if he adopts her. Though I never told him about her.'' I answered.

''Ahh I see. I guess you're sister is then trying to convince Valerie's father. But I am sure he will decide for it, once he sees her. I mean who can deny this little angel?'' She chuckled. I smiled.

''Can I hold her?'' I asked.

''Of course! Here.'' Mrs. Leyton said, walkin up to closer to me. I gently pulled Valerie out of her arms and meanwhile I expected her to start crying, because a stranger just took her into her arms, she did the exact opposite and grinned up at me.

I finally let my tears make their way down my cheecks. There were happy tears. I was holding my daughter who was smiling at me. It was as if we were never seperated.

''Hey there pretty girl.'' I said, brushing over her forehead with my lips. She gave me a delight giggle in response.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my muscles started to get weak. I screamed out in pain and my grib on Valerie started to loose. Mrs. Leyton quickly rushed to us and took Valerie out of my arms, before she could falll to the ground.

''Bella are you alright?'' Mrs. Leyton asked concerned, as she tried to calm the crying baby in her arms.

I was not able to answer her. The pain that washed over my body was way too intense to say anything. I had no control over my body and fell to the ground. My head crashed on the ground and I felt the darkness slowly come over me. I couldn't fight it anymore, it was over and I was ready.

I may have left this earth as a person, but I will forever watch over those I once loved.

And I would finally find my peace now.

Chapter preview:

Edward's POV

I couldn't stop looking at her gravestone. She was dead and lying under us. Or maybe she already travelled to heaven and is looking upon us. Yes, she's watching us. Tha'ts what Bella would do. Care and look out for the ones she loves. She will never be forgotten by anybody. I'll make sure of it.

So sorry for the long wait! I actually have no excuse for it. I didn't want this chapter to be sad since the next one is alreay killing me. The next chapter will be in Edward's POV and the Epilogue will be in Edward and Valerie's POV. Thank you for sticking around and I hope you liked the chapter? Reviews are much appreciated!