12—knowledge

Once the scars of the first burns had faded away, the knowledge that Gaillard hated Kai proved to be a relief for Kai. The only thing that Kai hated about his enemies was when he couldn't see them. Other than that, he accepted that they exist for someone—him, or someone stronger—to put in their place.

The space between defeat and victory though, remained as ambiguous as ever. Whenever and wherever Kai went to have his wounds treated, it was as if he had to keep going through the process of explaining to the world that he was a loser. Yes, he would tell the baffled or bored doctors, he too had thought that sustaining nerve damage without superficial damage was impossible.

People still hurt on the moon. What Gaillard would never tell Kai Toshiki was that his conviction in his bluish flames did not extend to the knowledge of its first spark. Not that he would ever deign to have a conversation that would make him vulnerable to the traitor of their world.

'You don't know shit about him,' his conscience hissed at him the second time he played a hand in stepping on Kai Toshiki's feelings.

'You think your hatred of the ignoble makes you noble. But when you hate, you can't let go. This is your connection to him on Earth.'

Shit. Their base on the moon was too bare and the structures were too tall, and Gaillard could not help but be assaulted with useless truths whenever he was caught in a shadow. It was easier when he could just do good things, and convince himself that he was a good man.

He would never admit it.

Gaillard's literal blow was not as bracing as the one which he landed in words. Kai put into practice what he had learnt ever since he stopped going solo, which was to treat each moment as an end in itself. The present was where they were, where they could not hide from each other.

Gaillard was unraveling, and all Kai had to do was stay where he was to understand him.

Kai Toshiki, I'm suffering because of you—

Kai already knew this. What else was Gaillard trying to tell him?

I'm suffering because of you—

Suffering could be addictive when you think that your pain is unique. If Gaillard wanted to preserve that delusion as Kai once did, he wouldn't be forcing Kai to understand.

I'm suffering—

'Me too,' Kai replied, in his mind.

Kai could barely believe the things he said; the things that he was implying to Gaillard.

It's okay to hate me later. When you're done with restraining that hatred. When you're done with hating yourself.

He had been allowing himself to form friendships through all his tribulations, but this was the first that he had allowed himself to be someone else's adversary.

That was a connection, nonetheless. Now he and Gaillard stood less apart.

When Gaillard faltered as he depleted his flames at a rapid pace, Kai took the initiative to come closer and support him. The natural way in which he did it was a revelation to Gaillard.

"You must think I'm weak, don't you?" Gaillard said, just being rude to save face.

"No," Kai replied, "I only do this for the strong."

A/N: The deeper I get into the Semester, the less brain power I have to come up with linear plots. Anyhow, for those who have yet to check the Vanguard wiki, let me leave you with this tidbit from the summary of this week's episode re: GaiKai, "While both of them have different beliefs, the two of them share a connected fate."