Chapter 3: Winchester's clusters

A few days later BJ and Hawkeye were relaxing in the Swamp. There had been no let up from the sweltering sun and they had been playing games to try and take their minds of the heat.

In the meantime, Major Winchester was returning to the Swamp, having just taken a shower. As he walked across the compound a movement on the outskirts of the camp caught his eye. For a moment, he thought he saw a deer that looked like Bambi.

He stopped in his tracks and squinted across the compound but the creature seemed to have mysteriously disappeared again. Winchester dismissed the sighting as just his imagination playing tricks with his mind.

He entered the Swamp and proceeded to get dressed. He pulled on his shirt over his t-shirt, not bothering to button it up as it was so hot. It was at that point that he noticed his Major's clusters were missing. He glared accusingly at his fellow swampees, who were uncharacteristically quiet and looked as guilty as hell!

"Okay," he said, eying the surgeons up sceptically. "Hand them over!"

The duo looked innocently at each other and shrugged their shoulders as if they didn't know what the Major was referring to.

"Just give me back the clusters and we'll say no more about it," warned Winchester, the tone of his voice going up a notch as he tried to keep hold of his temper.

BJ turned to Hawkeye with a questioning look on his face.

"Have you seen Charles's clusters, Hawk?" he asked.

"Well," replied Hawkeye, with a wicked glint in his eye. "Not since we swiped his towel and bathrobe from the Showers and he had to do a 50 yard streak across the compound back to the tent!"

BJ exploded into a fit of the giggles.

"Yes, very funny," snorted Winchester, impatiently. "I'm bowled over by your supreme wit and childish humour. Now give me my clusters!" he added through gritted teeth.

"Well … the truth is … Charles," said BJ slowly. "We seem to have … misplaced them."

"You see," explained Hawkeye, "we were playing "Hunt the Thimble" – except we didn't have a thimble …"

"… so we borrowed your clusters ..." interjected BJ.

"It was my turn to hide them," admitted Hawkeye. "But we got distracted and now I can't remember where I hid them."

Winchester looked disapprovingly at the martini still and the empty glasses. It didn't take a genius to work out what had distracted them. Although they weren't quite three sheets to the wind, they were definitely on the way to becoming decidedly tipsy!

"You … you … imbeciles!" he finally seethed.

Luckily for the guys, the Major's outburst was interrupted by an announcement on the tannoy.

"Attention all personnel. Attention all personnel. Casualties in the compound. All abled bodies report on the double."

Hawkeye and BJ sobered up quicker than two drunks in a monastery! Winchester had a quick look around for his clusters, feeling slightly undressed without them. Not being able to find them, he made his way out to the triage area.

For a fleeting second he was sure he saw Bambi again, this time standing by the stables. He was momentarily distracted as he did a double-take to see if he had just imagined it. But again the deer seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Colonel Potter and Major Houlihan, had already started triage. Potter bellowed irritably at Winchester as he saw him gazing into the distance.

"Whenever you're ready, Major," he said sarcastically. "Unless of course you've got something better to do!"

Winchester snapped out of his daydream, as the sound of the Colonel's voice brought him back to reality. He bent down to examine the nearest patient, who was sitting down on the ground with a leg injury. Winchester flinched as he realised the casualty was North Korean. He was just about to voice his concerns to Colonel Potter, when the soldier suddenly produced a pistol and pointed it at the Major.

A few of the nurses nearby screamed in fright and for a moment the whole triage party came to a standstill. The Korean had struggled to his feet as he kept Winchester in his sights.

"What do you intend to do with that my good man?" asked Winchester, in a nervous voice. He wasn't sure if the soldier understood what he said, but he thought it wouldn't do any harm to try and reason with him.

"I intend to shoot the first officer I see," came back the chilling reply, in broken English.

Winchester instinctively touched the collar of his shirt and then sighed in relief as he remembered he wasn't wearing his clusters. He stared anxiously back at the soldier, who was clearly in a lot of pain from the effort of standing up on his bad leg. He was swaying unsteadily and the loss of blood from his injury was making him feel light-headed and disorientated.

Klinger, who just happened to be on guard duty before they were overrun with casualties, quickly over-powered him. He came up behind the Korean and bashed him with his white shoulder handbag. The soldier toppled over as his leg gave way and he dropped the gun as he fell. A corpsman quickly picked it up.

As the soldier looked up, he wondered if he was dreaming, as he saw Klinger standing over him, rifle in hand with a white floppy sun hat on his head. He was dressed in a knee-length, white pleated dress with a big blue flower print all over it. He had stylishly accessorised the dress with a bullet belt around his waist and a pair of white pumps on his feet.

"Good work, Klinger," said Colonel Potter, not at all perturbed to see his corporal wearing a dress. Everyone in camp knew Klinger was bucking for a Section 8! A couple of MPs came over and took the North Korean into custody until a doctor could look at his injuries.

Winchester had paled significantly as the shock of what just happened began to sink in. He was visibly shaking and even Hawkeye and BJ felt sorry for him.

"Looks like we did you a favour, Charles," said Hawkeye. "I reckon you would have been a gonner if you'd been wearing your clusters!"

The Major was only half listening to Hawkeye, as he spotted Bambi ambling back out of camp again. He closed his eyes and shook his head, still convinced that he was just a figment of his imagination. When he opened them again the creature had gone.

"What's up, Charles?" asked BJ, following Winchester's steadfast gaze across the road. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I thought I saw … no, I couldn't have done … must be the heat," mumbled Winchester, a puzzled look on his face.

"Saw what?" probed Hawkeye.

"Bambi!" blurted out Winchester. "But I couldn't have done – could have I?"

If it hadn't been for the complete look of bewilderment on his face, the others would have found the statement highly amusing.

"Well, there must be more than one deer out there," reasoned Potter.

"But how many have got a bald patch on their hind leg?" pondered Winchester.

Everyone looked pretty stumped as the question was left unanswered and remained hanging eerily in the air.