Hi! So last week I have: started the holidays, gone paragliding and partied enough. I'm back again, so we'll see how productive I am when I don't have school assignments hanging over my head. Something tells me that I'm going to eventually flinch out… But I'll try not to ;)

Disclaimer.

Chapter 20: Heartbreak dream

Emily PoV

As senses and sounds slowly crept into focus again, I felt a smile take over my face. My limbs were a bit sore after last night, and for good reasons. After we'd managed to row back to the dock, which I needed to do because Naomi was absolutely useless, we slipped into her room where we'd been since.

My departure today was clearly hanging over our heads as we touched and felt each other thoroughly last night. Almost like it was the last time. I was leaving for two whole weeks today.

My face was buried in her pillow, so the now familiar and still delicious smell of her was the first thing I noticed. I stretched as my eyes slowly got used to the light room. The duvet was barely on me, as I fell asleep suddenly and worn out.

I turned around and was met by the glorious look of her exposed back, a blanket covering her bottoms and down. She was laying on her stomach, facing away from me, sleeping soundly. Her crazy hair was scattered all over and there was a small scratch on her upper back I'd made while she did some amazing things to me. I bit my lip just by the thought of it. It was a pretty wild night - no one wanting it to end until we had to give in to sleep.

I hoisted myself up on my elbow and reached out a hand to soothe the scratch, letting my fingertips gently graze her soft and warm skin. They drifted down her spine, just feeling the contours of her back. She was truly beautiful. The most beautiful and wonderful girl I'd ever laid my eyes on, and I was so unbelievably lucky to be able to see her like this. I let my hands freely explore her strong back, sliding lazily up and down. A shift in her breathing told me she was at the brink of wakening. My hand palmed out flatly on the middle of her back as I leant down and softly kissed her shoulder blade.

"Don't go." I faintly heard from under her mop of hair. I breathed out heavily against her skin where my lips was still lingering.

"Stay." she turned her head to look up at me. I brushed some locks of hair away so I could see her magnificent eyes.

"Katie would kill me if I ditched them." I smiled strained at her, wanting to erase the tension of the obvious but still not being suave enough to hide what I was really feeling. I wanted to stay too. Her eyes fluttered closed as my hand lightly traced down her cheek.

"Do you have to go right this minute?" she asked, shifting closer to me.

"No, I can stay for a while longer." I whispered after checking the clock on the nightstand. Her hand reached out to grab behind my neck and drag my face to hers.

"Good, 'cause I have plans for you."

I kissed up her stomach and over her heaving chest, ending my travel on her mouth where I kissed her deeply. Her hands was lightly resting on my back, still twitching and trembling from the orgasm. I loved seeing her like this, loved making her feel like this.

The time was dragging towards the afternoon and the end of our time together. I was leaving that night, as my family were opting for driving down to France, as usual.

After one last kiss to her swollen lips, I curled up into her side, resting my head on her chest while my hand was holding her close. I also dragged a blanket over us, just in case Gina decided to barge in on us today too. One of her hands snaked around me to caress my hair and shoulders.

"Wow." she says when she's found her breath again. I giggled, truly happy and satisfied. In all ways.

"Yeah, that's one word for it." I kissed her breast open mouthed. She tittered and pulled me closer with her hand, kissing my forehead and keeping her head close to it.

"I like that thing you do with your tongue…" I stated while biting my lip not to grin too much. I poked my pointy finger into her belly button while my hand was drifting by, teasing the smooth skin I found there. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

"That's…" she cleared her throat again, shifting her head slightly away from me to gaze into the ceiling, "nice to know." she finished.

"What do you like the best?" I asked, partly because I wanted to know so I could satisfy her properly but mostly because I sensed sex talk was making her embarrassed. And I loved an embarrassed Naomi, she was too cute.

"Do we have to talk about this?" she scrunched her face together.

"Come on, just say it." I poked her ribs.

"I like everything you do." she shrugged while her ears went red. She was looking for an easy route out.

"Nu-uh, you have to say what you like the most." I said with a smirk, drenching myself in the feeling that I could get the mighty Naomi to crumble under my words. To astonish and muzzle her.

"Fine, if I answer, can we change the subject?" she asked exasperated while glancing down at me.

"You got it." I winked at her. She laughed hollowly before biting her lip.

"I like it when you…" she took a break to seemingly save face "when you lay on top of me and put all your weight on me and just kiss me." she rushed out, her cheeks flushing. I smiled broadly, before rolling on top of her, making sure I was pressing firmly into her. I gazed into her eyes who was lighting up at my movement.

"Like this?" I whispered, just inches from her mouth.

"Exactly like this." she smiled before I leaned down and kissed her encompassing. She murmured into the kiss as her hands raked down my back to my arse, grabbing hold of it to pull me even further into her. I disconnected our lips with a loud smack.

"Why do you like this the best?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Nope, you said one question and that was it." she raised her eyebrows at me.

"Fine," I sighed rolling of her and situating myself in her side again. "What's your favorite color?"

"Random much?" she raised her eyebrows at me.

"We can go back to the last subject if you like." I suggested, but she quickly shook her head. I smirked. "Thought so, so I need to know some basic things about you." I said matter of factly. She laughed, like actually whole heartedly laughed, shaking with it.

"Why don't you read my autobiography since you're so formal about it."

"Don't say you've written one?" I deadpanned.

"No, but I will when I conquer the world," she smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, fine oh majesty. What's your favorite color?"

"Green actually, yours?"

"Red."

"Oh wow, I couldn't tell." her eyes shifted to my hair. I quickly swatted her stomach lightly.

"Favorite book?" I continued.

"Do you want my favorite, or my real favorite?" I shifted to look up at her face, leaning on both my elbows, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Uh, both of them."

"Okay, so my favorite is A Thousand Splendid Suns, but my real favorite is the Fault in our stars. And don't tell anyone that, because then I'd have to kill you." I giggled at her mock serious face.

"You're a closet romantic, aren't you?" I asked as I leaned in to kiss her cheek cutely.

"Nah, I just marvel in the tragic of love." she smirked. I rolled my eyes again. "How about you, what's your favorite?"

"The book thief." I said. She nodded approvingly.

"Favorite animal?" I asked.

"Tiger. And I mean my cat, and just her."

"Not even cats, just a cat?"

"What can I say, no one beats Tiger."

"Not even me?"

"No one!" she repeated with a strict and unserious look. I almost laughed at her. "So, your turn."

"I like … hippopotamuses." I nodded at her. She broke out in a roar of laughter.

"You're not serious!"

"I am!" I grinned. She just shook her head at me.

"You're so weird." she grinned even bigger than me. My face relaxed into a loving look as my eyes fleetingly darted down to her lips. Would I ever get enough of her? Would I ever grow tired of her? Maybe the biggest question was, would she?

"Who's the last person you slept with?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy, then purposefully looking down my body like I should indeed know the answer to it. "I mean before me, silly!" I laughed.

"Oh." she realized. "I don't actually remember his name, it was some random bloke back in Bristol." I tried to hide a smile.

"So you never slept with Cook? Or anyone else out here?"

"No, I did not! Cook isn't as seductive as he thinks." she raised her eyebrows at me, before her hands came around to caress my back. "Though he tried to kiss me last weekend, but I shied away when I realized!" she said quickly, like she was expecting me to be mad. I wasn't. Because she shied away.

I had actually wondered about that for some time. I know she didn't sleep with him that party when I came out, but I couldn't help but notice how close they were, especially this last week. So of course I wondered. But now … Now I knew I was the only one out here who'd broken through her exterior. Not only literally.

"Who was your last?" she asked softly.

"Karen." I sighed. "She's the only one before you too." I confessed.

"You're the first I've slept with sober." Naomi further confessed. My mouth dropped open.

"Really?" I asked, not really sure if I should believe it.

"Yeah." she looked a bit … abashed? But I didn't care as I leant forward to kiss her long and firmly.

"Am I your first girl too?" I asked against her mouth.

"'Course." she muttered. I smiled and tried and kiss her deeply, but she had other thoughts. "Mmmm, Ems?" she asked in between kisses. I pulled back to look at her properly.

"Yeah?" I lifted one arm over her torso, and slightly stroking her ribs, making goosebumps appear. I looked into her majestic blue eyes as I waited for her to continue.

"I'm guessing France is full of lesbians..." she bit her lip, trailing off as my teasing movements made her slightly squirm. I raised one eyebrow at her, urging her to spill. I kind of knew where she was going with it, but I wanted her to fully say the words. Admit it. "And I was just wondering…" her eyes broke off from my stare, following her fingers as she trailed them down my collarbone.

"Yeeeah..?" I dragged out.

"Would you…" she took a breath, "would you be with them?"

"Be with them how?" I smirked. She picked up on my tone of voice that I knew exactly where she was going with it. She groaned and rolled her eyes at me.

"You know what I mean!" she exclaimed.

"No, I don't." I further teased. "Be with them how?" I repeated. Her eyes slowly flowed back to mine, a more open and vulnerable look taking over. She lifted her hand to brush through my hair before lightly cupping my cheek.

"Like this." She whispered. I nearly combusted with happiness then, not helping myself as I grinned widely at her.

"Would you be with anyone like this when I'm gone?" I asked instead.

"No, not if you aren't." she gazed tenderly at me while stroking her thumb over my cheek.

"Then no." I finally answered as I leaned into her.

"Ems, wait!" she yelled after me as I stormed out of the house.

"Fuck off!" I yelled back.

"Stop, why are you so mad?" she asked breathlessly as she catched my hand. I spun around and hastily rearranged my hoodie which I quickly slung on along with the rest of my clothes in the rush.

"Was this fucking it, Naomi? Just this weekend, that's it?" I spat angrily at her.

"What are you talking about?" she said with wide eyes.

"You want to cut me off, so I understand this is goodbye then!" I snatched my hand back from her grasp.

"No, you got it wrong!" she shouted desperately.

"How could I get it wrong? You don't want any contact with me for two weeks. Do you need a fucking break? Have you had enough?"

"You're twisting my words, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, why are you doing this?" I asked, the last words coming out as broken. But I would not cry. I would not be weak.

"I just think it would be for the best, okay? It would be best for me."

"And what about me and what I want?" I screamed back.

"Fine, Emily, if you want to talk to me, just do it!"

"But you won't talk to me." I said, furrowing my eyes.

"No, but I won't stop you from reaching out, okay?" she stepped closer, trying to take my hands.

"Oh, jeez, that's reassuring." I snatched my hands back again angrily "Makes me really want to talk to you." I turned to leave again.

"Ems, please!" she shouted, making me stop. "You don't understand."

"Then fucking explain." I said stomping back to her. I stood with my hands on my hips, looking at her in a demanding way.

"I- … I-…" She tried and failed. Looking between my eyes pleadingly. I wouldn't have any of it, she was giving me signals all over the line, and wanting to cut me off for two weeks? That was the drop.

"There you go." I said bitterly, feeling a sour feeling coming up my throat. "So I guess I talk to you in two weeks then." I squinted my eyes at her. Then I turned and actually walked away. For real. I had had enough. She still wasn't sure. She wasn't ready. And finally I realized that I needed more from her. Deserved more from her.

"Emily, don't do this!"

"Oh no, this is all on you honey!" I shouted bittersweet back, waving a hand in the air in a melodramatic way.

The whole way home was a battle with myself to not let out the building rage inside of me. I was so frustrated with everything, and I didn't have time to stay and wait for Naomi to give me an explanation. Luckily I had packed last week so I could stay as long as I did.

But right now, I just wanted to strangle her.

It's weird how you could go from such a blissful state to a full on fight with just a few words. And what the hell, why would it be any good to not talk to each other while I was away? I had had enough of not talking to her this last week, but it clearly seemed like it was okay for her. I wanted to rip my hair out and yell until the sky fell down. Would I ever get a break? Just a couple of days without drama and difficulties?

When I finally came in the door at home, seeing all the suitcases lined up in the hallway, I almost lost it. I realized that this was it. I wouldn't get to see her nor talk to her for a very long time, stuck with my crazy family and an hysterical mum. All I wanted to do was be with her. And it hurt me that she didn't want the same.

I went up to mine and Katie's room to gather my last stuff before we headed off. She was on the floor, trying to close a gigantic bag which was heavily overpacked.

"Do I know you?" she said playfully as I walked in.

"Not now Katie." I said back with exasperated finality to my voice. I was not in the mood for bickering.

"Why are you so angry?" Katie took notice of my clenched teeth and tight fists. "Did she do something else? Did you have a fight again? I figured you made up since you were there the whole weekend." she said with concern as she moved up from the floor to comfort me. I didn't want any of it as I walked around hastily, finishing my packing.

"Everything is rainbows and puppies." I said unconvincingly and with a great force. She almost flinched. "Could we not talk about her?" I sighed.

"Oh my god, she did something again, didn't she? I'm going to kill her!" Katie turned mad.

"No," I sighed again, slowing down my movements, "it's just… complicated. You don't have to meddle or send her death threats. I'll sort it myself." I said with a sad smile, touched that she'd turned so protective after I came out.

"Fine," she huffed "but if she continues to be a bitch, she's done!" she pointed a finger at me, before going back to her bag.

I looked at her for a few movements before fishing my phone up from my pants. There were no messages from her, and I wasn't shocked at all. It was after all what she wanted, even though we parted on bad terms. I didn't expect her to call to apologize or anything. Which she should've done since she said she was going to make things up to me. Funny way of doing that.

Maybe I never should've kissed her friday night. Or anything else. But how could I not? She was Naomi, and she had been struggling with her feelings. Her feelings for me. I just thought she was done with hurting me. And now she won't even explain herself. It seemed like this potential relationship was a lost cause.

I sighed as I toyed with the phone, feeling an urge to throw it into the wall to break it into a thousand pieces. I wanted to talk to Katie about it, but I needed to calm down first. I just prayed Naomi wouldn't do anything with anyone while I was away, like she said she wouldn't. But how could I be sure? She was so all over the place that it was making me as unsure as her. What a mess.

In the end I turned the phone off with no intentions of turning it back on as I threw it to the bottom of my backpack. If she didn't want contact, I sure as hell would not give it to her. All I wanted was to have a bit more time before leaving so I could ask what the fuck she was playing at. But no can do. Happy fucking holiday to me.