Hi guys! I promised you an eventful chapter, and I must say that I think it's one of the most eventful in this story so far! Maybe it'll surprise some people, even! I hope so, as the three previous chapters have been all about safety and building the foundations.
No more chatting for now, let's get to it.
I apologize for any mistakes, and I don't have any copyright or ownership over Skins.
Chapter 25: Out of character
Naomi PoV
How did it all go to shit this fast?
One minute we were fine and the next minute this. It was just an hour ago we were getting ready to this party at Thomas' house, and now I'm sitting in the corner getting drunk on the mojito's that we were supposed to drink together. While she's over there. With her.
I cringed yet again as Karen batted her eyelashes at Emily, and downed the rest of my drink before making a new one. Was this my seventh or eighth one? I couldn't remember.
The drinks slowly but surely contained more and more vodka and less and less drink mix. But I really couldn't care right now.
When we arrived at the party, Karen was there of course, and she highjacked Emily when she was just mount enough to go with it, telling how they had to catch up because it had been so long. I thought Emily would politely decline as we had talked about this party during the whole week. But no, she willingly followed her to a two seater couch where they'd been ever since. I had been sitting on the other side of the room, starting the night out with talking to Thomas and then Pandora without really taking my eyes of them. In the end both of them got tired of talking to me as I never seemed to concentrate on the conversation. But could they fucking blame me? Karen was hitting on my fucking girlfriend in front of me, and no one else even reacted. Not even Emily herself for fuck sake.
They were now sitting knees to knees facing each other, talking animatedly. Well, as it looked like, Karen was doing all the talking - making Emily laugh from time to time. And not to talk about the looks she was giving and the not so subtle touches. I felt my blood boil as she trailed one finger over Emily's exposed thigh again. She'd also been such a polite jackass and poured Emily wine all night. I could see the red marks in her cheeks which meant Emily was far from sober now, maybe only beaten by myself.
And I couldn't for the life of me understand how we got here.
It's exactly one week since the boat party, and the week had been wonderful. Close to perfect actually. Well, except from the Fitch monster - but Emily don't like talking about that, since her mother was still somehow in denial about the whole thing.
She'd been hanging around mostly at mines after work, and we'd had a blast. We hanged with the group, lazed around on the dock, watched some more movies and we made love. God, we made love. I never thought I could find sex so endearing as I thought back on my previously experiences, but I couldn't get enough of Emily, and it seemed the feeling was mutual.
There were times where I felt Emily held back a bit, got a bit quiet and a glossy look, and I understood that she was thinking about her mum. When that happened I always slung my arms around her and held her tight while kissing up and down her neck until she was laughing so much of it being ticklish.
There were also times when she looked at me in a way like she could look into my brain and see all my thoughts, fears and hopes. Like she could read all of me with one endearing look - and it never seized to make a shiver go down my spine at the intensity of it. I wondered what she was thinking in those moments.
Emily's laughter snapped me back to the harsh reality, as I saw her head thrown back as she laughed out loud. Karen sat smugly next to her, and I could fucking see it in how she was looking at Emily. How she fucking wanted her. I felt the grip on my glass tighten as I willed my eyes to drift around the room, not watching them.
There were music playing loud, and some were dancing, but I didn't really notice what song it was. Freddie, Cook and JJ where sitting in a little group in one end, and Pandora and Lara was making some funny moves somewhere else. Katie was sitting next to Thomas, it almost looked like she was chatting him up, but I couldn't be sure from over here. There were also other people around, some from Vader, some a bit younger. I didn't really care, I just really wanted to.
I downed another drink of mojito, not really feeling the taste anymore, so I figured that my next would be pure vodka.
"It doesn't have to mean anything." the hoarse voice of Effy suddenly whispered in my ear. I jumped half a feet off my seat and turned to glare at her. Both of us understood what she meant.
I turned to look at the two "lovebirds" on the couch and in that second Karen leant in to whisper something in Emily's ear. I scoffed out loud and took a great swig at my vodka bottle and felt the burn down my throat.
"Fuck off somewhere else with your theories." I said back bitterly, suddenly feeling a bit dizziness as the walls started spinning a bit. I frowned in concentration as to orientate myself, and managed to focus my eyes on Emily after a minute.
Then I bolted up, felt around my pockets for my cigarettes and grabbed the bottle to head out. Everything was spinning around me as I crashed into tables and commodes on my way out. I don't think I had been this drunk in ages, if I ever had. When I got out on the concrete stairs I find that Effy followed me. I stumbled down, almost knocking a pot of plants over in the process, and leant against the side wall of the house, feeling the vibrations of the music coming through it.
"Naomi." Effy said as she placed herself right in front of me. I frowned and closed one eye to try to see just one of her, and not three. It worked, almost.
"What?" I snapped. "What can you say that excuses what's going on inside." I ask, gesturing with my head to the door.
"Nothing." she crosses her arms over her chest. "I can't say shit, but you gotta talk to her." I scoff again.
"Yeah right." I mutter, looking away and taking a puff of my smoke.
"Naoms," I swivel my head around as she uses Emily's nickname for me, "you gotta let her know that this is not okay."
"Why can't she fucking use her brain and understand it herself, huh?" I exclaim holding my hands out to the side, feeling the rage infiltrating my body. I punched my fist that's holding the cig into the wall beside me. One time, two times. The smoke falls to the ground and I look at its red glow. Red. Like my fucking vision right now.
"Fuck this!" I yell, pushing Effy out of my way as stagger past her and up the stairs and into the house again. There's a pounding in my head, and I hold onto the walls and random people standing around to support myself. My vision is coming in and out of focus, and there's a sour taste in the back of my mouth.
When I enter the living room the couch they were sitting on is empty, and I momentarily stop. I slowly drag my eyes around until I spot them in the middle of the room, dancing. And Karen's arms were around Emily's back. I felt a painful clinch in my stomach and lunged forward to grab Emily's hand.
"Wha-" she squeaks shocked, but follow me as I drags her outside and holding her wrist in probably a death grip. I don't wait to see the reactions of any of the girls, and luckily Karen don't follow us outside.
"What the fuck Emily?" I yell as I turn around to face her as we stand outside the front door. She shrinks at my words and I hate that I'm the cause of it. But fuck it.
She lifts her head and I can see that she's so drunk that she can't focus on a thing, certainly not my face. She looks slightly to the left of my face as she blinks many times, a heavy stare coming from her eyes.
"Naoms?" she asks after a while. I don't understand how I could miss how out of it she is. Maybe she got a pill or something. And when I realize it probably is from Karen, my rage takes over again.
"Yes, it's Naomi, your fucking girlfriend, remember?" I spit at her.
"Yeah." she smiles, stumbling a bit forward towards my voice. I step back, not in the mood for proximity.
"Why the hell are you spending your whole night flirting with Karen then?" I ask angered.
"What?" she asks confused, not really keeping her balance where she's stood.
"Karen, you'd rather be with her than me then?" I scowl.
"No!" she exclaims, looking up to her left, scrunching her eyebrows. If I wasn't so mad I would probably think she looked adorable.
"Then why is it her who's touching you tonight and not me? Is it just for the hell of it?" I yell directly into her face, making her flinch. When she opens her eyes again I see tears in them. She swallows and sniffs a bit. A shaky breath escaping her mouth after a while.
"Emily," I close my eyes "who do you want to be with, me or her?"
"I-" she starts, but the words gets caught in her throat. "It's-" she tries again. But she sniffs again, her breath labored being met with confrontation. I sigh.
"Tell me one thing," I look directly into her eyes, and for the first time since we got out, our eyes lock, "if it weren't for me, would you still be with her?" I ask her deadly serious.
"No!" she exclaims, then thinks about it while biting her lip. "Well, I mean, I guess that maybe.. Probably.." she trails off.
It's all the answers I need.
"That's fucking great Emily!" I shout really loudly making her jump. "Well, now you can have her, because I won't be standing in your way anymore." I turn around swiftly, going down the stairs, retrieving the bottle of vodka from where I stood before and finding Effy still standing there with wide eyes. It's not often she shows a reaction to things.
"Naomi, don't go!" I hear from the stairs, as a sobbing Emily staggered down, almost falling over in her shoes. Effy moved past me to steady her, and in that moment Katie, of course, has to come out the door.
"What the fuck!" she exclaims as she sees the state of things, looking between Emily and me.
It's then that I realize that I'm crying too, and I lift my hands to roughly rub the tears away. I don't want to feel like this, but it's like my chest has just slit open. Like my heart is bleeding. I had no idea one could hurt this much without an open visible wound.
They all just stares at me, until Emily sinks down on the stairs and they gather around her.
"Nai, please." I hear her mutter quietly in between sobs. But I clench my jaw and in the last spark of fury I launch out towards her.
"Fuck you, Em!" I cry and then turn around, walking into the grass that's surrounding Thomas' house, not really knowing where I'm going. I hear several voices calling my name behind me, but I just keep going, after a while finding a road I recognize from the first night out with Effy, when we were on the cliffs. I continue on the unclear track, somehow finding a small hill that I don't recognize, but move up to sit on either way.
I have no idea how far I've gone, but when I squint around me and spot Cook's house in the distance, I figured I've gone quite a bit. It's not like I could get lost either way, I'm on a fucking island. I slump down in the grass, looking down to the swirling in the sea beneath me. The black sea. The same color I feel inside right now. Fucking jealousy shit. Fucking Karen. Fucking Emily.
My phone suddenly start ringing, and I look at the caller id, seeing it's Effy. I feel my grip tighten, and in a rash decision I sling the phone over the cliffs and into the sea. After I did it, I sit idly watching the waves with wide eyes. Did I really do that. "Fuck sake."
I spark up a fag, and take a deep drag, hoping it will calm my beating heart. The anger that's bubbling within me seem to could surface again any minute. I lift my gaze and find that big mountain that Emily told me about. What was it called again? I couldn't remember. It was a lot of things I couldn't remember in that moment.
Eventually I lean back on my elbows, looking up into the dark sky. There were no stars tonight, being all cloudy - and therefore getting darker by the minute. The wind was also picking up a bit, and I figured that I would be shivering without all this alcohol in my body. Alcohol. I screwed the cap off the bottle and took a great swig, ending up coughing at it.
"Fucking hell, that's some strong shit." I mutter, and then figuring it's not my bottle as I look at the label. Fuck, I must've taken someone else's. Oh well, this seemed like stronger stuff, so it was alright for me.
"Blondie, is that you coughing up there?" I hear a scruffy voice from behind and below me. I duck a bit down in the grass, praying that Cook'd go away. As I had already figured, the luck wasn't on my side today and soon enough I heard heavy footsteps coming up the trail. I straightened myself up and sighed in defeat. I really just wanted to be left alone.
"Woah, that's a lot of alcohol to be hugging by yourself." he says when he's spotted me, "Care to share?" he says in a light voice.
"Whatever." I say and hands him the bottle as he sits down beside me. He takes a swig and cough lightly.
"Holy shit, is that whisky? Tastes real ol'."
"I don't know, thought it would be vodka." I said, tucking my feet under me and looking away from him. Pointless conversation wasn't something I wanted to do. Or maybe conversing in itself.
"Has a right kick to it, though." he said, but I just shrugged in response.
There was some silence, he taking more swigs of the bottle before sparking up his own cig. I guess he didn't take the hint of me wanting him to leave, but I couldn't just throw him down the hill either.
"Why are you here?" I ask after a while.
"Had to check you were alright, heard it was some nasty things happening." he mumbled while lighting up another cigarette.
"Yeah well, I'm brilliant, you can consider your duty done." I answered harshly, circling my bent knees with my arms.
"Ahh, don't be like that" Cook cooed, trying to pat my back, but I shook him off.
"I'm serious, you don't have to be my baby sitter anymore!" I exclaimed at him.
"I'm not." he frowned a bit at me. "I wanted to talk to you. That shit Emily pulled tonight was ugly, man." I turned to him at this.
"So you actually agree with me, then?" I ask him, a bit softer this time.
"Yeah! I mean, it's not like her, being like that. Not that I know how she's like, don't know her very well, but she's always been a preacher good girl you know. The only rebelling was when she started working at the industry, but this… Well, I didn't expect it from her." he said to me seriously.
"Yeah, neither did I." I muttered, plucking on some stones with my nails.
Some time went and we sat there not saying anything, the tension from before evaporated as I finally understood I had a friend. And I really needed it, haven seen this side of Emily.
"But it's not like she did anything though." Cook muses after a while.
"Please, they did everything but kiss." I scoff.
"Yeah, well, I guess you're right. Freddie and JJ noticed it too."
I sighed, wanting this whole night to go away.
"You'll be fighting for her your whole life." he turned to me, looking into my eyes.
"Maybe she could fight a bit for me." I said grumpily.
"She have, Naomi. She have since you came out here. Now you fight for her. And, setting aside her actions tonight, she's absolutely someone worth fighting for." he said. I was shocked that this came out of his mouth. Cook never struck me like the insightful one.
"Well, after tonight I'm not even sure I'm the one she wants." I continued sulking, lowering my head.
"No, seriously Naoms, look at me." I complied. "Ems, she's a good girl. I know it, you know it. And when I saw her before I ran after you, she was completely destroyed. I guess she understands what she's done. Other people will see the good qualities in her, and snatch her before you know it if you don't do anything."
"But… If it's possible to snatch her, then maybe I'm not the one she should be with." I sniffed.
"Blondie, buckle up. She wants you. I know the difference, yeah? You gotta be two to fight for it, 'cause being one just doesn't work out." he reflects. I can't help but wonder if he's talking about Effy, but I let it go for the moment. I'm too busy working through what he just said.
"I have fought too, you know. I just haven't fought Karen." I whisper. Cook laughs at this.
"Karen's just a dump in the road, she'll disappear."
"How can you be so sure?" I ask him.
"Because she's a slut, and Emily wouldn't want to be with someone unfaithful in the long run." he concludes, before standing up and brushing off his pants. "And now I'm fucking tired of sitting here and pussy talk. Let's scoot, yeah?" he offers me a hand, which I take with half a smile.
"Can I have some more of that stuff?" I ask as we walk down the trail.
"You may m'lady" he answers gallantly before handing me the bottle, making me chuckle. I was glad he was here with me, unless I would still be sitting on that top with anger pulsating through me.
He insisted on walking me back to my house after I said what'd happened to my phone. The walk was uneventful, just he talking bullshit of some conquests he's had in the past, and me making disgusting comments where needed.
When we were walking a straight road about a kilometer from my house, I see a shadow stumbling at the end of it. I squinted to see who it was, but Cook beat me to it.
"Fuck me, looks like Karen's had enough."
"It's Karen?" my eyebrows shoots up and I feel some of the anger adrenaline from before spark up again inside of me. Cook must sense it, because he holds a hand warningly in front of me.
Soon enough we catch up with her.
"Hey Karen, alright?" Cook asks as we're at her side. She turns and squints at him before her eyes lands on mine, a mean smirk developing on her lips. She ignores Cook's question altogether and directs me.
"Ah, if it isn't Emily's rebound." she laughs, stepping closer. I feel the muscles in my body clench. I'd never been this mad and ready to act on it. I followed her every move with my eyes. But still I didn't answer.
"What was that?" Karen turned her head as to listen to my answer, even though she knew I didn't. "You consider her your girl right? Because tonight I felt her drifting back to being mine. At least she will be soon." she slyly smiled.
"Fuck off Karen, you're delusional." I bark, before turning to step away, clenching my fists.
"But am I? If I told you that we kissed, would you believe it?" she said sugar sweetly from behind me.
"Karen." I heard Cook say warningly. I turn around and walk back to her, feeling electricity shooting out of my eyes.
"What did you say?" I said angrily, getting up in her face. She laughed out loud like a mad woman.
"Okay, maybe we didn't kiss, but it's only a matter of time before she fall under my spell again. She always does." she said daringly.
"She won't." I clenched my jaw.
"Oh, how can you be so sure. Emily's always been like this when it comes to me. Used to follow me around with those puppy eyes. Pathetic really. But she was always up for it when I didn't have any other options." She slurs.
"What did you just say about her?" I say as I move closer up to her. I feel Cook trying to take my wrist as to make me calm down. It does shit all.
"She's mine." she smirks triumphantly. "I'll always have her when I want to. You don't mean more to her than the dust on her shoes, you're just a distraction while she's waiting for me. You two don't count for shit."
Then in a flash, my right fist launches out and punch her square in the nose, making her fall back and hit the concrete with a high cry. I stand over her, looking at her wide eyed because of what I just did. I hear a gasp from behind me as I guessed it was Cook. Then suddenly, I feel the pain going through my hand at the impact, and I cradle it in my other hand swearing out loud.
"Fucking hell Blondie, you can pack a punch!" Cook exclaims from behind me before bowing down next to Karen to check if she's alright. She's holding her now bleeding nose while tears are streaming down her face.
"Fuck you!" she yells out while breathing heavily through her tears.
"Whoa, she's livin' alright." he stumbles back at her outburst.
She stands up quickly, a little unsteady until she rips of her high heels and holds them with one hand as the other is trying to stop the bleeding in her nose.
"You!" She points at me, and I stop squirming from the pain in my hand long enough to look at her. "This isn't over!" she jangles her shoes in my face, before storming along the road the same way as I'm heading, only she's probably going home.
When she's disappeared around some rocks and we can't see her anymore, Cook comes over and and takes my beat up hand in his.
"Looks a bit roughed up 'ere. That was a hard one." he trails a finger over my bloody knuckles. "Looks like you got a cut or something, better clean it and put some bandages on it when you get home, alright?" he instructs.
"Sounds like you know what you're talking about." I mutter, wincing as he presses some places on my hand. He laughs out loud.
"That I do, Barbie, that I do."
We continue our stroll back to mine, only now it's my voice filling the air with moans and winces as it feels like my whole body has been run over by a steamroller. The pain from my hand has spread to my head, and my feet is killing me. Cook is oddly quiet beside me, just smoking.
"Do you think she was right? About Emily going back to her?" I ask weakly after a while. He turns to me and look at me with kindness in his eyes, which is a rarity as they usually contains a glint of playfulness.
"Naomi…" he consoles and open his arms for me to step into, before he gives me a real bear hug. I start to lightly sob into his chest, feeling helpless and guilt all at once. I should've never run from Emily earlier. I should've listened. Gotten her home to bed since she was so out of it. I should've been smart, not giving in to my insecurities.
As my eyes had dried up a bit and I stepped back just mildly embarrassed to wipe at them, Cook speaks again.
"She's not right, you know. You just scare her. She's always relied on Emily, and now that Emily has moved onto something much better… it just makes her insecure ya know, so she tried to crack you - instead you cracked her nose." he chuckles, and pats my back to motion for me to keep going.
"Yeah, you're probably right…" I say after a while. We're now just a minute walk from my house, and I can see that there's light in the second floor. Mum or Kieran is probably still up then.
We walk quietly down the driveway. I really don't want them to come down and see me in this state. Drunk and bloody clothes from my hand. We stop outside the front door where Cook announces that he's heading back.
"Hi, Cook." I call quietly after him before he turns the corner.
"Yeah?" he asks, fag hanging from his mouth.
"Thanks, you know… For finding me and talking some sense into me." I smile at him.
"It was 'nuffin, just fix up that wound and sleep tight, yeah?" he nods back.
"You're really not as bad as everyone thinks are you?" I ask, realizing that he's really just a big ball of marshmallow.
"Fuck off, I'm a sleaze." he jokes, chuckling lightly.
"Whatever, bugger off now." I grin at him, before opening the door and stepping inside. I try to be as quiet as possible, not disturbing the oldies in the house to come seek me out. I luckily succeed and avoid the hundred questions I'm sure I would get in this state. I find some stash in a drawer in my bathroom to patch up my hand after I had a quick shower. Then I manage to find the bed without too much fuss. The world is spinning real fast when I lay staring up into the roof, and I realize that I'm probably still drunk after all those drinks I downed.
And then, suddenly, it hits me like lightning from the clear sky.
I fucked up. Like, really fucked up. This could be the end of me and Emily.
I just knew one thing, and it was that if I could act as out of character and punch someone like I did tonight, then I would probably do about just anything for Emily. But would that make any difference? Would that make me the only one she wants? Would it make her history with Karen insignificant? Were we strong enough? Was she out of character tonight as well? The questions were whirling inside my head as I felt that dark cloud of insecurity and hurt seep back from its hiding spot.
I turn over to my side and feel a single tear trickle down my cheek.