Chapter 4: This Little Piggy Went "Kwee Kwee Kwee"
Note: An advance warning to any Ryoga fans out there: things do not go well for him in this chapter.
A week after Ranma gave Akane her necklace, a small town elsewhere in Japan was having trouble with the local wildlife.
"A wild boar! On a rampage!" shouted out distressed villagers as said animal proceeded to cause heavy property damage throughout the town. It spied a young man wearing a backpack and an umbrella and charged straight towards him. The young man, however, just continued walking, apparently unaware of the sudden danger. The villagers tried to warn him by shouting out, "Look out! Run, y'dang fool!," but he either wouldn't or couldn't do as they suggested.
Casually, he just turned around and extended his umbrella with one arm. Amazingly, the boar was forced to a halt as it collided snout first with the umbrella. With a single swift motion, the young man sent the boar flying merely by raising his umbrella, raising the question as to how such a maneuver was physically possible with such minimal leverage. He placed the umbrella back in position behind his shoulders as the boar fell to the ground behind him, completely knocked out.
The villagers gathered around their savior and began pestering him with questions. The young man's only response was to show them a map and ask, "Where is Furinkan High School?" Surprised that the map was of the Nerima Ward of Tokyo, the villagers informed the lost traveler that his destination was 500 miles to the north. The young man apologized and continued on his quest. 'Ranma Saotome! Prepare to meet me! You can run from our man-to-man battle no longer!'
Meanwhile, in Nerima, Tokyo, the second "man" of the proposed duel had just been asked to do something that no "man" should ever have to do:
"Ranma, wait!" shouted Kasumi as she and Nabiki chased down girl-type Ranma, who was currently dressed in nothing but a pair of boxers and a towel.
"No! No way!" Ranma shouted as she ran in an attempt to save herself from a terrible fate. Unfortunately for her, she soon found herself cornered by the two older Tendo sisters. "I'm not wearing girls' clothes!" she complained desperately.
"But all your clothes are in the wash," explained Kasumi. "Let me fill your bath now, so-"
"You can't just run around naked, you know!" interrupted Nabiki.
"But-" Ranma tried only to be immediately interrupted in stereo with the guilt inducing rhetorical question, "You're a guest here, aren't you?" Ranma had no choice but to surrender. "Note to self: buy more clothes," she grumbled under her breath as she followed the two girls to Akane's room.
"I understand, but why do you have to loan him my clothes?" complained Akane as her sisters rifled through her closet, while Ranma sat on the floor reminding them that she refused to wear a skirt. "For that matter, why not turn him back into a guy and use some of Dad's clothes?" Kasumi and Nabiki started whistling casually hoping Ranma hadn't heard that much more logical solution, which would've ruined all their fun, especially since Kasumi had gone out of her way to put off the laundry until Ranma was out of clean clothes.
"Okay, this'll do," commented Nabiki as she found the perfect outfit for Ranma.
One off-panel change later and Ranma was dressed in a plain long-sleeved blouse covered by a cute pair of overalls with the word "China" written in Roman letters across the chest and one of the legs. The jots of the "i"s were even shaped like little hearts! "Oooh! It is you!" teased Nabiki with a smile.
"It's..it's perfect," said Akane, shocked at how well her clothes fit Ranma's girl form."
"It doesn't fit. The chest is too tight," complained a naive Ranma. Akane began growling at what she perceived to be an implied insult against her figure.
"Really? How's the waist?" asked Nabiki in an attempt to get Ranma to dig herself deeper.
Ranma was about to answer the question in her usual tactless honesty when she spotted Akane grabbing her shinai out of the corner of her eye and managed to put two and two together to get four, although she did have to use exponentials before it clicked. "Um, the waist is perfect, absolutely perfect," she replied, watching nervously with an animé sweat drop on her forehead until Akane calmed down and put her sword away. 'Phew! Thanks, Mom. Your lessons on tact saved me from a beating there.'
One week later:
"Where is Furinkan High School?" asked the same young man from the opening scene of this chapter as he handed his map to a farmer.
"If it's Tokyo, it's 500 miles south of here," was the reply, despite the fact that Japan uses the metric system, meaning Viz Media probably took an unnecessary liberty with the English translation at this point.
"D'oh!" shouted the frustrated young man, who had caught an episode of an American animated sitcom in an electronics store window the other day.
One more week later:
As yet unknown to him, the young man now stood at the entrance of his target destination. He thought that this would be a good place to get directions, so he grabbed the first guy he saw and once again asked, "Where's Furinkan High School?"
"Say what?" asked a confused Hiroshi, who had been unlucky enough to be the one grabbed. He pointed out the sign with the school name of which they happened to be standing in front, and the embarrassed young man let him go.
However, the young man still had one more question to ask now that he had finally found the darn place. "Where is Ranma Saotome?"
Before Hiroshi could respond, a pigtailed boy appeared, running and leaping through the air as he was chased by a giggling girl. "Ranma, stop!" the girl called out. "Come and get me!" he teased as he stuck out his tongue. That was proof enough of his target's identity, and the young man jumped into attack mode.
As Ranma was in midair, his danger sense suddenly kicked in, and he looked up to see an angry young man descending upon him with a downward thrust from his umbrella while shouting "Ranma, prepare to die!" Quickly, Ranma twisted around to land on his fingertips to push himself away just before the umbrella hit the ground and opened up a small crater.
"An umbrella, seriously?" deadpanned Akane as she joined Ranma. "Who does this guy think he is, a Japanese version of the Penguin?"
"You haven't changed, Ranma," his attacker called out. "You're still good at running away."
"Someone you know?" asked Akane curiously. Ranma thought about it. The boy seemed familiar, but he couldn't place him in his memories. "Don't strain your brain remembering, Ranma," teased Akane as the pause became awkwardly long.
"Just tell me one think, Ranma," the boy added, "Why did you run out on our fight?!"
"Wait, I remember!" exclaimed Ranma and he pounded his fist in his palm. "You were in my class in elementary school..."
"...Ryoga Hibiki," the boy finished as he finally introduced himself. "Long time no see. Answer the question!"
"I waited three days at the appointed place," Ranma pointed out to the shock of Akane and all the other watching students.
"Yes, and when I came on the fourth day, you had already run away," Ryoga argued as if it were a perfectly reasonable excuse.
"Uh, Ryoga, can I ask you something?" Ranma replied in a sarcastic tone. "You lived only about half a kilometer down the road from the empty lot where we agreed to fight, so why did it take you four days to get there?"
"Do you think I was out for a casual stroll for four days?!" Ryoga snapped back. "I suffered to meet up with you!" Thus was revealed the running gag of Ryoga's inhumanly bad sense of direction, unrivaled throughout the manga multiverse (although Zoro in "One Piece" comes pretty close). "You broke a vow between men and ran off to China with your father!" Ryoga finished as he took a swipe at Ranma with his umbrella.
"In other words, you want to finish our fight?" asked Ranma as he casually landed after easily jumping over the attack.
"Finish our fight? How feeble!" replied Ryoga as he opened the umbrella. "This is revenge!"
Ryoga threw his umbrella in a spiraling arc that was easily dodged as Ranma leaned to the side. It then curved back around and flew back into Ryoga's outstretched hand like some kind of demented boomerang.
"No matter what it takes, Ranma," Ryoga declared, "I shall destroy your happiness!"
Without thinking, Ranma immediately stepped in front of the girl at his side and shouted, "Don't you dare lay a hand on Akane!"
Akane blushed and several students started whispering among themselves about how Ranma had just equated Akane with his happiness. Ranma's facial expression shifted from serious to embarrassed as he himself realized what he had just accidentally blurted out.
Somehow, Ranma managed to avoid Ryoga until he once again became lost. As Ryoga traveled through the woods trying to make his way back to Nerima once again, he thought, 'Ranma, I shall have my revenge. You did this to my life. You made it a disaster. I will shove this umbrella down your throat and then open it. You time has come, Ranma.
"Well, Ranma, just what did you do to this Ryoga?" asked Akane later that evening.
"Believe me. I wish I knew," replied Ranma, who was in female form after a quick afternoon rain shower.
Just then, Kasumi approached the pair holding a kettle and a letter. "Ranma, there's a letter for you," she informed him in her usual calm manner. "From a boy named 'Ryoga Hibiki.'"
Ranma opened the letter to find the single word 'challenge' written across the top of the paper. She growled in frustration.
"You must have done something," pointed out Akane. "This is more than your everyday annoyance." Suddenly, a metaphoric lightbulb appeared over Ranma's head as she smacked her palm into her fist. "I knew it!" exclaimed Akane. "He remembers something?" asked a curious Nabiki, suddenly joining in the conversation.
"Yesss, it was the start of a new semester," Ranma began as a wavy transition effect and a quick musical jingle sent the scene into flashback mode. She described a scene of lunchtime madness where Ranma beat Ryoga to the last curry bread of the day. "He was crying tears of bitterness! Lunchtime was always a war. After all, it was a boys' school."
"Boys' school!" exclaimed the three shocked Tendo sisters in unison, as they listened to the storyteller with a bigger chest than any of them except possibly Kasumi.
"This was while I was still on my training trip with Pop. Back then I was always a boy, 365 days a year, 366 during leap years!" Ranma explained. Kasumi decided she'd better turn Ranma back to his birth gender now and did so with the kettle she still carried.
"That idiotic panda actually sent you to school?" questioned Akane.
"Well, it was only once in a while and for just a few months at a time at most," replied Ranma. "I think he just wanted to keep truancy officials off his back. He had enough trouble with the law as it was."
"Anyway, it's amazing that Ryoga's so angry with you just for taking some bread," Akane commented, getting back to the main discussion.
"'Amazing isn't the word," grumbled Ranma, "but there was nothing else...Wait!" Ranma snapped his fingers in epiphany. He then described how he had also beaten Ryoga to chow mein bread, croquette bread, melon bread, a cutlet sandwich, meat bread, seaweed bread, and...
"It sounds like a lot of straws on one camel's back," Kasumi summed up nicely.
"Uh, Ranma? The date of your showdown was yesterday," pointed out Akane as she read the full challenge letter.
"No problem," replied Ranma calmly. "That guy's got the world's worst sense of direction. Right now he's probably asking some poor guy about directions to Tokyo and completely misinterpreting their answer. Many kilometers away, Ryoga sneezed while doing exactly that.
One week later:
Ranma stood across from Ryoga on the soccer field after school. Many other students, including Akane of course, gathered to watch as word spread that "Saotome [was] having a showdown."
Finally, Ryoga broke the silence. "So Ranma, you finally had the guts to show up."
Hoping to appease his rival, Ranma tried the diplomatic approach. "Listen Ryoga, I didn't come to fight, okay? Just take this!" He tossed Ryoga a small bag of curry bread in an attempt to make things right. However, Ryoga didn't care and seemed to get even madder each time Ranma tossed him an additional bread bag. "This is a bread-feud isn't it?" asked a confused Ranma.
"You think a bread-eating contest will avenge my honor?!" shouted an enraged Ryoga. "Besides, these are all past the 'sell by' date."
"Well, you kept me waiting a week," argued Ranma.
"Enough chatter! I attack!" declared Ryoga. He rushed forward and jabbed several times with his umbrella. Having already fought and defeated Kuno, Ranma easily leapt back out of range.
As Ranma and Ryoga took to the air, Ranma tried once more to placate his opponent. "Wait a minute! What's this about?"
"Thanks to you, I have seen h***!" accused Ryoga as he tried an angled downward thrust that Ranma flipped over in mid-air.
"What are you talking about?" asked Ranma as they both landed on the ground.
"Do you think that mere words can convey the depths of my suffering?!" complained Ryoga as he opened his umbrella. His used the same boomerang trick from last time, which Ranma easily dodged thinking that such a slow and uncontrolled attack that also disarmed its user was pretty pathetic, but the umbrella throw was only a distraction as Ryoga took off his bandana (revealing a second one on his head) and used it to trap Ranma's right wrist in close to his own right hand. "This'll keep you from running away!" he sneered.
"Tell me something: how many bandanas are you wearing?" asked Ranma sarcastically as he attempted a high kick only to be blocked by the same move from Ryoga.
"You won't make light of this, Saotome!" replied Ryoga, not in the mood for light-hearted banter.
As Ranma and Ryoga continued their fight, Ryoga's umbrella twirled to the ground, causing a few students to scatter out of the way. As Akane watched in worry for Ranma's safety, she noticed one of the boys struggling just to lift Ryoga's umbrella off the ground. "What's the matter?"she asked as she walked over. "This thing weighs a ton!" the boy complained.
Akane tried to lift it herself and only managed to lift half of it from the ground. Frowning, Akane took a better grip and stance and a deep breath, focused her ki as Ranma had taught her, and slowly hefted the weighted unconventional weapon in front of her. The boy's eyeballs nearly shot out of his head at this feat of strength. 'No wonder we could never beat her!'
Akane was shocked as she realized that Ryoga could easily swing the thing around with just one hand. 'This is no even match.' "Ranma, don't stay in close with him!" she warned. "Stay out of his reach! He has the strength of a monster," she hypocritically stated.
"Heh, looks like you found out a little too late!" Ryoga smirked as he finally landed a blow on Ranma's midsection. This left Ranma open for additional hits, each one feeling like a blow from a sledgehammer.
Akane looked on in horror at the beating Ranma was taking. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. 'I know this is Ranma's fight, but I can't just stand by while Ryoga beats the c*** out of my friend. Ranma helped me against the Hentai Horde, and now I'm going to help him!'
Akane charged forward with the umbrella on her shoulder. Ryoga sensed the oncoming danger and turned just in time to get the second biggest shock of his life (the first being rather obvious to those readers who already know Ryoga's backstory) as this little slip of a girl slammed his own specialized lead umbrella right into his face. He was forced to release Ranma as he was sent flying over the chain-link fence at the edge of the field.
"Are you alright?" Akane asked as she helped Ranma to his feet.
"I'm okay. Just a few bruised ribs. Thanks, Akane," panted Ranma as he examined the large tear Ryoga had made in his shirt. "Unfortunately, I don't think I can take him on my own. I probably could if my training hadn't been interrupted, but you know how I feel about that. However, if we work together, I think we can win."
"Right, together," Akane agreed. The two martial artists jumped to the top of the fence to continue the fight.
Ryoga landed on an outdoor set of water faucets and shook his head to clear the ringing from his ears. That had really hurt! The d*** b**** had nearly busted his nose with that blow! Who the heck was that girl?
He didn't have to wait long to find out as both Ranma and the girl (still holding his umbrella) appeared at the top of the fence. Ryoga was even more impressed as he realized she was able to leap the fence while still carrying the thing. "Who the h*** are you, and why are you interfering in a man-to-man fight?" he snarled.
"What man-to-man fight?!" the girl snapped back. "You come around here and start beating on my friend without even telling us why, then I'm gonna defend him. And who says you have to be a man to fight, anyway?!"
"Ryoga Hibiki, meet Akane Tendo," Ranma introduced with a grin, "my hot-headed best friend and personal student in the Art. As you can see, she's stronger than she looks."
'That's an understatement,' thought Ryoga sarcastically. He turned back to Ranma. "I remember now. She was with you the first time I came here. Ranma, have you really fallen so low that you need to be rescued by a girl? You're acting like a girl yourself!"
Ranma saw red as Ryoga unintentionally picked at his biggest sore spot. "Who're you calling a girl?!" Ranma shouted in rage as he aimed a jumping drop-kick at Ryoga. Unfortunately, when Ryoga dodged, Ranma bust open the fountain with his attack, spraying water everywhere. Ryoga managed to jump back to the fence and quickly wrestle his umbrella back and open it to block the spray of water from hitting both him and Akane, but Ranma wasn't so lucky.
Of course, Ryoga had once again left himself wide open to Akane and paid for his mistake with a haymaker to the jaw that knocked him to the ground, although he had managed to hold on to his umbrella. 'D*** it! How does she hit so hard?' he wondered as he massaged his bruised facial joint.
He didn't have time to dwell on the matter as he was forced to avoid Ranma's follow-up attack from above. He created some distance between himself and his two opponents and then looked up to suffer the third biggest shock of his life. Ranma had transformed into a smaller red-head that had certain attributes, especially the ones poking through the torn shirt, that could only mean...
Ranma took advantage of his distraction to knock him back with a high kick, but Ryoga just continued to stare in disbelief. "Ra-ra-ranma?"
"Who do I look like, you blind, stupid jerk," she shot back in a soprano voice.
"Ranma, your torso!" Akane warned. Ranma looked down at the indicated area and covered her chest in embarrassment. "You didn't know you'd gone female again?" Akane rhetorically asked in disbelief.
"Ranma, you..you..." Ryoga stuttered.
"Well, why don't you laugh, huh? Huh?" Ranma said in despair. "Listen, I don't know what I could've done to make you so bitter, Ryoga, but look at me – cursed with this body! Yet I take it in stride and treat others with kindness!"
Ranma didn't know what kind of reaction Ryoga would have, but she certainly didn't expect Ryoga to start laughing! "It is to laugh!" Ryoga remarked. "That, you call a curse?!" He pulled four bandanas from his forehead and began whirling them around. "Whining about your misery with such an adorable figure? It is to jest!" Ryoga leapt into the air and let the bandanas fly.
Just then, some of the other students started arriving from going the long way around after witnessing the water spout. They had to duck for cover as a couple near misses proved that the bandanas had somehow turned into razor blades!
With the blades whirling around them, Akane tried to make a break for it to get Ranma some hot water.
Ranma tried to stop her, but she foolishly ran out into no-man's (or no-woman's) land. Luckily, she tripped on a tree root, which saved her life when one of the makeshift blades passed overhead and slashed open part of the skirt on her dress.
Ryoga had now gone too far as far as Ranma was concerned! "You idiot! You could've killed her!" she shouted as she ran to Akane's side to protect her from further harm.
Ryoga didn't care, as he was simply focused on winning the fight. "An opening!" he shouted in triumph as he hurled his umbrella like a spear at the two girls. "It's over! Even if you dodge my umbrella, my bandanas will strike you from every direction!" he declared as he followed up with four more of the cloth blades.
Ranma didn't panic as she flawlessly kicked the point of the umbrella skyward. Together, Ranma and Akane grabbed the handle of the umbrella and opened it to deflect the bandanas as they leapt through the air. On the ground, the other students were wondering who this new girl was while at the same time impressed at the move the two girls had pulled off with the extremely heavy umbrella.
"Running away, coward?!" Ryoga complained as Ranma and Akane landed on the ground then leapt to a tree branch and used the open umbrella to land gently on the roof of a bicycle shed. "Hold your horses!" Ranma replied.
Upon landing on the bike shed, Ranma and Akane embraced each other in relief at getting out of that tight spot until they realized what they were doing and quickly backed away from each other with blushing faces. 'That was so...nice,' thought Akane. 'Even as a girl, he makes me feel safe by holding me like that. Although, I'm not about to let him know that.'
"Hey, quit huggin' your girlfriend and get back down here!" Ryoga shouted as he removed his belt. Luckily, the gathered students assumed he was referring to the other definition of "girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend!" Ranma reflexively replied. Akane looked down with a hurt look on her face. 'No, I'm not his girlfriend, but I thought...maybe we...I suppose he doesn't feel that way about me if he's denying it so strongly.' "Is that it, Ranma?" she choked out. "You like me as a friend, but I'm not girlfriend material? I suppose I'm just an uncute tomboy or something."
Ranma looked at her in shock. He hadn't meant it that way! 'Stupid foot-in-mouth disease! Uncute tomboy?! Where did that come from? Is 'uncute' even a real word? How could she think that about herself?!'
Ryoga took advantage of the distraction by snapping out his belt into some kind of rigid sword. With two quick strokes, he sliced through one of the support bars of the shed, causing it to collapse.
Ranma leapt for safety with one arm around Akane and the other still holding the umbrella. Suddenly, Ryoga was above them and snapping out the belt like a whip in a move that would make Indiana Jones proud. Ranma blocked with the umbrella, which was snapped in two by the wrapped belt in another display of Ryoga's superhuman strength.
"Let me go!" a still upset Akane shouted while she and Ranma were still in mid-air. "Akane, now is not the time for this," Ranma complained as they landed among the wreckage. She let Akane down to her feet then turned her back. "If you're going to whine, then fine, I don't need your help. I can beat Ryoga on my own," Ranma declared.
Akane realized the argument was going too far and tried to get Ranma's head back on the fight. "Ranma, I..." she began softly.
Ryoga, however, decided to take advantage of Ranma's unguarded position. "Ignore me, will you?!" he shouted as he cracked forth his belt whip at the redhead as if it were Ivy's chain sword from the "Soul Calibur" video game series or Jakotsu's snake sword from "Inuyasha."
"LOOK OUT!" Akane cried out as she sensed the attack and tackled Ranma to the ground. Akane sighed in relief as Ranma was unhurt but soon realized that the attack hadn't completely missed: Ranma's hair was unbound over her neck, and half of her signature pigtail was lying nearby on the ground, still tied together with a piece of string. Akane gasped. "Oh, Ranma, I'm so sorry," was all she could say.
Ranma saw the remains of her pigtail on the ground and went into shock at how close she had come to death. The other girls watching the fight mistook it for something else, however. "Poor girl!" one of them called out. "Caught in public with a haircut like that! She's lucky she didn't die!" Akane sweatdropped at this declaration.
"Who are you, anyway?" one girl asked. "I've been wondering that, too," said Hiroshi. "And where'd Ranma go?" asked Daisuke.
Akane sweatdropped again. "Heh...Wait a minute! Who cares?!" she shouted as she began getting angry. "What matters is..."
"Feh, she didn't get any injury, did she?" Ryoga interrupted.
"No, but she sure got a bad cut!" Akane pointed out. There was sudden silence as a loose sheet of paper blew by in the absence of any tumbleweed in Japan.
"More importantly," Akane finally continued, "this butcher nearly decapitated her with that dangerous stunt! What kind of martial artist does something like that?!" she yelled pointing at Ryoga. "I oughta break every bone in your body!" Akane marched towards Ryoga, barely maintaining control over her anger thanks to Ranma's training.
Ryoga started backing away in fear from the very angry and very dangerous girl advancing on him. "C'mon now, I wasn't really trying to kill her," he argued. "'Prepare to die' is just an expression."
"It didn't look that way to me," snarled Akane.
"Ranma, you know I wasn't seriously trying to kill you, right? Call her off! I can't fight a girl when my life isn't at risk!" Ryoga tried in desperation.
"You should've thought of that before you started attacking wildly with edged weapons," Ranma answered in a cold voice, whose thoughts echoed Akane's. "Take him down, Akane."
"With pleasure, sensei," Akane replied with a predatory grin on her face. "RYOGA, YOU JERK!"
Ryoga turned to run, but Akane quickly grabbed him by the back of his collar and pulled him in close. The next few minutes were hard to watch as Akane administered a vicious beating to the lost boy that made anything she had ever done to Kuno look like love taps in comparison. She held back enough to avoid breaking any bones, but Ryoga's skin was nothing but a massive bruise with two black eyes and a split lip by the time she finished. "Ranma, this is all your fault!" Ryoga complained with a pained voice when he was finally able to stand up and stagger away long after everyone else had left.
As Ranma and Akane walked home together, Ranma tried to apologize for her earlier outburst. "Akane, I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't make a good girlfriend. It's just...you know how I am with words, and also, well, I'm not ready for that kind of relationship." She looked down as she blushed, not noticing that Akane was blushing too.
"It's okay, Ranma," replied Akane. "I'm just glad you're okay after what that idiot Ryoga tried to pull. It's a shame about your hair, though."
Ranma reached back and felt the loose strands blowing in the wind. "Eh, it's not a big deal. It'll grow back, and there's still enough left for a shorter pigtail. I just need another piece of string." Akane grinned internally as she thought about how she had secretly saved the hacked off locks that had been kept together by the first string, hiding it in her school bag as they returned home.
After a minute of silence, Akane brought up a topic she had been thinking about ever since they left school. "Ranma, do you think I should cut my hair? You see, I used to wear it short, but then I grew it out to try and impress Doctor Tofu, you know since Kasumi has long hair. Now that I'm pretty much over him, maybe it's time I cut it short again." She gathered up her hair in one hand at the base of her neck and slowly spun around to give Ranma a decent idea of her potential new look. "What do you think?"
Ranma stood still and stared while she went through her suggestion. "Akane, while you're right that short hair would also look good on you, why would you want to get rid of such wonderful hair? You look beautiful with those long, silky locks flowing down your back. You shouldn't change a thing."
Akane's heart thudded loudly and tried to escape through her throat at these words. She turned away as her face turned bright red. 'Oh Ranma, thank you!' she thought with glee. She finally managed to bring herself under control and tried to cover up her reaction with some teasing. "You're just saying that because you're stuck with just about the only hairstyle that looks good on both a guy and a girl."
"At least I don't have some curse that grows my hair out until I go bald," Ranma joked.
Akane snickered. "Yeah, right, like there could be such a curse."
"You never know," replied Ranma. "I used to think there was no way someone could be cursed to change gender, but these melons on my chest and the missing anatomy between my legs say otherwise." The two friends laughed together as they continued their journey home before freaking out Kasumi with Akane's torn dress and Ranma's impromptu haircut.
Meanwhile, the battered and bruised Ryoga is somewhere on Okinawa. "Just you wait, Ranma Saotome," he said to himself as he pulled himself along with a long stick. "I'll find your dojo and fight you to the death!"
One week later:
It was raining late one night as Ryoga finally found his new destination, his new umbrella held high. "Yes, this must be the Tendo Dojo. Tonight, Ranma, you meet your end."
It was 2:06 AM when Ryoga finally found the upstairs guest room where Ranma and his mother were fast asleep, courtesy of the window. "Wake up, Ranma. It's me, Ryoga. Fight me! Hey! Ranma! Would you wake up!" Ryoga aimed his fist at Ranma's face in frustration, but his knuckles only met pillow when Ranma rolled onto his side in his sleep. Ryoga tried again with his other fist only for Ranma to roll the other way.
"WAKE UP, D*** IT!" Ryoga shouted to finally succeed in waking up his rival. However, Ranma wasn't the only one Ryoga had disturbed. Despite remaining asleep, Nodoka's honed battle senses allowed her to combat the threat with her reverse-blade sword. There was a glint of metal, and then both Ranma and Ryoga were sent flying across the room and through the still open window. Ryoga managed to recover and land gently with his umbrella still held over his head, but the still groggy and now female Ranma landed with a splash in the koi pond.
"Ryoga! It's the middle of the night! What are you doing?!" Ranma complained as she climbed out of the pond.
"Silence! Does revenge know night or day?!" Ryoga shouted.
"This again?" groaned Ranma. "Would you cut this out?! You've got nothing to get revenge for!"
"I'll say one thing before I send you to h***," Ryoga declared as thunder rumbled in the distance. "When you ran out on our duel, I followed you all the way to China!"
Ranma looked at the umbrella Ryoga still held over his head, and it clicked. "Don't tell me you went to the 'Ground of Accursed Springs' and that you transform into something when you get wet!"
At the revelation of this plot twist, Ryoga snapped. "Silence!" he yelled. "The time for words is past." He then went on the attack.
Ranma knew she couldn't beat Ryoga like this, and it would be foolish to try. Therefore, she took advantage of her greater speed in her cursed form, dodging or blocking his blows, looking for an opening to either retreat to the safety of the house or knock the umbrella away and take her chances with Ryoga's cursed form, whatever it might be.
All the racket didn't go unnoticed as both Akane and Kasumi awoke to the sounds of the fighting. Worried that there could be a burglar afoot, the two girls descended the stairs to check things out, Akane armed with her trusty shinai. Catching a glimpse of Ryoga carrying his pack and umbrella, the girls assumed they had been correct in their suspicions. Not wanting Akane to risk herself in a direct attack, Kasumi armed her sister, the human cannon, with one of Akane's own dumbbells. Her aim was true as she nailed the unknown vagrant in the head with a pitch that would make Daisuke Matsuzaka jealous.
This caused Ryoga to drop his umbrella and immediately become soaked in the rain. Luckily, the timing on Jusenkyo transformations isn't immediate, giving Ryoga just enough time to jump the property wall before being discovered.
"Ryoga!" shouted out Ranma at her rival's disappearing form. The identity of the visitor managed to appease Akane and Kasumi into going back to bed, although Akane was still upset over how Ryoga kept attacking Ranma.
Meanwhile, Ranma had for some stupid reason chased after the guy who kept trying to kill her. Not too far away, she found Ryoga's discarded pack and clothes and knew what that meant. Ryoga indeed also had a Jusenkyo curse. Dun, dun, dun!
Suddenly, she heard the growl of a dog behind her. "Ryoga, is that you?" she asked it. "Nod if you can understand me." The dog failed to comply, and Ranma eventually noticed a collar around its neck. 'No, it can't be Ryoga, but where did he go?' she thought.
Meanwhile, Akane had made it back to her room after the false alarm. 'All that racket at 2 AM.' she thought as she yawned. Suddenly, her battle awareness kicked in. 'Someone's here,' she realized as she took a guarded position. "Who's there?! Come out!" she called to the seemingly empty room.
Suddenly, a black blur lunged at her face. "No!" she called out as she slapped it away. Then she looked down to discover it was nothing more that a little black piglet with some kind of neckerchief tied around its neck. 'Where did you come from, hmm?' she thought.
"Here, piggy," she tried calling to it only for it to cautiously back away, trembling in fear as if Akane scared it more than anyone other than a pork butcher. But there's no way that could be true, could there?
"Come on. Don't be afraid," she tried again, but the small animal just continued to back away with wide eyes until it backed up against a wall. Akane took that opportunity to pick it up, only for the pig to squeal nosily as it desperately tried to escape her grip.
"Calm down, piggy. I won't hurt you," Akane comforted in a soft voice. "Oh, you're drenched. Were you out in the rain all this time? And what's this? A bump on the head? Oh, your poor thing!" The piglet started to relax as it was finally starting to believe that she was genuinely concerned for it.
Ranma was drying off in the tea room, still wondering about Ryoga's whereabouts and the nature of his curse when Akane entered the room with a piglet in her arms. The piglet took one look at Ranma and started squealing angrily. "What are you mad about?" Akane wondered out loud.
"What's with the pig?" Ranma asked.
Akane didn't answer but instead tried to calm the thing down. "Hush now. I'll put some medicine on that bump." It suddenly became very content as Akane held it against her chest. Even so much as to...
"What? That thing's blushing!" Ranma noticed.
"Don't be silly," said Akane as she grabbed the first aid kit.
"Dirty-minded pig!" Ranma grumbled. She took it from Akane and held it up for a good view between its legs. "I knew it! A male!" she exclaimed. "So it is," agreed Akane as she took a look for herself. The pig took exception to this treatment and started beating Ranma over the head with his front hooves until Akane took him back.
"Oh, isn't he just adorable, Ranma?!" Akane squealed as she applied the medicine. "He makes just the cutest 'kwee' sounds."
"Are you sure it's not 'bwee?'" Ranma asked.
As the piglet squealed some more, Akane concluded, "Nope, it's definitely a 'kwee.'"
Ranma got up and started to walk away. "Whatever. I'm going to take a hot bath. I'm freezing after running around in the rain after Ryoga."
Suddenly, the piglet sneezed. "Warm the piglet up, too," said Akane, holding it out to Ranma.
"Take a bath with a pig?!" Ranma complained. But Akane showed her a pair of chocolate puppy-dog eyes, and Ranma knew she couldn't say no.
"I still wonder where that idiot Ryoga ran off to," Ranma said to herself as she removed her clothes in the changing room while holding down the rebellious piglet with one foot.
Once inside the inner bath and with much difficulty, Ranma finally managed to wrestle the thing into the bathtub only to discover a naked Ryoga in its place. "Ryoga! You...you're a pig!" Ranma exclaimed in shock.
"Ranma, you are dead!" proclaimed Ryoga as his fist shot forward, only for Ranma to block it by sacrificing the life of a ladle.
"Whoa, wait! Time out!" Ranma protested. "So I was right. You did go to Jusenkyo!"
Ryoga sighed and began the flashback sequence that would tell his tragic backstory. "Chasing you, I wandered throughout the vastness of China. For days I wandered, until that fateful day. A crying little red-haired girl knocked me from the cliff – to the spring! Then, I changed!"
"What followed was one horror after another!" Ryoga then proceeded to describe how he was fished out of the spring by a panda and taken to the Jusenkyo Guide's hut where the two of them attempted to cook him, only to painfully change back in the boiling water. The guide had then explained the curse to him and had him sign the guestbook.
"The hideous body that curses me, the devouring that nearly befell me, they're your fault, Ranma, because you ran from our duel!" Ryoga finished.
"Hold it, you!" Ranma shouted. "It's not my fault you felt you had to drag your sorry a** all the way to China just because you forfeited our duel by showing up extremely late. Besides, you were knocked into the spring by some weird girl, right?"
"Yes, so?" asked Ryoga.
"So why should you be mad at me?" Ranma argued. "You should be mad at that..." Suddenly, Ranma's voice went slack as the realization hit her. "...panda and that crying red-haired girl." Ranma bowed her head in shame. "I'm sooooo sorry, Ryoga! It is my fault you're cursed. I was the girl who knocked you in. I promise I won't tell a soul about your curse, Code of the Warrior and all. Is there anything else I can do to make it up to you?" Ranma pleaded.
Ryoga was thrown off balance, not having expected this kind of submission from his hated rival. "I'll think about it," he replied. "I think I'll stick around for a while. After all, that Akane girl appears to be quite fond of my cursed form. Who knew that monster of a girl actually had a sweet and caring side? She must've defended you only because she doesn't know what you're really like. I can even show up as a human from time to time to show her what a real man is like. It would be great to have such a strong yet sweet woman by my side."
Ranma was seething mad at what Ryoga had planned. "Why you miserable, honorless little...don't you dare take advantage of your curse to trick Akane!"
"You don't like it, tough!" replied Ryoga. "Maybe you should just die!" Ryoga jumped out of the tub and rushed at Ranma while she tried to escape, catching her by grabbing her by the pigtail on the other side of the room. Luckily, Ranma had managed to spray both of them with cold water from a small shower nozzle to turn Ryoga back into a pig. This, however, did not prevent Ryoga from sinking his teeth into Ranma's shoulder...
Akane was waiting in the tea room for Ranma to return from the bath with her new animal friend when she heard a bunch of strange noises nearby. "Hmm? What's this racket about?" she wondered. Her question was answered when Ranma, still in female form, ran down the hall chasing the piglet, shouting at it and even hitting it in the head with a thrown washpan.
The piglet ran to the safety of Akane's side as Ranma strangely called it a coward for hiding behind a girl. "Ranma, stop! What do you think you're doing?" Akane complained. The piglet then jumped back at Ranma, who slammed it to the ground, only to find Akane painfully squeezing one of her exposed breasts. "Stop it!" Akane shouted. She knelt down to comfort the piglet, completely ignoring the fact that it had been the one to attack first. "Are you okay?" she asked the crying animal with tears that Ranma knew would be at home on a crocodile. "Poor thing. Let's go."
"Hey! Where are you taking that pig?" Ranma asked worriedly
"To bed with me," Akane answered.
"Wait a second! That pig is-," Ranma tried to warn before remembering her promise. Ranma then gasped as Akane kissed the disguised Ryoga on his snout.
"What?" Akane asked at Ranma's look of total disgust.
"Idiot! See if I care!" Ranma snapped before walking away.
Back in her room, Akane was still having trouble understanding Ranma's hatred towards her new pet. "Honestly! What's with Ranma, anyway?! Is he actually jealous of a little pig?" she wondered as she drifted off to sleep with the piglet cradled in her arms.
A little while later, Ranma, finally back in male form, was creeping down the roof to Akane's window with a kettle of hot water. 'Promise or not, there's no way I'm letting that little pervert dishonor Akane by tricking her into letting him sleep in the same bed with her,' he thought.
After stealthily sneaking inside, he found Ryoga was still awake. Smirking, Ranma told him, "If you don't want to be exposed right here, don't make a sound." Ryoga had no choice but to let Ranma pick him up but then bit his hand viciously. It took all of Ranma's willpower not to cry out in pain as he tossed Ryoga across the room. Unfortunately, Ryoga rebounded off the far wall and started bouncing around the room like some kind of demented pinball. Ranma lost his balance trying to catch him and barely managed to prevent himself from falling on top of Akane...that is until Ryoga slammed into his head from behind, forcing him the rest of the way down.
Of course, it would be enough to wake up Akane to catch him in this extremely compromising position. "Uh, no, it's not, it's nothing like," he stammered.
Akane slapped his face and quickly grabbed her shinai. "Wait! Listen!" Ranma pleaded.
Akane was about to start beating him over the head when reason reached her mind. 'This is Ranma,' she reminded herself. 'He's proven that he's not like the other boys. He wouldn't, he couldn't do something like this!' Slowly, she lowered her weapon and softly said, "I'm listening."
Ranma sighed in relief, but now he had to explain it to her. He had to make a decision, and he found it to be easier than he thought it would be. 'To h*** with that stupid promise! Akane is more important!' Having made up his mind, he pulled Akane out into the hall and closed the door most of the way.
"Ranma, what's this about?" asked Akane, still holding her shinai.
Ranma took a deep breath. "I recently made a promise to keep a secret for someone, but I can no longer in good conscience hold myself to that promise." He pointed into Akane's room. "Do you see that kettle I brought in? Do you see that bandana around the pig's neck? Doesn't it look familiar? Ryoga also has a Jusenkyo curse, and he's using it to take advantage of you."
Akane's face went deathly pale as she realized the implications of what Ranma said, then her face started to turn green and she began to feel queasy as she remembered everything she had inadvertently done with that pervert. Finally, her temper started to take over until she barely managed to calm herself down with several deep breaths. "You know what, Ranma?" she asked in an icy voice. "Ryoga would get off too easy if I just storm in and bust him now. I've got a better idea to handle that perverted pig. Just leave everything to me."
Ranma shivered as Akane walked past him to reenter her room. Ranma watched as she told Ryoga, "I'm sorry about this, little piggy, but Ranma's right. I really shouldn't be sleeping with an animal that I just found. Just sleep on the floor for tonight, and maybe tomorrow you can join mommy in her bed." Ranma felt like he was getting diabetes just watching that disgustingly sweet display, but Ryoga bought the performance and curled up on the floor to sleep.
In the morning, Akane showed everyone her new pet and successfully appealed to her father to let her keep him. 'Man, those puppy-dog eyes should be registered weapons,' Ranma thought.
"I'm going to call you P-chan!" she announced. To the surprised faces around her, she explained, "'P' as in 'pig,' and 'chan' for 'little.'"
After school, Ryoga was waiting at the door for Akane when she and Ranma came home. "Hello there, P-chan. Mommy's home," Akane announced as she picked him up, careful to keep him away from her chest now. "I'm going to take you on a special trip now, yes I am," she cooed. "Ranma, why don't you come with me?" she asked as she winked at him after turning "P-chan" around to make sure he wouldn't see.
"Do I have to, Akane," he whined, playing along.
"Yes, you do, Ranma. You've been very rude to poor P-chan here, and now you're going to make it up to me," she ordered.
"Oh, all right," Ranma said grumpily as he "gave in."
As they approached their destination, Akane distracted "P-chan" with baby talk to keep him from noticing where they were. Ranma had to hold back his laughter at bringing Ryoga here of all places.
As they approached the front desk, Akane explained to the secretary that she had just adopted a pet pig, and he needed to have his shots. Ryoga started squirming when he heard this, now realizing that Akane had taken him to a vet. "Don't worry, baby," Akane cooed. "It won't hurt too badly. You need to have your shots if I'm going to keep you. Be a good boy, and you can sleep in my bed tonight now that it'll be safe to let you do so." Ryoga realized that this was the proper way to adopt a normal pet and figured he could endure a little pain to be near Akane, so he stopped struggling. Ranma couldn't help laughing out loud at the humiliation Ryoga was willing to endure to keep up the charade. Ryoga shot him a nasty glare in response.
Eventually, the vet arrived and took "P-chan" into the back room. Now, Ranma and Akane both burst out laughing to the great confusion of the secretary.
As they saw the vet bringing "P-chan" back out, Akane winked at Ranma as she pulled out a thermos from her purse. "Here, Ranma," she said loud enough for Ryoga to hear. "This hot water will come in handy if you accidentally get splashed on our way home. You know that old ladle lady always manages to get you somehow."
When the vet approached them, Akane said, "Thank you, doctor, but could you take care of one more thing? We really should control the pet population. I think it would be for the best if P-chan here was neutered."
Ryoga's face was priceless as he made a huge racket, finally managing to squirm free of the vet's grip. Meanwhile, Ranma unscrewed the cap of the thermos and held it out saying, "This is your last chance." Ryoga knew he had no choice but to take it and ran over to Ranma, allowing him to pour the water over him.
The secretary screamed and fainted, while the vet dropped his jaw in disbelief at the sight of the black piglet transforming into a naked teenage boy. Ryoga covered himself as best he could with his hands and turned to face Akane, hoping he could talk his way out of trouble with her.
Ryoga was surprised to discover not a look of shock, surprise, anger, or even disgust on Akane's face but a wide grin. "You knew, and you set me up?" he croaked.
"Yep, Ranma told me last night," Akane confirmed.
"Ranma, you promised not to tell! Do you have no honor?!" Ryoga growled.
"That's funny, coming from you," replied Ranma. "You trick her into letting you molest her and take you into her bed, and you complain about my honor?! What about Akane's honor? I was under no obligation to keep that promise after you abused my trust!"
"Oh, Ryooooga," Akane interrupted. She pulled his hand away from his crotch and drove her knee into it instead. Ryoga's voice cracked as he screamed and fell to his knees. "That was for taking advantage of me, you scumbag!" she shouted. "We left your pack and clothes in the dojo. Go get them, then leave both of us alone."
As Ranma and Akane walked towards the door, Akane turned back one last time. "Just so you know, Ryoga, my true revenge is yet to come. You won't know where or when, but you'll wish you never crossed my path when I'm through with you. No pervert messes with Akane Tendo and gets away with it!"
"Remind me never to make you really mad at me," commented Ranma.
"Ranma, this is all your fault!" Ryoga declared when he was finally able to stand up a few minutes after Ranma and Akane had left. He staggered over to a water fountain and let the water hit him in the face to transform. He ran out the door and proceeded to get lost. He would be forced to spend his next three days as a pig before he finally found his way back to the dojo.
The vet walked over to the phone and called his wife. "Hi, honey. I think I'm going to close up early today. Also, I'm switching to decaf."
As Ranma and Akane walked home, Ranma was surprised when Akane stopped by an ice cream stand. "Don't forget, you still have to make it up to me for how poorly you treated P-chan," she reminded him.
"Huh?" asked a thoroughly confused Ranma.
Akane gave him a big smile. "Therefore, I'm treating you to an ice cream cone. What kind do you want?"
They each made their selection, and Akane paid the vendor. As they walked home while licking their treats, Akane said, "Thanks for being there for me, Ranma. You're a true friend."
"Always, Akane, always," was Ranma's reply.
Author's Notes: I was pretty rough on Ryoga here, but I can't stand some of the things he does. Later on, he'll have his chances to redeem himself somewhat, but it's safe to say that he's blown any chance he had at winning Akane's trust or affections. As for Akane's "true revenge," that won't happen for quite a while, but when it does, I don't think you'll be disappointed.
This chapter shows how living with Nodoka has helped stem a couple of Ranma's more stubborn traits. He's now more willing to accept help in a fight, and he's learned to be more flexible in matters of honor. Of course, Nodoka probably wouldn't have been much help with that latter issue, so let's say it's a combination of some influential school teachers and his already strong feelings for Akane.
Everyone always uses "bwee" for P-chan's squeals, but I've looked through several of P-chan's early appearances in the manga and found that the most common sounds he makes are "kwee" and "ernk," while "bwee" is never used.
Akane's hair: In alternate universe Ranma fics where Akane starts off with long hair, everyone always finds an excuse to give Akane a haircut at some point. Sorry, but I don't care how much short hair "suits" Akane, I personally think most girls (including Akane) look more attractive with long hair, so Akane will be keeping her hair long throughout the entire story. The in-universe excuse is that the canon Akane had no choice in the matter, but Ranma actually prefers it long. Technically, this is breaking canon a little, as Ranma did state in the manga that he likes Akane's hair better short, but I don't care. My alternate universe, my rules.
As I mentioned previously, Ranma's interrupted training has allowed Ryoga to surpass him at this point. Eventually, things will even out close to the power rankings seen in canon with the exception of Akane.
It will probably be at least a few months until the next update, as I will be working on updating my other stories.