Thank you to my loves ShearEnvy, bashfulfan, roglows and livie79.

This is my favorite chapter so far.

July 26th

I'm ansty, ready to go before Ben's even out of bed. It's not like anyone would be there this early, especially Edward. I think about calling him, but I'm trying to play it cool. As if.

My mom watches me, amused, as I move around the kitchen. I'm ready to go for the day, bikini tied under my tank top, sunscreen on my nose and shoulders. Ben is taking forever but it doesn't matter. I can't stop smiling.

"Beautiful day," she says, sipping her coffee.

I just smile and she smiles back. If she's wondering what's responsible for the change in my demeanor, she doesn't ask.

Ben shuffles downstairs, the bruise on his jaw worse than yesterday. My mom reaches up for it and he ducks out of her reach. "Aw, come on, mom," he says. But he sits at the table and when she kisses the top of his head he leans into it, letting her wrap one arm around his neck from behind. She's given up the interrogation about his fight now that it's obvious something happened with Rosalie.

It's an hour before he's ready, and by then I'm already in the car with my seatbelt on, waiting. He frowns as he gets in. "Why are you so fucking hyper today?" he asks.

I have to make a conscious effort to look casual. "I'm not."

He looks at me before he starts the engine. "Bullshit." Then he squints, looking at my face. "You're not seeing some guy, are you?" I can almost see him running through the list of suspects. I hope I'm not blushing.

"No," I lie.

He can tell. "Better not tell me who it is."

"Who who is?"

He grins. "You're a little shit, you know that?"

I just smile at him.

"What's your plan today?" I ask.

He turns the key in the ignition and sighs. "Fight with Rosalie. Get drunk. Make up with Rosalie in the woods. Get drunker. Fight with Rosalie some more."

I give him an apologetic look. "Sorry."

He shrugs. "What about you?"

"Nothing. Tan. Read my book. Try to avoid whatever you and Rose are doing in the woods."

It occurs to me then that when I see Edward I have no idea what's going to happen. It's not like I can run up and kiss him...or even hug him. I can't let on that anything happened between us at all. My good mood dims just a little bit.

When we walk down the path, there are already people on the beach. I look around and don't see Edward.

I lay out my towel and I expect Ben to run off but he sits next to me, staring out at the opposite bank of the river. There are a few guys playing frisbee and someone with a guitar. A girl wears a crop top and what looks like a homemade patchwork skirt. The scene looks kind of like the photos my parents have from the 60's.

Rose walks up and sits next to Ben, stretching her long legs out. He tries to kiss her but she turns her face so his lips graze her cheek. He goes back to staring at the west bank.

"Do you ever think about how much there is out there that we don't even know about? Like, there are people living whole lives that are completely different than ours. People we don't even know exist."

I look at him. Rose does, too. Then she gets up and walks away, her arms crossed over her stomach. Ben's head drops and he closes his eyes.

"What did I say now?" he asks, not waiting for an answer before he gets up to follow her.

I hope they'll work it out, but I'm starting to wonder if they will...and who knows what will happen when Angela gets back. A few girls I know from school stop over to talk to me, but they're just looking for dirt on Ben and Rose, so I'm just frosty enough that they leave me alone after a few minutes of stilted conversation.

After they walk away, I sit back with my book, willing myself to get engrossed in the story.

I'm a few chapters in when Edward shows up. The only reason I know he's there is because Jasper drunkenly yells his name.

I keep reading...or pretending to read. My eyes are moving over the text and not processing one word of it. A few minutes go by before Edward finally walks over to me. He gives me his half-smile and I have to hold back so I don't grin too widely.

"What's up?" he asks.

I hold up the book in my lap. "Reading."

"Cool. Ben forgot his weed and I'm going to hit the liquor store so I told him I'd get it out of his room. He told me to bring you in case the alarm is set."

I look up at him, narrowing my eyes. He knows the code and could do it without me. Ben would know that, too. I give Edward a skeptical look and he grins.

"He thinks you're bored and need to be entertained."

He's kind of right. I am just sitting here by myself. Plus, I'm happy to go with Edward...even if I'm a little nervous. My house will be empty. We'll be totally alone.

"And you're going to entertain me?" My cheeks turn red. It was a lot easier to flirt last night after I'd had a couple of drinks.

He doesn't answer. He just bites his lower lip and smiles.

My heart is in my throat as I grab my bag, leaving my towel behind to save my spot in the sand.

We take our time walking to the car and once we get in I realize I haven't asked him how the rest of his night went.

"How's your dad?"

"He's good. He seems happy…" He glances at me. "He says he'll be back for Thanksgiving."

It doesn't sound like he believes it.

"I'm sorry," I say. I'm at a loss.

I stare at his profile. I want to kiss him...or at least acknowledge the night before in some way. He starts the car and pulls out of the spot, though. My confidence is slightly shaken, so I turn and stare out the window, trying to hide the disappointment I'm sure is on my face.

"Hey," he says. When I look at him he's frowning. "What's wrong?"

There's no way to say it without just saying it. "I'm not sure how to act after last night. Like, I'm not sure where we stand, I guess."

He's quiet for a minute and I'm afraid that he's going to say something that I don't want to hear. Abruptly, he pulls over the car and unbuckles his seatbelt, leaning over and pulling me toward him. He kisses me and his hands slide down my sides, around my waist. I wish we weren't in a car with a barrier between us.

I break the kiss. "No one's at my house."

We're inches away from each other and his eyes search mine. I was afraid he'd be apprehensive, but he doesn't seem to be. He bites his lip again and I can't breathe.

He drives fast, but then, he always does. When we pull into my driveway we both get out of the car. I open the gate, grabbing his hand as we walk past the pool. Once inside, I shut off the alarm and turn to face him.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" I ask.

He nods, and I begin to realize that despite the fact that he's more experienced and a little bit older, I feel like I'm in control of this situation. He follows me upstairs and I sit on my bed while he shuts the door behind us. As he walks toward me, my heart is in my throat. He stands next to the bed in cargo shorts and t-shirt. He pulls on the brim of his hat with both hands, his eyes moving over my body. I get up on my knees, and I want to see his eyes, so I reach up to pull his hat off. He ducks his head, making it easier for me. His eyes are green, tired from staying up late but they're sharply focused on me.

There's a question there, but he doesn't ask it out loud.

I smile in response and sit back, laying back on the pillows and motioning him forward with my hands. He climbs onto my bed and settles on top of me, my thighs squeezing his hips.

For a second we just stare at each other. This feeling, right here, is something I've thought about enough times that I want to savor it. His weight feels so good and solid. I feel safe with him, my arms looped around his neck. He leans down and I think he's going for my lips but he dips to the side, kissing my neck...up the side and across my jaw. Exhaling heavily, I pull him closer.

We kiss and kiss until I want more, pulling up on the hem of his shirt. He sits back and pulls it over his head, then looks down and watches my hand trail across his flexed stomach, just at the waistband of his boxers. He helps me slide my tank top off, and when I untie my bikini top he stares and then dips his head, kissing me there. I close my eyes and sigh, feeling the grip of each of his fingers, warm palms on my skin.

He moves his way back up my body and settles on top of me more heavily this time, pressing forward just enough that I can see how this will work...how easy it will be to fit together. Not today, though.

"I'm not ready for…" I start.

He shakes his head. "I know."

It's me that tries to push it further, though. We kiss and I arch into him. He pauses, dropping his head onto my chest to take a breath. He tries it again and once more I shift my hips up. He keeps kissing me but backs away so I can't quite get the friction I'm looking for.

"Bella," he says, breathless, the third time I push our bodies together in the way that feels right.

He pushes himself off of me and lays on his back, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I slide under his arm, my leg hitched over his. I press a kiss to his chest, sliding my hand over the muscle there. His skin is smooth and tan and he smells so good I could lick him.

So I do it. Just a little. He looks down, frowning. "Did you just lick me?"

I smile. "You taste good."

His eyes go dark and he pulls me up to kiss him again. After a few minutes I instinctively slide on top of him, my legs on either side of his hips. Freezing, he grabs my wrists and pushes me back, but it only serves to put more weight on where I can feel him hard beneath me. He laughs once, helpless, frowning and smiling like it's some sort of delicious pain.

It feels so right, that connection. I know he feels it, too.

Then very slowly, he lets go of my wrists and grabs my hips, pushing them down and pulling them toward him. He exhales heavily and when he opens his eyes they're hooded. He sits up, our bare chests pressed together.

"We have to stop. I can't..." he whispers against my shoulder, and it's not what I want to hear, but I know he's right. I want to go slow if it all feels this good, but I can see how easy it would be to go just a little too far.

Carefully, he picks me up and sets me down next to him, dropping his head and closing his eyes again. His pulse is racing and I go to kiss that spot on his neck. He stiffens.

"You gotta give me a minute."

I lay back on my bed, staring at my spinning ceiling fan. Maybe I should put my shirt on but I don't want to yet. I feel so good, like I'm just on the edge of something really amazing.

When he turns toward me a few minutes later he's composed, at least more so than he was. He smiles and it's the crooked one that I love.

"Do you want to take a cold shower before we go?" I ask, grinning.

He laughs, then he tickles me until I can't breathe. By the time we're getting dressed we've been gone long enough to have run both errands several times over. If Edward told Ben about this I wouldn't even care, though. If nothing else, he can't really object given what happened with him and Angela.

Even though I don't ask him to, he moves behind me to tie my bikini top back on while I hold the front to my chest. The light brush of his hands on my back makes my skin break out in goosebumps, and the kiss he presses to the back of my neck makes my knees feel weak.

I can't stop smiling. After he grabs Ben's weed and we walk back out to the car, I slide my sunglasses on but know they can't hide how I'm feeling.

At the liquor store I let myself freak out a little while he's inside, keeping in mind that he could look out and see me through the windows.

When we're almost to the turnoff for the river road, he pulls over one more time, a risky move since people we know could drive by here at any moment. This kiss is frantic, and he lets his hands wander lower. So do I. I palm him through his shorts and he groans against my lips. His hand grips my hip and then he slides his thumb up my inner thigh and over the seam of my cutoffs. I make a whimpering sound that makes him kiss me harder.

This time when he sits back I mimic his position and we both catch our breath.

"Holy shit," I say, not feeling as in control as I did before. I can see, for the first time, how people lose themselves. I can see how I could start something like this with good intentions and forget all of them the second he touches me like that again.

He turns his head and I do, too. We stare at each other, smiling.

I should probably ask him if he's going to tell Ben. I should probably tell Ben myself. But I decide we can have that conversation another day. Reality could ruin this.

We walk down to the beach, supplies in hand. I find Rose sitting on her towel, which she set up next to mine. She seems to be in a better mood than earlier, but there's still a cloud in her expression. Despite my good mood I'm dreading seeing her. She'll have questions and I'm not sure I have answers that are going to make her happy.

I hear Ben say "what the fuck" to Edward, somewhere behind us, but I don't turn. There's no anger in his voice.

I get situated on my towel while Rose watches. When I turn to her, she's looking at me weird.

"What?" I ask, frowning.

She narrows her eyes and looks me over, but Ben walks up before she can speak. "Jas is totally fucked up," he says, nodding toward where Jasper is slumped in a chair, his hand wrapped up in an ace bandage.

Rose sighs, and there's genuine concern there. "How much did he drink?"

Ben shakes his head and Rose gets up. He takes her place and I watch her walk over to Jasper and shake his shoulder hard. He lifts his head and she seems pacified. He lifts the bottle in his hand to his mouth and when she tries to take it, he swats her hand away.

My brother isn't watching that, though. He's watching me.

I'm immediately afraid that he knows something but he smiles easily. "I'm glad you've been hanging out this summer," he says.

I look down. He speaks so sincerely sometimes that it embarasses me.

"Even though shit's been crazy, I'm happy you're here...or maybe especially because shit's crazy."

I smile. "Me, too."

"I'm fine, Rose. Jesus." Jasper's voice carries across the beach. She walks back toward us, taking a deep breath when she gets to the edge of my towel.

"You want to take a walk?" she asks Ben, lightly. I recognize the suggestive tone in her voice and decide right then and there that I will never understand relationships.

Ben seems to recognize it as well. He's on his feet in seconds. He's got two joints in his hand. He tosses one to me and I retrieve it from where it falls on my towel. I pick it up and hold it between two fingers. I'm not even sure how to light it, but I'm excited to find out.

He jogs to catch up with Rose and I put the joint in my purse for later.

I catch Edward's eye. He's standing with a group of jocks. Whatever they're talking about has most of them laughing, but he's just smiling at me. I smile back and lean back on my elbows, looking out at the water, the bright afternoon sun almost blinding it's so bright.

Then I run through the last few hours in my head, over and over again, and I wish that I could walk up to him and ask if he wants to take a walk. I wish this could be that easy, but I'm sure it won't be.

I wonder if he is spending the night. Then I wonder how much restraint I'll have left at 2am, when I know he's in the next room, wearing boxers and not much else.

I turn and find him again in the crowd of jocks. He's talking to someone, running one hand over his newly-short hair, a beer in the other hand. This time when he catches me watching he doesn't smile, but the look on his face makes me squeeze my thighs together tightly. I turn back to the water, drawing in a shaky breath.

The thought of him sneaking in my room makes my heart race even though I know if we got caught it would be horrible. Ben would be so mad and my parents would never trust me again.

I still can't stop smiling.

Thank you for reading!