TITLE: get a life
GENRE: humor, romance, friendship
RATING: we are sticking to t, no matter how many orgies may occur
WORD COUNT: 2,312
NOTE: i am bad w/ updates if you expect some from me i'll cry (only half kidding)
but trust me i am going to damn straight try updates so bear w/ me thanks :'-)
if there's bad grammar it's almost def on purpose bc it's based on me and I never type right outside of stories this note is examples a-z
formatting is inspired by a combo of a vast variety of fics and social media yay
romance will be mostly side probably- if that's changing, i will inform you. :-)
DEDICATED TO: mish, bc im a hobo but thx for loving me anyway
"— and in that moment, I swear we were—"
"— no, you're an idiot. Like seriously, shut up."
.
.
(hey you...)
can you, like, please
"G E T"
a
L
I
F
E
?
.
.
(psh, as if— stupid.)
.
.
;-P
i. my life is a shoujo manga but im lit straight as fuck
BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ—!
"— fuck you."
"Yeah, mornin' sunshine."
"Tch. What."
"You're a shit head, and we're halfway through third period, shit head. Better hurry your ass up or I'll quit covering for you—!"
"— ASHDJJFISKEHJLGW."
CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED—!
.
.
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NOTES:
- leorio is an ass
- i feel like shit
- wHAT IS LIFE FUCK SCHOOL
- destroy homework w/ fire
- mom stop crying
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: ass
you're an ass. let me in.
.
TO: kil
FROM: ass
SUBJECT: re:RE: ass
god, is that YOU outside
the infirmary?! WTF MAN
.
TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: this subj makes me feel like a prostitute
yes it's me you dumbass noW
LET ME IN ASS OR ELSE HISOKA
WILL BE AFTER MINE
.
TO: kil
FROM: ass
SUBJECT: you picked it dumbass
lol hisoka
i swear if im ass in your phone,
hisoka will find you drugged and ready in his chair
.
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3:14 PM
I'm (still) in Leorio's office because school is stupid. He's complaining something about not having any boobs around here, but he literally works at an all dudes academy— I have no idea what he's been expecting this whole time, but boobs shouldn't be one of them.
I mean, I hate listening to him and boobs, but creepy gay-ass Hisoka vs. Boobs.
Boobs win.
3:16 PM
"— oh, but Shizuku-sensei has a nice rack! Very bouncy."
"Yeah, but she's psycho. Like, I will kill you and eat your babies psycho."
"Oh... right. Sigh."
.
3:23 PM
I don't get boobs. They're just, like, masses of fat? How can they be even moderately attractive?
No offense to boob owners. I'm sure they're um, nice.
Probably. Like hell I'd know.
.
3:28 PM
DAMMIT I SKIPPED BREAKFAST.
3:30 PM
DOUBLE DAMMIT I SKIPPED LUNCH TOO.
3:31 PM
"— HOW THE HELL DO YOU JUST NOTICE THAT?!"
"WELL IT (aka my stomach) WAS QUIET UNTIL THEN."
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT."
SLAM—!
"— GOD, Leorio, you're so damn lou... d."
"Oh, shit."
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NOTES:
- blonde guy comes in and makes leorio nervous
- blonde guy beats leorio up
- blonde guy comes near me
- blonde guy demands who i am
- "uH, im sick ow ow— BYE"
- bloNDE GUY JEALOUS?
- oF LEORIO LOLOL?
- blonde guy potentially after my friend/nurse's dick
- ONLY HALF JOKING
- probs not bc wow it's lEORIO
- blonde guy could do better
- god hisoka and his pervy ways have scarred me
meh im not that worried
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: hey man
if you're dead, can i get
the key to the nurse's office? :-D
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4:12 PM
I ran away from Blondie because he had this whole aura of THOU SHALT NOT TOUCH LEORIO and I just ran man, because you just don't mess with guys with auras like that.
Ugh, effort.
.
4:14 PM
OH GOD HISOKA RUN RUN LIKE THE WIND STUBBY LEGS CARRY ME
.
4:17 PM
He found some other kid to prey upon— I mean...
No, I mean prey upon. That guy stares at butts when they walk by.
4:19 PM
Poor kid. Seems gullible.
4:20 PM
How the hell does his hair even stick up like that? It's kinda funny looking.
His eyes are pretty though. Kinda like copper coins, except um... shinier.
4:22 PM
I guess.
I dunno man he just had really pretty eyes.
.
4:24 PM
CRAP HE SAW ME
4:25 PM
NO YOU MAY NOT USE ME AS A DECOY MR. PRETTY EYES I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS
4:26 PM
Goddammit.
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username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
30 APRIL
this is so gay
(I am nOT BLOGGING BC I WANT TO THIS IS AN ASSIGNMENT LEAVE ME ALONE BYe)
(GOD IS COMPULSIVE ADDICTION TO PHONE AN ISSUE I DONT THINK SO)
(that would mean 100% of the world is ill)
(I don't need therapy why am I even let's not)
Hey Netero if you're reading this I feel gay and am questioning my sexuality; on another note FIRE HISOKA HE'S AFTER EVERYBODY'S ASSES
IN ALL WAYS POSSIBLE HE'S LITERALLY AFTER EVERYBODY'S ASSES
He must be fired. I will start a petition good lord
On another note, I met a kid with shiny eyes and we almost got group raped today (bY HISOKa) and he was pretty nice I guess I dunno man we just kept running because you know, Hisoka.
On another ANOTHER note, somebody's lit stealing my internet connection who the hell does thAT WE'RE IN AN ALL DUDE'S DORM GET YOUR OWN ILLEGAL WIFI THAT ISNT ALLOWED
goddammit time to go hunt down this asshole
— kil
2 COMMENTS:
netero says: ohohoho idgaf
bodoro-senshuu says: ZOLYDICK (DICK INTENDED) WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU DURING SCHOOL
reply?
yes no
killovescakes11 says: ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE ANONYMOUS
leorio says: are you dumb it lit says "— kil" at the bottom of all your damn posts
netero says: ;-)
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1 MAY
shiny eyes
fuck if this ain't anonymous
I knocked on the door next door bc you know it's probably some lil freshmen shit and the guy who opeNEd IT WAS SHINY EYES
and he opened it with his big grin and shiny eyes and, and, "Hi!"
I ended up talking to him for a while because he gave me some pizza and I skipped brEAKFAST AND LUNch ok it wasn't bribery and it was pretty fun.
Leorio always says I have no friends WHO DOESN'T HAVE FRIENDS NOW, HUH PUNK?
anyway, I bet it isn't him, his eyes are too shiny AND WE EXPERIENCED TRAUMA TOGETHER C'MON
seriously man
there's just no way
that'd be breaking the bro code.
— kil
6 COMMENTS
would you like to read?
yes no
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4 MAY
oh goD
HisokA IS BEST FRIENDS W/ ILLUMI WTF
— NO
23 COMMENTS:
netero says: lol
leorio says: lol
bizky says: lol
shizuku-sensei says: lol
onii-chan says: i thought you knew, kil...
18 more comments
would you like to read?
yes no
reply?
yes no
killovescakes11 says: FUCK
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5 MAY
nononONONONOOOOO
I visited home yesterday bc mom was being annoying and when I was using the bathroom HISOKA POPPED OUT OF THE SHOWER
AND HE WAS LIKE WOW KIL NICE BUTT?
NETERO FIRE HIM HE STALKED ME HOME
and then Illumi inVADED THE BATHROOM WHY
"my brother senses were tingling" MY ASS CAN WE NOT
— nonOOOOO kil
39 COMMENTS
would you like to read?
yes no
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NOTES:
- avoid hisoka
- avoid mom
- avoid illumi
- hide in nurse's office
- track down internet hijacker asshole
- SERIOUSLY WHO DOES THAT
- my bill is going to be so damn high
- kid needs to stop downloading greed island
- WTF EVEN IS THAT
- that shit takes up way too much data
- fml hisoka
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BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ—!
"WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK UP SOONER, DICK."
"... why're you panting?"
"HISOKA."
"Oh, shit."
"LEORIO I SWEAR IF YOU HANG UP—!"
CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED—!
"… bastard."
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TO: kil
FROM: ass
SUBJECT: no
if you're dead, i'm lit
not paying the internet bill
.
TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: re:RE: no
fuCK HE'S ON ME asuHEKEL
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.
username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
10 MAY
i never wanna be a janitor
so I was running from hisoka as per usual because he's really butt hungry (but seriously, what even is his job? how doES HE CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY?) I get tugged inside the cleaning closet.
I mean most people would be like "oh my DOKI DOKI" but if I must remind you, I go to an all guys school so like, no boobs.
and so BeFORE I COULD CALMLY TELL THE DUDE I'M STRAIGHT because I'm straight guys, seriously, the lights turn on.
"— oh, it's shiny eyes."
"Hahaha, getting chased by Hisoka again?"
"He's so damn creepy."
And then we bonded part two because we found the janitor in the back room making out with his mop
and it wAS A LIL TOO INTENSE FOR SHINY EYES AND HE PASSED OUT
the lesson is that janitors are humans too, guys, and we all get lonely sometimes.
just... ewwww, where's that mop even been.
— kil
26 COMMENTS:
anonymous says: mops have feelings too
25 more comments
reply?
yes no
killovescakes11 says: just bc you're under anon doesn't mean i can't hear you talking to your mop in the hallway seriously man it's creepy
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5:24 PM
Shiny eyes is in my bed because I dunno where he puts his keys. I dunno man, but I'm hungry and he saved my ass, so maybe I should buy us some cake or something.
Mmmm, cake.
5:26 PM
Leorio barges inside and he's probably drunk again and TCH HOW THE HELL IS HE A NURSE AGAIN. We'll never know.
Blondie's following him and I would and could yell at him, but he's the guy holding the cake and I mean... yeah.
Cake, man.
5:30 PM
I'm scarfing down the cake (oops forgot about shiny eyes) when Blondie (his name escapes me err) points out the lump under my sheets.
"GON?!"
What the hell is a GON?
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NOTES:
- find out names right away instead of having
- suspicious blondes you don't know point at them
- and shout their name
- methinks this is suspicious
- methinks methinks is a funny word
- heh
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username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
ilovekidsbutts YOU ARE INDIRECTLY KILLING SOMEBODY ASSHOLE
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.
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
11 MAY
wtf is leorio's ringtone tswift?
Leorio and Kurapika (but tbh he's really KIRApika because he sparkles so damn much) ARE STILL HERE.
Blondie's a bit of a wet blanket but it's okay since he bought cake.
Shiny eyes (his name escapes me I gotta write this stuff down) still hasn't woken up?
ISN'T THAT BAD?
— kil
3 COMMENTS
would you like to read?
yes no
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.
11 MAY
what if he died in my bed THAT WOULD SUCK
LEORIO YOU FOOL YOU'RE A NURSE DO SOMETHING
— kil
14 COMMENTS
would you like to read?
yes no
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11 MAY
he's like an old man
LEORIO STOP SNORING GOOD GOD
— kil
9 COMMENTS
would you like to read?
yes no
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2:47 AM
"— psst, psst, shiny eyes, SHINY EYES."
"Hnngh, nooooooo Mito-sannnn, not yet..."
"NOT YET MY ASS YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP SINCE— mmph."
2:48 AM
"..."
2:49 AM
"— MMMPHHH?!"
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.
username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
SETTINGS:
public private
11 MAY
MY VIRGIN LIPS THIS IS LIKE UNCOOL?
I JUST GOT KISSED BY A DUDE AND HE TUGGED ON MY HANDS AND MY LIPS SMACKED ONTO HIS AND HE'S ON MY BED STILL AND HIS NAME STILL ESCAPES ME AND HE HAD SOFT LIPS
FUCK
— kil
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BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ—!
"Killua here, leave a message. Unless you're mom or Illumi or GOD FORBID, Hisoka, then just… leave."
"— Kiiiiiiiil, my brother senses are tingling..."
CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED. CALL ENDED—!
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NOTES:
- he's a niCE GUY AND I WANNA BE FRIENDS BUT
- HOW DO YOU TALK TO A GUY WHO KISSED YOU HUH
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TO: kil
FROM: unknown number
SUBJECT: hi!
i would have thanked you in person,
but you were gone in the morning!
thanks for last night though!
kurapika gave me your number
let's get along!
btw, i'm gon. :-D
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NOTES:
- FUUUUCK
- TIME TO PUT THIS GAY ASS BLOG TO USE
.
.
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username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
12 MAY
seriously leorio shut up w/ the twsift
world, we have a problem
im having girl issues
— kil
68 COMMENTS:
netero says: how the hell're you having girl problems you go to an all dude's school
leorio says: your blog's getting gayer by the minute
66 more comments
would you like to read?
yes no
.
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NOTES:
- FUCK I FORGOT WE HAVE NO GIRLS AT OUR SCHOOL
- FUCK LKAJSDKF
- DOES THIS MAKE ME GAY?
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edit contact?
yes no
change unknown number to?
NAME: GUY THAT'S MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY
save changes?
yes no
change unknown number to?
NAME: gon
TO: gon
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: re:RE: hi!
hey man BTW YOU KISSED ME
LAST
NIGHT
WTF WITH THAT
are you sure you wish to delete this message?
yes no
TO: gon
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: re:RE: hi!
hey, gon, no prob.
and yeah man, hope we
get along! :-)
i'm killua.
.
.
.
username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
SETTINGS:
public private
12 MAY
i'll just blow this off
i really hope i'm not gay
it'd be really hard to get away w/
chasing dicks at an all guys school,
ya feel?
— kil
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TBC.
cue kil's slow descent into teen!girl crisis.
& BTW HAPPY BDAY GON BBY,
ILOVEYOU
commentary is appreciated; if you have any criticism, i'd be glad to hear it.
grammar might be a pretty lax on this story since it is oriented on sites in which grammar practically has no rules, but anyway...
criticisms? ooc-ness (probs an issue as well...)? tell me it all! :-P
thanks for reading!
xxx.