TITLE: get a life
GENRE: humor, romance, friendship
RATING: we are sticking to t, no matter how many orgies may occur
WORD COUNT: 1989 or something
NOTE: I MIGHT CHANGE TO M BC THE AMT OF BAD WORDS IN HERE L-LOL
thiS STORY IS LIT HELL TO FORMAT
HELL no seriously it takes hours my gosh
CHOKES YOU GUYS ARE WAY TOO NICE TO ME holy geez
and btw, kurapika is so hot not even ashamed bye
SQUEES BC HxH HAS BEEN CONTINUING SO HAPPIIIIIII
my aim is to update… before this month is over… sorry it's so short I DON'T EVEN LIKE THIS CHAPTER INTENSE SHOULDER SHRUGS
this is… an arc… maybe
or maybe i'm too lazy for chapter names UM
"— OH MY FUCKING HELL, SHINY EYES, WHY'RE YOU SO DUCKING HEAVY."
.
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(hey you...)
can you, like, please
"G E T"
a
L
I
F
E
?
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(psh, as if— stupid.)
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.
;-P
iii. the badasses may own the place, but they ain't got nothin' on us
part one.
WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT THE
FUCKING TIME IS ANYMORE BUT IT'S
FUCKING EARLY MORNING (AM)
So, shiny eyes is fucking asleep and I'm over here working my ass off fishing around for his keys and I look like I'm attempting rape on his ass and IT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH FOR MY DELICATE HEART.
(Somebody stab me.)
(I'M KIDDING SHIZU-SENSEI PLEASE DON'T.)
I'm just about to yell at shiny eyes BECAUSE HE'S A SNORING BASTARD until I remember Shizuku-sensei has hawk ears (do they have ears actually like what the hell) and broke Leorio's butt— AKA, I don't want my ass kicked.
Not that it would be kicked.
… maybe.
.
WHY AM I STILL AWAKE SO
ANGRY RNOW (AM)
"Gon," I hiss, shaking his stupid ass self (SO PISSED RIGHT NOW IT'S TOO EARLY-LATE-WHOTHEHELLKNOWS FOR THIS SHIT), "where the fuck're your keys?!"
Shiny eyes (AKA Gon, AKA the bastard that fell asleep standing up, AKA the little shit that kissed me, AKA wake the hELL UP ALREADY) opens a single eye tiredly and did—
— did that bitch just sigh at me?!
("OH NO HE DI'INT" not included because first of all, that'd be so juvenile, and second of all, THAT'D BE A — GIRL... LIKE... THING.)
(AND I! AM! NOT! A! GIRL!)
.
BUT STILL (AM)
"OH NO YOU DI'INT, BITCH."
… it slipped out.
Don't look at me with your accusing eyes!
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NOTES:
- a sleepy shiny eyes
- is S UCH
- a fucking
- drama queen
- bitch
- THING
- WHEN, YOU KNOW, SLEEPY
- SCREECHES uncontrollably
.
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NOTES2:
- there's no way im letting
- him h IM
- in my room
- NO W AY
- wow don't give me that look
- Last tIME HE CRASHED IN HERE
- HE SMACKEd onE ON ME
- ?!11?!1!1?
- NO. NO. NO NO NONONO
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NOTES3:
- this is my CHASTITY WE'RE PROTECTING
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: FUCJ
LET ME THE FUCK INSIDE
I HAVE BAGGAGE
I HATE MYSELF
.
TO: kil
FROM: ass
SUBJECT: re:RE: FUCJ
drunk hangover sex
kurapika
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: re:RE:re: FUCJ
I I HAVE TIME FOR YOUR
WHAT THE HELL IS IT—
PROBLEMS?!
R NOW I WANT IN RN R NOW
so salt
.
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username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
SETTINGS:
public private
19 MAY
fruit cups in my room
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO HANDLE LIFE IF LEORIO,
THE BOOB LOVER,
COMES OUT ON ME ON HIS NEW SEXUALITY I HAVE ENOUGH
PROBLEMS ON MY OWN WITHOUT HIS Bye
FLIES INTO THE FUCKING SUN
— kil
.
.
SETTINGS:
public private
19 MAY
fuCK
100% done with my life
SKIPPING SCHOOL
I HATE ALL OF YOU
DYE
DYEEEE
fuCK autocORRECT
— kil
6 COMMENTS:
leorio says: hehehehe
netero says: briNG US MORE BOOZE
4 more comments
would you like to read?
yes no
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: prepare for death
I CAN HEAR YOU AND NETERO'S LOUD ASSES SNORING THROUGH THE DOOR
I S2G I'M CUTTING OFF BOTH OF YOUR DICKS
SO FUCKING A NGRY
I WANT TO SLEEP
.
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ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!
KAKAO—
"shizu" would like to chat w/ you.
.
accept?
yes no
.
read message?
yes no
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NOTES:
- HOLY SCARED
.
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ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!
KAKAO—
shizu: shut the fuck up before I ram
leoriofuckingmiddleagedmanthat'ssomehowyoungerthanme
UP YOUR ASS
.
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NOTES2:
- I DIDN'T EVEN TALK
- OMFG
- can't even reply rn
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ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!
KAKAO—
shizu: I can smell fear
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NOTES3:
- I! KNEW! IT!
- brb crying
- tbh this would be so funny
- but it's me so
- signif less funny
.
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FUCKING LATE
seriously skipping school (AM)
So me and shiny eyes might have to tough it out in a creepy hallway with NO WAY OF SURVIVING THE NIGHT because Hisoka (AKA the pedophile butt molester, AKA my OWN B ROTHER'S BEST FRIEND like wow, srsly Illumi) makes his rounds early, and it seems his absolute favorites this year are me and shiny eyes respectively.
(YAYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyY.)
We are a flipping FEAST in a dark hallway and I don't even know the time because my eyelids want to glue themselves closed and I'M SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW.
I'm also hella tired, okay?!
"Mmmmm," shiny eyes moans, and I kind of want to throw his head against the wall because he's just being a dumbnutt, even though I should've bought my keys too (BUT WTF, NETERO AND LEORIO ARE IN THERE). I tug on my bangs irritably and (attempt to) punch his arm awake.
He drools.
HE FUCKING DROOLS ON ME.
I'm two hundred and ten percent upset with the world as I drag shiny eyes' and his stupid lunk-ass towards the chairman's office where Hisoka might not look.
MIGHT.
I think he can smell us, I dunno.
Anyway, I, for one, am not getting attacked by Hisoka tomorrow— today(?)— WHATEVER— and if I have to break a damn window to get inside a place with some pepper spray and staples to defend myself, I will break.
A.
Damn.
Window.
BUT TBH, THIS SO WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF PREDATOR HISOKA WASN'T ON THE LOOSE
(AKA, NETERO YOU ARE A DUMBASS
JUST HIRING HIM BC HE WON'T AIM FOR YOUR OLD ASS AND HE'S CHEAP.)
.
GIVING UP ON LIFE (AM)
"Oi, Gon, wake up before I shove a pole up your butt," I hiss as I chuck a five hour energy bar into his mouth. Shiny eyes, being very annoying and altogether unbearable to deal with early in the morning— AND MAYBE ALWAYS, THIS FIRST KISS STEALER— (I'M OVER IT STOP JUDGING ME), spits it out.
I bite his neck IN ANGER— EW NOT THAT WAY WE'RE ALL STILL A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT THAT SITUATION YA NASTIES— and his eyes fly open.
"AIEEEE, VAMPIREEEEEEEEEEEEEE—!" he yells, panting, his copper eyes wide and crazy and FUCK, HE'S SO DAMN LOUD.
IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE UGH—
"— AWH SHUT THE HELL UP, THIS AIN'T TWILIGHT," I snap with an upward smack to his jaw, and then I drag him towards the office. SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW and my phone's beeping like crazy and we all know who's messaging me rnow.
This school year kinda sucks.
… cries a thousand tears.
.
.
ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!
KAKAO—
shizu: bout to twist your ass in ways you didn't even know existed
:-D
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(CUE INTERNAL SOBBING.)
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TO: ass
FROM: kil
SUBJECT: SHIZU
if my funeral isn't damn nice, im coming back
from the pits of hell and UTTERLY
DESTROYING
YOU
.
.
EITHER A GENIUS OR NAH
i need coffee (AM)
But Hisoka would definitely go into the chairman's office anyway right? Because he's psycho and GOD, ILLUMI, MAKE BETTER DECISIONS.
Plus, he can smell us.
Probably.
HE HAS AN INTERNAL RADAR FOR US, I S2G.
smell of fear vs. smell of us—
who will win?
i… don't know.
There's only one choice in the end, AND IT AIN'T PRETTY
There's only one place Hisoka probably wouldn't look, unless he's a masochist AND MY HEART IS GIVING OUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE SHUDDERS
BECAUSE EVEN HISOKA'S A LIL… TENSE… AROUND HER
BC OF PAST HISTORY (laughING SO HARD O H MY GOD)
(they used to be in a street gang together omfg i ow my stomach)
I MEAN
and our scents will be covered by ALL HER PAST CONQUESTS FOR BLOOD
AND BUTT BREAKING
THIS IS TERRIFYING
THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON'T DO
AND
NETERO BETTER LEMME SKIP CLASS WHENEVER I HELLA WANT GOODBYE
SO LUCKY I AIN'T BREAKING ANOTHER ONE OF HIS DAMN WINDOWS
.
cry cry rararaaa (AM)
But if I do this, my mom's gonna be way too happy, and she gets significantly more creepy when happy.
Like, ew.
Like, ew she wants to eat me or something, ew.
.
.
username: killovescakes11
password: *************
Hello, welcome!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
textpost blog tweet status
SETTINGS:
public private
19 MAY
srs stuff
My family initiator is HisokA I'M DOING EXACTLY WHAT FAM WANTS nasty
DON'T ASK
I GET THE FEELING PEOPLE ARE READING (QUIT HACKING MY PRIVATE BLOG RANTS) BUT LET ME JUST TELL YOU I'M A VERY NORM CHILD
WITH NORM INTENTIONS AND STUFF
fam's diff though sigh
ugh
WHY HISOKA DAD
HE TRIED TO KILL ME WHEN I WAS LIKE TWO GOODBYE
threw a wooden chair at me TESTING STRENGTH MY ASS
INITIATORS ARE GAY
LITERALLY IN HIS SITUATION
& i pinky swore to my imaginary friend canary never again.
P.S— … IMAG FRIENDS ARE LEGIT OK
— kil
.
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how to clear up the situation
with an idiot (AM)
"But Mito-saaaaaaaan,"
"Mito-saaaaaaaan nothing, you ASS!" I grab his shoulders and shake hard, and his still spiky green hair (WTH HE DOESN'T USE GEL FOR THAT NONSENSE?!) flops into his face. Shiny eyes looks disoriented (and like a lost puppy BUT WHATEVER NEVERMIND I LIKE CATS BETTER HALF LYING), and he blinks.
"Kill... ua?"
MY INNER SHOUJO HEROINE THAT OCCUPIES A TINY CORNER OF MY HEART MUST SHRIVEL UP AND DIE—
(CRY WHY IS SHE ALIVE STOP SQUEALING
THIS IS NOT OK)
"NO TIME FOR THAT, DUMBASS. It's god knows what time it is, and we're in the hallway... alone."
His thick skull MIGHT GET THE SITUATION NOW, because his eyes widen slowly in horror and he's gaping like a fish, and we're gonna get butt raped, basically.
Here's the thing with Hisoka— he's not all that bad at his job. In fact, he's frighteningly good at it— if you get caught once, you're gone.
AKA, you're so FUCKING TRAUMATIZED THAT YOU JUST LEAVE THE SCHOOL.
RUMOR HAS IT he has a guard for his… you know YOU KNOW.
As I contemplate the situation (okay, as I think about Hisoka and all of his just— you know I can't even talk about it crying), shiny eyes is just trying to digest it all and... why was he awake anyway?
WHATEVER.
IT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW, SINCE WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE.
Shiny eyes' head swings around for a bit, his eyebrows are furrowed, and—
"So... what do we do?" he whispers.
.
.
ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!
AMBER ALERT—
Hisoka has risen.
RED ALERT, HISOKA HAS RISEN.
Please remain inside until the sexual predator has returned to his chambers.
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GODDAMN IT, NETERO, WHO THE HELL DOESN'T FIRE A GUY WHO HAS HIS OWN GODDAMN AMBER ALERT?!
50000000% SALTY AT THIS SCHOOL RNOW.
.
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OFFERS SELF ON PLATTER
we will probably die (AM)
"— whaddya mean we're breaking into Shizuku-sensei's room—?!"
.
.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP—!
"Hello, this is Netero's inbox ("VOICEMAIL, YOU DUMBASS—"), awesome kick-ass ("YOU'RE A FREAKING DICK—") chairman of the HxH Academy; please leave a message and there's a two percent chance I'll actually do my job! Beep!"
"Hey Netero,"
.
.
"... she's transferring in."
.
.
chairman is an asshole
that was too lazy to let
kil in oh well (AM)
Netero snorts— the Zoldycks are such drama queens.
"Let the games begin."
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TBC
whOA you mean there's an actual possible (sub)plot ?!
... there could be
winks
sorry i take forever i haven't had a comp bc of a trip i've been on so ;;;
SO MANY THANKS FOR ALL THE NICE REVIEWS ALWAYS I DON'T— ?
have a swag swaggy day!
xxx.