Mourning Glory: Chapter Three
Alicia woke slowly, her mind blurred with the kind of sleep that hadn't lasted long enough. The two hours of sleep early in the morning and now this short hour of sleep after she and Kalinda had—
Kalinda. Where was she?
Lifting her head from the pillow and turning in every direction to take in the room, she realized the noise she had been hearing since she opened her eyes was the shower. Alicia smiled at the thought of hot water running over Kalinda. Her breathing deepened as images danced before her closed eyes. The coiling in her lower abdomen was unbearable.
Climbing out of bed, Alicia entered the en suite and reached for her toothbrush. A quick brushing, her patience expired and Alicia approached the shower. Pulling back the curtain, she couldn't will herself to step forward because her eyes were so taken with the nude woman in her shower.
"Hey," Kalinda wiped the water from her eyes, giving Alicia a full frontal view.
Alicia couldn't begin to formulate words. She stepped into the shower and sought out the other woman's skin. Her hands skimmed both olive-toned arms, her eyes never leaving those of the investigator.
"Good morning," Alicia purred.
Their fingers linked. There was no awkwardness between them and no regrets. Alicia looked at Kalinda with only lust in her eyes; the look returned was one she had never seen before. It was completely open, unguarded. Kalinda Sharma was not harboring secrets or attempting to protect Alicia Florrick from the truth.
"Mmm…" Alicia murmured as Kalinda's mouth began tracing her clavicle.
With their fingers tangled, Alicia couldn't do what she had been wanting to for so long. She dropped Kalinda's hands to free her own to tangle in wet, black tresses. Kalinda's hair was enchanting.
"Oh," the taller woman cried as lips surrounded her right nipple.
Kalinda's mouth was as talented as Alicia had imagined it. Admitting to herself how often she had imagined it reminded the lawyer how badly she had wanted this woman.
Kalinda knelt.
Alicia had never seen the look on Kalinda's face she was seeing now. Yet another look she had never been privy to. It was predatory and yet soft, demanding but considerate.
The investigator's hands began running up and down the fronts of the lawyer's thighs. Arousal ebbed and flowed with the location of taunting thumbs—at its height when those thumbs approached her apex. Watching the hot water stream over Kalinda, her face beneath the falling water. Her legs increasingly weak, Alicia's hands steadied her by gripping the kneeling woman's lithe shoulders.
"Fuck!" Alicia gasped as thumbs tenderly traced her mound as fingers continued tracing silky skin.
Tilting her head back in the hopes of feeling those thumbs so close to her now throbbing core, the brunette was beautiful from Kalinda's viewpoint.
"Look at me," the kneeling woman asked.
Looking down, stilling herself for an even more intense arousal, the lawyer was still stunned by the wicked look on the exotic woman's face as she licked her lips. The stroke of tongue across her bottom lip was preparation. When she was certain her look had the intended result she darted out her tongue to trace wanting lips. The sensation caused hips to buck and it was only a moment before a forceful hand gripped raven rocks to force more contact.
"Jesus," Alicia moaned with the first swipe of an experienced tongue the length of her slit.
That initial feeling was nothing compared to the deeper plunge wet on wet. It was as erotic a sensation as Alicia had ever felt. How had she never done this before?
And then, without adequate warning, she felt her bundle of nerves encapsulated and being eagerly attended to. The suction was beyond stimulating. She had never felt so quickly bordering on orgasm with so little. It was when that talented tongue came to a point and pressed far into her that she wobbled, holding on now to the slippery shower wall. It was but a half dozen more strokes and plunges when weary legs trembled beyond control.
"Kalinda, I—" She was too late to offer her warning.
Her walls tightened, her juices flowed and Kalinda's tongue didn't slow. Riding the many waves of the moment, the investigator gave Alicia plenty of time. Eventually standing, she quirked an eyebrow at the lawyer's expression.
"Let me help you," the taller woman smiled, wiping away excess moisture from the mouth that had so thoroughly pleasured her.
Their mouths connected in a tender kiss.
"Here," Alicia gestured for Kalinda to turn around.
Surprised by the action, Kalinda sighed and her mind fell into a blissful oblivion as her lover began gently washing her hair. Her hair was one of her many secrets; it was kept from all but those she truly trusted. She relaxed her shoulders into every touch until it was time to rinse. Once both steps were completed, the lawyer's delicate hand reached for the taps.
"Let's get out of here," she said with a mischievous look.
Two could play this game. Rather than grab a towel or robe, Kalinda merely wrung out her hair before walking completely nude out of the en suite to the waiting bed.
Intoxicated by the sway of Kalinda's hips, Alicia could hardly move. She grabbed a towel and followed.
Though her hair had remained dry in the shower, her body was dripping as she stepped onto the bedroom carpet. The brunette quickly, albeit poorly, ran the towel over her body. Looking up from the legs she had passed over with the towel, her breath caught in her throat.
Hair dripping, nipples erect, Kalinda stood looking at the lawyer with a vulnerability Alicia had never seen in her eyes until now.
"Kalinda," Alicia whispered.
Taking a step forward, she fingered the towel in her hand. Holding it out, she gently wiped the moisture from Kalinda's face. The investigator's eyes remained closed as Alicia stepped behind her to wring the remaining water from her freshly washed hair. The towel then ran over each shoulder and down the woman's back.
Alicia was rewarded with a sigh.
Taking her time, the taller woman continued to run the towel over every plane of Kalinda's beautiful body.
The towel came to a stop between the woman's full breasts. For the first time since Alicia began her exploration, Kalinda's eyes opened. Those dark, stoic eyes were hiding a building fear.
Attempting to quell her own worry, Alicia dropped the towel to her feet. One step and their mouths came together. The kiss was slow and sensual. What it attempted to hide was the battle they were experiencing as opposing emotions pulled them in different directions. It was only a matter of time before those battles surfaced and broke the kiss.
"This is insane..." Alicia sighed.
"Do you want me to go?" Kalinda offered hollowly.
"We have to talk about this."
Running her hands over her own face, looking up at this person she had cared about from the moment they met, she struggled to free herself of the bonds of silence, secrecy, and independence.
Alicia took Kalinda's hand and led her to the side of the bed.
"Lie down."
Alicia's voice was gentle as she guided Kalinda into bed and covered her with a throw since she was lying on the duvet. She made her way over to the other side of the bed, sliding in, covering herself and turning onto her side. They were both facing each other, each with a hand under their cheek, between their face and the mattress. Neither spoke, staring at each other, memorizing every aspect, every line of one another's faces. Alicia finally spoke.
"How long have you been in love with me?"
Kalinda let out a burst of air. And there it was. The biggest secret she had kept from Alicia had always been her feelings. It was much easier to ignore them, to keep them locked up than to risk putting herself out there in a way that would inevitably cause nothing but trouble.
The emotion in Kalinda's eyes was nothing she had ever seen reflected there. Even her stoicism couldn't hide the true answer to Alicia's question.
"We have to be able to talk about this," Alicia sighed, not out of frustration as much as weariness.
When Kalinda's eyes broke the gaze between them, Alicia used a single finger to tilt up the well-defined chin of the woman who tore at her own feelings.
"I think I knew, not about you but about me," Alicia confessed. "That night I sat waiting at the bar, the night you were late. I worried myself sick that your… husband… had done something to you. That he'd—"
She couldn't speak the rest of the memory and cleared her throat to prevent herself from losing emotional control at the thought. All this time later and the fear still gripped her. Reaching for her hand, the investigator gave it a supportive squeeze, a reminder that she was still here, that she was okay.
"Kalinda, I'm scared," Alicia admitted.
"Of me?" Kalinda seemed genuinely stunned by this revelation, causing Alicia to chuckle at her obliviousness.
"You could break a heart in your sleep."
"What does that mean?" the investigator sat up slightly, holding her head up on a bent arm and elbow.
"You don't need people," Alicia remarked. "You... You don't need me."
If Kalinda had been surprised by Alicia's admission of fear, this remark came like a punch to the gut.
"You can't possibly believe that," Kalinda's jaw became rigid.
There was a silence between them as the lawyer tried to conjure up some way of explaining what she meant without further hurting Kalinda's feelings. For her part, Kalinda was attempting to quiet herself, afraid she might reveal how desperately she needed Alicia and always had. Speaking it out loud made it real. Speaking it out loud meant she was making herself even more vulnerable.
"Can we go for drinks tonight?" a hesitant Kalinda asked.
"Drinks?" Alicia was confused by the change of subject.
It then dawned on Alicia that getting drinks represented something they hadn't shared in months. It represented who they once were, their closeness and their friendship.
"Is that what you want?" she asked.
"Drinks?"
It was Kalinda's turn to be confused.
"To return to being friends, like we were," Alicia explained.
"No," the investigator spoke quickly, too quickly, and Alicia's stomach dropped. If they couldn't return to being friends, how would anything else work? How could they ever share a moment like this again—not just in Alicia's bed, but any realm of intimacy?
The brunette was silent.
"I want more."
Those three words were as surprising to Kalinda's ears as they came out of her mouth as they were to the lawyer when they registered in her own mind. She didn't want to retract them, either. For the first time in years she felt like she had finally been authentic with this woman. She was finally being honest about Alicia's ability to have Kalinda wrapped around her little finger from day one. It was as much honesty with Alicia as it was with herself. She hadn't allowed herself to admit these things in her head and heart.
"I don't know how this can be," Alicia spoke their shared concern.
"We don't have to know that right now, do we?" Kalinda offered another squeeze of the brunette's hand.
"No, I suppose we don't," the heavy sigh behind those words was worrisome to the investigator.
"What?" she pried.
Taking a deep breath and blinking back the moisture pooling in her eyes, Alicia looked directly at Kalinda and said what she believed.
"You'll hurt me again."
The sting of this belief was well supported by the history of their friendship. They had done nothing but hurt each other in the last few years. It began with the revelation of Kalinda sleeping with Peter, but that wasn't the end of it. To some degree Alicia sleeping with Will hurt Kalinda as much as her betrayal of her friend that started the downward spiral. Then came the push-and-pull of their professional lives, their allegiances at Lockhart Gardner. Alicia had been planning to leave the firm with Cary for some time before they made the sudden move. Kalinda had to hear about that from Cary. Then came the incomprehensible hookup with Cary. Hurting each other had become their only hobby, it would seem.
"I never wanted to hurt you the first time," Kalinda's voice took on the frustrated tone that came when she was forced to repeat what happened with Peter. "I was in a terrible place and I had to get out. Peter helped me do that. But I didn't know how I could tell you that without ruining what developed between us. No matter what I did, you would have been hurt. I hope you see that."
This was the truth. They both knew it. The rock and a hard place where Kalinda found herself existed from the day Alicia Florrick was offered the job at Lockhart Gardner. They now had to accept this fact instead of continuing the battle of words and pain between them.
Without knowing where they went from here, the brunette found herself leaning up to Kalinda's level. Pressing her lips to the investigator's thin, soft lips. She didn't push, she simply offered. And Kalinda accepted the offer without the eagerness of the night before but the desire for something beyond what they had shared already.
Pausing the kiss, Alicia pulled back to look into the dark eyes she had missed over the previous months.
"What?" Kalinda couldn't read Alicia's expression.
"I forgive you," the answer tumbled from her lips into the space between them, soothing hearts that had long been raw. "No—"
Kalinda couldn't allow herself to be hopeful if Alicia was only going to break her heart and soul into a million pieces yet again.
"I forgave you," Alicia clarified to Kalinda's great relief. "I don't know when, but I should have said so."
"Alicia—"
"No, listen to me," the brunette put a perfectly manicured finger to the investigator's lips to still her speech. "I realized it too late…what it meant for you to become Kalinda. I didn't know how much of a threat he was. I didn't know what you were facing."
The reminder of what her life had been before Peter Florrick had helped her become Kalinda Sharma brought with it emotions that Kalinda had long buried. She had never told Alicia how much Nick scared her. She had never told Alicia why Nick was gone now. But this was the Alicia she had easily made friends with—the person who could know the unspoken. This was the Alicia she had fallen in love with despite the obvious pitfalls of doing so.
"If I had it to do again," Kalinda's voice was heavy with emotion. "I would have."
Alicia blinked. She knew that Kalinda had no choice and that alone made her admission not sting. The fact that Kalinda had slept with Peter wasn't ever really the issue—Peter had slept with half of Chicago. The pain had always stemmed from the way they had become friends amid the cloud of secrecy about Kalinda's past.
"I don't know how we do this Kalinda, he's still my husband. And he is the Governor of Illinois," Alicia sighed at the thought.
"Nobody has to know," Kalinda assured her. "Until and unless you want them to."
"How will I tell my kids?" Alicia said to a chuckling response from Kalinda.
"Something tells me your son might be a bit jealous of you."
"Zach?!" Alicia was shocked. "Are you sure?"
"Quite," Kalinda smiled.
Mortified, Alicia buried her face in the nape of Kalinda's neck where she mumbled something incomprehensible.
"Your kids will be more receptive than you might think. Kids are much more accepting of these things," Kalinda wrapped an arm around Alicia, pulling her naked body closer to her own.
"About women together?" Alicia mumbled a bit more comprehensibly. "Or a middle-aged mother falling for her extremely sexy and mysterious colleague?"
Hearing Alicia admit that she had fallen for her, too, warmed Kalinda from head to toe. It may have taken a long, daunting road to get here, but they were here now. The past, however painful, was the past. They could do this. They could be whatever they wanted to be for one another. The reality of this was setting in and Kalinda found her mind staggering in response.
"Kalinda?" Alicia noticed Kalinda's silence.
Her mind may not have caught up to the progress they were making on top of the bedding they made a mess of hours before, but her body began leading the way. She placed her hands on each of Alicia's cheeks and brought her in for a searing kiss. Unable to hold herself even an inch off the mattress, Kalinda allowed herself to lie back and relax as she watched Alicia crawl onto her body, straddling her waist. Where a kiss spoke to willingness, the subtle tilt of curvy hips portrayed eagerness. A seamless rhythm of hips rocking in a gentle motion came to be joined by meandering hands. The only time either woman lost eye contact with the other was when their mouths came together causing their eyes to ripple closed.
As Alicia moaned Kalinda's name, they both knew the brink was not far. That one word from the lawyer's usually vocal mouth was the only actual word exchanged. They hadn't been quiet, no, quite the opposite, they simply no longer needed words.
It was friction that drew them to the precipice. Their hands tangled together, their eyes locked and their souls found a mutual solace.
The brunette's heart and breathing continued beating rapidly as she fell to the side. Silence continued in a soothing, comfortable way.
Curling into Alicia's side, Kalinda placed gentle kisses along a strong jaw before nuzzling her nose into the now familiar space between shoulder and neck. Alicia's scent, something she had often recognized at a distance, was heightened by their morning activities.
Alicia turned toward Kalinda and pressed a soft kiss to swollen lips. She looked into Kalinda's eyes and thought she was reading her friend perfectly. She thought she saw contentment and willingness to continue whatever this was. She thought she saw in those dark orbs a desire to stay.
"Will you give me a ride to my car?" Kalinda hummed against Alicia's sweaty forehead.
"Yes," an affirmative response, though noticeably disappointed.
"Drinks tonight," Kalinda assured her to the lawyer's relief. "Tequila, to be precise."
The memory of many nights of carefree friendship came to the forefront of both their minds. That first night Kalinda insisted they have tequila was, looking back on it, something she knew they both needed. Where they each needed a friend, that need grew to needing much more. As they held each other after an unexpectedly blissful morning, neither could fathom ever not needing this. Perhaps because they knew what it was like to have been without one another following their falling out or maybe because they had each had their share of partners who symbolized everything that this relationship wasn't, whatever it was, they knew how important this moment and their future was.
"I should get dressed," Kalinda spoke.
"You certainly don't have to," Alicia smirked. "But you might get some odd looks at the bar."
"As long as you're looking, I wouldn't care."
The investigator pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of messy brunette locks before scooting to the edge of the bed and sitting up. She could feel the lawyer's eyes memorizing every curve of her shoulders, hips and spine.
"I guess I will throw on some clothes to drive you."
"That's a shame," Kalinda smiled as she pulled on her skirt.
"Mmhmm."
Alicia stood and walked to the bathroom where she met Kalinda's dark eyes in the mirror, having watched her hungrily as she made her way out of the bed. Smiling, Alicia shut the door.
Kalinda was waiting in the kitchen, her hair once again pulled up, when Alicia emerged from the bathroom. In her tight leather jacket, it was obvious there was a bulge in one pocket. Curious, Alicia wrapped her arms around the woman and snuck a hand into the bulging pocket. It didn't take more than one touch of lace for the lawyer to know what she had her hand on.
"Let me take these," Alicia was almost purring near Kalinda's ear. "I'll launder them with my delicates. And if you're nice I may give them back."
Kalinda turned and pressed a firm kiss to Alicia's lips. When she pulled away, her words left Alicia breathless.
"I wouldn't mind if you kept them."
Stunned, Alicia was pulled from her thoughts by a chuckle near the front door.
"Are you ready?" she looked up to find a beautifully sly smile on Kalinda's face.
The ride down the elevator was much less eventful than it had been coming up. Getting in the car was also without incident, the previous night laughable by comparison.
Neither woman spoke nor did they look at one another as Alicia maneuvered the car out of the underground garage. As sunlight lit up the car and she pulled out onto the street, a heavy sigh passed Alicia's lips. Kalinda read it perfectly, responding with a gentle hand placed on the lawyer's upper thigh. They exchanged a look assuring one another that leaving the apartment complex, truly exiting the shadows, was something they would handle together.
The short ride to the bar was over before either of them broke the silence. Aware of the busy shops and sidewalks, Alicia didn't know how to say goodbye discreetly. A kiss was out of the question in these surroundings. The governor's wife kissing another woman would be a story. She hadn't made a decision when she found Kalinda leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"This will have to do," the investigator whispered in Alicia's ear.
Pulling back she smiled that mysterious smile of hers that always had people wondering how she always knew what they were thinking.
"Drinks at 7?" Alicia smiled.
"I'll see you then."
Kalinda climbed out of the car, closed the door and walked in front of the car, offering a knowing smile at Alicia before crossing the street.
There was a sense of déjà vu as Alicia watched the investigator enter the bar. Seeing the bartender hand over the keys he had confiscated the night before, she thought back to how broken they had both been last night. Their time together had soothed body and soul.
Drinks. Therein lay both a promise as much as forgiveness.
-finis-
Author's Note: I've written 50+ stories, some I remember and some I don't. That won't be the case with this one. It has been an absolute pleasure to co-write this piece, a story that originated in The Good Scottish Wife's mind and came to life with the words I brought to it. I won't be forgetting this one anytime soon. Cheers. -dkc