For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Are you sure about this Bo?" Kenzi asks for the millionth time as Bo stands in front of the mirror fiddling with her hair, unable to decide if she should put it up or if she would leave it down. She also tugs at the trench coat hanging down from her shoulders, frowning when she shivers even in the Crackshack. Why did winter have to be so damn cold?
"I'm not sure about anything anymore Kenz. All I know is that when I'm with her it feels right, she feels right." Bo says, a as she turns to face her best-friend. "What do you think?"
"About this half-assed plan of yours?" Kenzi asks. "Or about how you look in that coat of yours?"
"How about at bit of both?" Bo replies as she tugs at the long trench coat hanging off her shoulders. "Is this even going to be warm enough?"
"Meh polar vortex, smolar vortex." The raven-haired woman replies as she reaches up to fix the collar of Bo's shirt. "Does it really matter how cold you get?"
"I don't think Lauren would like it if a Popsicle showed up on her doorstep."
"I think you underestimate how much you two spark" Kenzi mutters as her eyes drift up and down Bo's frame. "She'd have to warm you up the old fashion way, giving her an excuse to actually touch you."
Bo laughs silently as she shakes her head. She didn't feel like telling Kenzi she was more likely to end up ordered into a bathtub, without a naked Lauren to keep her company. "Think whatever you want Kenz, but you and I both know she doesn't need an excuse to touch me."
"That's true, all she has to do is talk in geek and she has the key to your pants." Kenzi groans as she scrunched up her nose before her eyes harden and she turns to face Bo again. "In all seriousness though I'm going to ask you one more time, are you sure that you wanna do this?"
"Yah… wait what happened to the supportive Kenzi from three weeks ago?" She grins as Kenzi reaches out, swatting at her. "She's still here, and she still wants to see you happy, but she doesn't want to see you heartbroken again. There's no running to Dyson this time."
"I know. God I know." Bo says as she closes her eyes, a sad smile tugging at her lips. Her talk with Dyson had been a bitter one, but also quick and painless. She had been right, he had fallen in love with Tamsin, and while the talk between them hadn't been nearly as painful as it could have been it was still not an easy one. "That option is gone, no more Dyson, and honestly I'm kinda relieved."
"Really?" Kenzi asks her incredulous. "You were kinda weepy when you came home."
"I didn't say it was easy. I just said that I was glad it was done." Bo sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair one last time. "It was hard to do. It's hard to end something that you both have clung to as a security blanket for years on end."
"You seem happier though. I don't know… lighter maybe?" Kenzi says as she reaches out to run her fingers though Bo's hair one last time. "You just seem to be happier these days."
"I am Kenz… god it feels like I'm finally starting to get some degree of control back over my life." She pauses as Kenzi cocks her head to the side in confusion. "I guess what I mean is that I don't have that choice hanging over my head anymore. And the tension between them! God I don't think I could stand another dinner with everyone, being caught in one love triangle was bad enough, I don't want to be caught up in another one, especially when I'm the unwilling third party."
Kenzi grins at her as she shakes her head. "I never thought the day would come that I was helping you to get ready to go and try to win Lauren back."
"I'm not trying to win her back. I'm just going to talk to her." Bo replies before whispering. "A talk that we really should have had a long time ago."
"I think you're ready Bo." Kenzi says as she pushes Bo towards the mirror again. "Yep, you're about as ready as you're ever going to be."
"Thank-you Kenzi." Bo says as she turns around to gather her best-friend in a bone-crushing hug. "Thank-you for everything."
Kenzi pats her back a few times before she smiles and buries her face in Bo's shoulder. "Just remember that I'm going to be waiting right here when you get back okay? No matter the outcome."
"I know. The ice-cream and horror movies are on standby?" Bo jokes as she pulls away, but Kenzi doesn't smile, instead all she sees is her best-friend's face warped into a grimace. "Hey, you know that I'm going to be okay right? Either way I know that I have you to come back too."
Kenzi finally smiles as she looks up at Bo. "I know. You have me, you have your dear old grandpa, and you also have a protective Valkyrie and a wolf. But just in case the horror movies are on waiting by the DVD player, the ice-cream will have to be purchased, Tam-Tam ate the last of it."
"I was wondering where all the spoons went."
"Yeah… I wonder too…"
"Kenzi?"
"Yes?"
"The spoons had better reappear by the time I get back."
"Of course." Kenzi mumbles before she mumbles something under her breath that Bo could swear sounded suspiciously like. "I guess another 'trip' to the store will be needed. Tam-Tam so owes me."
All she can do is smile and laugh as she watches Kenzi grumble under her breath, although Bo did have to wonder what untimely fate the spoons met this time around, the last time they had all disappeared they had ultimately ended up with Lauren, whom was running tests on the various new 'homes' of the bacteria. "So long as Gerald, Justine, and Javier don't make a reappearance I don't care if the spoons are on Mars Kenz, but it is kind of annoying trying to eat ice-cream with a fork."
"I make no promises." Kenzi replies, her hand up as if she was about to swear an oath. Bo smiles as she looks at her best-friend before she glances at herself in the mirror again. She closes her eyes as she breathes in and then out.
It was time.
Lauren looks up from her microscope when she hears the hard bangs of knocking on her door. She squints as she looks over at the opposite side of the room. She hadn't been expecting any visitors today; did they need her down at the lab? Did something happen with one of her patients?
Deciding that she couldn't take the risk of avoiding answering she quickly makes her may over to the heavy, dark, wooden door. Pulling it open quickly her eyes widen in surprise when she sees the person standing on the other side of the door. Immediately her mind begins to go into overdrive.
"Are you alright? Did something happen?" She questions as she scans over Bo's body looking for any indications of injury. Walking towards her quickly Lauren reaches out as she begins to pat the brunette opposite her down feeling for any signs of injured ribs. "Bo? You need to tell me where it hurts. I can't help you if you don't…"
"I'm fine Lauren." Bo says, smiling as she catches both of her hands between her own. She can't help but raise a skeptically eyebrow as she continues to take in the body of the woman opposite her. "Really I'm okay."
"Are you sure? Bo I don't care what it is or how you go it, you know you don't have to be embarrassed. Did something go wrong with one of your feeds? Did you loose control again?" Lauren begins to guess, trying to figure out why the woman in front of her is even here.
"No. No. I'm fine, nothing's happened when I feed. Lauren I'm here because…"
"You know that you really should tell me right? There's no shame in loosing control, you're still recovering from the ordeal with your father, and it would make sense if your darkness were to emerge when you tried to feed. I can see if I still have some of your old—mhmm." The press of a warm, familiar mouth against her own promptly cuts her off. Her eyes drift closed as she leans into the kiss, the familiar pressure of equally familiar arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer as she allows one of her hands to drift upward cupping the soft skin of Bo's cheek, the other tangling in her hair as Bo pulls her closer, her lips growing more demanding.
Lauren returns the fiery kiss with one of equal passion, the fingers tangled in Bo's hair tugging on her scalp, trying to get as much out of the kiss as she can. It had been far to long since she'd been able to feel Bo like this, the warmth of her body, the taste of her lips, the familiar and the familiar fire that only Bo can seem to ignite so quickly in between her thighs.
Far too soon for Lauren's liking Bo broke the kiss, pulling away only enough to let her see into the other woman's eyes.
"I'm sorry." Bo panted out. "But I needed you to stop talking."
"It's okay…" Lauren replies, leaning her head against Bo's shoulder as she tries to catch her breath. Everything about this felt so deliciously familiar, it would be so easy for her to just fall back into Bo's arms, to give into the heat building up between them, but instead she pulls away, breaking the tight embrace silently.
An awkward silence falls between them as Lauren struggles to find the words to voice what she wants, all of the questions that are burning on her tongue, but that she can't bring herself to give voice too. She could feel Bo's eyes on her as she finally opened her mouth, beginning to speak "What are you doing here?"
"There's some things that I wanted to talk to you about." Bo replied, hesitating for a moment before she took a few steps backward. "But I can understand if this is a bad time. I should have called first… I can't believe I forgot to call first… sorry… I didn't think ahead again."
Lauren smiles gently as she shakes her head, nodding to herself internally as she braces herself for the words that will soon come out of her mouth. "Let me just put my samples back in the fridge. Why don't you take a seat on the couch?"
She worked quickly to try and put the samples back in the fridge.
She had known that this would come at some point, this talk at least was something that should have talked about a long time ago. At least this would finally end the limbo that they had been in, she would most likely finally be set free.
She smiled sadly as she places the samples in their small fridge. It would be short enough, and it would probably end all of this waiting around that she had been doing. She double-checked the label before she places the slide into the fridge.
She gently closed the door, closing her eyes as she grips at the fridge.
How can you prepare yourself when you get your heart broken by the one person that you've sacrificed pretty much everything for? She knew that she couldn't because there was no way to not have her heart broken in this scenario.
"Hey, you okay Lo?" She heard Bo ask from across the room; Lauren bit her lip as she tried to blink back the burning sensation in the back of her throat.
"I'm fine Bo, I just need to turn off some of my equipment okay?" Lauren replies, careful to keep her back to Bo as she moves over to turn off the light under her microscope. She blinked again swallowing the burning sensation at the back of her throat as she composes herself.
She turns to face Bo, the woman who stilled had her heart, and always would have it.
"Do you want anything to drink?" She asks her as she makes her way over to Bo, whom only shakes her head.
"I'm okay." She replies as Lauren walks over to the couch, part of her dreading the words that were going to come out of Bo's mouth. She had no way of knowing if this was going to be a talk about their relationship or if it was going to be a talk about their old relationship, the old fractured and broken relationship, the one that she wasn't sure was even salvageable.
But at the same time, the fact that if that was why Bo was here, then it might indicate a change, amongst so many that she has undergone in the last year. "Do you think that maybe you should sit down hmm?"
"Yeah I probably should." Lauren replies as she walks over to the couch, for the first time taking in Bo's clothing. She can't help the way her eyes trail down the curves of Bo's body, of the way that her clothing hugs her body so tightly. The way the leather pants cling to her long, so incredibly long legs, and the way that her top clings to her magnificent chest.
"There's some things that we should have talked about a long time ago, but we didn't because I never brought it up, and you were to busy taking care of yourself and doing your research." She says, a small, proud smile tugging at her lips. "You once told me that the secret to any relationship is trust, understanding, and compromise."
Lauren's eyebrows screw up as she frowns, trying to understand why Bo was bringing up the old conversation between them. "Kenzi and I talked recently, about the future and about what I wanted to make of my life until it's my time to ascend to the throne."
"You and Kenzi talked about it?" Lauren asks unable to keep the surprise out of her voice. "So you're not going to run away from the throne after all, that's good Bo, its brave."
"It's not brave, it's just something that I have to accept, there are some things not even I can run from, and sometimes I have to accept my destiny, even if that's what I don't want to do. I don't really know what my destiny means, but I do know that I have quite a bit of growing up to do." Bo admits gruffly. "I still have a lot to learn, but there is one thing that Kenzi pointed out to me was something that I've been oblivious too for far to long."
"Bo please just get to the point… I just need to hear the words come out of your mouth, and that's all I need alright?" Lauren says as she reaches out to grab the hand that was lying next to her. "All I need is the words from your mouth, and no matter what I want you to remember that I am yours, and I will always be yours."
Bo flashes me a brilliant smile as she squeezes the hand resting between them. "And I'm yours, Lauren."
She blinks once, twice, three times as she tries to process the words that were just spoken.
I'm yours Lauren.
Lauren lunged forward, letting go of Bo's hand as she reached up to grab both of her cheeks, slamming their mouths together in a heated, fiery kiss.
I'm yours, I'm yours.
How many times had she dreamed about those words coming out of Bo's mouth? About hearing them, about hearing them from her lips of her volition. All she could do was press her lips frantically to Bo's, trying to confirm that this was real, that she hadn't fallen asleep again.
She could only hope that she wouldn't wake-up and find out that this was a dream once again. It was one that she'd had far to many times.
She could feel Bo's hand come to rest softly against her cheek, her thumb stroking the skin there gently. Lauren could feel a shudder travel down her spine as one of her hands drifted down, wrapping her arm around Bo's waist, tugging her as close as she they could get on her narrow leather couch.
"I love you." She heard Bo whisper in her ear when she pulled away, Bo's hand remaining on her cheek. "And I am so sorry for putting you through all of this."
All Lauren could do was smile, blinking her eyes in an effort to keep the tears back. Bo's thumb brushed against the corner of her eye as she shifted her gaze to look down at the woman lying below her sprawled out on the couch. "I love you, so much."
"I love you too." Bo replied as her hand gripped Lauren's chin gently, holding her head in place as the brunette places another, far gentler kiss on her lips. Lauren let her eyes drift closed as she responded, her hands stroking Bo's cheeks as she simply reveled in the feeling of Bo's body pressed against hers, at the gentle and unhurried nature of the kiss, ones that were so rare in their previous relationship.
She could feel something wet trail down her cheeks, followed by the ever-present press of a gentle thumb. "Hey what's with the water works huh?"
"Happy." Lauren replies as she blinks back the tears, trying to stop anymore from falling. It is the first time that she's cried in front of Bo, but if this was going to be it then perhaps it was for the best that they were happy tears, not sad ones for the first time in her years with the Fae. "I'm happy. This is… it's going to be so hard Bo. I'm not sure if I could deal with my heart being broken like that again."
"Please don't." Bo begins, her own eyes beginning to shine with a sheen of tears. "I don't ever want to do that to you again. It would tear out my own heart. God I was so horrible to you, but here you are. What did I do to deserve you?"
"What did I do to deserve you in my life?" Lauren fires back. "All you did was fall in love with me. That's all you had to do to be here again. It's not what you have to do to stay here though."
"I know, believe me I know." Bo replies as she leans up to press another kiss to Lauren's lips. "It's going to be a long hard road to even start to rebuild what we had."
"You know that we're not the same people that we were last time right? I won't stand by and let you hurt me like that ever again Bo." Lauren said, her eyes fierce as she stares into Bo's. "I'm not a doormat, and I'm not a slave anymore. I answer to no one."
"And I know that too."
"And you know that this time we're going to talk about everything? We're going to sit down and lay out what we both want from this relationship, what we both want and expect." Lauren continues.
"And if what we want doesn't match up?"
"Then we'll find a compromise but I think we both want the same thing, at least if what you told me way back then is still true now."
"You have no idea how true it is." Bo says as she smiles, her hand cupping Lauren's cheek fully. "So what do you want to do now?"
"What do you want?"
"I want you to be mine again. I want you to be my girlfriend but I understand if you're not ready to take a step in that general direction right now." Bo says before she stops and adds something. "And there's one thing I do want to ask. I want you to be patient with me, you're my first adult relationship Lauren, and well because of the whole killing my lovers thing I never learned how to be in a relationship."
"Every relationship is different Bo, the circumstances of our relationship are going to be very different from anything else that I've ever experienced because you're a succubus and I'm only human." Lauren says as she allows herself to relax into Bo's hold on her cheeks. "There's going to be a lot of things I have to learn how to deal with as well, but the most important thing we can do is exactly what we're doing right now."
"Talking, communicating with each other. I know. I suck at being honest about how I'm feeling or sometimes I'm to honest and don't let you tell me how you're doing or what you want or what you're feeling."
"I'm not exactly an open book Bo, the myriad of communication issues that plagued our relationship were just as much my fault as yours."
"I didn't exactly help any of that by ignoring you the few times you tried to talk, and by lying to you I don't even know how many times over the course of just our relationship. How can you even trust me after all of that?" Bo replies, screwing up in nose in disgust.
Lauren looks down at Bo, shaking her head as she tries to fight back a fit of laughter at the expression on her lover's face. It was one of pure disgust.
"Somehow I do, and I think if I'm honest I probably always will. But I do have to wonder how it's possible for you to love me when you know so little about me, you hate secrets being kept from you for any reason, and I lied about something as basic as what my name was."
"I don't have to know your birth name, I don't have to know all of your past to know that I know the current Lauren. It might help me understand you better, but I don't need to know you." Bo replies, reaching up to touch Lauren's cheek again as the other woman leans against the palm of her hand. She hesitates for only a moment before bringing her hand up to hold Bo's hand in place.
"So we've got two out of the three keys to a relationship huh?"
"Is that what you want to call them?"
"Yeah, because if I don't then I'm just going to forget them again."
All Lauren can do is smile fondly as she reaches down to touch the necklace hanging from Bo's neck. "You're still wearing it."
"I never want to take it off." Bo replied simply, another smile gracing her lips as Lauren stares down at her before leaning up to press another kiss to her lips. She lets a small moan escape before surrendering to the kiss and returning it with equal fever, only for Bo to break the kiss a few moments later, not wanting it to become to heated. Lauren sighs as she finally allows her body to drop, pressing her body weight fully against Bo, whom returns the embrace by wrapping her arms around Lauren.
For a while they simply lay there in silence, neither of them wanting to risk ruining the moment by talking. Her head remains pressed to Bo's chest listening to her heart beating. It reverberated through her, a surreal experience because she could remember the last time that they had done this, that she had lain against Bo's chest just like this.
It had been so long ago now that it seemed more like a dream. She closes her eyes as she feels the rise and fall of Bo's chest against her head, and for a fleeting moment she wondered if she was crushing Bo, but when she tried to shift some of her weight off to the side Bo wrapped her arms around her waist and tightened her grip, holding her there rather then letting her go.
It was almost as if Bo was having a hard time believing that this was true as well.
Eventually she heard Bo's breath hitch in her chest as she began to talk. "So where do we go from here?"
"I don't know. Do you want to try a relationship again or would you rather we take our time and see what happens between us?"
Bo laughs, the vibrations ringing through Lauren's chest. "You know that I came here to try and win you back."
"You never need to try and win me back Bo." Lauren whispers as she props herself up on her elbows so that she could look her lover in the eyes again. "I've been yours since the moment in the lab, all you had was tell me that you wanted me."
"Is it really that simple?"
"No." Lauren replies, smiling sadly as she looks down at Bo. "Our relationship is still broken and it's still fraught, but that doesn't mean is irreparable."
"What do I have to do then?"
"All I ask of you is that you be willing to compromise with me when we talk, and that you don't shut me out before I can explain the rationale behind some of my decisions, some of my past."
"I think that I can do that." Bo murmurs as she leans up capturing Lauren's lips in a heated and demanding kiss. She could feel Bo's legs come up and wrap around her waist, but before she could realize what Bo was trying to do the other woman had already rolled them over, sending them tumbling to the floor laughing.
It was a beautiful start to something new.
As always thank-you so much for taking the time to read. A special thank-you to those who have followed or favourited, and an extra thank-you to people who left reviews on the last chapter.