Chapter 8

In the days that followed, Elizabeth tried to re-familiarize herself with her charity work, the people of Pemberley, and her husband. Although little flashes of memory occasionally came back, there was nothing as vivid or as informative as the dream she had had that Sunday afternoon. Soon, she found that a full month had passed since her accident.

She was now seven months with child, and found herself very heavy and awkward. Her ankles frequently got swollen, and she had to take time to sit down and elevate her feet several times a day, as well as taking naps.

Darcy was solicitous and friendly, in his own staid manner. She was relieved to see it, and she felt that they were getting along well. She, Darcy, and Mary spent their evenings congenially, either in the music room, or reading in the library.

Darcy had announced that Georgiana would soon be returning from Ramsgate with her companion, Mrs. Annesley. His cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, was going to escort them to Pemberley.

The only memory Elizabeth had of Georgiana was of the night of Darcy's birthday party, and she looked forward to getting to know the young woman again. She also hoped Mary would find companionship with her. Lizzy felt badly that she had not had as much time for her sister as she had hoped. She was focused instead on re-acquainting herself with her home and, more importantly, her husband.

Mr. Darcy was still very much a mystery to her. She found many things to admire in him, and could only hope he felt the same about her. He was extremely intelligent, and she delighted in hearing of his knowledge of the world. He was well-travelled, and had an excellent education. He enjoyed literature, as she did, and they mostly favoured the same authors. They spent many happy hours in the library in the evenings, reading to each other.

Elizabeth had arisen from a nap and Millie had helped her dress when she received news that Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam had arrived. She hurried, as well as her bulk could carry her, toward the front doors of Pemberley. There she saw the young lady from her memory, as well as a man a year or two older than Darcy, certainly not as handsome, but with good humour on his face.

"Elizabeth!" Georgiana raced forward to hug her. "Fitzwilliam tells us you are doing better from your accident! But you do not remember us?"

In fact, when she had first seen Georgiana, she had had a flash of memory: it was in the sitting room at Longbourn, when Darcy had brought his sister to meet Elizabeth before the wedding. "No, but I do remember meeting you, when you came for the wedding. It just came back to me this moment."

Georgiana looked delighted. "Then you will soon remember that we are the best of friends." She turned to the gentleman. "And this is my cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam. You two are great friends too."

"Mrs. Darcy. I hope you are doing well," said the Colonel with a bow.

"I am doing much better, thank you, Colonel."

Just then Darcy entered the room. "Richard! Georgiana! I am glad you made it safely!" He shook his cousin's hand and hugged his sister. Elizabeth at once felt a bit of envy. He had never hugged her, not since her accident anyway.

She shook off the feeling. "Mrs. Reynolds has your rooms prepared. I am sure you know the way? I have been learning my way about Pemberley, but it is still possible that I might get lost," she teased.

The two departed up the stairs, saying they would be back down for supper in an hour. Darcy turned to smile at Elizabeth. "I am glad to hear you had another memory come back."

"I remember her coming to Longbourn to meet me a day or so before the wedding. She was so incredibly shy. It took quite a bit of effort to draw her out."

"Yes. My mother was shy. I supposed both Georgiana and I inherited that attribute of her personality."

"You are shy?" asked Elizabeth in surprise.

Darcy's brows furrowed. "Of course I am. Why do you suppose I am so quiet and reticent?"

"But why are you shy with me? Are we not husband and wife?" she asked, slightly hurt.

"I was very shy when I first met you, but if you remembered me then, you would know that I have opened up quite a bit with you."

So the reticence was just a natural part of his personality, then. That made Elizabeth feel a bit better.

Elizabeth introduced Mary to Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam when they came down for supper. Mary had been very busy lately volunteering with Elizabeth's charities, especially the school for underprivileged children, and Elizabeth was glad to see her sister find joy in it.

Mary and Georgiana were pleased to meet each other. Mary was only a couple years older than Georgiana, and they were soon involved in a discussion of composers.

While the two younger ladies talked, she and Darcy kept up a cheerful flow of conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam, who told her that they had been calling each other by their first names almost since they first met. "So you see, I am Richard to you, and you are Elizabeth to me."

"I am happy to accept that," she said with a smile. She also noticed Darcy's dimples appearing, which made her smile wider. He seemed to have lost all reserve with his cousin, and Elizabeth was glad to see it, although slightly discouraged that it had never yet happened with her.

As she observed the cousins laughing together, she suddenly had another flash of memory. She remembered that laugh. Colonel Fitzwilliam was sitting with them at the dining room table, eating Christmas dinner. An older couple was there, their faces pinched with disapproval. Elizabeth could see the Christmas greenery and decorations hanging from the walls.

"Elizabeth? What is it?" asked Darcy.

She must have been quiet for quite some time for them to notice. "I remember last Christmas, I think. You were here, Richard, and so was Georgiana, and I think your parents too."

"Yes, that is right!" exclaimed Richard. "You made Christmas very happy for all of us."

Not all of them, as far as Elizabeth recollected. Lord and Lady Matlock had been disapproving of her, asking her endless questions about her situation and connections, and seeming displeased with all her answers. She also remembered that Darcy had defended her to them several times, and that warmed her heart.

"What did we give each other for Christmas?" Elizabeth asked, eager to recall more.

"I gave you a horse," said Darcy. "A gentle mare for you to learn riding on."

"And I really ride now?" Elizabeth asked, still incredulous.

Darcy smiled. "You do indeed. It took some persuasion, but you came to love your horse Pomona, and although you take riding slowly, you enjoy it."

"We shall have to see, after the baby comes, if I can take to riding again," she said. "And what did I get you?"

"You got me a new writing set. It is quite fine," replied Darcy.

"And have you used it?"

"I use it every day," said Darcy with a smile. "It was a very thoughtful gift."

Elizabeth found herself blushing at his praise and the look in his eyes. Was it … tenderness? She did not know him well enough yet to be able to tell, but she hoped it was so.

Elizabeth got to hear Georgiana play that night as they all adjourned to the music room after dinner, and she was amazed at the level of skill the girl displayed. Elizabeth would never be able to play that well, even if she tried her whole life. She clapped enthusiastically when her sister-in-law finished, and then Georgiana and Mary looked over the music together to try to discover a duet they might play.

Elizabeth was seated happily next to Darcy. She saw his large, sun-browned hand resting on his knee, and she longed to hold it in her own. She was feeling more tender toward him since she had observed his happy appearance ever since his cousin and sister arrived. She watched him now from the corner of her eye, and saw his relaxed pleasure as he listened to their sisters play.

He was truly an estimable man, she thought. Despite her initial misgivings, she found that it would be very easy to fall in love with him. She did not know if she had already loved him before her accident, and hoped further returning memories would tell her the truth of it.

Darcy had said that they had been friends before her accident; but did that mean there was any love between them? He did not behave like a man in love. Could she make him fall in love with her?

George Wickham received an invitation for dinner at Pemberley House the next evening. His friend, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, was visiting his cousins and wanted to see him before he had to leave in a few days.

Once he reached Pemberley House, Wickham happily greeted Richard as well as Georgiana, whom he had always viewed as a little sister. He was also pleased to see Miss Mary Bennet again. Over the last weeks, as Mrs. Darcy familiarized herself again with her various charities, he had noted Miss Bennet take a hand in helping her sister and the people of the community. It was something he silently applauded.

He could tell that Miss Bennet was attracted to him. He admitted to himself, without vanity, that he was considered attractive to women. Indeed, during his years at Cambridge, he had taken advantage of that very fact. But Miss Bennet did not put herself in his way, or attempt to gain his attention in any way. Even her charity work seemed to be done without any thought to him. She was knowledgeable of Scripture without being in any way self-righteous or pedantic. He found that he admired her very much. And she was a pretty young woman. Her sparkling green eyes especially called to him. He thought she would make a very good wife to some man.

He found his eyes flickering back to her again and again as the evening passed. She had apparently befriended Georgiana, which Wickham was glad to see. Georgiana was painfully shy, and needed friends near her own age.

When the evening grew late, and it was time for him to return to the parsonage, he found himself wondering when he would see Miss Bennet again.

"Lizzy?"

Elizabeth turned from where she was getting ready for bed, and saw her sister at the door.

"Come in, Mary," she said. "You may be excused for the night, Millie." The maid curtseyed and then left them alone.

"Is something troubling you?" Elizabeth asked.

"Not exactly," said Mary.

Lizzy patted the side of the bed, and Mary came to lie down next to her as they faced each other, as Elizabeth had done with Jane so often at Longbourn. "What is it, dear?"

"What do you think of Mr. Wickham?" When Mary spoke at last, Elizabeth was surprised at the question.

"Well, I think he is a very good man," she said. "It seems that Mr. Darcy's father made a good choice in bequeathing the Kympton living to him."

Mary nodded but said no more, looking pensive.

"What is the matter? Do you not think he is a good man?"

"No, I do!" Mary said vociferously, then moderated her tone. "Of course he is a good man."

"Then why do you ask?"

"Do you know why he is not yet married?" Mary took her bottom lip and worried it between her teeth.

Elizabeth now had an inkling of what all this questioning was about. "I have no idea. Why? Do you have an interest in Mr. Wickham?"

"Oh, Lizzy, is he not the most amiable, handsome, generous, and godly man you have ever met?" Elizabeth could think of a better man – namely, her husband – but Mary continued speaking. "But he would never consider such a plain creature as I."

"Mary!" Elizabeth said sharply. "I thought you were aware that you are a very pretty young woman."

"Compared to my sisters –"

"Compared to Jane, everyone is plain," said Elizabeth with a roll of her eyes. "I have never been considered a beauty either, especially when I am in company with Jane. You must overcome this self-derision, my dear. It is not healthy. Besides, when you say such things, you imply that Mr. Wickham has a shallow character, to choose a wife solely based on looks."

"Oh, he is anything but shallow!" cried Mary.

"I agree. But you must also agree that you are a very pretty woman."

Mary looked doubtful at that.

"God made each of us as we are. It is useless to try to wish we were somehow different; that will only lead to unhappiness. I, for one, have always envied your pretty green eyes."

"But your brown eyes are lovely, Lizzy."

"You see? We each find beauty in each other. I have never considered my eyes to be anything special. Others might view it differently. I have always mourned that my features are not perfectly symmetrical. You must not keep Mama's words in mind. She praises Jane and Lydia to anyone who will listen, and even some who will not. She has not universal knowledge of what beauty is."

Mary bit her lip, looking uncertain.

"And if Mr. Wickham is indeed the one for you, he will find you beautiful no matter what you or
Mama think of yourself."

"Thank you, Lizzy. I do feel better."

"Do you have any reason to think Mr. Wickham is interested in you?"

Mary shook her head. "No."

Elizabeth patted her hand. "Well, we must wait to see what happens. You still have a month and a half at Pemberley, unless you wish to stay longer. You and Mr. Wickham may come to know each other better."

"Thank you, Lizzy."

"Would you like to sleep in here tonight?"

"I would."

Elizabeth put her arm around her sister and snuggled her close, although her belly protruded into Mary's waist. After a moment Mary pulled back. "Dear me! What was that?"

"That was your niece or nephew, moving around in my stomach. Here, feel." She took Mary's hand and laid it on her belly. It only took a moment before a little limb flexed inside her womb and Mary was able to feel it.

"That was amazing!" Mary breathed. "What a wonderful thing! I cannot wait until I have children myself."

"Hopefully it will not be long for you, sister."

At the same time, Elizabeth was wishing she could have shared the moment with Darcy. He had never touched her stomach, never felt their child move – at least not that she could remember – and she wished there was enough closeness between them that she could invite him to do so.

Slowly, she and Mary fell asleep side by side.