Chapter 11

Lizzy was too tired for wedding plans. In the last month, Mary and Jane had filled every spare moment talking about the wedding. Mary had known it would be a modest ceremony, due to Mr. Wickham's income and position, but, after all, it would be the only time she married. She wanted it to be perfect. Mr. Darcy had offered to host the wedding breakfast, and Jane had taken over the plans, getting help from Mrs. Reynolds.

All three sisters were relieved that Mrs. Bennet was not there to take over the wedding. Lizzy was also doubly glad that her father had convinced her mother to come only after the child was born. Elizabeth did not want Mrs. Bennet fluttering about the birthing room with her nerves. She would be glad with the company of the calm Jane and the competent midwife, Mrs. Murphy.

Elizabeth was now so heavy with child that she could barely ascend or descend the stairs without assistance. Fitzwilliam had been very attentive, always jumping up to help her when he perceived a need. At times she laughed at him, teasing him that he was turning into a nagging old woman. But inside, she was pleased by his show of concern. And she could tell, by his dimpled smile, that he enjoyed her teasing.

Both Mary and Elizabeth had been disappointed that the Gardiners would not be able to attend the wedding. Mr. Gardiner was not able to get away from his business so soon after their tour of Derbyshire. Elizabeth had wanted to be able to introduce her new son or daughter to her beloved relations. But Darcy had told her that he would invite the Gardiners to Pemberley for Christmas this year, which she had been very pleased to hear.

Jane had confided in her sisters that she was three months with child, and both Elizabeth and Mary were very excited to hear that they would be aunts soon. "First, however, we must make sure you have your baby, safely, Lizzy," said Jane. "Next it will be Mary's turn," she added, to Mary's blush.

A little more of Elizabeth's memories had returned. She now remembered Mr. Collins's visit to Longbourn, as well as Lady Catherine de Bourgh's. That august lady had heard through her vicar of Elizabeth's engagement to Darcy, and had travelled to Longbourn to try to bully Elizabeth out of the marriage, claiming that Mr. Darcy had a prior engagement to her daughter. The lady was thoroughly ridiculous, and Elizabeth laughed when she remembered the conversation, although it had not been funny at the time, only insulting. She also recalled how Fitzwilliam had taken up for her against his aunt, even to the point of cutting all communication with her until she offered a sincere apology, which, she learned from her husband, the lady had yet to do.

She remembered Jane's wedding in late May, how resplendent her sister had looked, and how awestruck Mr. Bingley. How happy they both were.

She had hoped that some more memories of her relationship with Darcy might shine through; but as she had evidence that she and Mr. Darcy had despised each other at the outset, she felt it best to let it rest.

She and Fitzwilliam were getting along so well together that she felt she might very well be in love with him. She did not see how she could not have fallen in love with him before her accident, despite their difficult beginning. But Darcy had spoken only of friendship between them. It was a puzzle, indeed.

It was on the fourteenth of September that Elizabeth felt the first pangs of labour. She tried to put off telling Fitzwilliam, for she knew that her husband would panic and send for the midwife immediately, and she realized she had a long time yet to go. Mrs. Gardiner had given her some advice on childbirth in her letters, and she had no inclination to stir up the house into excitement before it was necessary.

She did inform Jane privately, however, that her pains had started. Jane had then gone to Charles to ask him to distract Mr. Darcy by taking him across the estate on some excuse. Charles had looked at her curiously, but had agreed without questioning her.

When Elizabeth ordered a bath in her rooms in the middle of the afternoon, however, Mrs. Reynolds seemed to catch wind of what was happening, and approached her mistress.

"Mrs. Darcy, are you having pains?" she asked in a low voice so as not to alert anyone else.

"They started about an hour ago, but I do not want to tell my husband yet. He will only fret."

Mrs. Reynolds nodded in approval. "I think that is a wise decision. First babies often take a long time. You will let me know when you wish me to send for the midwife?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Reynolds."

"Very well. I hope the bath soothes you, Mrs. Darcy." Mrs. Reynolds curtseyed and then departed.

Elizabeth undressed and then Jane helped her into the tub. Lizzy tried to relax into the warm water, ignoring the pain in her back.

"Have you thought of any names?" Jane asked, clearly trying to distract her.

"Mr. Darcy and I had not discussed it," Elizabeth said, just now realizing the lack.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I have not thought much of that either. As long as we have a healthy child, that is all that matters to me." She frowned, suddenly thinking of something. "Do you think Mr. Darcy expects a boy?"

"I know Mama says that all men want an heir, but I would not worry about that with Mr. Darcy, Lizzy. As far as I understand from Charles, Pemberley is not entailed away from the female line. So if you only ever have girls, your oldest daughter's son will inherit."

Elizabeth felt relieved. She had not remembered that, nor had it occurred to her to ask Darcy about Pemberley's entail. Her mother had lived most of her adult life in fear of the entail of Longbourn, and it had turned her into a silly, nervous creature.

After a half an hour the water had turned cool, and Elizabeth decided she needed to walk about the room a bit. The pains had gotten worse, but she did not think she needed to summon the midwife yet.

Two hours later, she had changed her mind. She asked Mrs. Reynolds to send for Mrs. Murphy, and that efficient matron came bustling into the mistress's chamber twenty minutes later.

"First babies always take a long time, but I am glad you sent for me, Mrs. Darcy," she said. "Let me just check how far along you are."

Elizabeth lay down on the bed, and while the midwife performed her examination, she said, "I met your husband on my way in. He was just coming in himself."

"Oh no! I hope he is not too worried!"

"I had to nearly restrain him myself from bursting in here. He wants to see you once I am done examining you."

A few minutes later, Mrs. Murphy let Darcy in, and he charged across the room, looking concerned. "Elizabeth, are you all right?" He clasped her small hand between his two large ones.

She was touched by his concern. "I am very well, Fitzwilliam. I think it will be a long night. Why don't you spend some time in your study with Mr. Bingley? He can help you pass the time."

"I wish to stay with you."

"You cannot help me, Fitzwilliam. There is nothing for you to do here. It is merely waiting now," she said sympathetically.

He nodded, then leaned down to kiss her cheek. Elizabeth's breath caught. He had never kissed anything but her hand since the accident. It felt lovely to receive such affection from him.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "I promise I am well, Fitzwilliam. Now, go!" she said, in feigned exasperation.

That made his mouth tilt in a smile. "Very well. If you need me for any reason, you will send for me, will you not?"

She nodded. "I will."

With one last look at her, he left the room. Elizabeth's heart filled with warmth as she watched his tall figure walk away. Could she ask for a better husband?

The night was, indeed, very long, but Jane and Mrs. Murphy stayed with her throughout all of it. It was around three in the morning when Elizabeth gave her final push, and the child made its first cry.

"You have a daughter, Mrs. Darcy," said the midwife, massaging the child's chest and cleaning her of blood and fluids.

Elizabeth looked in amazement and wonder at the little creature which Mrs. Murphy placed in her arms. Love such as she had never before known welled up in her heart. The baby had a tuft of black curly hair on her head, just like her husband's.

"Will you tell Mr. Darcy to come in?" she said.

"Let us just deliver the afterbirth first, madam, then I will clean you up and you can have visitors."

Jane held her new niece while Elizabeth delivered the afterbirth, and then handed her back to her mother. "Oh, Lizzy, she is beautiful," said Jane in a tone of awe.

"I know. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," said Elizabeth, with tears coming to her eyes.

The baby began rooting around her chest and Mrs. Murphy said, "I think she wants to feed, Mrs. Darcy."

At once, Elizabeth bared her breast and her daughter latched onto her nipple, suckling. She winced at first, for it hurt a little; but soon after it became soothing.

"I will send Mr. Darcy in," said the midwife.

Elizabeth was too exhausted and exhilarated to worry about modesty. Her husband entered the room, and she looked up at him. "We have a daughter, Fitzwilliam."

He sat in a chair beside the bed. "Would you like to hold her?" she asked.

He gulped and then nodded, looking overwhelmed. She handed him the little swaddled bundle, and he took the baby as if he was afraid he would break her. Awe filled his eyes, and an all-encompassing tenderness and love. "She is beautiful," he said, his voice breaking with emotion.

It was then that Elizabeth realized how deeply she had fallen in love with her husband. She could not imagine life without him, and could only be thankful for the fate that had led her to this place, next to him, holding their daughter. Her throat clogged with the emotion of it. But as much as she felt, she could not say it. Not only did she fear Darcy's rejection, but she still did not remember what their feelings had been for each other before the accident. Darcy had spoken only of their being friends.

"What shall we name her?" she asked instead.

Darcy looked up at her. "I had not thought of it."

"We could name her after your mother?"

Darcy shook his head. "Maybe a middle name. There are too many Annes in the family."

Elizabeth's head tilted as she pondered. "What about Ruth? 'Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.'"

Darcy looked up at her, and she thought there was a sheen of tears in his eyes. "That is lovely," he said. "Ruth Anne Darcy."

The new Miss Darcy began to squall, and Elizabeth said, "She is hungry."

Darcy handed her back to her mother carefully, and Ruth latched onto Elizabeth's breast eagerly. Elizabeth laughed, feeling no awkwardness that Darcy was witnessing such a thing. "She is a healthy one!"

"She is. I prayed she would be."

"God has answered both our prayers," she said, reaching out to touch his hand.

Darcy had never experienced such wealth of emotion as when he held his daughter for the first time. The love that welled in him could only be compared to what he felt for the child's mother.

Even if he and Elizabeth had a dozen children, he knew he would treasure precious Ruth as his firstborn and most precious gift from Elizabeth. He wanted to declare his love for his wife in that moment; he wanted to shout it. But he feared rejection. Rejection such as he had received when he proposed, and again when they had consummated their marriage. That had been a complete and utter rejection which had devastated him, and which he had barely recovered from. He could not risk another rejection now.

Instead he looked down at his little girl, suckling at her mother's breast, and felt that overwhelming love fill his heart. He reached out to tenderly touch the tiny little fingers with their perfect miniature fingernails. No, he would be content with Elizabeth's friendship for now. He would build on what they had, and try not to wish for more.