"One by one the ponies die, the ponies die, the ponies die, and one by one the ponies die."

"Ryan what are you doing?"

"Sacrificing ponies for weapons, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Oh. Do you always summon weapons like that?"

"Yeah, the voices told me to."

"Why?"

He's so cute when he's confused. Ah fuck, forgot about the bumblefucking Minotaur. Highlight of any day = Minotaur attacks. Yeeeah No. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, it's charging right at me. I did not just urinate a little.

"Nico, save the last happy meal!"

"WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW?! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!"

"FOOD IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT!"

My shouting seemed to have caught the attention of the Minotaur. Great. Aren't I supposed to be the son of the Goddess of fortune, why can't I be fortunate? Excellent why don't you just bring out the giant war axe because every monster needs a giant war axe. Yep just swing it at our table. Wait. OUR TABLE? THE TABLE WITH THE FOOD?! OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

"IT IS ON LIKE FUCKING DONKEY KONG!"

"Minotaur noises (Growling? Nose breathing?)."

So yeah. The ponies gave me a bronze war axe. Pumped to destroy this beast. Nico just stood there looking pretty. I lied. He wasn't just standing and he looked hot with is black sword of death pointed at the Minotaur. Damn his battle face can get one pumped for a fight. Like seriously he was so fuckable facing down the monster. Eh, fighting time. Bitch charged knocking Nico down. He did a flip. It was great except for the bleeding and unconscious bits. Just me and you Minotaur.

"Nico, are you okay?"

Definitely unconscious. Damn. Eh, more Minotaur for me. Thaaat is a stab wound. Damn horns, use your axe a bit. Wait, ignore that. Do not use giant war axe. I repeat, do not use giant war axe. More Minotaur noises. Fuck mate, get a breath mint or something. I can swing my axe, axe. Swing my bronze axe, axe. Can you swing yours Minotaur? Yes, yes you can. Fuck. Easy dodge. Ooops missed Minotaur.

"Na na na na na, you can't hit me. Bleh stupid Minotaur. "

Ha, I sure showed him who's boss around here. Nope he's up again. Can't it just hurry up and fucking die already. Slash, slash. Damn axe. Wow I have a good arm. Bulls eye, literally. Note to self, axes make great spears.

"Destroyd mate, Minotaurs got nothing on me!"

"Did you seriously just throw an axe at a Minotaur?"

"Nico you're awake."

"Yes, I seem to be. Killer headache though."

"At least you did a cool flip."

"You have amazing priorities."

"I know."

"You ready to start our search for my dads staff?"

"Nico, what exactly are we looking for?"

"It's a two pronged death fork."

"Oh, I know exactly where to look."

"Where?"

"The place of all evil, KFC."

"Why would it be there?"

"Because according to the internet, Colonel Sanders wants to create an army of fried chicken and intends to equip them with forks."

"You sure?"

"It's the internet so it has to be true."

"The internet is a strange place."

"Yes but that is why we go there. We need wifi to locate Colonel Sanders base of operations. Oh yeah, Maccas has free wifi. YAY!"

"Hurry up and search it then, it's our only lead."

"I'm getting there. Patience is a virtue I've been told."

Ooo, Google is looking good today. Okay now to Wikipedia. Over 600 stores in Australia.

"NICO I FOUND SOMETHING!"

"No need to shout, I'm next to you."

"Oh yeah. The first Australian KFC was opened in 1968 in Guildford, a suburb of Sydney. I think we should start there."

"Okay, whatever you say goes."

"Can you get us there?"

"Probably not, I don't want to risk fading this early in our quest, I'd rather save it for when a giant skeleton army is needed."

"Seems reasonable but we still need transportation. Got any money for a taxi ride?"

"Nope, I only carry drachmas and American money."

"Damn, maybe busking can get us enough cash to get a taxi to Guildford."

"Okay let's try it but I'm not a very good singer."

"I can't do anything. Maybe we should find another way to make money."

"Are you two handsome young boys looking for a way to make money in the big city?"

"Yeah, could you help us?"

"Help, of course I can help, come with me boys, it's only a short walk to my office building."

"Thanks, how are we going to be making money?"

"I'm going to sell your faces."

"What?!"

"Models, I'm going to turn you handsome boys into models. C'mon it's only a short walk to my building."

"This seems kind of fishy but okay."

"How can you be so trusting, but I guess we need the money. I'm in."

It was a short walk to his building. Great for those who can't concentrate like me. Ooo shiny lights. Pretty cars. Massive building. Is this his building?

"Is this your building?"

"Yes, now come inside."

We followed him but something seemed off about our situation. The further we walked into the building the more hunched the man became until he had a full on hump. This was odd. His face then seemed to be melting away, a glistening black beak formed. Oh shit, this is his face stealing lair. Fuck.