Chapter 5: Regrets
As soon as his feet touched the ground on the edge of the Hollow, Cupid could feel something was wrong. Broken branches littered the forest floor and shadows stretched ominously in the early morning sun. The snow, normally spotless after a night of fresh powder, was trampled and dented. It was like a hundred people had sprinted through the forest, ripping limbs from the trees as they passed.
He ran his hand up the trunk of a nearby pine, pausing over unnatural claw marks that dug deep into the bark. A gritty sensation irritated his fingertips and he pulled away, his stomach consumed by a sinking feeling as he glanced at his skin.
Black sand...
His eyes widened at the sight. A single spotting always leads to more...
Turning around, he let his eyes sweep the surrounding forest as he took in every grain glinting in the early morning sun. He paused when his eyes found an odd patch of red farther away. Even before reaching it, he could feel the cold sweat breaking out on his brow.
The snow was soaked in blood, so much that it had melted in some spots from the warmth, leaving patches of dead grass dyed red. It was everywhere. The longer he looked, the more he found. A trail of red lead farther into the trees and he froze. Footsteps dented the snow, intermingling with the blood trail as it curved in the direction of Holly's cottage. A million possibilities flew through his mind, each one more horrible than the last. What if she hadn't made it back to the cottage? What if he was too late to save her as she bled out somewhere in the cold? What if she was dead?
I think I like Eros better...
Her voice rang in his ears as their last conversation flashed through his head. It was like he was drowning in everything that was her: her silver eyes, her laughter, her smile. His hands clung to the cream scarf he had been ready to return to her, the only thing keeping him semi-calm in the face of a terrifying unknown.
You don't have to apologize to me...
"Holly."
Come back soon, okay?
Without thinking, he sprinted through the trees, not caring about the stray branches that scratched at his skin as he passed. The closer to the center his feet carried him, the more worried he became. There was so much blood. It was like the snow was drowning in red in some spots. He couldn't tell if it was Holly's or someone else's but a part of him didn't want to find out.
Yet he needed to know.
Everything stopped as he reached the door. Part of him was terrified of what he would find inside, yet his mind screamed at him. She could be in there, needing him to save her and there he was standing on the doorstep like a coward. As much as his feet wanted nothing more than to flee for fear of what he would find, walking away would surely kill him. With a shaking hand, Cupid pulled open the door. "Holly?" he called, making his way toward her bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he let himself in.
She was lying on her bed, the miniscule rise and fall of her chest and a slight wince the only sign that she was breathing. There were bandages on her face and arms, some already soaked red with blood. Sickly bruises crawled along her too-pale skin in various shades of purple. His stomach flipped at the thought of the various other injuries she may have.
The sight of her lying there threw his world on its head. He moved to her bedside and knelt beside her, carefully grabbing her hand as he sucked in a breath. She looked fragile, like a porcelain doll that had been abused and left behind to suffer on her own.
"Holly?"
Her face scrunched up at the sound of her name. Slowly, silver eyes fluttered open, landing on his face after a moment. "Cupid?" she asked hoarsely.
Small fingers gently squeezed his hand, and he gave her a weak smile. "Hey there," he muttered. "How are you feeling?"
"Just a little tired," she replied, shifting slightly under the blanket. Something must have pained her as she flinched, a soft hiss slipping past her lips. Immediately, his free hand was reaching toward her, but he forced himself to stop when she shook her head.
"I'm okay... I'm okay..."
The phrase seemed like a mantra as Holly repeated it over and over, scrunching her eyes against the pain. Her fingers clutched Cupid's like a lifeline, and she whimpered at a particularly strong throb. Unable to contain himself any longer, Cupid grabbed the blanket and carefully pulled it away from her. What he saw sent white hot anger pulsing through his veins.
Bandages covered her legs, the gauze tinged red all over. Whoever had taken care of her wounds had scrubbed away any dried blood on her skin, but he could still see it all over her dress. Any normal human would have died from losing so much blood. For once, Cupid thanked the Moon that Holly was a Spirit.
"Who did this to you?" he asked, though he knew the answer.
"I didn't see anyone..." Holly started, coughing slightly at the dryness in her throat, "but there was a voice. He spoke to me, and then the shadows attacked me."
Cupid narrowed his eyes and glared at the wall, letting out a breath in a weak attempt to reign in his temper. "What did he say?"
"He talked about the children. All day, there were so many terrified children. I thought it was a coincidence, but he'd done something to them. They wore me out, to the point that I struggled to defend myself. And then..." She sat up and stared at her hands, unable to continue.
"You can't even escape you own tragedy, Holly. How could you ever dream of helping them escape theirs?"
Cupid didn't ask her for more, instead stalking to the window. "Why didn't you call for me if you knew something was wrong?"
The calm in his voice hid a storm, and Holly flinched. "I thought it was a coincidence..."
"I shouldn't have left."
"What?"
Cupid turned to look at her then, pain and anger intermingling on his face. "If I hadn't left, I could have stopped him. I knew what was coming, but I thought showing I knew would be enough to protect you. I shouldn't have left, but you should have told me what was going on."
Shaking her head, Holly let a frown appear on her face. "I didn't want to-.."
"Don't you start with that!"
"Cupid!" It was rare for her to yell back at him. On only one other occasion had they reached this point, so far in their past that Holly could barely remember the reason. Normally, it was around now when Holly took command and calmed Cupid's anger. But as he narrowed his eyes, Holly could feel her own frustration building.
"You could havedied, Holly!" His tone was immensely pained, yet the anger shone through more than anything else.
"Yet I didn't! If I had thought the events of the day had been a significant issue I would have sent Piper to find you! But I took the day before off, and we both know it gets busier!" They could feel the air beginning to crackle as their emotions heightened but they didn't care. Neither of them was willing to concede, instead glaring with an intensity that had Piper retreating from the room.
Cupid gripped the windowsill tightly, fighting his anger with logic and losing as his thoughts stoked the fire. "It wouldn't have bothered me if you'd sent Piper to fetch me; the fact that you didn't bothers me more!" he spat.
"I didn't think anything would happen!" As she screamed back, Holly realized how good it felt to yell, to let loose and go with her emotions. It wasn't fair, she realized, to just accept his apologies over and over. Not to her, not to him, not to anyone. Besides, she knew she was right. Or at least, she desperately wanted to be.
"But you knew something was wrong!"
"I was exhausted! I was convinced being over-tired was making me worried!"
"That is the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard!"
"It's the truth!"
"Just because you're stuck in the past doesn't mean you can selfishly keep you problems to yourself in the present!"
Holly stiffened, and Cupid immediately regretted his words. Every Spirit had demons, some more dark than others. It came with the territory: desolate lives and traumatic deaths made for stronger powers. But that didn't mean they weren't plagued by their nightmarish experiences. And it didn't mean that using Holly's against her in his anger was justified. It was cruel, it was selfish, and he knew it. Emotions flickered across her face one after another, each one seeming to crack the fragile shell Holly had built around herself over the centuries.
Fear.
Anger.
Loneliness.
Agony.
Regret.
Guilt.
Her silver eyes turned away from his as she bit her lip, trying to reign in her mind. And then there was nothing. No emotion, no tears. It was like she had locked herself in...Locked him out.
She looked empty, and it broke him.
"Holly, that was wrong of me... It's not my place to... I didn't mean…"
"You don't have to apologize to me."
The words rang hollow, a fragment of the warmth she'd had the last time they spoke barely noticeable against the dimness of her eyes. He waited for it to come back, to light up her face again. But it didn't.
Moving to sit beside her on the bed, Cupid grabbed one of Holly's hands from her lap and held it lightly, rubbing circles onto the backs of it with his thumbs. It felt like hours before she finally looked up, and for once, the exhaustion showed on her face. Her eyes were those of someone who had the world sitting on her shoulders, much how he imagined his looked sometimes, but even so she still tried to smile for him. It was almost as crushing as the emptiness, and he frowned.
"I'm sorry," he said.
She leaned forward, resting her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "Me too," she whispered back. He smiled weakly as they fell into their normal pattern of echoes.
"I shouldn't have gotten mad."
"I should have told you."
"I won't say anything like that again."
"I won't keep things from you anymore."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
They laughed lightly together, enjoying the calm. Piper poked his head into the room again, whining softly. Once he realized they weren't shouting at each other anymore, he laid himself down on the bed, pushing his head into Holly's lap. With her free hand, she ran her fingers through his fur, smiling a little at the sight of his tail wagging lazily. "You big baby," she teased, and he merely rolled his eyes.
Cupid chuckled, patting the dog on the head a few times. "I'm glad you're okay," he said to Holly, glancing at her as she noticed the cream scarf he'd dropped into his lap as he sat down.
She smiled then, and suddenly the room seemed just a bit brighter.
"I'm glad you came back," she replied, fiddling with the edge of the scarf.
A smirk played on his lips as he huffed indignantly. "Of course I did, I had to return this to you as soon as possible."
"It's only been a day though. I was expecting to be without it for at least a week." It was unusual for Cupid to return so soon, especially considering the winter rush. Holly looked up at him, but he merely shrugged, smiling vaguely.
"Maybe I just missed you so much I had to come back."
"Uh huh, right. How can you possibly survive without me?"
Her laughter filled the room, finally warm and alive again. Any trace of her emotional turmoil from before had disappeared, and for that Cupid was grateful. Still, the thought of how close Holly must have been to disappearing gnawed at his mind. He opened mouth to say something but shut it just as quickly, swallowing his words. She was fine now, that was all that mattered.
A growling noise filled the room and they both froze while Piper lifted his head and looked around in confusion.
Realizing what the sound was, Cupid turned to an embarrassed Holly as she wrapped her arms around her stomach.
"Sorry," she murmured, cheeks flushing red.
He quirked a brow at her, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as he tried his best to keep a straight face. Eventually he lost his battle and burst into laughter, hopping off the bed and trudging to her closet. In a flash he had a neat stack of clothes sitting next to her on the bed: a simple pink sweater, her favorite red skirt, and the fuzziest pair of socks she owned.
"Alright," he announced, hands on his hips much like how Holly remembered her mother standing when she scolded her. The memory brought a wave of sadness, but it faded quickly, leaving behind amusement.
Cupid pointed at her, his voice taking on a commanding tone as he fought back a smile. "I want you changed and ready to eat in the next ten minutes. I'll go make some food."
He turned to head out the door, only pausing to point at the dog now rolling around on the floor. "Piper! You're on watch duty! She so much as flinches in pain you come get me!"
And with that the door shut behind him, leaving Holly with her thoughts. As she grabbed the sweater off the top of the stack gingerly, her mind wandered to the events of the past night.
She had been close, so close to losing everything. Spirits were different from humans in death. Human souls lingered, echoes of themselves present in everything they owned. Piece enough echoes together and it was possible to call the soul back for a short period of time. Otherwise, they could be found below in the cold caverns of the Underworld. But when a Spirit dies, they cease to exist. No echoes, no whispers from the void, only emptiness. If she had been destroyed by the Stranger the night before, it would have been like she never was. Piper, an embodiment of her powers, would fade away. The Hollow would disappear, nothing left but a patch of empty ground. Anything carrying her essence would be wiped clean or merely crumble to dust.
The clatter of pots rang through the house, followed by a string of swears and happy barking. Holly bit back a laugh and pulled on her skirt, scooping the socks up from the bed to be put on later. Suddenly, the cream scarf caught her eye and she reached out for it. Her mind wandered to when she'd seen Cupid beside her after waking up. The look on his face had shaken her, emotions there that she had never seen before. In that moment, he had looked like a child, lost and afraid. Terrified of being alone...
"Mama? Where are you?"
Smoke and fire consuming the grass.
"Where is the girl?! Tell us!"
A hand clutching the floorboards, reaching towards the doorway.
"Run, a leanbh! Run!"
Shaking herself to chase the memory away, Holly flinched at a tapping from her window. For a moment, panic swept through her as she remembered the shadows, but she scolded herself and turned to look at the glass.
"Jack?"
The boy from the night before floated just outside, blue eyes filled with something akin to relief as he let ice bloom from the tip of his staff. He waved at her and then motioned at the lock on the window. After hearing another crash from the kitchen and a yelp, she quickly crossed the room and fiddled with it, and the window flew open for the Winter Spirit as soon as it was unlocked.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, taking a step back so he could slip inside.
He flashed a smile, rolling his eyes as if the answer was obvious. "I came to check on you, of course. You can't just pass out like that and expect me not to freak out," he said teasingly, before taking on a more serious expression as his eyes scanned her over, "Are you okay? You gave me quite the scare yesterday, wasn't sure you would make it."
"I'm alright," she replied, stretching her arms as far as she could without hurting herself.
His face lightened considerably, and then became a bit mischievous. "So that's what you sound like. I could barely understand you yesterday. If there had been any bears around they would have come right over thinking you were one of them."
She flinched and her eyes narrowed, the corner of her lips twitching ever so slightly as she glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Balancing his staff on his shoulders, Jack scrunched his face up and then let out a terrible noise. Her laughter encouraged him and he continued, until finally he fell into fits of laughter as well. "That's what you sounded like, I swear!" he exclaimed, trying to catch his breath.
"I did not!" she cried, holding her stomach as dull throbs of pain washed over her. It felt good to laugh like this after the night before, almost as if it had never happened. But the bandages she could feel restricting her movement reminded her that it was real.
Noticing a change in her demeanor, Jack frowned. "Everything okay?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything a knock rang in the room. "Holly, are you done yet? The food's ready."
Holly glanced from the door to Jack, suddenly aware that it would most likely not be best if Cupid opened the door and saw a strange boy in her room. She trampled around the room frantically, pretending as though she was getting ready still using the noise of her feet and a few rustles of her blanket. Her eyes fell on Jack and he looked as surprised as she did.
"Holly? Do I need to come in and help you?"
"No! I'm okay!" she called back, mind in a panic. Suddenly, an idea struck her and she starting shoving Jack toward the open closet.
"Who is that?" he whispered, planting his feet on the ground as she struggled to move him.
"Cupid," she replied back, her voice so quiet even Jack could barely hear it.
His eyes widened as he glanced over at the door, ignoring Holly's grunts. "You mean the Love Spirit? That Cupid?"
"Yeah, that Cupid. Now c'mon! If he catches you in here he'll-… Eep!"
Her feet slipped on the wood floor, sending her hurtling toward the ground. Jack caught her quickly, but not before Cupid heard her surprised cry.
"Alright, as much as I respect your privacy as a woman, if you don't open this door in five seconds I'm coming in."
Jack set her on her feet, making sure she was steady.
"Five!"
"Get in the closet!" Holly hissed, watching the door as the handle turned slowly.
"Four!"
Jack nodded and dashed into the dark space.
"Three!"
Holly closed the door behind him, praying that he wouldn't do anything silly while in there to give himself away as she hurried to the open window.
"Two!"
She swore quietly as her fingers stumbled on the lock, making it harder to shut it tight.
"One!"
The door to her room swung open and Cupid stepped inside, ready for an emergency. However, when his eyes found Holly she was just rising from the bed after putting her socks on. Silver eyes met frantic pink and she quirked a brow. "Didn't Aphrodite tell you it's rude to enter a woman's room without her consent?"
"I did knock," he said simply, crossing his arms. "What's taking so long?"
"If you haven't noticed, I don't move as fast as you do. And I'm injured, so you'll have to deal with my tortoise-like pace," she replied teasingly, and he huffed once.
"Well I'm starving and the food is getting cold, so c'mon..." He paused at the door, glancing around the room. "Did it get colder in here?"
Holly fought back her nerves, forcing herself to shrug nonchalantly. "I like the cold."
Cupid rolled his eyes and reached over to grab her hand, practically dragging her out of the room.
Glancing back inside before the door shut, she could see Jack emerging from the closet. He bit his lip to hold back laughter and pointed to the window, mouthing a few words to her.
"I'll be outside."
She nodded and the door closed behind her, her last view of the Winter Spirit his amused face as he turned to the locked window.
Hello again and Season's Greetings! xD
Fear not, I have not abandoned this tale! I'm so sorry for not being able to update more frequently, but it seems as though the moment I think I have a lot of time to write, it all slips through my fingers. However, I'm so glad for all the support this story has received and I will continue to update when I can.
That last chapter was a bit of a doozie for me. It was definitely hard to injure Holly since I love her so much, but life isn't always blue skies and roses, as much as I'd like it to be. I really enjoyed writing this though, especially the ending hehehe. For those of you praying for the meeting of Jack and Cupid, I can assure you that it will come soon... and it may not be pretty. But for now, I sincerely hope you all like this chapter.
Sorry for the short author's note, but I developed a really bad cold this morning and looking at the computer screen for too long feels like staring at the sun :P
Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. I love reading them!
Until next time (and Happy New Years!),
ThinkEasy