Disclaimer: If I marry that fancy young lad down the block, maybe I'll get him to buy me Shake It Up, and three-thousands thumb tacks. I hope he likes thumbs tacks in his mashed potatoes too. I wonder if he likes blood in his mashed potatoes. No, internal-organ-red doesn't go good with his eyes.

This is possibly going to be the best day ever. My bread is prepared, I'm bringing Pretty In Pink to read to the ducks, and my new edition of Skyrim, possibly the best game ever developed, arrived this morning. If I didn't have gum in my mouth, I'd scream. Well, not scream, just give a little noise of excitement, I don't wanna draw attention.

It reads exactly 9:00 AM on my watch, and I smile in delight. As I began my exit out of my house, I notice Ty's boxers. Disgusting. My little-backpack is comfortable on my shoulders, and I quietly slip out the front door.

The morning sun feels wonderful to me, even though it makes an irritating glare on my glasses. I love sunny days, how perfect they can be. "Raquel, aren't you up early and bright?" And it just gets better and better. William Cloud, my wonderful Abercrombie-looking-model neighbor two doors down from me, is giving me his white-teethed smile, with his green eyes glittering, his dark hair ruffled and unkept at the moment, and his blue robe showing off a little more than his chiseled chest. "Where ya headed?"

"I'm just going to the park, catch up on my book and feed the ducks. What are you doing out here, half-naked?" My banter with Will has always been playful, and he rolls his eyes. "Mail. Hey, um, do you know some redhead girl came out of your house this morning?"

My throat closed up and my chest tightened. Shit. "Oh, uh, really?"

He nodded at me, a curious look on his face. "Yeah, I was down there earlier with my puppy, and she practically ran herself out your place in her pajamas, and she didn't look all too pleased either. I've seen her around the building before but I've never seen her on this floor. Weird, huh?"

"Oh, well, ya know, it must been for Ty, you know how he is with the ladies." My awkward chuckle makes Will snort with laughter, and he makes way back into his apartment. "Sure it was," is the last thing I hear before his door shuts.

I can't believe that it's this early and I'm already back to hyperventilating.

Stupid William. Putting that sensual image back in my mind. Her flared and fiery hair, her supple pink lips, the way her abdomen ripples when she's cold. Not that I was watching her last night- For a prolonged amount of time.

Her fingers would twitch, and she'd accidently kick me off the bed; Her foot is warm.

No, you know what? It's Saturday, it's a nice day outside, and I'm going to enjoy it, CeCe-free.

And I will try not to vision every pretty girl I pass as CeCe, starting now.

Okay, starting now.

Okay, staring now.

Okay, for real, starting now.

Okay, maybe after this one girl, then I'll start.

XxX

It's only about 12:30 pm when I get to the ending in my book. The ducks tore my bread up, and my secluded area remains silent. I wanna lay down, but there's so many germs and parasites that could be residing on the very area that I wanna lay down on. So unsanitary. I opt to leaning back on my elbows, and continue to gaze out at the small pond. So many duckies.

One baby duck has a red spot of fluff on it's back, and I instantly think about CeCe.

I'm so sick. It's amazing how it's only been like, two months and yet, everything in my everyday life simply refers back to her. I still can't believe she was in my bed, let alone in my house, sleeping over. I found a sticky note pressed to my forehead (I'm starting to sense a fetish with her) and it read two words.

Never again.

It didn't take long for me to decipher what she meant. But it didn't really matter, she was in my bed and under the covers with me. It can only be one time, one minute, and that's enough to satisfy my heart forever.

I should be in a support group for people like me. 'Hi, I'm Raquel Blue, and I am a CeCe-sexual.'

My sigh is the only thing that breaks the silence, and I continue to let my thoughts run. I imagine if CeCe and I had been best friends from the day of birth, but then everyone would be all,'Raquel- Rocky and CeCe are so close, they're just like sisters', and then my mind would imply that if I have a crush on CeCe, it's like having a crush on my sister. My mind reverts to something I heard someone shout while heading here.

Incest: A game the whole family can play! I shudder and try to retract from such thoughts. Good thoughts.

My fingers lost and exploring wild, fiery red hair, while her lips gently prodded on mine. My glasses have been excused from my face, but I really don't care for them anyway; My hands will do all the seeing from now on.

My face drifts into a frown; I think way too much for my own heart's sake.

I just need to realize that maybe CeCe and I just aren't meant to be... After this entire monitoring-thing is over, I greatly suspect that CeCe is going to go back to being her snarkier-self. Hanging with the popular crowd, getting detention everyday, insulting my every feature and movement; I really think that's all she comes to school for, to be honest. Just to see me tremble under her gaze. But because of the ever-so-sweet Principle Walloch, this might be a chance for her to see me, not see through me. This is why I'm going to cherish moment of this month, no matter how many insults CeCe will say.

I wonder if she knows my desperate love for her; I bet if she found out, she'd laugh. Absolutely guffaw until tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was at loss for a breath. She'd see me, and spew terrible names and jokes, and I'd begin to tremble.

My instincts would take over, and I'd run, until my lungs collapse, and my legs are burning, and the street is gone. Until my vision is twisted and white, and my mind is screaming for me to stop, but I'll just run, to where, I don't know. I'd just keep on running.

Maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. I'd probably just hole up in my room and cry until my eyes were puffy and my mouth was thick with bitterness.

But I remember the good things that have began to happen. She slept over at my house in the same bed as me, she had a conversation and didn't (really) insult me. And she gave me me a nickname.

Rocky.

It sounds like a name for a boxer-dog, or a name for a band member with tattoos, and dark, but colorful hair. Who would've known that it'd be a name for a quiet girl like me?

I've been repeating it since yesterday, and it oddly fits the awkward puzzle that is me. Rocky Blue.

Sometimes my thoughts can get the best of me, but I feel it. CeCe doesn't purely hate me. I just need to breakthrough that tough skin of hers, and then; Then I'll finally laugh with her, talk with her, be with her. Certainly not anytime soon, but I'm not letting her go. I'll get through to her... someday.

So Skyrim officially sucks balls right now. It just crashed and I was RIGHT in the middle of battling the Wargloker's dragon. Some idiot probably took the challenge now. Ugh. Damn.

"Hey fuck bucket." I don't object to her popping up in my room at anytime but how does she keep getting in here? "So, what do we study today- Is that Skyrim?"

The disc lay flat on my bed, after I had chucked it over there in my moment of anger. "Dude, that game is so gay, it's not even funny." CeCe flops on my bed (I haven't washed the sheets on it since she slept on it, mind you)

Now I wonder?Why IS CeCe here? We don't have to study today... "Err, CeCe, not to be rude, but why are you here? It's Saturday..."

I hear her sigh. "Cuz... Um, do you... Do you wanna go out?With... Me?" I could see the internal battle she had while trying to force that phrase out and- WHAT?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, dear God yes, I will marry you right now. My hyperventilation never felt so good. "... To the mall?" NO, NO, no! Noooo!

"With me and Ty?" No, no.

Fudge. Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit. "He's bringing Deuce so you can hang out with him." Oh God... Martin Deuce Martinez. He's the boyfriend to Dina Garcia, also her rival in conning people, and his eyebrows look like Chewbacca.

But all in all, he's one of the popular kids, that make fun of me, that aim all their spitballs at me, that pick on me for no reason whatsoever.

"So yeah, throw your none-fashionable-mormon clothes on and let's get going. By the way, do NOT bring any of those little... Portable nerd-games." She's obviously referring to my DSi and the large stack of Dragon Ball Z and Pokemon games resting next to it.

XxX

I didn't mean it. I couldn't help it.

"Of all the places, of all the times, today? Why the fuck today?"

My feet shift and I feel tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. I'm so stupid.

"You totally fucking embarrassed me you stupid nasal-nerd!" My fingers are folded in my lap and I silently watch CeCe pace my floor. "I had to walk through the mall smelling like your barf, your fucking barf all over my shirt! With the football team standing right there! I told you, I'm not gonna wanna be seen with some girl who can't control her fucking nerd-problems because she's so weird and unsocial. I don't know why I tell myself that this whole tutoring thing is good idea, is stupid. Really stupid."

I'd hate to be too descriptive while as to what happened at the mall, but I basically puked all over CeCe after eating a hot dog, which had lots of gluten in it (And if you've forgotten, I'm deathly allergic), and I unknowingly ate it while staring at CeCe, which immediately backtracked in my stomach and it literally went all over her shirt and lap.

And just to add to the chaos, half of the football team just happened to be there when it occurred, and CeCe was flirting like a kitten, smiles bright and happiness, and then I just vomited and the smile disintegrated.

"Why didn't you just lean to the other side? Instead, you wanted to fucking lean all over me! And you know who was there? Quinton Fabray, Remy Berry, Santiago Lopez, and Brett Pierce. They are the best players on the football team and now they're gonna talk about with all their other football friends! Ugh, everyone at school is gonna find out, then I'm gonna be 'Barf-Girl' for the rest of the year, all because of you."

My voice is shaking as I whisper,"I'm... sorry."

She scoffs and crosses her arms. The poison daggers in her eyes are burning and ripping through my frail and frightened limbs and she shifts her eyebrows downwards.

"Don't be sorry, Rocky. Be sorry for yourself. Be a normal girl, with normal friends, let alone any friends! You're so weird, you can't even associate with another human being without tripping on your face or your ass! No, you know what? Just stay away from me. I hate you and I wish we never met. Just stay the fuck away from me." She walks out of the front door and I'm left, silent and trembling. I'm okay.

Tiffany then comes running up to me, giving a little nudge at me with nose. I plaster a fake smile on my face as I nod at my cat. "I'm okay, Tiff. I promise." My nails dig into the palms of my hands and I retreat back into my room, gently closing my door.

I agree. I'm not popular, not at all. I trip over my words, I literally trip over my own feet. I have sweaty palms and awkward gestures, and I only have one friend in the world, and that's myself. But it's okay, so is the weak feeling in my legs, or the protruding lump in my throat, or the tight feeling in my chest as if my heart muscles are being impaled with claws and knives. And CeCe said that she hates me. That was like hooks were being yanked from my throat, and I would collapse at any given moment. But that's all okay.

And when I don't find a sticky-note on my face the next morning, I feel what's left of my heart shatter and shrivel and drop into the hollow of my feet. And that's all I need to realize that I'm not even a little particle in the very back, cold corner of her mind anymore, and her acknowledgement for me is no longer in existence.

The burning in my throat will go away, so will the disorted beat of my heart, and the numb feeling on my skin and in my bones.

But I'm okay.

I promise, I'm okay.

I'm trying my best to get to the part where you're like,'DEAR GOD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT OH NOW I'VE GONE AND SPLIT MY TROUSERS' (Next chapter), but it's gonna take alot of motivation.

It will get better... I suppose.

... C:

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