Disclaimer: I don't own Shake It Up. I own some beach houses in Guam, though. Let's invite Bella, Zendaya, and everyone reading this story and see where the night goes from there.
I've been laying in bed for ten minutes now, trying to inch myself out of it as CeCe breathes gently on my neck. Her leg is crossed over my stiff, straight one while her arm in draped across my torso.
The things this girl does to me...
Despite my tremendous effort, I'm still in the same position that I was before; right against CeCe, her body mended against mine.
I know as soon as she wakes up, she'll either do one of two things: One, wake up with a massive headache and stay in my bed all day, or two, wake up with a massive headache, figure out that she's been holding me in her sleep, throw up, and go home.
Those both sound very likely to me.
"Ugh..."
The angel has arisen.
XxX
"Hey Rocky, could you hand me the tape?"
I pass her the Scotch tape and continue to stare down at my own, finished project. Tiffany has curled up on my side and it tentatively watching CeCe, and it's nearing one in the morning. CeCe, didn't remember anything from the night before. Not that I do want her remember. I kinda wish she remember she kissed me.
Not a single thought of the night before had crossed through her mind. Although, she remembered arriving to the party, and after her first drink,'Everything is just hazy.' A snap in front of my face makes me turn my neck towards her. "Rocky, scissors: give them to me." I sullenly hand her the scissors and let a silent sigh drift through my nose.
I am head over heels for CeCe, and it hurts so bad.
She's popular, and I'm a loser. A stuttering, fumbling, dopey-eyed loser. I'm a loser, and she's a graceful, fiery, beautiful being.
For just one day, I wish I could hold her in my arms, and tell her that I actually admire her, and I love her. Not for her clothes, or for her stupid blonde, butt headed boyfriend on the football team, but her. That's all I really want; her. If anything, if she could say that she doesn't hate me, that would make my heart giggle and flop. I only have one person in the world: myself. Anything else around me is just meant to malign me or revile at me, and I solely think CeCe is the center of it all. But why do I like her so much then? I don't understand myself, but if I could only tear myself away from the haze that's she put on me, maybe I could finally see why; I love her. I love her so much.
A drunken, forgotten affair; that's all I was for her.
But I can't have her. I can't drag my fingers through her newly-cut bangs. Or have her jump into my arms and squeeze me tightly after a long day of school, or have her keep me up all night talking about nonsense over the phone. Or giggle and squeeze my arm when she's nervous or excited, or scribble all over my left hand with a pink, glitter Sharpie. Or let her kiss me until my knees go weak and she smiles into the kiss as her hand pulls me closer. Physical pain will never compare to the excessive, incinerating burns I feel notch through my heart tissue when I see her kiss someone other than me. All I need is to be with you. If only I could open up my mouth and tell you how I feel.
"Hey CeCe," my brother walks in, in nothing but his baggy basket-ball shorts, leaning over and kissing the top of CeCe's forehead. I see her shrug away from the touch of his lips onto her skin, and she quickly glances over at me, then back to Ty. "Quit it, you dick. You know I'm with Ian now."
Ian. That fucker.
Ty shrugs, scratching the little dips between his abs. He's always been extremely lanky, and when puberty hit him, it gave him a bit of physique towards his bony body. Why CeCe, along with every girl I see, finds him so attractive and dreamy is unbeknownst to me, and I will carry that to my grave. "I didn't know. Rocky, mom called, she's gonna be gone for another two weeks." I don't mind, even then, CeCe won't be with me.
"What did you call her?" Ty steps back and raises his eyebrows at CeCe's rapid question. He hesitates,"...Rocky? That's what you call her."
"No, get your own nickname." My chest does handsprings as the words register in my mind. Her nickname... For me? Rocky?
Ty furrows his bushy eyebrows and frowns at her. "Whatever. Hey, Tinka's havin' a party tonight. You going with me?"
CeCe only rolls her eyes, reaching over me and replacing the scissors for glitter. Her hand almost misses my thigh, and her pinky brushes against it. She doesn't care, as usual, but my body reacts in a way that is accustomed to me; shivers, and my ears lighting up like Christmas lights. Touch me, just once more.
"Why would I go to Tinka Hessenheffer's party? Don't you remember she put a scar below my eye, and accused me of kissing Santiago? It took three weeks to get that scar to go away, and Brett Pierce is still ignoring me. Fuck Tinka, I'm not going to her party, that was a stupid question Ty."
"It was a 'Yes' or 'No' answer, not a 'Give a bitchy speech' answer." Ty trudges away, and now I'm back with CeCe, silent as she finishes another overdue project. She used to come over we'd study, or make up some work, which was actually just me doing it while she slept on the couch- But now, she'll come and get her stuff out, and never mention a word to me, and finish it. Yet yesterday, she came home, drunk and crazy, slurring words and drooling.
She is the most difficult person I've ever known.
Yet she is the most loveliest person I've ever known.
XxX
I sit at lunch by myself with my tuna sandwich and sugar cookie, a nibble only munched out of the sandwich. I can barely keep anything down at this point, as I watch the redhead of my dreams giggle and squirm against... him.
Ian fucking Tennison.
He's on the football team, varsity, mind you. He's got strawberry-blonde hair, 'Hazel-blue eyes', as CeCe's been describing them, a taut body, and no one, even myself, could deny that he and CeCe make a cute couple. They always sit at the popular table during lunch, whereas I sit alone, gazing across the obstreperous, crowded room, right unto my only want; CeCe. Today, she waltzed in the lunch room with him, hand in hand with him, and a bright smile plastered across her lips, similar to the one I'd gotten yesterday. She'd left my house with a quick but sweet smile to me, in which my heart jolted and sped between my ribs, and I could only give a dopey grin back.
And I'd come to school this morning, ready to learn with my hopes high from CeCe's bright grin, only for everything to be crushed by the sight of her kissing the tip of Ian's nose.
I should be happy. I am happy. A happy CeCe is a happy Rocky.
I glance at the popular table again, and then CeCe gives him a dreaded, sweet, sensual kiss, right in front of everyone on the table. I hear numerous cheers and wolf-whistles, and as CeCe pulls back from his lips, he only smiles deeply with his eyes still closed, like an angel had touched him right on the spot; it's like a carving knife etches out the word,'PAIN', into my heart, and I can feel every nick and slit.
I can't do this. I can't watch anymore of them.
The library. I'll go there. No one goes in there anyway.
I pack up my barely-touched lunch up and speed-walk out of the room, and make it to the library in top time.
I don't know what I kind of pain I'm experiencing right now, but my heart hurts. Physical and emotional, and all too painful.
"Yo Raquel- I mean, Rocky, how does it go? Ya' lookin' a little pale there, by the way." I can't breathe. I just want to be in CeCe's arms. I wheeze,"Hi Dina."
"It's deserted in here, what're you doin' here? How come ya' not with CeCe?" CeCe. My chest clenches again at the name, and I squeeze my eyelids together and shake my head.
"Woah, you're shakin' now. Rocky, what's wrong?"
But it's too late, and before I can catch another breath of air, all my concealed rage has drowned me in darkness.
Where am I?
It's so dark.
I should open my eyes maybe.
"You really need to stop fainting at school, you're takin' away all my free time for girls." I see a blur of red elbow him in the stomach, and- CeCe. She's here. Why?
"Ty, don't be a jackass, she's you sister for fuck's sake. Have some sympathy for at least one time," Dina barks. Ty only grimaces at Dina and his face softens as he turns to me again. "You alright?" I nod and I take note of my location: The nurse's office.
"Is she okay?"
Ian. What is he doing here?
Dina runs a hand over my forehead and gazes sympathetically at me. She eases,"Rocky, you passed out cold a few minutes ago. What happened?" Before I can open my mouth, Nurse Trixie is pushing back the teens and squinting into my face. "Raquel, do you know you've fainted nearly four times in the passed month?" I nod. "Raquel, it seems that you have a more severe case of fainting than I thought- You have to be more careful with what you do, cutie, or one day the fainting might be a little too-harsh on your body."
These constant stares make me very nervous. "I'm fine," I mutter. "Can I go back to class now?"
"I'm afraid you have to be sent home, baby-doll." I stay silent as Nurse Trixie walks away, and I'm left with CeCe, Ian, Dina, and Ty staring intently at me. "I do feel like a little afternoon break, actually," Dina snickers.
"You guys wanna skip the rest of the day, too? I have like, five pairs of extra bikinis in Ty's car." CeCe smiles in the cute, devious way she always does, but Ian takes her hand and backtracks,"Baby, I don't think you need to. You've got all these major tests, and I wouldn't want you to miss all of 'em. What about tomorrow?" CeCe only tilts her head and tightens her lips at Ian. "I'll make them up, Rocky can help me anyway. Right, Rocks?"
They all stare at me, and I look around, before quickly nodding and forcing out a strangled,"Yeah." Her amber-brown eyes watch me once more and she smiles. "Good. Let's roll." Dina and Ty race to Ty's car and CeCe is about to rocket out too (About to leave me, mind you), until Ian grabs her hand. "CeCe, you really shouldn't do this, it's not gonna look good on your report card." CeCe scoffs and jerks her hand away, snarking,"Ian, it's just one day, what's your deal? I told you, I'll make up the things I missed."
"CeCe, I'm only telling you this for you're own good; you have terrible grades right now, and you shouldn't be skipping just to spend the day wasting time at the mall." CeCe glares at him, grabbing my backpack and taking my hand. Fuck, fuck, she's touching my hand. "You know, the least you could is try and act supportive of my choices, like a good boyfriend would."
Ian sighs,"CeCe, I'm not-"
"No, fuck it. It's whatever now. Comon', Rocky." She pulls me up, and she waltzes pass Ian, dragging me along in her tracks. I'm tempted to turn around and give him a sympathetic look, but then I decline. I'm too engrossed in her the way that her palm is rubbing against mine, and the way her fingernails are lightly grazing my knuckles. I know God closed his eyes when he was putting the final touches of perfection on her.
Before I know it, we're in the back of Ty's Prius and CeCe and Dina are stripping (into barely anything, mind you) in the backseat while parched in the far end of the corner, silently watching. I can see CeCe's abdomen, and the way the muscles flex underneath her soft-skin as she shimmies in the bikini bottoms.
I should just fling myself out the window now.
XxX
Before I can inch myself out the car, CeCe and Dina are shoving past me and sprinting out unto the deserted beach. It was actually very beautiful; the sun was setting and illuminating the waves with an mellow, orange-reddish hue, and the way the ocean is so serene and pacific. I'm just gonna sit down.
Ty steps out of the car, with his swim shorts and nothing else over that. "Are you gonna swim? I got a one-piece that CeCe bought and never wore in there." I shake my head and lightly laugh,"That's alright. I don't want you to be bothered with the burden of me accidentally drowning or something." He shrugs and races after CeCe and Dina, and I slowly begin my path after him.
"Rocky, come get in the water!" I shake my head at Dina's request, and sit in the sand, instead watching CeCe jump on top of Dina and Ty jumping on top of CeCe.
This is what I want; smiles and laughter and happiness. And CeCe. That's all I want.
It wasn't even ten minutes until they had gotten into the water when I heard CeCe. I looked away from the bright sunset and glanced at the redhead, who was hurriedly rushing back the shore, bouncing on her right foot. "Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck. God, what the hell kind of ocean is this?" She bounces until she's right next to me, hissing and holding her very, very bloody foot.
"I think I got bit by a fucking crab out there." I search my pockets and luckily, there's one tissue in there, and a band-aid (In case I fall and scrape my eye, because it's me we're referring to) and I murmur to her,"Hold still." She still hissing and rocking back and forth, and then I press the tissue to the cut. "Fucking shit!"
"It's okay, the pressure will ease the pain and stop the bleeding." I take the issue off and slide the band-aid on the cut, and CeCe sighs in relief. "Thanks, Rocky." I nod and look back at the ocean, waiting for CeCe to scoot away from me or make a snide remark, but surprisingly, she remains next to me, watching the orange fade below the ocean.
"I should text Ian." Whether she was talking to herself or me, it still puts a pang in my heart, but I ignore it. My body has gone stale from all the pain nowadays. "But whatever, I don't even wanna think about him right now."
It's silent for only a minute when CeCe asks,"Why do you pass out so much?"
I shake my head in response; How am I supposed to her that she's the cause of my every bodily problem? "I guess there's something wrong with me," I whisper. There is something desperately wrong with me; my heart falling for a girl that I know I could never have. A beautiful, popular, straight girl. I don't even think that I'm gay. It's just CeCe I want.
"Do you think I'm a bitch?"
I turn to look at her and she's gazing at me with curious, amber eyes. "You're not a bitch. You're just very... critical of things."
"Woooah, I've never heard you curse before. Someone's a bad-ass now, huh?" She nudges me in the shoulder with a finger and I lightly smile. It's silent again, and it's a peaceful; CeCe and I, on the beach, moderately close to eachother.
"What's your favorite song?"
"Yellow, by Coldplay."
She tilts her head in that thoughtful way and sighs.
"You're different, Rocky." I'm aware of this, yes. "Good different. You're not really popular, and you don't have a lot of boyfriends, and you're get teased a lot, but the weird part is, you deal with me." I listen to her soft words as we watch Dina and Ty wrestle in the ocean. "
"When I was maybe five or six, my dad and mom got divorced, and so I thought this was all my fault. My dad had always told me, he couldn't,'Deal with me', and so I assumed I was a problem for him. So, I guess that triggered something in the back of my mind to not be people's way all the time. Be in front of them. Be the one in charge. And... You see how I am. But what I guess I'm trying to say is that I really shocked that you haven't given up on me, even though I'm a constant bitch to you." She looks over at me, and I turn back to look at her.
Deep breath.
"... Yes, sometimes you really demean me, and yes, sometimes you really have to always be one step ahead of everyone, but I don't care about that. I care about you. Not only because I know you aren't such a bad person everyone thinks you out to be, but because I know that there's a lot more things you could do if you just believed in yourself. I believe you. You have every dream in world to catch, and no one is stopping you. And take this from someone who doesn't have a lot to believe in, or doesn't have any friends."
"I'm your friend." We continue to gaze at eachother, and my heart is threatening to beat and burst right out of my chest again.
"CeCe, Rocky! Quit making out and let's get goin'! It's been like three hours!" Time passes quickly when your in love, Dina.
I stand up as CeCe grabs my left hand and yanks on it, bouncing up only to hiss and fall down again. "My foot hurts too badly. Gimme a piggy-back ride?" I smile and crouch down, her arms roping around my neck and her legs crossing around my waist. How I'm so calm and collected, I don't know right now. But whenever I feel her chest rise and fall against my back, I keep my shivers down and maintain our way to the car.
"You have really pretty hair," she murmurs into my hair.
"Thank you." A blush crosses my face; No one has ever really told me that.
"This was a nice day, huh? Got to hang out with you and just take a break from all the shit." She self-consciously scratches her finger nails against my sweater clad-arm, but I can still feel the little streaks that she makes and her nail moves up and down. It feels so nice to be so little. God, help me. "Yeah," I murmur back. I finally get to the car, and I turn and set her in, and slide in after her, waiting for Ty and Dina to hurry up.
"What's your favorite color, CeCe?" The question comes from nowhere.
"Yellow." Bright and vibrant, just like her. She yawns and lays her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired." Someday, you'll get to lay down in my arms and we can fall asleep wherever you like. But, someday. I let CeCe rest against my shoulder, and turn to look the window, at the sky.
Everything is yellow, and nothing could be better now.
Oh the FEELS
Don't kill me, please.
Just, kill me in a review. That's fine.