Two years later...
The choosing day is coming up. Caleb and I take the bus to the place where we take our aptitude tests. I watch Caleb give up his seat to a man dressed in Candor black and white without missing a beat. He's surely to get, and pick, Abnegation.
Caleb's selfless. I am not. Should I pick Abnegation?
If I don't pick Abnegation, what faction could I transfer to? The first thing that comes into mind is Dauntless, because he transferred there. But I swat that idea away. I'm not brave. I won't fit.
I sometimes think that Amity would be a nice place. With its apple orchards and friendly people everywhere, it's a place anyone would feel at home. But other times, it scares me, the way they manage to act so happy all the time. As if they are drugged.
When Caleb and I get off the bus, we bump into Susan and Robert. I am gripping onto Caleb's wrist, and when Susan approaches, I feel his pulse quicken. I smile to myself. Robert seems to notice something about Susan too, and we share a knowing smile.
"Hello, Susan," Caleb greets her.
"Hello, Caleb," responds Susan politely. "How are you?"
"I am well, thank you. How are you?"
"I am well too. Thank you for asking,"
I feel like strangling somebody. This polite conversation between the two Abnegation star-crossed lovers was wearing me out. Why couldn't they be more casual to each other? Oh right, Abnegation. By the look of Robert's face, it doesn't look like he can stand this anymore either.
"Hello, Beatrice," Susan says to me.
"Hello," I reply, but I don't ask how she is, even though those are the rules. I know that she is 'well,' she had just told that to Caleb.
"Hi Beatrice. What's up?" Robert asks me, grinning. Susan gives him a disapproving frown, but I smile.
"Hey Robert. Nothing much, really," I say. Usually, it is now Caleb's turn to glare, I know, since that's what always happens. But Caleb just grins to himself. I feel confused, suddenly. It isn't like Caleb to not scold me.
We all go into the room, and sit patiently until we hear our names. Four of us from each faction go at a time. Most of the testers are Abnegation, since you don't get payed for doing this. They volunteer a lot. But the rules are, you cannot be given the test from somebody of your own faction. So the Abnegation get tested by a Dauntless.
I get called up with Susan. I feel eyes stare at Susan and I as we walk into the testing room side by side; they probably can't tell us apart. Both of us have blonde hair, which is tied up into a knot, and the same Abnegation grey clothing.
We separate, and the first thing I notice about the Dauntless woman is that she has a sun tattooed to her arm. I can't help but stare at it.
She introduces herself as Tori, and gives me a clear vial filled with liquid. I want to ask what's in it, why she has a sun tattooed to her arm, why she chose Dauntless, but I feel too nervous to ask anything.
When I drink the serum, which tastes awful, by the way, the room around me seemed to melt. Suddenly, there is a knife and a cheese sitting right on the floor. "Choose," whispers a voice. I stare at my options. What should I choose? I reluctantly reach my hand out, but then I withdraw it. What will happen when I do choose?
"Why?" my voice rang out.
"Choose," hisses the voice again. I stubbornly cross my arms onto my chest. "You need to give me a reason!" I insist.
"All right, be that way," the voice says, then the two options fade. I turn around to find myself facing a large dog with large amounts of shaggy black fur. I slowly take a step back, startled. The beast growls at me.
For a few moments, my brain freezes. Think, I urge myself. Think! I bend down, slowly, so I wouldn't scare the dog. The dog pretends to lunge a few times, but I stay still. Then I slowly walk forward, making sure I do make sudden movements to scare the dog. The dog reluctantly sniffs my hand, which I had held out, and then licks my face with one loud SLURP! I laugh and pat the dog.
"You really aren't harmless, aren't you?" I giggle. I run my fingers through the dog's fur, still smiling. Suddenly, a little girl appears out of nowhere.
"Doggy!" she squeals, and runs toward it. The dog automatically jumps up and bares his teeth at the little girl, causing her to scream and run. The dog chases after her. The girl continues to run, but she's losing within each step.
"No!" I scream, and I throw myself in front of her, just as the dog jumps onto me, his sharp teeth the last thing I see.
Then I find myself in a bus,out of breath. What just happened? I look around on the bus, and it seems pretty normal. Then, I see across from me, there is this man with burnt fingers, holding a newspaper with a outlaw and a warning that read," Wanted, Dead or Alive!" The man with black burnt fingers turns and shoves the newspaper under my nose.
"Do you know this man!?" he demands. I peer at the picture, and to my surprise, I recognize the outlaw, but I don't know how. The man leers at me. "So?!" he yells. I screw up my courage. "No," I say with the straightest face I can manage.
"Are you sure?!" he cries. "It can save my life!" I can't tell him, I can't! "No!" I insist. The bus melts away, and there is a stabbing pain in my head. I find myself in the testing chair, next to Tori again. I sigh in relief.
Tori looks baffled. She keeps replaying my test, and then sighs.
"What's my result?" I ask her.
"Abnegation," she replies after a while. I let out a large breath. "Goo-"
"And Dauntless, and Erudite." she finishes. I stare. "What!?" I slide back onto the seat. "What do you mean? I can't have three factions as my result!" "It's possible." Tori tells me. She leans in close. "They call it Divergent."
Tori says the last word so quietly that I can barely hear her say it. "What's-"
"Don't say it!" she hisses. "Divergence is a very dangerous thing!" I press my lips together. "Well, then what should I choose?" I ask her. "Any of the three," Tori replies, still focusing on my test. I stare. "The test was supposed to tell me what to do!" I cry.
"The test; it did not work on you," she whispers. She deletes the footage, and shoves me out the door. "Tell your parents that you got ill. The serum." she tells me. It isn't a request, it's a command. "And do not tell anyone your result."
"I know we're not supposed to discuss it with others," I tell her.
"No, don't ever tell anyone, no matter what. It's too dangerous." Then Tori slams the door in my face.
I have so many questions, and more continue to form as I walk home. What is Divergent? Why do I have to keep it a secret? Why is it dangerous? What faction should I choose?
The one I rule out easily is Erudite. My father dislikes Erudite, and I have grown to as well. They seem to arrogant, too greedy for my liking. Besides, they have been writing nasty articles about Abnegation recently, saying that we weren't really giving factionless food. They claim that we were keeping fresh food and water to ourselves, which is completely untrue. I've been eating canned-foods for my entire life, which all tastes like dust and paste.
That leaves me with Dauntless and Abnegation. Which one? In my heart, I know that I'd do anything to get out of Abnegation, anything to avoid staying in this environment for the rest of my life.
I knew my future in Abnegation. I would continue helping with the factionless, volunteering, and soon get assigned to a boring job. Then I would get married to Robert, and Susan to Caleb. We would have children when the time is right, and then devote the rest of our life working and raising our children/child.
Dauntless, however, is unpredictable. You won't have a foggiest idea what will happen in your future, even if you are Dauntless-born. You may live until you have to take the jump or become factionless, or you may die tomorrow. Boys and girls go around breaking other's hearts, toying with your feelings. You may have children too early or when you are forty. The two factions are very different.
Am I scared to join Dauntless? Yes. But I am also scared to continue Abnegation. I feel trapped, like I belong to no faction.
The next day comes before I know it. I go downstairs to see Dad pulling the razor across Caleb's hair, trimming it to the only acceptable length in Abnegation. I had my hair trimmed my my mother yesterday, so all she needs to do is help pull my hair into a knot.
I see Caleb glance at his reflection, the same way I did yesterday. Out of curiosity. My father closes the cabinet and Caleb helps him sweep up the blonde hair on the floor.
My family enters the Hub, and as soon as I see the five choosing bowls, I feel like throwing up. I decided yesterday that I would choose Dauntless, but now I just feel more unsure. I notice Caleb shaking like mad. His face expression matches the way I feel right now.
As Caleb and I get in line, he speaks to me. "Beatrice. When we do this, we must think of our family," he whispers. "But, we also must think of ourselves." I nod, my palms sweating.
I slip behind Caleb in line. The Choosing Ceremony began.
I don't listen to Marcus speak. I can't concentrate, I can't! I'm choosing Dauntless, I can be free there! But the guilt of betraying my parents, and my brother, Caleb, keeps weighing me down. What will my parents say? What will Caleb say? I press my lips into a thin line.
Since they go in non-alphabetical order, it's Caleb's turn quickly. He slowly walks up the stairs and stares at the bowls. Carefully, he cuts himself and squeezes some blood out. Abnegation, I think. Caleb's gonna choose Abnegation.
But he chooses... Erudite. Erudite. I stare at him in disbelief. The Abnegation begin muttering and glancing over to the Erudites, who were sitting there with triumphant smirks on their faces. The first thing I think is,
If Caleb's not selfless enough for Abnegation, how can I be? but then I think, My parents will be alone if I don't choose Abnegation.
Choosing either faction will determine who I am. It will take a great act of bravery to choose Dauntless, and it would really selfless of me to choose Abnegation. Now, I am no longer sure of what to chose.
"Prior, Beatrice!"
I stumble up the steps of the stadium. My face flushes at all the eyes staring at my back. It seemed like they were all daring me to chose Dauntless, to disgrace my family, to leave them behind. I slide the knife across my wrist, hard, so that it draws blood without squeezing. Blood wells up, and begins dripping fast. I need to choose now.
Slowly, my hand hovers above the Abnegation bowl. I can't believe I'm doing this. I think. I watch a blood gather up and form a drop, then-
No! I think, and suddenly, completely against my will, I shift my hand above the Dauntless coals, and the blood falls, and sizzles. There is a long silence, then the Dauntless let out a deafening cheer. I can feel my former faction staring at me.
As I walk over to join the Dauntless, I catch Caleb's eye. He was smiling at me, proud of me. I force a smile back and sit down.
I watch Susan choose Abnegation, as expected, and Robert choose Amity. That surprised me a lot, half because I didn't see that coming. It was really obvious. I knew he was going to transfer, but I'd always thought that he belonged in Candor. Maybe I was wrong.
When Aadlund, Jerry chose Erudite, we were all dismissed. The Dauntless all stood up and began to run, unlike the Abnegation, who were still sitting down patiently. I stood up as well, casting one last look at my parents. Then I began jogging after the rest of the Dauntless. The entire way, I am only thinking one thing:
I am free.
Tobias's/Four's PoV:
Lauren grins at me. "C'mon now, Four. It's about time he initiates start falling from the sky." she jokes, and we walk over.
"So, I got the transfers this year, right?" I ask her.
"Yup. I bet it's one of my Dauntless-borns that jump first." Lauren says in a challenging tone. I grin knowingly.
"It's always a Dauntless-born, no bet," I reply.
Just as I say that, out of nowhere, there is a grey blur, falling onto the net. Both Lauren's mouth and mine part slightly. Just when we were so confident that it would be a Dauntless-born first to jump, too.
The girl laughs in relief to herself, a bit hysterical, then rolls off. I almost fail to catch her, at the familiar voice. Seeing her face determines my prediction. Beatrice.
"Thanks," she says politely. Judging on her voice, she doesn't recognize me, which sort of hurts at first. But I guess my appearance changed a lot.
"A Stiff? First to jump?" Lauren says in disbelief. "Unheard of."
"There's a reason why she left them," I tell Lauren. I almost yell, First jumper, Beatrice!, when I remember, I don't know her name.
"What's your name?" I ask her, keeping my expression cold. She studies my face, carefully. For some reason, I don't want her to know that I am Tobias. I don't want anyone here to learn my real name.
Beatrice hesitates. I smile a bit, knowing how she felt.
"Think through it carefully; you don't get to pick again," I tell her. She stares at me for a long time. I quickly vanquish my smile; she knows it too well. I need to be cold to her, or she'll know.
"Well, Stiff?" I demand. She flinches.
"Tris," Beatrice says in a clear tone. I turn around so that she doesn't see the grin on my face. Tris. I like it, it suits her more.
"First jumper-Tris!" I call.
I'm not sure if I can get used to calling Beatrice Tris, since that's what I have been calling her for at least eight years. I turn back to face Beatrice-Tris.
"Welcome to Dauntless," I say.
Then, there is a scream. A Candor girl falls into the net. Lauren shakes her head in disbelief. "This year's Dauntless borns are cowards. How can two transfers jump first? One's a Stiff, too."
She then goes over to help the Candor girl.
The initiates jump one by one. The third jumper is another transfer, Erudite. I think his name was Edward, if I remember correctly. So this year, we have 5 Candor, 3 Erudite, and 1 Abnegation for the transfers. I notice that there isn't any Amity. It's like this almost every year. Amity is almost as rare as Abnegation. The average is 5 every 80 years. Abnegation, one to a decade.
When the last boy jumps; a Candor, he's huge, much larger than me; Lauren leads the Dauntless transfers away. I gather the transfers and begin the tour.
"My name is Four. I will be your instructor for the rest of the initiation." I say.
The second-jumper- the Candor, snickers. She has olive skin and a cocky expression. "Four, like the number?" I feel my neck burn. The people who don't know the meaning behind my name like to sneer.
"Yes. Do you have a problem?" I challenge. She shakes her head. I continue.
"Now, I will show you the Pit, which you'll learn to love." The Candor girl interrupts again. "Pit? Clever name," she snickers. I get up close to her face, and using the coldest face I can, I say, "What's your name?"
The girl swallows. "Christina," she answers meekly.
"Well, Christina," I like to scare initiates; it's fun. Sometimes. "If I wanted to put up with the Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction. The first lesson you'll learn in Dauntless is to keep your mouth shut. Got it?" Christina nods silently. I am about to continue when Beatrice-Tris- interrupts.
"Speaking of factions, which did you come from?" she asks. Great. She's suspicious. I just need to act unfamiliar.
"What makes you think you can speak to me?" I demand. Her eyes widen a bit, like she's processing information. Then she scrunches up her face again, thinking. "Okay, now, I'll show you around."
The day ends, and so does the tour. I show them to the Chasm, 'The Chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy', and when dinner comes around, I'm beat. I get my food and sit next to Zeke, who happens to be a Beatrice's table. Later, Zeke goes away to get some more Dauntless cake, and I'm left to listen to Christina's and Beatrice's conversation. They are also talking to Will, the Erudite, and Al, who is another Candor.
"You never had a hamburger before!?" exclaimed Christina. Candors are always shocked when they find out something new about other factions.
"Stiffs eat plain food," I say. I try out the Dauntless slang for Abnegation.
"What!? Why?"
"Because extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary," Beatrice recites from memory. I smile, almost saying that myself. My mother had drilled it into me a year before she had "died".
"Wow, no wonder you left," Christina says through a mouthful of beef.
"Yeah, it's because of the food," Beatrice says, rolling her eyes. I'm not sure that works.
"Here," I tell her. "Take the meat and put it on the flat bread." she does as I said. "Now, add a bit of the red sauce, it's called ketchup, on top of the meat. Then take the rounder piece of bread and put it on top of the ketchup." Beatrice takes a bite of the hamburger, and she smiles. She has a bit ketchup on the side of her mouth, and her tiny hands are wrapped around the burger. Perfect. She looks so cute like that.
Then Beatrice glances over at me. "Where you a transfer too?" I'm taken aback by the sudden question. Be cold, be cold, my brain hums.
"I thought I'd only have trouble with Candor asking too many questions." I say, the corner of my mouth twitching. "Now I've got Stiffs too?" Beatrice - Tris stares at me, as if she recognized me. I glare.
"Maybe that's because you're so approachable," she tells me. "Like, you know, a bed of nails."
I stare at her, my expression daring her to look away. If she looked long enough, she may see Tobias Eaton hidden in the Four I had worked so hard to build. But Beatrice doesn't back away. Her entire face flushes, but she doesn't break eye contact.
"Careful... Tris," I say. Careful about what you say to me, what you say to others. I had hesitated, almost saying 'Beatrice,'. I can't let my guard down.
Then I stand up and walk away.
Tris's PoV:
I feel like I should be looking for Tobias, but after joining Dauntless, I felt my hopes go crashing down. They are so daring, and almost all of the eighteen year olds have girlfriends. It distracts me. Maybe he moved on.
I shake my head. I shouldn't be thinking like that. But there will always be a part of me that will ponder about that.
Besides, I can't imagine Tobias in Dauntless clothing. He was always covered in layers of fabric, slouching, and didn't have any muscle. That, was not an insult, by the way. None of the Abnegation had muscle, since it would be self-indulgent to work out for a good body. And the least layers of clothes I've seen Tobias in is 3. In the Summer. It's horrifying, how he can stand the heat like that. Could, I correct myself. It's horrifying how he could stand the heat like that.
We are given Dauntless clothes that haven't even been measured. Mine was way too big, and Al's, forget it. The pants couldn't cover his ankles, much less his knees. So when our free time came, Christina dragged us off shopping.
The clothes I ended up getting, well, let's just say, my parents won't approve. I have a black tank top for training, which dips lower than any Abnegations shirt had ever had. It shows my collarbone, and the strips are as thin as spaghetti. Then, Al claims that he wants a tattoo.
"You guys should get one too!" he smiles. I'm not too sure about that. It was permanent; it won't ever wash off, even when I'm 80 years old. If I survive that long, that is.
"I'll have to pass," I say, wrinkling my nose.
"C'mon!" Al pouts. I give in. "Fine," I mutter. We walk into the tattoo parlor with Will and Christina. That's when I see her- the familiar long, curly hair and sun tattoo; Tori.
"Tori!" I call out. She looks over at me and smiles. "What tattoo would you like, Beatrice?" she asks me. I lower my voice when she gets close enough. "It's Tris now, and could you," I glance around. "Explain Divergence more?" The smile fades from Tori's face.
"I only do tattoos here. What would you like?" she asks me once more. I study the patterns, and one catches my eye.
"Can I have this one?" I ask, pointing at a tattoo that shows a raven. Tori nods and smiles. "Good choice. How many, and where?" I think for a while, then I touch my collar bone. "Three," I say. Then I change my mind. "Actually, four. One a bit lower though, so you can't see it if I'm wearing a tank top or something," I say. She nods, and the process begins.
I bite my lip as her needle touches my skin. I do my best to ignore the pain, but it's sort of hard when there is nothing else in the tattoo parlor to distract you from the pain. In about 10 minutes, Tori is done. I look at the four ravens on my collar bone.
One for each family member I had left behind. Flying towards my heart. One for Tobias, flying in my heart. I will find him, no matter what.
~x~
Time Lapse ~ (After part 1 of the initiation)
I stared at the rankings for stage one. I am in sixth place. I am number six. I don't believe it. Beating Molly must have boosted my ranking more than I thought. Christina lets out a loud whoop and hugs me.
"Good job, Tris!" she grins. Will shakes his head. "Don't forget, there is still stage two."
The thought of stage two makes me sick in the stomach. No one can prepare for it, not even Dauntless-borns. At least that's what Uriah had told me. Both transfers and Dauntless-borns don't know what is waiting for us in stage two. I look at the end of the list. Al is second to last. After him is Myra.
I see Peter look at Edward- who had ranked first- in disgust and terror.
The next day came quickly, and all the initiates were sent to a room. "Stage two," Four said. "This is where you face all your worst fears. You will face each fear one at a time,"
The initiates get called on one at a time, and when it finally gets to my turn, there is barely anyone left. Four leads me into a room with machines and computers. I sit down on a giant recliner-chair thingy as I watch him prepare the serum. He is holding a giant needle. I shudder a bit.
"You're going to inject that?" I ask him.
"Correct. Into your neck."
"Neck!?"
"Yes, now stay still."
Four shakes the serum a bit while explaining. "Today, you will face one of your many fears. An average person has up to 15-20 fears. On the day you get tested, you shall find out how many fears you have. These are just practice runs, for you to get used to going through your fears."
He brushes away a lock of hair covering my neck and inserts the needle. There is a sharp pain, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.
Then I find myself in a plain. I look around. The grass is blowing, and the air is calm. How is this my fear?
Suddenly, I hear a scream.
I spin around to see a flock of black birds flying towards me. Crows. They begin to fly closer and closer to the ground, and soon I realize the crows are coming after me. The crows shriek and bare their talons, and I scream.
I run, I run as fast as I can, but I cannot outrun them. The catch up quickly and begin pecking and clawing at my skin. I bring my hands up to swat them away, but they won't leave, and I want them to leave so badly. I want them to leave me alone.
I collapse onto the grass, still screaming. Leave, leave, leave, I pray. Just go away!
But they don't, and I struggle for a few moments. I want them to go away. Go away, go away, go away!
Why can't I control this situation!?
I struggle for what seemed like hours, then I give up, lying down, and relaxing. I let them have me. I let myself die, getting pecked to death.
Then I find myself in the testing room again. I curl into a ball, hiding my face from Four. I don't want him to see me crying.
"Hey, it's okay. It's over," Four says reassuringly. His hand reaches out to raise my face, but I swat it away. "-Tris?" he says again. "It's over. It's fine." I look up, tears streaming down my face.
"It's not fine!" I yell. "When I joined Dauntless, I didn't know I was signing up for this torture!" Four's face becomes stony.
"Do you think conquering your fears would be easy?" he demands.
"Fear is how I choose to be in real life, Four! I'm not being pecked to death in real life!" I cry. I bury my face into my knees. There is a long silence.
"Conquering your fears is something even your Stiff family needs to learn," Four says after a while. I sob harder. "I'm trying! I'm trying, Four. But I'm failing." Four laughs. "You're not failing. How long do you think you've been in the hallucination?"
I frown. I haven't thought of that. "Thirty minutes?" I guess. That sounds about right. Four grins, shaking his head. "Two minutes." he tells me, grinning. "You've been in the hallucination for two minutes."
I'm about to ask, 'two minutes?' when I notice something familiar in his grin.
"Four?" I ask. "Do I know you?" The grin disappears from his face.
"I think you've heard me say to your Stiff mom," he replies. "I don't make habit of associating with Abnegation, so I can't imagine why. So, no, unless you mean right now. I've known you since the initiation started, ..Tris."
He keeps stumbling on my name. Why?
"You're not telling the truth, Four. How did you know me?" I pry. It is not selfish to pry in Dauntless. It's a normal thing to do.
"And why, Tris, do you want to know everything? Going around asking stupid questions without thinking about the consequences, like the Candor here?" he demands. I feel anger bubbling up.
"Well, I'm sorry for being curious!" I snap.
"That isn't merely curiosity!" Four insists. "I'm telling you, don't go around asking stupid questions, Tris!" he grabs my arm and pulls me outside, into the hallway. "There are cameras everywhere, aren't you aware!?"
I'm taken aback for a moment. Then I stare right back at him. "No, I didn't! But that is no reason to go around scolding me!" I scream. My words aren't making sense anymore, but I can't stand it. I hate Four, I hate him!
He stares at me in disbelief. "Beatrice," he begins. But he stops dead. And so do I. Beatrice? Did he just call me that?
So he did know me! But how?
Somehow, I already know the answer. That tone.. I know it too well.
"Tobias!?"
He sighs and sinks into the wall. "I don't believe this," he mutters. I want to kick myself for not noticing earlier. Heck, I should have noticed when I had first fallen into the net! The dark blue eyes, hooked nose, slender fingers... still the same.
He's changed so much, however. Grown much taller, and his expression matured completely. A straight posture, cold expression, and of course, not buried in a bunch of fabric. His voice so much more deeper.
I stare for a really long time. He doesn't seem to know how to react. I don't either. Suddenly, the tears come back.
"You idiot!" I exclaim. "Why didn't you tell me earlier!?" Four's-Tobias's eyebrows scrunch together.
"Well, I think it's odd that you didn't notice." he says sternly. "We've been courting for almost a year, and you couldn't recognize me only two years later,"
"That's because you changed so much! And you weren't this cold back then!" I shot back. His expression became concerned.
"I had to be cold," he said, his head bowing. "Or else you'd recognize me."
Now he is confusing me. What's happening? I don't know. I came here for freedom. I touched the raven flying at my heart gently. I knew, my real reason to come to Dauntless is to find Tobias, and continue a life with him.
"Why didn't you want me to recognize you, then?" I ask, my voice dropping to a whisper.
"I was scared," he tells me after a while, which startles me. "I was scared that you would hate me for leaving you. I wanted to start out as a new person- Four. A new love interest. A new beginning."
"A stupid reason to be scared," I give Tobias a wide smile, which he reluctantly returns.
"A good reason, actually," he says. Hesitantly, he picks up my hand and squeezes it. "So do you still…" Tobias trails off, looking unconfident.
"Still?" I press on. Tobias still looks unsure of himself.
"Do you still like me?" This question came out soft, a whisper. I try to stop myself from grinning, but I can't.
"No, I don't," I reply. I feel Tobias's hand grow limp in mine. I grin.
"I don't like you, I love you"
I can tell Four is grinning now. "When'd you get so cheesy, Tris?" he breaths.
"Since now," I say, and pull him into a kiss.