Poison Spiral

by Evil Riggs

Later in life, Naruto Uzumaki is deployed to a distant industrial town on cryptic orders. In a city torn between warring clans and rotten with secrets, Naruto slowly finds himself coming unraveled. For those who like a bit of noir with your ninjutsu. Conceived of before—and does not follow—the series' canon ending. Rated M for blood, sweat, tears, and other precious bodily fluids.

3. 3

3

For a destination set squarely in the armpit of the world, the sign ahead strikes Naruto as needlessly over-elaborate. In expertly painted yellow calligraphy:

GRANDPA DAIGO'S
Most Wonderful Traveler's Rest
COLD BEVERAGES!
PROSPECTING SUPPLIES
And all possible sundries!

And then, laid out in a far more unsure red slash:

and yes, we have bait!

Huh. He really doesn't get that earnest sense from the place unfolding before him. A kind of nightmare warren of shacks pressing upon shacks, until it's damned near big as a house. Yellow-green banners flutter beside its oversized entrance. Half-hidden among the trees is a swept lot populated by almost a dozen rough chairs. Above them stretches a flapping canvas awning. Wind chimes clunk laconically from the misshapen eaves.

There is . . . something standing on the threshold between the shop and a set of steps leading into the place's front yard. A horrible little man. His red-rimmed eyes scan over Naruto with something that mixes curiosity with consternation. Huge lips bulge and ripple with the obvious hunk of chaw stuck in them. He wears a fraying black coat and a bowler hat the color of river sediment.

Naruto shudders. Goddamn frontier people. It's as if—at some mysterious point—he crossed over some invisible line that divides the world of the sane from a country of lunatics.

He stops in the well-trod front yard, dust trailing him like a cape. He tips his hat to the little man.

"Um . . ." Naruto begins to speak, realizes his mouth is still mummified, and then tugs angrily at the wrappings about his face. His unruly road-beard sprouts in copper tangles. "Uh, hi. You sell supplies?"

The little man grins. The sight is awful on an almost existential level.

"Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. Ain't a thing you need that I ain't got." He descends the flight of steps in a series of arachnid leaps. "But first, you must have a terrible thirst from all this heat. May I pour you a glass of spring-cooled beer? Or perhaps some chilled sake?"

"Maybe later," Naruto says. "Right now, I need a goddamn map. And if it pleases you, I could use some directions, too."

Such a look of delight crosses the little man's features that Naruto feels a tingle of revulsion in response. The shopkeeper leaps back up the stairs, beckoning as he goes.

"Come! Come in. Come in!" he says. The little man lopes through the front door and into the depths of the shop.

Against his better judgment, Naruto goes in after him.