Hanna's phone buzzed as she pulled into the parking garage. She took a ticket and valeted her car as she had been instructed, then checked her phone while she walked to the lobby. Her mom had texted her to wish her good luck on her first day in the new office, and she sent back a thank you as she approached the reception desk. She told the guy at the desk where she was going, and he called upstairs to confirm. One of her coworkers from New York, Rebecca, was heading this office, but everyone else was a new hire. Rebecca was her new boss and had been in the office for a week, along with HR. Everyone else was starting tomorrow, but Rebecca wanted to sit down with Hanna to make sure she knew what her new role would be.
The receptionist walked Hanna to the elevator bank and used his key card to gain access to the floor Hanna needed. She thanked him after he tapped the appropriate button, and he nodded and smiled at her, then walked back to his desk as the elevator door closed. She tried to contain her nerves as the elevator rose to the thirty-first floor-the top floor of the building-and she smoothed down her skirt before the elevator doors opened. She tossed her hair back and walked across the floor to another reception desk, her heels clacking against the tile floor. She approached the desk, but before the woman behind the desk had time to pick up the phone, Hanna heard a voice call her name, and she turned around.
"Rebecca!" she exclaimed, crossing the room to hug her boss. Rebecca hugged her back, then stood back to look at her.
"Hanna, you look fantastic. You've been here for two days and you already have a tan."
"I couldn't stay away from the beach," Hanna said as they started walking, Rebecca leading the way.
"Well, it suits you. How are you liking Los Angeles so far?"
"I love it," Hanna replied. They walked past a bunch of cubicles and Hanna looked around. The windows faced west, and since it was such a clear day, the entire city was visible. So was the ocean, as a tiny, shimmering line at the horizon. They walked towards two offices with glass doors.
"Good to hear." They stopped in front of the offices. "So, that office is mine," Rebecca said, pointing at the corner office. "And that one is yours." She pointed at the one next to it. Both offices had windows that faced north, and Hanna could see mountains. She walked inside the office and looked out the window. The view was incredible. She couldn't wait to decorate.
"Wow," was all she could say.
"I know. I love this building. It used to be the old Variety building," Rebecca told her from the doorway. Hanna turned around.
"Variety as in the magazine?"
"Yup." Rebecca walked inside the office and sat in one of the chairs that faced the desk. "Before they moved over to the west side, they had this floor and the thirtieth floor."
Hanna sat at the chair next to Rebecca. Rebecca smiled.
"You can sit at the desk chair, you know. This is your office."
"Oh. Right." Hanna stood up, walked around the desk, and sat down in the chair on the opposite side. She propped her feet up on the desk. "I could get used to this."
Rebecca laughed. "I'm glad you like it. So, you're going to fill out some paperwork with HR about your promotion and raise, and then we'll go over your responsibilities."
"Sounds good." Hanna glanced out the window one last time before she and Rebecca both stood and walked to the other side of the office, where HR was. The view of the city and the mountains was calming, and Hanna felt her anxiety float away, into the distance.
"How was your first day?"
Hanna used her shoulder to hold her phone up to her ear as she unscrewed the top of a bottle of nailpolish. She had called her mom upon returning to her hotel room, since she knew her mom was curious about how her day had gone and because her baby sister would be asleep by now.
"It was good. Easy. No one else is there yet, so I did a lot of paperwork and Rebecca told me what I'll be doing." Hanna tentatively painted one toe and stuck her foot out to judge whether or not she liked the color. She shrugged, since the color was fine, and almost dropped the phone.
"What does your new position involve?"
Hanna continued painting the rest of her toenails. "I'll be overseeing some accounts and talking with clients. And working a little with marketing and events to figure out sponsorship opportunities." She shifted and saw that under the light, the color was a little too bright, but whatever, her feet would be hidden by her shoes. She could paint her fingernails a slightly more subdued color.
"That's great. They gave you a lot of responsibility." She could hear her mom moving around the kitchen and opening a bottle of wine. She smiled. She knew her mom loved the baby but was happy she was able to start drinking wine again.
"Yeah, I'm excited. Everyone else comes in tomorrow. I hope they're not lame." Hanna switched feet and started on her big toe.
"Hanna, be nice."
"What? I haven't been mean yet. I'm just worried that these people are going to suck." There was another female voice in the background on her mom's side, and the sound of a door closing. "Who's there with you?"
"Pam Fields came over for a glass of wine."
"Tell her I say hi." Hanna finished her second foot and looked at her handiwork. Her mom said something to Pam, and then came back on the line. "She'd like to talk to you."
"Why does Emily's mom want to talk to me?"
"I don't know, Hanna." Ashley sighed. "Don't be difficult."
"Fine, put her on." There were some muffled sounds as the phone exchanged hands."
"Hi, Hanna."
"Hi, Mrs. Fields." Hanna stood up and carefully walked to her suitcase, her toes lifted in the air.
"Hanna, I've known you for years. Please call me Pam."
"Sorry, Pam. What's up?" She pulled a bottle out of her suitcase, looked at it, then put it back. Too navy.
"I just wanted to ask you how Emily is doing. Does she seem okay?"
"She seems fine. Why?" She pulled out another bottle of nail polish and immediately put it back. Red.
Pam sighed. "I don't know. I'm worried she's not telling me everything. I just want to make sure she's alright."
"She is." Hanna finally found the color she was looking for, and stood up, walking back to the bed on her heels. "I promise, Pam, she's fine. I think she's a little lonely, but I'm here now, so you have nothing to worry about."
"I'm really glad you're there with her, Hanna."
"I am too. She sounded a little sad when I talked to her from New York, but she's perked up a lot."
"Good. Thank you for being honest with me."
"No problem." Hanna said goodbye to Pam and waited for her mom to get back on the phone, listening as Pam told her mom she was going to put something in the fridge.
"Thank you, Hanna. I know she's been worried about Emily, especially since she's three thousand miles away."
"No problem, mom. I was worried about Emily, too, but she seems to be fine." She paused. "And you have nothing to worry about. I'm fine. I'll be fine out here."
"I know, Hanna. I just miss you."
"Mom, I've been gone for less than a week. And you have baby Amelia and David there with you."
"I know," her mom repeated. "But you're still my baby, too."
Hanna rolled her eyes. "Mom."
"I know, I know, you're an adult now, but you're still my little girl. I still remember when you fell of your bike and ran to me, crying, like it was yesterday. You and I were alone together for a while after your father left, and I miss you."
"I miss you too, mom. I'll visit when I can." They said a few more words to each other and then hung up. Hanna looked at her phone, sadder than she expected to be. She was fine out here, but her mom had been right-it had just been the two of them for so long, and being so far away from her was tougher than she had anticipated.
Hanna sighed and looked at the room service menu, calling down and ordering a steak plate for dinner. She painted her nails while she waited for her food, glancing up when her phone dinged, signaling a text. She carefully opened the message. It was Emily, asking how her day had gone. She texted back a reply, telling Emily to come over for dinner if she brought dessert. Emily responded right away with a happy face emoji, saying she would be right there. Hanna called down and requested a second steak plate. She blew on her nails and waited for Emily and their food, turning on the TV and switching the channel to Bravo while she waited.
The next day, Hanna parked on an employee level and rode up to the thirty-first floor, holding a plant she had bought at Trader Joes that morning and some pictures in frames. She was a little early because she wanted to decorate her office a bit before any of the new people came in. She wanted to seem like she was seasoned and comfortable, not new at her job.
She got out of the elevator and strode to her office, smiling at the receptionist. She waved at Rebecca, who was already in her office and on the phone. Right. She'd have to remember that she wasn't on the east coast anymore, and that there would be work to do every morning because they were three hours behind the New York office.
Hanna walked into her office and put her stuff down on her desk. She took the plant and put it on the corner of her desk, then moved it to a table. She set up the photographs: one of her and her mom; one of her whole family-her, her mom, David, and her dad-from her college graduation; and one of her, Emily, Spencer, and Aria in Mexico. She looked at the last one and paused. She knew it was normal for friends to grow apart, but the four of them had been so close and had gone through so much together that it still felt weird that they didn't see each other every day. Maybe Spencer and Aria could come visit. Maybe things could go back to the way they were.
Oh god, thought Hanna. I sound like Emily.
Hanna turned on her computer and logged into her email. She had a lot more work to do now that she was no longer an assistant, and she was still a little nervous, but it didn't seem that hard. She replied to a few emails and looked over some of the notes she'd taken during her conversation with Rebecca the day before.
She heard a tap on her glass door and looked up. Rebecca was standing there with a small group of people. The new hires, she thought. She stood up and opened the door, letting everyone in.
"Hanna, these are the new hires. They'll be making up the rest of our team, as well as the events and marketing teams," Rebecca explained to her. She went around and introduced all of them with their names and positions-Mark, Derrick, Jessica, Agnes (oof, Hanna thought, her parents must have hated her to name her Agnes), Joanna, Stacey, Alexandra, and Amanda. Joanna, Mark, and Amanda were all around Rebecca's age, in their mid-forties, and were higher level execs. The rest of the group looked like they were around Hanna's age; a few looked a little older and Stacey looked a bit younger, but for the most part, they all seemed to be in their late twenties. Alexandra was going to be assisting most of them. Hanna didn't feel as intimidated as she thought she would; seeing the teams in person relieved some of her fears. Stacey seemed like kind of a bitch. Mark and Derrick pinged Hanna's gaydar, as did Joanna.
The group made some small talk for another minute, and then the newbies were ushered off to HR to do paperwork. Hanna worked solidly until lunch time, talking to clients, introducing herself to reps at companies, answering emails, stopping every so often to get herself coffee from the kitchen. At one o'clock, she stood up and stretched, then checked her phone and responded to texts from her mom and one of her college friends. There was a quick knock on her door, and she looked up and waved the person in. It was one of the new girls, but Hanna had already forgotten her name.
"Hi," the girl said nervously. "Do you want to grab some lunch with me? Everyone else is going to some vegan place, but I really want Chipotle or a burger from The Counter or something." She was tall, almost as tall as Emily, with long, rich brown hair styled in waves, and had a sturdy, fit-looking body. Hanna glanced down at the girl's shoes and was happy with what she saw.
"Sure," she replied. "But how do you know I'm not a vegan?"
"I have this really weird vegan radar. Some people have really good gaydar, I'm good at knowing who eats fake cheese and who eats steak off the bone with their bare hands." The girl paused. "I also have this really weird thing where I kind of ramble when I'm nervous. Also, I'm Jessica. You had a lot of names thrown at you this morning."
Hanna laughed. "Well, Jessica, you're right. I'm definitely a carnivore." She grabbed her purse. "Where should we go? I'm new to the city and don't know a lot of places around here." They began walking towards the elevators, since Jessica already had her bag with her.
"There's The Counter, which has burgers," Jessica replied as they got inside an elevator. "And Chipotle is a little far, but it's not a bad walk. And then there are all those foodtrucks."
"Foodtrucks!" Hanna loved foodtrucks. She didn't know why. Emily always teased her about it, because whenever they saw a foodtruck parked somewhere, Hanna made them stop and get something to eat. "Let's get something from a foodtruck."
"Okay!" They made it down to the first floor and went outside, looking at the line of foodtrucks. Slightly overwhelmed, Hanna decided on one that served thai food, while Jessica went for a burger. They met back up at a table, and sat down. They commented on each other's food, then awkwardly started eating.
"So you said you just moved here?" Jessica wiped some ketchup off her chin with a napkin.
"Yeah, I flew out a few days ago. I was at the New York office before."
"Right, that's what Rebecca was saying. Do you like it out here so far?"
"I do." Hanna took a bite of her pad thai. "The weather is great, and the fashion is fantastic, plus my best friend is out here."
"That's awesome. I've been out here for five years. I went to UCLA and majored in business and then ended up at FIT for fashion stuff, so I'm really happy I got this job. My boyfriend also went to UCLA, but now he's up north in San Fran, but I get to see him on weekends. I'm glad you have a friend out here. It helps."
Hanna's eyebrows raised and she stopped chewing as Jessica kept going.
"The weather is great, obviously, and the food is amazing, and I'm from the east coast so sometimes I miss the snow and the rain but it rains once in a while, just make sure you give yourself even more time because people are even worse on the road when it rains than when it's sunny, and oh man, I'm rambling again, aren't I?"
"Just a little."
"I need to stop talking. Is your friend a friend from college or high school or what?" Jessica asked, taking a bite of her burger.
"High school. We were in this close-knit group of friends, and then Em came out here for school and I went to New York, but that somehow made us closer. If that makes any sense." Hanna pushed a piece of egg to the side of her bowl.
"It does," Jessica responded. "I have a few friends I've grown closer to since I've been out here. Do you still talk to the other friends in your group? It must have been nice to have a solid bunch of people to hang with in high school."
"We talk sometimes. And yeah, having close friends helped." Hanna didn't mention that her group of friends was stalked by a teacher and sent messages from a psycho and had cars driven through their houses, but whatever. Jessica would probably find out soon enough.
"I didn't have too many friends in high school. I was quiet and chubby and had acne. I got made fun of a lot."
The girl was kind of an oversharer, but Hanna liked her. She had an energy Hanna could relate to. She was bubbly, but probably deeper than most people realized.
"You were quiet?" Hanna raised an eyebrow.
"I know. Shocker. I was chatty my freshman year, but then these girls teased me a lot and put stuff in my locker and hid my gym clothes, so I was quiet for the next three years." Jessica paused. "High school sucked."
"Ugh, I know. I was chubby in middle school and at the beginning of high school, and one of my friends called me Hefty Hanna. I lost most of the weight, but I still wouldn't go back to high school if you paid me."
"Your friend called you Hefty Hanna?"
"Yeah. We had kind of a complicated friendship."
"She sounds like a bitch."
"She was. But she had her reasons." Hanna crumpled up her napkin and dropped it into her bowl. "Ready to go back upstairs?"
Jessica ate the last bite of her burger and nodded. "Thanks for eating lunch with me," she said as they both stood up.
"Of course. Thanks for asking me. I probably would have just eaten by myself at my desk." They walked to the trashcans, threw away their garbage, and walked back into the building.
"No problem. I figured we both needed a work friend and everyone else seemed...intimidating. And vegan." They reached the elevator and Hanna pushed the "up" button.
"Totally," Hanna said as the elevator door opened and they stepped inside. She tapped her key card and pressed the button for the thirty-first floor. "I know Em is excited to have me out here but I don't want to take up all her time, so I'll take all the friends I can get."
"Well, I volunteer as tribute. Are you free at all this week after work? Is that too forward? Do I sound like that kid in Pitch Perfect?"
Hanna laughed. The elevator stopped at their floor and they walked out, heading back towards Hanna's office.
"I'm free tonight if you want to watch a movie or something," she offered. She didn't have plans with Emily-Emily was making dinner with Christina and Michael, two of her college friends-and Hanna wanted to avoid being alone. She was fine with alone time; she had grown up as an only child and needed alone time, but not having more friends in LA would make her feel more alone, and that's what Hanna wanted to avoid.
"Tonight is perfect! Want to come over? I live near the Bev Center."
"Near the who?" Hanna sat down in her desk chair and wiggled the computer mouse so the screen would turn on. Jessica sat down in one of the chairs in front of Hanna's desk.
"Sorry, the Beverly Center. It's basically a mall. Beverly and La Cienega, not too far from here."
"I'm staying at The Standard?" Ugh, she needed to learn the city soon so she wouldn't sound like a tourist.
"The one downtown or the one in WeHo?"
"WeHo!" There. She knew that much.
"Oh good! That's not too far. I'll grab some wine or something. Do you drink wine? Champagne? Beer? Tequila? Just kidding. Unless you want tequila?"
"Wine is good," Hanna laughed. Jessica grinned.
"Sorry. Next time I ramble, just say something. We can have a code word."
"You mean something besides 'stop'?"
"Come on. It has to be more fun than that."
"Cheetos?"
"Ricecake?"
"Why are you trying to be healthy?"
"It's not a word I say very often! It makes sense as a code word!"
"Scooter?"
"Pitchfork?"
"Flamingo?"
"Flamingo!"
Rebecca walked in as both girls burst into giggles.
"Hanna, can you-" She stopped talking and looked between the two of them, eyebrows raised.
Hanna tried swallowing her laughter. "Sorry, Rebecca. What do you need me to do?"
Jessica stood up and mouthed "bye," as she walked out of the room. Hanna smiled in reply and then looked up at her boss, who was saying something about calling a client. This is all going to be fine, she thought. Totally fine.
Hanna stepped out of her Uber later that night, looking up at the building in front of her. She'd driven back to the hotel, quickly changed into yoga pants and flats, and ordered a car because she knew she would be drinking. She called Jessica, who hurried to let her in. Jessica had also changed into yoga pants, and the two of them chatted about traffic while they made their way through the building. Jessica unlocked the door and Hanna briefly surveyed her surroundings, looking around at the tidy one-bedroom apartment. Jessica had multiple bookcases full of books and DVDs, as well as a large television. Hanna wandered over to one of the bookshelves while Jessica went into the kitchen.
"Red or white?" Jessica asked, holding up a bottle of each.
"White," Hanna replied. She pulled a book off the shelf and read the back of it, quickly putting it back when Jessica came into the room holding two glasses of Pinot Grigio.
"You can borrow that if you want," Jessica said, putting the glasses down on the coffee table. She walked over to Hanna. "It was pretty good."
"Okay," Hanna replied. She pulled the book back off the shelf and put it in her purse.
"And you can put your purse down. Stay a while."
Hanna hung her purse up on one of the hooks near the door.
"This is a really nice apartment," she said as she sat down on the couch. She picked up her wine glass and took a sip. This was a good bottle. Her mom would approve.
"I like it. It's relatively cheap for this area, and it's near work and the Bev Center and having a hospital is down the street is always a good thing, plus there are a lot of restaurants and bars pretty close by-"
"Flamingo," Hanna interrupted.
"Fuck, sorry. Anyway, there's an apartment open on the second floor if you're looking." Jessica picked up her glass and took a large sip.
"Really?"
"Yup. I was friends with the girl who lived in that apartment. It's pretty nice. It's like this one, but a little smaller. I can get you in touch with the landlord if you want."
"That'd be great." Well, that was easy. Hanna sipped her wine and leaned back into the couch, letting Jessica babble about what movie they should watch and why Serendipity would be a better choice than How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days and on and on and on.
Hanna went out with Jessica the following night, along with Derrick (Hanna's gaydar had been correct). Jessica parked at her house and Derrick drove the two of them to Hanna's hotel, and the three of them got drinks in the hotel bar and spent a few hours gossiping about the new hires, because Derrick had worked with a couple of them before. Jessica talked about her boyfriend and Hanna talked about Emily, feeling a little guilty that she hadn't invited Em to join them. But she needed her own friends, right?
On Wednesday, Hanna went over to Jessica's again for another movie night. She also met with the landlord and saw the open apartment, asking to fill out an application as soon as she saw the size of the closets. The rent was a little pricey, but within the range Hanna had expected. The landlord knocked on Jessica's door an hour later to tell Hanna that her background check had cleared, and he could start moving her stuff in on Saturday if she could get a money order to the management office by Friday. Hanna texted Emily to let her know the news. Emily responded right away, enthusiastically asking questions about the rent and what it looked like and where Hanna planned on getting furniture and could she come with Hanna to Home Depot? Hanna texted back and said she'd call Emily later with more details, earning an "okay" back from Em. Hanna shrugged it off scrolled through her personal email while Jessica was in the kitchen, pouring them each a celebratory glass of champagne.
Jessica walked into the living room and handed a glass to Hanna.
"Cheers to you finding an apartment and to us being neighbors!"
"Cheers to that!" They clinked glasses and sipped, enjoying the fizz of the champagne. Jessica nodded towards Hanna's phone.
"Telling Emily about the apartment?"
Hanna glanced at her phone again. "Yeah. And checking my email. I signed up for OkCupid on a dare right before I moved, and I got a few messages."
"Ahh! I love hearing OkCupid stories. Any really awful messages in there?"
"Let's see." Hanna opened the app so she could read the actual messages. "Oh, this guy says he's a personal trainer and wants to 'work my body out." She snorted, taking another sip of champagne. "This guy wants to know if it hurt when I fell from heaven-original," she continued as Jessica started laughing. "Three guys flat out asked if I want to fuck, and someone else wants me to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend." She rolled her eyes and lowered the phone. "These guys are ridiculous."
"Are you on there as straight or bi?" Jessica asked.
"What?"
"You said you hooked up with a bunch of girls in college and that you wouldn't be opposed to dating one." Ah, right. The confession had come out on Tuesday, after the two of them had ended up finishing two bottles of wine. Jessica had started talking about sex issues she was having with her boyfriend, and since she was drunk and felt like the ice was broken, Hanna had told Jessica about her college experiences. Hanna had made out with a lot of girls in college, at first because she liked getting drunk and pretending that she was a normal person who hadn't been stalked by a mysterious letter in high school and was able to loosen up and do dumb teenage girl things, and then because she actually enjoyed it. She'd forgotten she had said anything on Tuesday.
"Maybe I should," Hanna mused, looking at her phone again.
"You don't have to. Do you, obviously. But it could be fun. Emily could give you some lady-dating tips."
Hanna sighed. "Well, Emily doesn't exactly know about all of the girls."
Jessica's eyebrows furrowed. "She doesn't? I thought she was your best friend."
"She is. I just haven't told her. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, or why I was doing it, and I know she'd be supportive but sometimes she's just...overly supportive, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it." She hadn't told Emily about all of the girls because honestly, she wasn't entirely sure what counted as lesbian sex (she had googled it, but google was no help at all. She had just ended up on porn sites) and she didn't want to make a big deal out of it in case it was all just because she was drunk and in college. But then there had been a couple of other girls she'd gone on dates with in New York, and every time she had tried to tell Em, she had felt too weird about it to say anything.
"Fair enough." Jessica didn't push any further. She picked up the remote and found a movie on Netflix, dropping the subject. Hanna opened the app again and changed her profile so it said bisexual, then put her phone on the table before she changed her mind.
The next day, she went into work a few minutes early to start working on a project that was due the next week. She had been working for half an hour before she heard Jessica laughing from the elevators. She decided to take a break and stood up, stretching, and then walking out of her office. Jessica looked over at her as she came into the room.
"Hey! I have to go to the kitchen to put this away," she motioned to her lunch, "do you want to get coffee or anything?"
"Yeah, I could use a refill." Hanna grabbed her mug and followed Jessica into the kitchen. She poured herself another cup of coffee while Jessica put her stuff in the fridge and got a glass of water. They walked back to Hanna's office, chatting about their respective workouts from the morning. Once they were in Hanna's office, Hanna sat at the desk while Jessica leaned against it.
"Okay, so being bi on OkCupid is even worse than being straight," Hanna said, after she was done talking about yoga. Jessica smiled, her eyes shining.
"You did it? Good for you! Wait, why is it worse than being straight?"
"Because now there are twice as many idiots asking me for threesomes."
Jessica rolled her eyes. "Ugh. That's annoying. Did you at least get any messages from girls?"
"A few," Hanna lied. She had gotten forty messages between last night and this morning, ten of them from guys asking for threesomes, and thirty from girls. Most of them seemed serious, and Hanna had gotten overwhelmed. She had responded to a few of the girls before closing her laptop and going to bed, and now she didn't know what to do.
"Anyone interesting?"
"A couple of the girls seemed okay."
"Do you think you're going to go out with any of them?" Jessica sipped her water. Hanna shrugged.
"I don't know if I want to." Hanna sipped her coffee and picked up her cell phone. "I was going through profiles and LA people are just so into themselves. A lot of the girls put the links to their Instagram accounts and all they post on there are pictures of themselves."
"And you don't like that?"
"I mean, if all you're doing is posting pictures of yourself, it either means you're a huge narcissist or you have no friends. Either way, dealbreaker." She put her phone down and sighed. "I'm allowed to be picky, right?"
"Right." Jessica stood up. "The Counter for lunch?"
"Sounds good."
Jessica walked out of Hanna's office and Hanna's cell phone buzzed. A text from Emily, asking if she wanted to hang out that night. Hanna replied and said Em could come hang out at the hotel while she packed, and that she'd look into things for the two of them to do next week, since Hanna hadn't been around the past few days. Emily responded with a few happy face Emojis, and Hanna rolled her eyes and smiled.
When Emily arrived at the hotel, Hanna was sitting on her suitcase, trying to zip it shut. Emily knocked on the door and Hanna yelled at her to hang on. It took one more yank to get the suitcase closed, and Hanna blew her hair out of her eyes as she got up and unlocked the door. Emily bounded into the room, holding takeout bags.
"I got Thai food!"
"Thanks, Em. I'm starving." Hanna grabbed one of the bags and plopped down onto the suitcase she'd just closed, happily opening the food. Emily took a seat on another suitcase and opened the second bag, handing Hanna a fork, napkin, and paper plate.
"How've you been? We haven't really had a chance to catch up. Are you excited about the apartment?" Emily asked, scooping food onto her plate.
"Everything is great," Hanna replied with a mouth full of spring roll. She swallowed. "Oh! I found something for us to do." She put her food down and stood up to grab her laptop. She sat next to Emily, nudging her so she'd scoot over. Emily glanced at the screen and then looked at Hanna in disbelief.
"You want to go to a horror movie."
"Yes."
"At a cemetery."
"Yes. Come on, Em. It'll be fun. It's a thing people do out here and I want to be a real Californian. Or at least pretend I'm one."
"You want to go hang out in a cemetery at night and watch a scary movie."
"No, I want to stand at the edge of the cemetery and watch people watch a movie. Yes, I want to go to a cemetery at night and watch a scary movie."
"Can't you pick another movie? I like scary movies, but I don't know how I feel about watching one in a cemetery." Em took a bite of her pad thai and looked back at the computer screen, scanning the details on the website.
"Sorry Em, they didn't show Finding Nemo at all this summer. This is the last movie they're doing this year. Please?"
"Have you forgotten about high school? About how our lives were basically a scary movie?"
"Duh, no, I haven't forgotten. But all of that A bullshit is in the past and I'm not going to let it bother me. Come ooooon. We'll pack a lot of wine and watch a movie and I'll crash with you that night in case you get nightmares. Plus we're going to be hanging out with Jessica and Derrick all weekend while I move and, you know, buy crap for my apartment. This movie thing can just be you and ?" Hanna shoved another spring roll into her mouth.
Emily sighed and looked at Hanna's eager face. "We can't have too much wine. One of us will have to drive."
Hanna shrugged and swallowed. "Fine, we'll take the bus."
Emily laughed. "Hanna Marin, there is no way you will ever step foot on a bus."
"Okay, I won't get on a bus, but we'll call a cab or Uber or something and go get nice and tipsy in a cemetery."
Emily rolled her eyes. "If it's that important to you, fine, I'll go. But you're buying the wine."
"Yes! You won't regret this."
"We'll see about that," Emily mumbled.
Hanna smiled and nudged her. "Shut up. You love when I pull you out of your comfort zone."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Emily said, smiling. It was true. Hanna was able to get Emily to do things she was too nervous to do on her own, and Hanna being in the city meant that Em would be able to fall in love with LA all over again. She had stopped exploring when she and Paige had broken up, and now she felt like she could loosen up a little.
Hanna put her laptop on the bed, satisfied with her success. "This will be fun, I promise."
"The last time you said that, we ended up stuck in a forest for three hours."
"Yeah, but we had fun in that forest, didn't we?"
"You tripped over a branch and ripped your Lululemons and didn't talk for an hour."
"Those were expensive yoga pants!"
Em rolled her eyes. "Uh huh. Like I said, you're buying the wine."
The following weekend, the girls got out of the cab in front of the cemetery and Emily stared at the line looping around the grass, and then looked at Hanna.
"This is insane."
Hanna shrugged. "I didn't think it would be this crowded." She started walking towards the end of the line, holding a picnic basket and blanket. Since the cemetery had opened already, the line was moving, and the girls made their way through the line, turned in their tickets, and followed the crowd through the cemetery to where the screening was. They found a spot and spread out their blanket, looking at the huge crowd around them.
"We probably should have brought chairs," Emily commented. While some people were sitting or stretched out on blankets, a lot of people were reclining in lawn chairs.
"Well, now we know for next time. I'll just lean against you."
"Why do I have to be your chair?"
"Because you're taller. And you're the gay one, so you need to be chivalrous."
"Sorry, I forgot you were a sad little maiden in distress."
"Says the girl who screamed when she saw a spider yesterday," Hanna said as she opened the picnic basket and pulled out a bottle of wine. "You ran out of the room."
"It was a big spider!"
"Well, then as a thank-you for me killing the spider, you get to be my chair tonight." Hanna poured wine into two plastic cups, handing one to Emily. "What the hell is in that big bag you're carrying?"
"Cheese puffs."
"Really?! You brought cheese puffs?" Hanna leaned over Emily, pulled out the giant container of cheese puffs, and hugged it. "You're the best."
"Well, you are your mother's daughter, so I figured you were only going to bring wine. I also grabbed us some sandwiches." Emily reached into the bag and pulled out sandwiches she'd gotten at a deli, plus veggie chips, carrots, celery, hummus, and two bottles of water. Hanna watched, munching on cheese puffs.
"Seriously, Em, just join OkCupid and upload a picture of this and you'll get a girlfriend in two seconds. Lesbians are all about nesting, right? This whole little spread you've got going on is adorable."
Emily blushed a little and sipped her wine. "I just wanted to make sure we didn't get hungry. You're awful when you're hungry."
The lights dimmed, signaling that the movie was about to start. Hanna repositioned herself so she was cross-legged and facing the screen, her left knee touching Emily's right.
An hour and a bottle of wine later, both girls were happily tipsy. They had finished their sandwiches and some of their snacks and, as promised, Hanna was leaning against Emily's arm, hugging it because the movie was scaring her. Every time something popped up on screen, Hanna had shrieked and grabbed Em's arm, finally giving up and just hanging onto it for good.
"Are you okay?" Emily whispered. Hanna jumped.
"I'm fine. We need more wine." Hanna reached for her basket and for the corkscrew, then dropped both as the killer flashed back on screen.
"Here, I'll do it." Emily held out her hands and Hanna handed over the bottle and the corkscrew and let Emily open the wine and pour it into their cups. Emily put the cork back in and placed the bottle next to her. Hanna hadn't moved.
"Are you scared?"
Hanna nodded. "And a little cold." She hadn't brought a thick enough sweater. She was still of the mindset that it didn't drop below 80 in Southern California (not, true, apparently).
Emily put her cup down and uncrossed her legs. "Come here." She pulled Hanna into her lap and Hanna gratefully leaned back, letting Emily wrap her arms around her. She reached out and grabbed both of their cups of wine, and for the rest of the movie, Emily would take her wine when she wanted some and then hand it back to Hanna to hold, and whenever Hanna jumped at the movie, Emily would pull her in and hold her tighter.
It was nice, Hanna thought. Emily was warm and soft. Plus her hair smelled good. She'd never really thought as Emily as a girl. Well. She knew Emily was a girl, obviously. But she'd always just been Emily. Her best friend, Emily. Even after fooling around with those girls, Emily had remained her rock, the one thing in her life she could count on.
But she was enjoying being snuggled up against Emily more than she thought she would, and she couldn't ignore the butterflies that had appeared in her stomach when Emily had pulled her into her lap.
The movie ended and the girls blinked, stretched, and finished their wine. They packed up the Tupperware containers and gathered up the blanket and stood up, stretching again. They started to follow the crowd toward the exit, shoving the empty wine bottles into already overflowing trash bins, and Hanna linked her arm around Emily's as they walked.
"Do you want to stay over?" Emily asked as they moved with the crowd, occasionally bumping into people.
"Yes, please." Hanna acted nonchalant about everything that had happened to them in high school, about Ali's disappearance and being stalked by A, but in reality, there were nights she couldn't sleep because she knew she would have awful nightmares. Sometimes she would see someone in a black hoodie and her heart would start pounding, her blood racing faster and faster through her body. She didn't want to see a therapist about it, because she knew how crazy everything sounded to strangers, and most of the time, she could control herself. Those nights she spent awake, she spent watching Disney movies or fun comedies about girls in high school or in their 20s, girls with lives normal compared to those of her and her friends. Sometimes she pretended she was like them, pretended she was in some giant romcom where the biggest problem was figuring out what a guy meant when he texted something, instead of if a text meant a car was going to hit you or drive through your best friend's house. When she got scared in public she took a few deep breaths and sought out something familiar to calm her down-a fashion magazine, a particular brand of clothing, a book she liked. Reading had helped her a lot; she finally understood why people loved it so much. Being transported to a different world helped when you were trying to forget the one in which you had lived. Movies and tv shows were the same, but in a different way. Most of the time, she avoided anything in the horror genre, but she had really wanted to see a movie in the cemetery, and she had figured the best way to quell her fears was to pick the scariest movie and act brave. That had sure backfired.
The girls slowly made their way to the exit, crossed the street, and walked a few blocks west, attempting to catch a cab in a less crowded area than the cemetery exit. Hanna expertly hailed one and she and Emily piled into the back with their bags and blanket. Emily gave the cab driver her address, and Hanna leaned her head on Emily's shoulder and closed her eyes. Emily stared out the window, but slipped her hand into Hanna's and squeezed it. Hanna squeezed back gratefully and sat with her eyes closed until they reached Emily's apartment.
Emily paid the cab driver and the girls drunkenly staggered out of the car. Hanna dropped the blanket on the sidewalk, and this mere action tipped her emotional balance. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away as she leaned down and picked the blanket back up. Emily had stumbled up the few steps it took to get to her gate and managed to unlock it just as Hanna came up behind her. They went inside the gate and then Emily unlocked the door to her apartment and walked inside. Hanna walked in, kicked the door shut, dropped the blanket on the floor, and put the heels of her hands to her eyes, willing herself not to cry. Emily turned around and walked back to Hanna, wordlessly putting her arms around her and pulling her into a hug.
Good old Emily. Always knew the right thing to say or do in this kind of situation. Had the roles been reversed, Hanna would have cracked a joke or sarcastic comment to try to alleviate the tension, but Emily just stood there, rubbing Hanna's back, letting Hanna cry into her shoulder. Hanna wrapped her arms around Emily's waist, refusing to let go in fear that letting Emily go would mean the world was falling apart. Emily felt secure. Emily felt sturdy. Emily felt safe. Hanna felt more at home when she was with Emily than when she was in Rosewood or New York.
"I've got you," Emily whispered into Hanna's hair. "Don't be scared. I've got you."
Hanna awoke hours later, her face puffy from crying, her lips feeling chapped. Emily had gotten them both tall glasses of water, found pajamas for both of them, and they'd gone to bed, falling asleep on their backs with Hanna's left side pressed up against Emily's right. Hanna squinted at the clock on the small table next to Emily's side of the bed. Four in the morning. She sighed and sat up, knowing that she wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. Emily stirred, and Hanna looked at her hopefully, willing her to wake up. No such luck. Hanna got out of bed and took their water glasses into the kitchen to refill them as quickly and as quietly as she could, then went back into the bedroom, put the water glasses back, and climbed into bed. Emily moved again, this time opening her eyes.
"Han? You okay?"
"Not really," Hanna said quietly, sliding further into the bed, facing Emily. "That movie freaked me out more than I thought it would."
"I could tell." Emily reached out and pushed back Hanna's hair. "I haven't really been able to watch those movies ever since...you know. Everything ended."
"I'm sorry I suggested it. I've just been pretending that if I ignore everything that happened, I would just forget about it. Apparently I haven't."
"Have you talked to anyone about it, Hanna?"
"No one else really understands."
"You can talk to me."
Hanna sighed and rolled onto her back. "I just...I don't know. Sometimes I get really freaked out and think that someone is watching me or following me, or that I need to be careful with what I say or do because it's going to get used against me. I hate it. I feel weak and I hate it."
Emily moved over to Hanna, putting her head on Hanna's chest and her arm around Hanna's waist. "I know. It's like, everything is fine, and then you see someone disappear around a corner and everything comes screeching back."
"Exactly." Hanna absent-mindedly started playing with Emily's hair. The butterflies were starting again.
"But you're not weak, Hanna. None of us were weak. And freaking out once in a while doesn't make you weak or stupid or anything like that." Emily lifted her head and looked at Hanna's face. "If you ever freak out, just call or text me. I'll talk you down or come get you or do whatever you need me to do."
Hanna wrapped her arms tighter around Emily. "I'm glad you're my best friend."
"Me, too."
Emily stayed like that, pressed up against Hanna, and fell asleep. Hanna was comforted by Emily's even breathing, the solidness of Emily's body, the fact that she was there and not leaving and that she was something Hanna could literally and figuratively hang on to. Her warmth and the smell of her hair didn't hurt, either. After a few minutes, her breathing began to match Emily's, and she fell asleep.