A/N: I am so sorry that I've been MIA for the past couple of days, school has been crazy (it's my final year! I can't believe it!) and unfortunately it's been sapping all my energy and I haven't been in the mood to write. But I have persevered and here is the second last chapter! As always, thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited and review, you're all fabulous human beings and I send my love to each and every one of you. I wrote Bellamy a little dark and a little mushy this chapter, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it x
Bellamy
After Clarke left the dropship, I sat with Miller for a little while. What a dumbass! Why'd he have to go out and try to be a hero! He had nothing to prove to me; I already trust him more than most in this place, so why'd he have to go and do this? Disarming Grounder traps in daylight with a whole team supporting you is deadly enough, but alone in the middle of the night is just suicidal. He's lucky to be alive. He's only alive because Clarke grew up with the Chief of Medical for a mother and has a passion for this sort of stuff.
"Dumbass," I say to Miller's inert form, "I'm gonna kick your ass for this when you're better. Clarke will have to put you back together when I'm finished with you. Again." My words were brutal, but my tone was emotionless. I could have lost one of my friends today, and I don't have many to lose. I've all but made sure of that.
I stand up, walking away from Miller, and out of the dropship. Octavia wasn't near the fire, so she must have finished patching up our people. I scanned the crowd; Clarke was also nowhere to be seen. This brought a smile to my face; she must be asleep. A small chuckle escapes to my lips. Who knew the Princess would actually take my advice? Maybe she respects me more than I thought. I feel a pull towards my own tent. Perhaps I should take my own recommendation and get some sleep. I pondered this as I walked over to my tent. My eyelids were drooping as I pulled my shirt over my head and drifted towards my bed. Just a quick nap, I thought as my eyes closed and sleep took me.
I knew I hadn't been sleeping long, when raucous laughter awoke me. Damn, kids, can't they shut it for five fucking minutes while I get some sleep? I breathe a sigh. I can't stay mad at them; they haven't had much reason to laugh lately. Well, there was no way I was getting any more sleep while they kept this up. I stood and searched for my shirt, pulling it back over my head. Maybe Clarke was up, I could go look for her and see how she is. I stop short; I can't think like that. I need to play it cool with her, not act like I only want her for her body. Knowing my reputation, and everyone does, that's what she'll think I'm after. Not that I don't appreciate her stunning figure, but for the first time, I value a girl for more than what she can give me in bed. She excites me, challenges me, and the very thought of her brings a real smile to my face. If I ever want something with her, something more than co-leading this rag tag group of delinquents, I have to show her how much I've changed.
I take a breath and walk out of my tent, my eyes immediately seeking her out, but coming up with nothing. My smile fell in an instant. She must still be sleeping. Good, she needs it. I ignore the pang of disappointment in my stomach. Her wellbeing is more important than my selfish desire to see her. Instead, I search out Octavia. I wanted to see if she had truly forgiven me for my behaviour, or if it was all a front. I also wanted to see what she knew about my feelings for Clarke. She hinted that she was aware of something. Something I wanted no one to know, in case they perceived it as weakness. I shook my head. Octavia wouldn't see it as weakness, of course not, she might be pissed that I liked her friend though. I looked around camp, not seeing her either. What the hell? I headed over to her tent, to see if she was asleep, but she wasn't there. Okay, where the hell was my sister? I decided to check the dropship next, instead of overreacting. I promised that I wouldn't treat her like a child, but that only went so far. Miller was alone in the dropship when I got there, and next to no one went upstairs. Now, I was pissed. I stormed out of the dropship, only to hear my name being called by the one person I was searching for so frantically.
"Bellamy!" Octavia was running towards me, in a panic. She must have figured out how angry I was and trying to find a way to diffuse it before I exploded at her. Well, it wasn't going to work unless she had a damn good explanation. I was about to tell her so when she cut me off, "Bellamy, you can yell at me all you want later, but for now, I need you to listen to me." I frown, but let her continue, "Clarke is missing."
My anger was long forgotten as soon as the words were out of her mouth. My world imploded before my eyes. No, this has to be a mistake. My Princess couldn't be missing. I try to form words but my mouth and mind had other ideas.
"What-? How-? When-?" I was aware that I was babbling, and that I looked like an idiot, but I couldn't do anything to change that. My mind was so scattered, thinking the worst. What happened to her? How could this have happened? When did she go missing? One thought brought all the other ones to a halt. This is my fault; I should have made sure she went to her tent, instead of letting her just walk away from me. All emotion is washed from my face, I must find her. My sanity depends on it. My eyes are drawn back to my sister who is trembling before me, eyes full of terror.
"Octavia, I'm leaving you in charge. If I'm not back by dawn, send a small search party, probably consisting of Monroe, and about two others. Don't send anyone out after dark. I trust you can do this for me?" I refused to break eye contact until she agreed. She's the only one who I could trust with this. She was freaking out even more now, concern for both me and Clarke written all over her face.
"What the hell, Bellamy? You're going after her alone? In the middle of the night? What if something happens to you, huh? We won't have a leader, or a doctor, we'll be dead inside a week!" I barely batted my eyes at this. She was right of course. I was numb to everything. The only thing I could concentrate on is the fact that I had to save my Princess. She would not die; she couldn't die.
"We need her, O, you said so yourself. I'll be okay, it'll take more than a couple of Grounders to stop me finding our Princess and coming home to you. And weren't you the one freaking out about her being missing not thirty seconds ago?" I try to make a joke of it, even if I don't really feel it. I give her an emotionless smirk; I can't have her worrying about me. She needs to be strong.
It mustn't work too well because she rolls her eyes at me. Of course she sees through my façade. "Of course I want her back." She must see the desperation in me that I was trying so hard to hide from her, because she becomes more resigned, "Bellamy, go. Find her."
I smile at her, however fleeting it is, and pull her into my arms. With Clarke gone, she is the only girl that I truly care about, and I don't know if or when I'll see her again. I don't have a choice though, Clarke needs me and I need her back. I let Octavia go, and run to my tent, where a pack of supplies is always packed and ready in case of an emergency. This definitely classified. I also grabbed the gun that I keep next to my bed. Just because I was going out alone at night, doesn't mean that I had a death wish. Anyone who got between me and my Princess, wouldn't last too long. Everyone around me openly stared in confusion. Well I guess they would have to find out sooner or later.
"Clarke is missing, I'm going to go find her, and Octavia is in charge until I get back. If I hear that any of you don't listen to her or fuck around just because I'm away, will have to deal with me when I get back. I guarantee you it won't be pretty if it comes to that." I wouldn't be back without Clarke, but the condition I would find her in, I had no clue. If she was truly in pain, I'd be more than happy to beat the hell out of someone. If that happens to be someone who gives my sister hell while I'm not here, well, so be it. My glare silences any of the dissidents and I head out the gate, which shut resolutely behind me.
The woods would usually seem much more menacing at this time of night, but for me it only held a sense of familiarity. The shadows weren't as suffocating as usual; they me welcomed and cheerless thoughts. I embraced the darkness, and it didn't lead me wrong. My swift pace didn't have me tripping on unseen tree roots, plants or other dangers. Time lost all meaning, all I knew was the longer I searched for Clarke without results, the more danger she was in. The higher the chance she could be injured. The higher the chance she could be dead. I contemplate the situation. Was it worth revealing my position to any Grounder within earshot to call out for her? The answer was already formed by the time I finished the question; of course it was worth it. The sooner I found her, the sooner I could get her back to safety.
"Clarke!" My shouts echo through the night, with no reply. I continue my brisk stride, straining my ears for any sound in the distance, but hearing none. "Clarke, call out if you can hear me!" Still nothing. Unfortunately, with my calls only meeting silence, I find it harder to keep the desperation out of my thoughts and voice. I was failing.
"Princess! Clarke! Please! Where are you? Clarke!" My movements were frenzied, my tone panicky. I don't know how much more I can take. I need to find her. This time, my calls aren't met by silence, or so I think.
"Bellamy!" It's a whisper that sweeps over my skin. I must be imagining it. Clarke has never said my name like that; it must be the woods, slowly allowing the darkness to take what little of my sanity remained. These thoughts were squashed abruptly, because the bloodcurdling scream that followed was definitely not a figment of my imagination. I sprint in the direction the scream came from, it still echoing in my mind, like it would be etched there for the rest of my life. I don't make any effort to disguise my approach; breaking every stick, hitting every bush between me and my Princess.
She was much closer than I anticipated, no wonder her scream reverberated within my soul; she was within my field of vision, hidden on the slope of a hill. When I finally got to her, I almost gagged. She was lying at the bottom of a slight valley, half in water, half on rocks; completely drenched in her own blood. Oh god. A Grounder trap, that was the only thing that could have done this to her. This can't be happening. No! I run down the slope, and stop short of pulling her into my arms like I so desperately want to. It's only now that I can hear her speaking; whether she is aware that she is, I don't know, because it comes out barely a whisper.
"It hurts, everything hurts, make it stop. Please." It's the last thing she says before she blacks out. I nearly lose it, thinking she died right in front of my eyes, but I then notice her shallow breaths. She's in so much pain. I take note of the sticks impaling her chest for the first time. There were five of them. She was begging me to kill her, my poor Princess. I don't know how to help her, the thought alone threatening to send me over the edge. How was she still alive? Her injuries are so much more deadly than Miller's and he was lucky to be alive. And he had Clarke to help him. I couldn't help but think the worst. I slowly reach over and stroke her cheek with my thumb. I can't let her die. Not here, not now. Not after everything we've been through. I carefully rearrange her crumpled form into my arms and pick her up. She's not the lightest load I've ever carried, but she was certainly not a burden. I carefully traverse the hill until we're back on flat terrain. And then I run as fast as I can back to camp.
Carrying a dying girl in my arms, trying not to jostle her too much while sprinting was not an easy feat, but somehow I managed to get within sight of camp with her still breathing. Monroe is the first to see me, and she calls out to the others.
"I see them! They're back!" Only then did she notice Clarke in my arms, "Oh, fuck, open the gates! Now!" She sounds as frantic as my thoughts are, and no one hesitates in opening the gates when they heard her. Octavia is the first one I see when the gates open, and she barely keeps it together when her eyes fall on Clarke's limp form.
"Fuck, okay, get her into the dropship." I tune her out, already heading in that direction, with her right behind me. I lay Clarke down on the first table I see. I take her hand in mine, gripping it tightly, in the hope that as long as I held on, she would too. Octavia's cries vibrate through me, making me clutch Clarke's hand tighter. Please be okay, Clarke, we all need you. Can't you see that? With me concentrating on Clarke, and Octavia prepping for surgery, no one notices Jasper walk in.
"You can do this, Octavia. I'll help in any way that I can." I look up from Clarke long enough to see Jasper's hand on my sister's shoulder, and for her hands to stop shaking. Good, we need you at your best little sister, for Clarke's sake.
"Okay, Jasper, hold her down. Bell, I'm gonna need you to move so-" I know what she's going to tell me, and there's no way I'm leaving Clarke and I tell her as much.
"No, I'm not leaving. I'll help to hold her down if need be. I'm not leaving her side." I'm looking at her, and see her take in my protective hold on Clarke's hand, and knows she's not going to win. She quickly relents, examining Clarke's injuries instead. Without any hesitation, she grabs hold of the first branch and yanks it out, crying relentlessly. It only got worse when Clarke let out a tortured moan, before blacking out just as quickly as she had woken up.
Octavia switches her focus to the second branch, without even bandaging the first. It wasn't bleeding too much, but with the amount of blood that was around her at the lake, this was more concerning than comforting. What if she's already lost too much blood? Octavia removes the second branch; another groan of pain escapes Clarke's lips. This time, she wasn't falling unconscious again. No, Princess, you don't want to be awake for this! My thoughts turn more wild by the second.
"She's waking up, again!" Jasper's words flow over me having no affect whatsoever; I couldn't take my eyes off Clarke, the expression of pure agony carved into her features, her thrashing figure.
Octavia starts to lose it, "Damn it, Clarke! I'm probably already gonna screw this up; don't make it harder by moving! Please, god damn it!" Her tears were falling thick and fast, nothing slowing their decent. I look up at her, and I question how much more of this she can handle. I turn back to Clarke and talk to her as calmly as I possibly can.
"Clarke? Princess? Can you hear me? Don't move, okay? You're hurt really badly. Just stay still." I tighten my grip on her hand further, feeling a slight pressure in return, before her breathing slows once more and she's unconscious.
I address my sister without shifting my gaze from Clarke, "O, please, hurry. I don't know how much more she can take; she's already lost so much blood."
"Jesus, Bell, I'm trying." Her words were followed by the third branch being pulled from Clarke's chest. This time, she made no noise. I froze. No, this can't be happening. She can't be dead. No…
Jasper is the first to act, placing two fingers to Clarke's throat and letting out a sigh of relief. My muscles unclench, oh thank god. She must be still alive for both him and Octavia to visibly relax their tense positions. Octavia pulls out the fourth and fifth branch with the same result; Clarke not stirring in the slightest. Jasper handed my sister the sutures for her to start stitching up the jaggered wounds in Clarke's chest, before he left. With shaky hands, Octavia finished the stitches and bandaged up the wounds as best she could and then bursting into tears. Between sobs she spoke.
"This is all my fault, Bell, I am so sorry." I had no idea what she meant, I tried to hold her gaze, but she wouldn't allow it.
"O, you did a great job. If you weren't here, our Princess would be dead." Does she even realise what she's done? What she's given me and this camp? She saved Clarke, so why is she so upset? My words only seem to make her cry more. I don't know how to comfort my baby sister, and a little part of me collapses in defeat. If I can't even do that… I reach out with my free hand and take hold of hers, pulling her over towards me and into a hug.
"No, big brother, she's like this because of me. I helped her get out of camp." Ah, so it's guilt she's feeling. I wish the confession that she had been sneaking out of camp shocked me, but it didn't. I choose not to say anything, however, and I just let her cry as I hold her. Once the tears and sobs ceased, I decide to try and take away some of her guilt.
"O, if Clarke wanted to go out, she would have found a way, with or without your help. That's just who our Princess is, she doesn't take no for an answer. You saved her life today, that's what I want you to remember. Don't dwell on the other part, you were trying to be a good friend, and I'm sure she appreciates it." I keep holding her in my arms until she pulls away.
"Thank you, Bellamy. I should leave you two alone now." She looks from me to Clarke and back again. I could feel my eyes wide with shock, which only made her laugh. Why would she say that? Does she know? How could she know? I try and form a response when she cuts me off, "Don't even try to deny it, big brother, you care about her, and that's okay. You're allowed to care about someone else. I saw how worried about her you got when I told you she was gone, not to mention how you went out into Grounder territory, alone, at night, just to find her, and you haven't left her side since."
Damn, way to be obvious, Blake, I think to myself. Well there's no hiding it now, I suppose.
"When did you get so perceptive, O?"
"I'm not, you're just obvious. I can read you like a book." She has a point; I never could hide something from her. Hopefully it's not so obvious to everyone else. There's one person I need to tell before the rest of camp finds out. Octavia gives me one of her sweet smiles and heads out of the dropship.
"Goodnight, big brother."
"Goodnight, little sister."
I think at how much Octavia has grown up since she got arrested on the Ark and come down here. Gone is the girl who was scared to live, and in her place there is a strong, wise woman, who was the very definition of free. I couldn't be more proud of who she's become, even if she fights me at every turn. I wouldn't expect any less from her.
Clarke remains unconscious for most of the night and it gets harder by the second to just sit there and hold her hand. Her expression had softened, it no longer showed the pain she had endured today, she looked peaceful in sleep. At least now she would have to rest without arguing, she wasn't in any state to help anyone. And she wouldn't be until she woke up. Time seemed to be mocking me, dragging the darkness from the woods into my thoughts once more; hearing her tortured scream over and over, seeing the pool of blood surrounding her, the branches protruding grotesquely from her chest, her begging me to kill her. The nightmares that I would be facing until my last breath are already haunting my waking hours. Tears fall silently down my cheeks as I gaze at her. Something so lovely shouldn't have experienced as much pain as she has in her life; not just the physical pain of today, but the emotional pain she's had to deal with in the past few years alone. She's stronger than even she knows, that's why it destroys me to see her so broken. I can't take it anymore.
"Clarke? Wake up. Please, wake up. Do you have any idea how hard it is to run this camp full of delinquents without you? Fuck. Just, please, wake up. I'm the one who needs you now." Sobs were being pulled from my chest and my whole body shook with them. My grasp on her hand never slackening. I wouldn't let go until she woke up, and if she never woke up… I couldn't finish that thought; she must wake up. I would be her anchor; I focus on our clasped hands, as long as I hold on, she will have no choice but to come back to us. To come back to me.
"Bel… Bellamy?" I must dreaming. Her voice was so faint that I scarcely believe I'm truly hearing it until my eyes meet hers which are awake, alert and locked onto my own. I don't know what she sees in my eyes, but she doesn't waver, hers continue to bore into mine, exploring my soul. My relief spilled out of me.
"Oh, thank god." My free hand moves to caress her cheek, the other one still holding on tightly to hers, "You had me worried there for a minute, Princess." I can tell she wants to speak, but I cut her off before she can try, "No, don't try and talk, you've probably lost your voice. You've been out for a while and I've barely been able to get you to drink anything."
She was giving me a faint smile, which faded upon my next words, "Octavia told me everything, just so you know. I can't believe you went outside the gate by yourself and not tell anyone! She came to me so scared; worried out of her mind that something had happened to you when you hadn't returned and I was the same as soon as she told me. It didn't get any better when I actually found you. You were crying out in pain, with several pieces of wood sticking out of your chest, and you telling me to kill you. It half drove me mad, right then and there." The truth flooded from my lips, the dam wall had broken, and suddenly I had no control over what came out. Surely she now knows how worried I was, and possibly something else. My bravado crumbled; I can't tell her how I feel. She probably thought I was only worried because she was our only doctor and we needed her to survive. Sure that was true and all, but that wasn't what I was thinking when I rushed out to find her. Not that I would tell her any of this. She squeezed my hand and my gaze falls to our still clasped hands. Or maybe she already knows the real truth. I give a nervous laugh.
"Who knew it would take you nearly dying for me to actually do something like this, hold your hand that is, even though I've wanted to for so long, now."
I feel the smile in her voice when she replied. "Well who knew it would take me almost dying to realise that I wanted you to." My mouth falls open in shock. I had grappled with the concept that she possibly already knew how I felt, but I never contemplated that she could feel the same. My expression must have been quite comical because she gave a quiet laugh, careful not to move too much.
"You're not actually suggesting that you have feelings for me, right? Cause that's what I just took from that, Princess." She rolls her eyes at me.
"For a guy so smart when it comes to people, you really are quite obtuse. Yes, Bellamy Blake, that is exactly what I'm insinuating." My lips were on hers before she finished, her words were mumbled against my kiss which she hastily returned. I had only imagined kissing Clarke with such fire and passion, but never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined how beyond perfection it would be. Her lips were a perfect match for my own, and they matched my urgency which was growing with each passing second. We broke apart, just far enough so we could catch our breath. My eyes never left hers the whole time we were apart.
"Well that's more like it," Oh god, I was never going to get enough of hearing her voice, especially in that seductive tone, I smirk at this, remembering the feel of her lips on mine. Suddenly, the memory became the real thing as I leaned down to kiss her again. This kiss was slower and it grew in intensity quite rapidly until I pulled away. She was still injured after all and I had some self-restraint.
"Get some sleep, Princess, we have all the time in the world for this when I don't have to worry about hurting you" Her eyelids flutter as I speak; she truly was exhausted, "Sweet dreams, Clarke."
A/N: And that's a wrap on Bellamy Blake! What did you all think? I really have a thing for writing these characters with dark, kinda crazy, thoughts hahaha but I couldn't resist having him all mushy at the end. So that's pretty much it for this fic, only the epilogue to go :( It will be written from Clarke's perspective which we haven't heard from in a while, but it should sum up nicely the rest of the storylines. I can't wait to submit it, but as usual, it will take a few days for me to actually finish it and edit it, and actually get around to publishing it. Again, I really do apologise for being so lousy in that department. Anyway, the end author's note for the epilogue is gonna be super mushy for all you lovely readers, so I hope you all check it out, considering I have no idea how many of you guys actually read my ramblings. Anyway, until next time, stay awesome, readers x