Chris McLean was a very practiced and predictable soul. Everything he did was in some way to the emotional detriment and/or physical harm of others. That was the way it had always been for him. And he would be the only one to truly be looking forward to the coming season, despite his cheesy fake grin and practiced enthusiasm. Total Drama Deception was going to be an interesting experience for one very particular reason.
The thirteenth contestant.
The sadistic host had been surprised when he'd gotten not one, not two, not three, but four generations of willing volunteers for the show. He truthfully found it amusing that these kids would watch the previous seasons and then tell their parents that they wanted to be on Total Drama. By the end of the season, everything they thought they knew was wrong.
Chris cleared his throat as he finished his usual introductory speech about how Total Drama was the best thing since sliced bread and how much more dramatic this season was going to be than the last one. You know, the usual stuff.
"And with that being said-" Chris began.
"What being said?" came Chef's voice from the distance. "I didn't hear you say anything!"
Chris groaned. "And with that being said-"
"Did I seriously miss your entire speech? I mean, I heard you say, 'and with that being said,' perfectly clearly, but it just seemed to be silent before that!"
Chris hissed through his teeth. "And with that being said, Chef appears to be going deaf, and-"
"I AM NOT!"
"Okay, Chef does NOT appear to be going deaf." Chris leaned over and whispered to one of the interns. "Keep a sedative on you just in case. I think Chef's going crazy."
"I! AM NOT! CRAZY!"
"And it appears as though Chef has developed some kind of super hearing," Chris warned the intern. "Be careful what you say."
Chris turned back to the camera. "Okay, with that being said-"
"THERE WERE NO QUOTATION MARKS! HOW WAS THERE ANYTHING BEING SAID?"
"SHUT UP, CHEF!" Chris snarled, before turning back to the camera. "Let's introduce our contestants, shall we?"
The usual boat pulled up and the first contestant walked out with an excited and slightly creepy grin on her face. She was short, with a shirt that read "slash fan 4eva," and had long, braided black hair.
"OMG CHRIS MCLEAN!" exclaimed the girl, hugging the host.
Chris cringed slightly. "That's great, Leslie, but-" A tiny squeak escaped his mouth as Leslie grabbed his nuts.
"Do not call me that ever again, or else I'll shove a plastic spoon as well as something else down your throat and you'll never see the light of day. My name is Sunflower, got it?" she hissed, and Chris nodded frantically, afraid of this newcomer. Leslie let go, and Chris sighed in relief.
"Oh my gosh, are you and Chef a couple?" Sunflower asked. "I think I could really help with that," she said with a seductive wink.
"Oh, look, the next boat is coming up!" Chris exclaimed, laughing frantically. "Maybe the other contestants will be better than SIERRA 2.0 HERE!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO SIERRA? THAT BITCH GOT ME WITH A-" Sunflower's mouth was covered by Chef, who was wearing round shades for some reason.
"Shh, no spoilers."
The second boat arrived and an inconspicuous, scrawny looking guy with glasses, blond hair and blue eyes walked out, biting his lip and looking rather nervous.
Chris yawned. "Michael. Welcome."
"I don't have much to say to you," was Michael's response.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever Mike."
Michael groaned. "Please just call me Michael. I don't really care to be compared to...that guy."
"Whatever you say, Mike," Chris said irritatingly.
The third contestant got off.
"LELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELELELELELECABBAGELLELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELE!"
"What the..." Chris said in silent amazement.
"I'M LEBRON :LING JAMES AND YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT!"
Chris looked to Chef, who shrugged, and promptly dunked him in the ocean, holding his head under until he died.
And then disintegrated for some reason.
"He wasn't on the list," Chef said defensively.
"Moving on," Chris said irritably.
A scrawny competitor who bore a slight resemblance to Ezekiel walked onto the dock with a huge grin on his face. "Da Zeke is impressed! This place is huge, eh!"
"What. Is. This." Michael said in blank shock.
"I'm da Zeke! I was a competitor in two seasons!"
"No, you look and sound different, but if you could throw yourself into a volcano again, that would be wonderful," said Chris.
"I SHIP IT!" Sunflower yelled randomly from the background.
"Whatev," said the Zeke.
Chris looked at the contract. "It says here that your name is Thomas-"
"IT'S DA ZEKE!"
"OKAY!" Chris shouted. "FINE! YOU'RE...ugh...DA ZEKE, OKAY? I JUST HOPE YOU GET OUT FIRST, OKAY?"
The fourth contestant and fifth contestants arrived at the same time. The girl had long, platinum blond hair that almost passed her waist, and wore a white dress with...wait, this is a whole lot of description here! I can't put all that in! So, um, if anyone wants to know exactly how this character looks, just check the character reviews.
Wait, did I just say all that?
...
...
...
YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.
The boy had strangely spiky black hair, like something out of an anime. He appeared to be arguing with his sister. "Have you seen this show? It's for sadists and psychopaths, and it's run by one. I still say we get the hell out of here while we still can."
"It'll be fine, Midnight," was the elegant girl's response.
"It's a reality TV show, how bad could it be?" Chris said with a wink to the camera. "Aurora, Midnight, welcome. Your parents have an interesting taste in names."
"We come from a wealthy family," Aurora explained politely.
"DA ZEKE LIKES!"
One guess as to who said that.
"Shut up," Michael groaned. "Just shut up."
"I SHIP IT!"
Another one guess as to who said that.
The sixth contestant arrived with some degree of flare. "MATTHEW, TO THE RESCUE!"
He proceeded to pull an Izzy and hit his chin on the edge of the dock.
Aurora and Midnight helped to pull him out, and birds flew around his head.
"Orange purple marshmallow...star...huh..." He fell over, unconscious.
"Whatever," Chris yawned. "Say hi to Matthew, everyone."
"Hi Matthew," said everyone.
The seventh contestant arrived calmly, a book tucked underneath his arm. He appeared to be rather short
"Please welcome Peter, everyone!" Chris called.
"It's a pleasure to be here," Peter said calmly. "I hope we can all be friends here, because I can be a total prick to my enemies."
"I'll keep that in mind," Chris said, while rubbing his hands with glee.
Peter walked so that he was standing next to Sunflower, who appeared to be looking him over. "Not interested," he snapped, and pushed her away. Sunflower tumbled into Zeke, who fell right into Aurora's cleavage, who fell backwards into her brother.
"Hey guys, look, I'm awake!" Matthew called, standing up, right as Midnight crashed into him and sent him crashing into the water.
"Tyler and Matthew would get along just fine," Chris commented cheerfully, and he and Chef exchanged a high five.
The eighth contestant arrived rather inconspicuously. She had dark brown, choppy hair and green eyes, and wore a black blouse with light gray skinny jeans.
"Leanne," Chris yawned.
"Don't care," the girl replied with a roll of her eyes. "I have better things to do than to listen to you all day."
Chris sighed. "Whatever. Be distant. That's cool with me."
The ninth contestant, to general surprise, was not Trent. Not even close to being Trent. The boy was skinny and pale, with light blue eyes and messy hair. He seemed to project an aura of calmness and self-certainty.
"Please welcome James, everyone!" Chris called.
"Please don't," he yawned, before standing next to Michael. He didn't say another word to anyone, causing Chris to shrug.
"Don't know what his problem is," Chris said.
Janet was the tenth contestant to arrive. And in a similar vein to Matthew, she arrived in flare. Namely, with a confident grin on her face and a calm stride.
"Please welcome Janet," Chris yawned as Janet walked confidently through the area, not saying a word to the others. "Friendly group, they are."
"Okay, now we have...um...Jay-ro. Say hi to Jay-ro, everyone!"
A Hispanic boy walked furiously onto the dock. "Idiot," he sneered. "My name is pronounced Hay-doe, you imbecile. Now get out of my way." He roughly shoved Chris aside. Chris waved his arms frantically as he was about to fall, but Chef placed his hand on Chris's back and helped him up.
"JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!" Leslie called.
The eleventh contestant arrived while Chris had steam coming out of his ears. She appeared to be a cowgirl.
"G'day mates!" she chirped.
"THAT'S AUSTRALIAN, NOT COUNTRY!" Chef called from the distance.
"Sorry, just wanted to do that," Lauren grinned. "Nice to meet all of you."
"FINALLY!" Michael gasped. "SOMEONE NORMAL!"
Zeke tapped Michael on the shoulder. "I...I saw boobies."
The final contestant walked in calmly, and ignored the looks she got for her long pink hair and rather large breasts.
"Wow, you're short," Chris said. "How...um...how do you have these proportions? What are you, five foot zero?"
The girl shrugged. "Don't ask. The name's Belinda. It's nice to meet everyone!"
Chris sighed. "Yeah, that's great. Go stand with everyone else. So we've got Jay-ro, a short girl with assets, a female Noah, an Ezekiel wannabe, a couple of antisocial freaks, the new Tyler, a badass, two wealthy people that I don't even know why they're here if they're already wealthy, and a creepy stalker that according to Interpol abducted two of my former contestants at one point and tried to make them have sex."
He burst out laughing. "I'm loving it! But we have one more contestant to introduce."
"I thought you said there were only twelve," James yawned.
"Nope! Our thirteenth contestant will be out shortly!"
The thirteenth contestant walked calmly out of the boat. The boy was incredibly skinny, almost starved, and only of about average height. His hair was dyed black and spiked, and he wore a black t-shirt with a distorted, screaming face on it. His eyes were closed, and he walked down the dock.
"Please welcome Adrian!" Chris said cheerfully. "You going to say anything, Adrian?"
Adrian opened his eyes. The entire eye was black. Not just the eye itself, but the whites, all of it.
Leslie ran over to him. "OMG! YOU'RE A DEMON FROM SUPERNATURAL! DO YOU KNOW SAM AND DEAN? HAVE THEY EVER MADE OUT? OR DID DEAN MAKE OUT WITH CASTIEL I HAVE TO-"
"Shut up," was his response. Beneath his raspy voice was a second, deep, distorted voice. He turned his blank eyes to see McLean. "Chris. I didn't honestly expect you'd let me in after my audition tape was of me murdering my dog."
Lauren gasps. "You murdered a dog?"
"Better than murdering a person, dipshit," he told the cowgirl, and everyone took an involuntary step back. "Are the cameras rolling?" he asked Chris.
"That they are," Chris said smugly. "No hurting the host. The others are free reign-"
Stab.
Chris looked down to see the knife in his chest. Screams echoed throughout the dock as all the campers scrambled away from the demon, running for their lives.
Chef snapped his fingers in mild irritation. "God dammit, someone else stabbed him before I could." He proceeded to put on his shades and ran away, screaming like a little girl.
"Sorry to cut this competition short, but really," the demon-possessed boy chuckled. "I'd like to have a little fun. After all..." He looked around, to see that everyone else was gone. "Um, hello? I was talking! And you all walk out on my speech?"
He sighed in mild annoyance. "How rude."
If you haven't already guessed, this is not your normal SYOC fic. I'm not one for competition fics, and this started as more of an experiment than anything. What would happen if I made a SYOC fic? I found that the story received more views in one day than my Tyler-centric oneshot received in two months. I found it curious, and was originally planning to be a troll about it and kill off all the characters first chapter.
But what I didn't expect was that some of these characters either were actually good, or could be really funny to watch. If your character didn't show up, know that it was nothing personal, but I chose not based on how many signed up, but what the potential for humor was. This is going to be a...different kind of SYOC fic.
I recommend you all read ThePessimisticRainbow's "Define Sexytime" if you haven't already. Leslie comes from there, and she is just as hilarious there. I hope you all keep reading, because I'm certainly enjoying myself, and I hope you will too.
Also, I've posted a poll on my profile asking about what people think of SYOC fics in general.
Ciao.