District 3.1415

DA ZEKE POV YO

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

...man, I lost the flow, yo. Let's try this again, eh.

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

nah, man, I need to get in da zone, yo. These guys are kinda disrespectful of my flow, ya know. I need to have something new, something bold, something that will knock their socks off like nothing has knocked their socks off ever before!

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

perfection.

*we apologize for this completely pointless POV that only serves as a glimpse into the strange mind that is Da Zeke and serves no purpose whatsoever*

District 413

Aurora POV

Ugh, my head! I hate this stupid place! The entire time I've been here I've felt like shit, vomiting and crap. I slowly stand up and take a look around at the people around me. Janet, Belinda, Leanne, and James sit nearby, and I walk up to them.

"My head hurts," I groan.

"Is it contagious?" Leanne asks, only to have Janet smack her.

"Good to see you're awake," Janet says.

"It is?" Leanne continues, only to receive another smack.

Belinda sighs. "I just want out of here."

"We all do," James says. "But yeah, I don't really care that you've woken up. You're a bit of a bitch."

"Would you like to say that again?" I growl.

"You're a bit of a bitch."

"HOW DARE YOU?"

Janet stamps her foot on the ground. "Okay, both of you stop! We need to find the others quickly, or else-"

The sound of a cannon penetrates the air and we all jump in shock.

Then the earth starts to rumble, and crack beneath our feet.

"Oh shit!" all of us somehow manage to say at once before running for our lives.

I continue running and jump down this weird slope thing in front of me and then this other stuff and WHOA it's all boomy and stuff. Okay, what the hell did I just think?

I am so freaking confused right now it's not even funny.

We're on the center circle with the Cornucopia in the middle now and from the other side I see Michael, Da Zeke (grrrrrr), Peter, Leslie, and my brother stumble out of the woods.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!" Midnight yells. "THE DEMON IS HERE! THE DEMON IS HERE!"

"WHAT?" I yell. "WHO?"

There's a bellow and one of the former contestants I recognize as Eva flies towards us with a berserker rage and we all scream and panic and stuff.

Michael runs towards the Cornucopia and somehow vanishes.

"Wait, WHAT?" Janet exclaims, before Michael pokes his head in out of nowhere.

"In here! I guess this is the portal out!"

"How convenient," is Peter's droll response, and quickly the ten of us file in. With a whoosh, we're back in the lobby.

All ten contestants lied on the floor, groaning. Disembodied elevator music lingers in the air, something with a flute and jazzy keyboard. Quite relaxing.

"Okay...what?" Leanne groaned.

"THIS IS THE BIGGEST HEADACHE I'VE EVER HAD SINCE MY MONTHLONG YAOI WITHDRAWAL," Leslie groaned.

"Not as big as the headaches you've given us," Leanne snarked.

She was once again smacked by Janet.

The muzak still played.

"Okay, that wasn't the right way," Janet said. "I think we should take Jairo's suggestion and split up into groups to go through the other doors. Right, Jairo?"

She looked around to see that Jairo wasn't there. "Okay, let's do another countoff."

"Midnight is here! And perfectly capable of speech for once!"

"Aurora."

"Ugh. James."

"Sunfl-I mean Leslie."

"The only sane person here."

Leanne was smacked by Janet.

"Peter. Seriously, these take way too long."

"Michael."

"YO YO DA ZEKE YO YO YO YO YO YO-"

"We get it, you like yo-yos. Belinda!"

Janet cleared her throat. "Then me. That's ten. Jairo, Matthew, and...um...Lauren! That's her name! They aren't here! Which means they're still in there...should we get them?"

It was quiet for a moment.

"Nah."

"But...my OTPs!" Leslie whimpered.

"We're trying the other doors!" Janet snapped. "Nobody cares about your OTPs!"

"This elevator music is getting really annoying," Michael commented.

"Split into groups," Janet snapped, and quickly the ten remaining contestants shoved around and organized themselves into groups.

Group 1 consisted of Leslie, Da Zeke, and Peter, much to Peter's displeasure. Group 2 consisted of Aurora, Midnight, and James, much to James's displeasure. Group 3 consisted of Leanne, Michael, Belinda, and Janet, much to Janet's-wait, that doesn't make sense. Never mind.

"Group 1 through that door."

Da Zeke and Leslie just stood there, while Peter walked through the door. About three seconds later the two not-so-bright ones registered the command and entered.

"Group 2 through that door."

The three entered with much less problems.

"Group 3, including me, through this door."

And thus, the four walked into the unknown.

Welcome back goobers. It's me, your evil overlord Max, back again with more enlightening information on how to-

OMFG LMFAO WUT IS THEIS HAHA I CANT BRETH

Um, who would this be?

lol thes is leisele...lilsei...leslei...watev...hi! its nice 2 met u!

Why is your text appearing on my screen? I'm trying to do something here? Why can't I delete it? Scarlett, are you here?

I'm here. And I'm just as clueless as you.

Okay, where the hell is my body? I can only see text on a screen, including my own. It's like I'm...disembodied or something.

petey, is tht u?

I'm sorry, was I supposed to understand that?

YO YO YO YO DA ZEKE YO YO NIGA NIGA YO YO WORD MAN YA'LL BOOM CHIKA BOOM CHIKA

OMG zekey ! ur here 2!

OKAY, EVERYBODY OUT! As your evil overlord, it is my sworn duty to protect my creations. I cannot do so if you are constantly bickering and confusing me. And henceforth, I sentence you to get the fuck out of here.

Would you look at that. The baby cussed.

WHO SAID THAT?

Am I supposed to understand who's talking at all?

lol wut do u thkn petre?

DA ZEKE IS IN DA HOUSE YO, RIT HERE DOING STUFF AND SOME OTHER STUFF...UH...

LET'S TRY OUT SOME RHYYMES, YO!

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

Your pathetic behaviors both incite me to place a hand to my forehead and to snicker in derision.

hey!1111how r u calin stipued?

*who

*are

*you

*calling

*stupid?

I believe the amount of corrections speaks for itself.

wut are u, a fukin gramer nasi? go fuk urself. wif a dictionary.

You managed to spell dictionary correctly. Maybe you're not hopeless.

God, what did I do to deserve this?

Okay, that's it! EVERYBODY OUT!

EVERYBODY DA ZEKE YOOUT EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT omg thes is jsut liek teh one tiem iEVERYBODY OUT OH DEAR GODEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT EVERYGOT DA BEAT RIGHT HEREBODY OUTThis is stupid.EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODYWhat is a man, but a miserable pile of secrets? OUT EVERYBODY OUTwehr i wnet 2 teh store and they ttlyWHOP WHOOP WHEEP WHOP Sigh. EVERYBODY OUT Meh. Might as well join it. AHAHAHand den this guy EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTwaz ttly hitin on me but it wuz sooooo obvious he wuz gayEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTwuz so i told him to go maek out with the cuet guy over threr!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA honk FO SHIZLLE, UH HUH, THIS IS SO MUEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTCH BETTER WHEN PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY HEAR ME To quote Noah, life, why do you hate me so?

The terrain was dark, dreary, and dark. Everything was sad and depressing, and boring, even though it was in the future. There was important stuff of much seriousness going on that no one, not even the author really cared about (not really, but it had the least motivation behind it).

Did we mention it was dark? I don't think we did.

DARK DARK DEPRESSION BLUH.

Midnight woke up, alas, with the same headache. He was slightly more coherent than when he had woken up in the FDTD session, but not much. Aurora was humming, while James just sighed, staring at a wall, motionless. Driven into shock at having to spend time with the two siblings.

It was raining. Because this fic is dark.

"Why aren't the cars moving?" Aurora asked, curiously examining the cars before them.

"At a guess, I'd say it would be because the fic isn't regularly updated," Midnight guessed. "Possibly could be a dead fic."

"I don't care," James said. "It isn't the way out so I don't give a crap. Let's find the portal out of here."

"HEY!" A large, burly man stood at the entrance of the alleyway in which they had spawned (did we mention it was an alleyway? You want to know the reason? BECAUSE IT'S DARK.)

"OH crap, CHEF! RUN!" Midnight yelled.

"I'm police! Don't run!" Dominic Hatchet yelled before tasering Midnight.

"Not...again...WHEEEEEEEE!" Midnight said, eyes rolling back in his head before falling unconscious.

James and Aurora just facepalmed before turning themselves in.

Leanne

The applause died down as the teenage girl was pushed onto the stage. She looked like she had no idea what she was doing, mainly because she had no idea what she was doing or where she was. She had no way of knowing that she was in a fic about the TD contestants receiving Academy Awards. She couldn't know that.

"Am I supposed to make a speech?" she asked, trophy in hand. "Uh...what is this again?" Her eyes widened. "A FREAKING ACADEMY AWARD? NO WAY!"

"Uh, that's why you're here," the ghost, I mean host said. "It's time for your speech."

"Uh, thanks," Leanne said, and then walked off.

The crowd booed, as B had already used that joke. Leanne was shoved back onstage to complete her required speech.

"What more do you want? Where are my friends?" she asked. "Okay, you want me to make a speech, I'll make a *BEEP*ing speech."

"*BEEP* this. *BEEP* you. *BEEP* all of you. Goodbye."

Sadly, Duncan had already used that joke as well, so when Leanne tried to leave she once again was pushed back onstage.

Backstage, Belinda, Michael, and Janet were waiting on the bench along with all of the TD contestants who had not yet made speeches. Namely, most of them. Eva was pacing around, snarling, while Scott was muttering under his breath. Sam (the gamer, not the author. Well, the author plays video games but isn't as fat as Sam. I mean, the TD character Sam isn't as fat as the...wait, no, it's the other way around. The Sam with a girlfriend. There we go) was busy playing his video game, while Dakota was pacing angrily.

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A MONTH NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY ACADEMY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH!"

Scarlett placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. Your time will come. And at least you have a speech, unlike some people," she said, gesturing to Max.

"I do too have a speech," Max protested. "It's informing them of my world-conquering ambitions and how they are all powerless to stop me! Then I plan to use these robots to BRING THEM ALL TO SUBMISSION! MWA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever," Scarlett said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, *BEEP* you!"

"Would you look at that? The baby cussed."

Max scratched his head. "You know, for some reason I'm feeling some kind of deja vu..."

Belinda was chatting away with Sky and Zoey, who were both scooting away from the cheerful, pink-haired Mafia girl. Janet was arguing with Eva about going onstage, because apparently they couldn't while someone was on there.

Michael sat alone.

"You lost?" a dry voice asked, and Michael looked up to see Noah, who just looked down at him, incredibly bored.

"What do you think?" Michael snapped.

"I don't care," was Noah's response. "You're obviously not from around here. What, did you just to decide to drop in to see us? I appreciate the thought."

"Okay. You are currently in a fanfiction. I come from a different fanfic written by the same author and we're trying to find our way out."

Michael looked at Noah, expecting to hear something like "That's ridiculous. You need to see a psychiatrist."

Instead, Noah just shrugged. "Okay."

District Uno

Jairo POV

I'm in the freaking Capitol along with two of the most annoying people in the world. Lauren keeps trying to get people to remember her name, and Matthew keeps trying to help every single freaking person he meets. I don't know where any of the others are, or what they're doing.

"My name is Lauren. Laaaaauuuurrrreeeennn."

"I don't caaaaarrrreeee..." the fat stylist who looks like Sugar says very emphatically. "I dooooonnnn't caaaarrree about y'all. I ain't no waitress! I'm going somewhere else! AWAY FROM YOU LUNATICS!"

The older version of Sugar, who was the only person here willing to listen to us for more than five seconds, leaves. We have no place to go and no idea how to get anywhere.

"We could always just ask more people," Matthew shrugs.

I growl. "I wish I hadn't been stuck with such morons."

"You're not very nice, are you," Lauren pouts.

"You just noticed this?"

"No."

The intercom turns on and a familiar voice blares over it, belonging to Chris McLean, or at least this fic's version of him. "Attention you three. You know the ones. Stay where you are. We're coming to fetch you and we don't want a scene."

The three of us look at each other and shrug.

"Meh."