YO YO MAN YO YO THIS IS GETTING and den he wuz ttly ilek OMG KINDA BORING Whyyyyyyy meeeeeee? What did I do to deserve this faaaaaaaate?YO YO WORD EVERYBODY OUT EVERBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT YO YO omg is petey singing? I do not know what I've dooooooone to deserve this, please Gooooooodddd, be gooooooood! YEAH, AND THE SINNERS ARE RIGHTEOUS AND THE RIGHTEOUS HAVE SINNED, HABLA HAVA...BOOM BADA BIN! EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT omg thies is so aeomw!

Okay, THAT'S IT! EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP OR SO HELP ME I WILL CHOP YOUR ARMS OFF AND LAUGH AS THE BLOOD SPRAYS OUT, AND THEN FORCEFEED YOU POISON THAT WILL MAKE YOU VOMIT UP YOUR ORGANS! THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I HACK YOUR BODY TO BITS AND THEN LAUGH AS YOU SCREAM UNTIL YOU DIE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH! SO SHUT. UP. NOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!

...

...

...

...

Scarlett, I thought you said you took your meds.

I'm better now. Now that we've cleared that up, we should probably determine the best way to remedy the situation.

...I'm scared now.

we all r, petey, we all r.

Tara, shut up.

my naem is lslei.

Same difference.

Hello good sirs and ladies, am I interrupting anything?

Scarlett, is that you again with the bold, underlining, and italics?

No, this is ScrowmegMeha, at your service. This is patently ridiculous and obviously isn't going anywhere, and I've been hired to kill you. And I can't exactly do that just by being text. So back to the lobby we go.

WAIT-

Head Gamemaker

Chris McLean

Chef sighs as the two of us wait around for their arrival. Forces are here and ready just in case these weirdos might actually pose a threat. The Games are ruined, and I'm not particularly happy about that. It was so close to the finale, too! God, sometimes things just don't really work out I guess...

The three teens are brought in, and I size them up. A forgettable-looking girl who identifies as Lauren. A Hispanic dude who spits in a guard's face. Real smart. And a guy who's wearing a cape for some reason.

"Okay, so what's the deal here?" I ask, and they shrug.

"I don't think you'd believe us," Matthew says.

"He wouldn't," Lauren says.

"Just tell me," I yawn. "I haven't got all day."

Something changes within Chef. Something ripples. Shades form over his eyes and his clothes change.

"Oh shit," Jairo says, and Chef turns to me and-

District Purple

Matthew POV

HOLY CRAP, CHRIS IS DEAD! AGAIN! IN TWO DIFFERENT FICS! That's...not a bad feeling, actually. "Morpheus Chef!" I yell. "Run!"

We run.

A knife flies past my face and I turn around to see that the guards are beating Morpheus Chef down to the ground. It's...actually rather funny to watch, really.

"LET GO OF ME YA FOOL! YA DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH HERE! I GOT KIDS TO KILL AND NOT A WHOLE LOT OF TIME TO DO IT!"

He got tasered.

Jairo, Lauren and I shudder as the giant hulking figure lies unconscious on the ground. Chef can be pretty terrifying when he's not being weird.

One of the soldiers turns to us. "Okay, what the hell happened here?"

Lauren, Jairo and I look around and shrug at each other. "We honestly have no clue," Jairo says.

The soldier puts a hand to his ear. "Uh huh. Okay. Anyway, Scarlett and the President want to see you. You guys kinda screwed things up for us. All of the tributes in the Arena are dead now, and your friends appear to have vanished."

"Scarlett?" I gulp, remembering her run on PI. "Who is she again?"

"A Gamemaker. She'll be with the President."

Guns are pointed at us and we raise our hands in the air. "Now come on. We don't have all day."

Janet

Janet was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

She once again was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

For a third time, she was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

Eva continued to pace backstage, grumbling. Leanne had disappeared after having completed her speech, and Michael and Belinda worried that it could be that once they were finished with their speeches they would be gone as well.

"So how can we help you assholes get out of here?" Noah yawned.

"Could you let us use some of you as target practice?" Belinda asked happily.

"Tempting, but no."

"I suppose that Leanne and Belinda are gone," Michael mused. "I'm not sure what that means for us though.

"All I know is that after someone goes up on stage, they never come back," Noah said.

There was the sound of breaking glass from elsewhere. "Oh, wonderful," Noah rolled his eyes. "Not again..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Scarlett flipped again!" Noah called and immediately a whole bunch of contestants led by Owen filed in with weapons. "Restrain her! Go team go!"

Max lay dead upon the floor, stabbed to death. Scarlett's hair was down. "I've had ENOUGH time spent sitting. IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO DIE!"

Zoey and Sky tackled her to the ground, only to be stabbed in the back by Scott.

"HA, this IS fun!" Scott snorted. "VILLAINS! UNITE!"

Alejandro punched Owen in the jaw. Heather and Gwen got into a catfight. Topher ran screaming for his life with Scarlett and Sugar chasing him around. Noah just sat around and watched.

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" Michael asked Belinda, as both were crouching behind a chair.

"Join the fight!" she said, and proceeded to laugh maniacally as she flung herself in between Amy and Samey's fight for no discernable reason.

Noah joined Michael behind the chair, and promptly pulled out a book and started reading.

"You're reading?" Michael asked in shock?

Noah rolled his eyes. "This stuff always gets sorted out in the end. Every time fights break out, eventually the author comes in to break it up."

"Wait, you already knew about this?"

"Somehow I can remember when it happens when no one else can. I'm sure he'll be here soon to tidy up. First time around I was screaming and terrified."

Michael's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh shit...That's not good, he's the asshole we're running from!"

Noah shrugged. "You're going to have to find your way out of here then. Sam isn't going to show any mercy."

"What about me?" Sam asked, ducked behind another table.

"Nothing!" Noah called, and then peered his head over the table. "Go team go!"

He then popped his head down and continued reading.

Michael just shook his head in disbelief. "You are one cold motherfucker."

We would head to the No Quarter session right now except for the fact that literally nothing interesting is going on over there right now. Their plot development comes at a later date. And for some reason my influence is being blocked there, which means that LEL must be in the vicinity.

All we really need to know right now is that Midnight was diagnosed with brain damage, but we already knew that. Poor dude can't really catch a break. Ha ha, I really don't give a shit. He just needs to die already.

Speaking of which...

Ugh, why won't these OCs freaking DIE! They're like cockroaches! Nasty, smelling, little wretches that just won't snuff it already! God, what's the deal here? Not one, but TWO agents are working on taking them out AND THEY'RE STILL. FREAKING. ALIVE. What the hell is the deal here? All of them are terrible pieces of crap that don't deserve to be here! Forgive me, I'm going to rant a little. I apologize if your feelings are hurt.

Actually, that's a lie, I don't give a damn about your feelings, this is my story and I can do whatever the hell I want with it as long as that fucking LEL doesn't keep interfering...

They're abominations. All of them. Each of them, in their own little maniacal way. They are wastes of my time, and I don't even know why I bothered to create this stupid fic if all that's going to happen are revolts and other shit like that.

You are all fucking insane for creating these characters, and I have you to thank for me dealing with this fucking mess. Thank you so much.

Goodbye.

Please note that I do not actually view any of you or your characters that way. That is in-universe Sam's opinion, who I have playfully and self-deprecatingly rendered as a massive asshole. Please take his whiny bitching with a grain of salt and don't worry: all of your OCs are great and I'm really having a lot of fun with this fic. So anyway-

Whoa whoa whoa! Who the hell are you?

Uh, what?

You. Bold text. Smug overtones. Who the hell are you and what the hell do you think you're doing?

I'm providing an out of character author's note! I do this on occasion, you know.

Uh, no. Who are you? Oh God, have they gotten here too?

I don't know what you're talking about. My name's Sam, pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Oh, ha ha, very funny. Impersonating an author's note. I don't DO author's notes. In fact, I don't believe you, because I'M Sam, and I'm currently dealing with a whole bunch of problems related to my characters rebelling. So unless you have anything pertinent to add, I'd get out of here now before I really get angry.

Yeah, you're used to your authorial powers, aren't ya. Yeah. Sorry. I outrank you.

You can't outrank me, I'm the author! Now be real this time. You're not Sam.

You're right, I'm out of universe Sam.

...that doesn't make any sense!

You're right it doesn't! Nothing makes sense in this fic! Didn't you get the memo like around...chapter 2?

I WAS WRITING IT, FUCKASS!

Language! God, why did I write you as such a douche...

...what?

You see, I am outside the context of the story. I control your actions at my whim. Everything you've done has been a gross exaggeration of my negative qualities in a self-deprecating manner to provide the audience with laughs.

Uh, no. No no no, that's not the way it works.

Is it? Have you ever considered that I may be typing up your responses as well, just switching from bold to regular text while doing so? Has that thought ever crossed your mind?

...

Yeah, thought so. I CREATED YOU, MWAHAHAHAHA. HA. Now, after we've finished this conversation you shall forget we ever had it. Wouldn't have you going around making things even MORE meta, huh? What wall are we on now again? The fifth one?

Lo, behold, shut the fuck up.

There's that language again. You are my avatar inside of a fic, controlling the events inside it to the best of your ability, while I sit and laugh at everything, including myself. "Myself" meaning you. I'm perfect.

You're seriously pissing me off.

I tend to do that a lot. But wait! What if I'M just a character in ANOTHER fic! What if we're ALL just God's OCs? *gasp* THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Uhhhhhhh...

LO, BEHOLD, WE ARE ALL IN GOD'S FANFIC, EVERYBODY!

I'm not even...what?

But wait! There's more! WHAT IF GOD IS JUST A CHARACTER IN A FANFIC, WRITTEN BY A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL? THAT WOULD BE BREAKING THE FIFTH, SIXTH, AND SEVENTH WALLS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, for God's sake shut up!

AND THEN WE BREAK THROUGH THE EIGHTH WALL WITH THE REVELATION THAT THE LITTLE GIRL IS REALLY THE MAIN CHARACTER OF ANOTHER FIC, AND-

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

BUT WE'RE NOT FINISHED YET, NOOOOOOO, THAT IS NOT THE WAY THIS ENDS, BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE A TOTAL OF FORTY-THREE FREAKING WALLS TO GET THROUGH AND YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, AH HA HA, AH HA HA, AH HA HA HA HA!

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Okay, I think my work is done here. I think my caps lock is crying out in pain again. So we might as well be done here, as to give it a bit of relief. I'm not a sadist after all. Ciao, everyone, and see you next time.

GAAAAAAAHHHH!