Day 4 - Onboard the Orion Ship - Betazed Space
"As the Primary Investigator of this research project," Spock says patiently, "It is customary to be consulted with, before we embark on a new segment of the journey."
Kirk hums and peers up at him. "It's cute," he says. "This thing you do, when you are pissed. Using long words."
Spock gives him the eyebrow.
"Also," Kirk continues inconsequentially, "I got us the ship. Ergo, Captain."
"You are very attached to your power status," Spock observes.
"And you are way too attached to your logic," Kirk shoots back easily. "C'mon. We are on holiday. Just go with it, can't you?"
Spock points at the starmap on the screen and draws a swivelling line in midair. "If that is indeed your navigational ethos, then we will miss Betazed by 3.2 parsecs," he says. "I do not see how that is conducive to our research goal. Also, by procuring our own ship, we have deviated from our original research methodology, which is the investigation of civilian routes - "
"Wow," Kirk interjects, a note of awe in his voice, "You really wanted to do this properly like research, didn't you?"
Spock stares at him mutely.
"It's a wager, Spock," Kirk says patiently. "You don't win wagers by following 'methodologies'."
Spock's eyebrow twitches.
"In fact, you don't use methodologies if you want to ace Advanced Tactical Training, Field Simulations, and Rescue Operations either," Kirk says, counting them off on his fingers. "The least of which, Kobayashi Maru."
"I am not certain the analogy bodes well for our trip," Spock says, feeling a muscle tick in his temple.
"Boy, you really hate to talk about this, don't you?" Kirk says, squinting an eye and looking insufferably smug. "Alright. Let's change the subject. How do you like our new ship?" he says, gesturing expansively.
The Orion ship is, as one would expect, fast and over-weaponised, with a luxuriously lined Captain's quarters (which Kirk has commandeered) and slightly sparse but equally comfortable First Officer's quarters (which Spock has taken with little objection). The pantry is especially well-stocked: enough to last them weeks of interstellar travel.
"The ship has a treasure vault," Spock says. "The bars and EMP field generators suggest they are used to hold slaves."
"Prisoners," Kirk says, a little uncomfortably. "Harromad has sworn off the slave trade. Or so Gaila says. Consequences are dire if you go back on a promise you made to Gaila."
Spock nods, thinking back to the time Gaila cornered him in the mess hall after he and Uhura ended their romantic association.
"Okay," Kirk says, scanning his face with interest. "I see a story here. Spill."
Spock raises an eyebrow. "You are psi-null," he points out.
"Yeah but I know you like Pike knows Number One," Kirk says. "Go on. We have nothing but mind-numbing travel for days. This isn't gonna work if we don't find something to talk about."
"Which is why I am thinking back to the interrupted book purchase," Spock tells him.
"Oh fuck off," Kirk says with no vehemence at all. "You love me. Come on, tell me something."
Spock considers this for a minute. "I peer reviewed your article at the Journal of Advanced Astrophysics," he says inconsequentially.
Kirk's eyes widen comically, then sputters. "You!" he says, all mention of Gaila evidently forgotten. "I knew it! You nearly killed my article! Who asks for a major revision when everyone else on the review board recommends for publication straight?"
"A scholar with academic integrity," Spock says calmly. "Your second equation was sloppy. The reasoning for your conclusion was not clearly presented. I could see your logic - but only after careful reconstructing of the quantum tunnelling sequence. Your revised draft was substantially better."
Kirk squints at him, narrow-eyed. "I would hate you so much," he says slowly, "If it weren't for the fact that you're probably the only one on the review board who read my article that closely."
Spock inclines his head.
"I didn't sleep for a week after getting your comments," Kirk says. "Rewrote the whole thing from bottom up. The only thing drove me was the pure hatred for the anonymous stuck-up who was preventing me from graduating with distinction, and getting my ship."
"Hatred is an illogical emotion," Spock advises serenely.
"So much," Kirk says, shaking his head, eyes bright. "Now tell me about what Gaila did to you."
Spock's eyebrow twitches again.
"What," Kirk says, grinning lopsidedly, "You think I'd be distracted? Vulcans. So naive."
"You do hound gossip like a canine," Spock comments.
"A Captain ought to know what goes on in his ship's crew," Kirk says proudly, jutting out his chest. "Out with it, that's an order, Mr. Spock."
Spock resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Lieutenant Gaila approached me after Lieutenant Uhura and I ended our relationship," Spock says finally. "I understood the reason for her doing so was out of concern for her friend, which is why I did not file for charges of threats against my person and wellbeing."
Kirk chortles so hard that Spock has to steady him from falling off the seat. "Did you threaten to cut your dick off, too?" Kirk asks, gleefully.
"I have no comment on the matter," Spock says automatically. Then, turning dubiously to the man who is now purple in the face, "...too?"
"Yeah," Kirk says, with a nostalgic sigh. "I told her if she did, it'd be disservice to humanity and the Federation xenocomunnity, and she saw my logic."
The tick has returned in Spock's supraorbital bridge. "I believe you are mistaking logic with quibbling," he says.
"Right," Kirk agrees good-naturedly. "Whatever works. Baby Jim remains attached, Kirkgasms prevail!"
There are days when Spock longs for the professional, detached, polite relationship between a Captain and a First Officer: where no mention of sex is involved and he does not know what his Captain calls his own male genitals. This is one of those days.
"Aha," Kirk announces suddenly, wiping a hand over his PADD, and flicking a news headline up on the screen ahead.
BREAKING NEWS: TRAIL OF GALAXY-TRAIPSING ENTERPRISE DUO DISAPPEARS IN RIGEL X
"See?" Kirk grins. "Lost the paparazzi. Now we can do whatever we want."
"I fail to see how the presence of media attention could have persuaded you otherwise," Spock informs him.
Kirk pretends to consider this for a second. "You are right," he says magnanimously. "Ask not what you can do for media but ask what the media can do for you," he says, tapping fluently away on his PADD.
"Your comm unit is vibrating," Spock observes. "It has done so repeatedly in the last thirty minutes. Are you going to take the call?"
"Do you want to hear Bones shout at me for half an hour?" Kirk says, without looking up. "Yeah, I thought so."
"I can retire to my quarters," Spock suggests.
"Don't even think about it," Kirk says, jutting out a foot in Spock's way. "If Bones is gonna shout at me, you gotta listen. After all, it's your wager."
"Evidently not," Spock says. "As we are not presently onboard the civilian transport to Betazed."
"Man, you really don't approve of my methods, do you?" Kirk says, smug and with considerable pride.
"As I said, I fail to see the scientific method here," Spock replies.
Kirk nods, slowly, then breaks an indecipherable grin. "Remarkable Vulcan constraint, huh?"
Spock glances at him. "Clarify."
"It's been hours. The First Officer doth protest too much, but you haven't exactly asked me where we are going yet."
Spock raises a brow. "I did not wish to give you the satisfaction," he says flatly.
"Ahhh, right, 'cos that's what you live for," Kirk says.
Spock regards him with the eyebrow.
"You are such a spoilsport," Kirk needles, knocking him on the arm once more. "Okay. Pleeeeeease?"
Spock exhales through his nose and taps the navigation control screen rapidly several times. "Based on our current trajectory and warp factor," he says, "I postulate that you are planning to circumvent Betazed and associated Federation territories altogether."
He looks back and meets Kirk's gaze, who has that gleam in his eye again. Spock taps once on the screen, and a brown planet with silvery white atmosphere shows up on the star viewer.
"I do believe you are, in fact," Spock says slowly, "heading for Cardassia."