Well fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck. FUUUUCK. FUCKING FUCK. Fuuuuuck. Fuck.
Now that I've got your attention, I still have no idea what I'm doing or if what I just did would get this removed. Hell, this isn't an M-rated fic...wait. I've got it! I just keep cursing until it's past the rating, then post it before any more crazy shit can happen! That way everything going on here can just cease to exist!
I AM A GENIUS!
Okay, so what's happening right now? Um...
...oh shit.
Shit shit shit. Fuck. No. He's dead? LEL killed him? No...no no no no no, this is bad, this is very bad...FUUUUUUUCK. I do apologize for the overuse of swearing, however the fact remains that you are going to be affected by this as well if you don't do something. As long as you don't do something stupid like leave a review saying that LEL can enter YOUR authorverse too, everything should be fine as long as it's contained. And of course now that I said that I just jinxed it and you'll likely review something to that effect because you're convinced that this is just a little funny, entertaining story with no long-term consequences.
I believe I've covered this ground before. Wait, why can't I just delete the fic again? This interface is pretty easy to use, so-
Yo dude. Stop making how involved you are in the story completely ambiguous and confusing to think about. I'm even having trouble keeping track of all of this in my head, and this is from a guy who thinks up plot twists and lays foreshadowing like twenty chapters beforehand in just about every fic, including this one. Now if you'll excuse me, you didn't see this. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure why I'm writing this right now. I guess just to be funny and waste words? *snaps fingers* You don't remember any of this.
Huh? Where was I? Whatever. It probably wasn't that important.
But...I think I need to reevaluate things. Maybe...I need to speak with these thirteen.
"That makes thirteen then."
The contestants gathered around the light door, examining it. All of them were rather confused at the time. No rhyme or reason to where they were, only that they were finally reunited.
"So how are we getting out of here?" Michael asked.
"Well, when I tried sending a guy through this he just disintegrated!" Leslie chirped happily.
"COOL!" Belinda cheered excitedly.
"Can we all not be thrilled about the possibility of imminent death, thank you?" Peter asked, folding his arms.
"My God, how long does it take us to get anything done?" Janet groaned.
"Way too long," Leanne yawned.
Meanwhile, James was complaining to Jairo. "So Midnight keeps falling over about every five seconds and Aurora wanders off like some lost puppy, so naturally I had to be the one to help them out! I don't even know why Midnight keeps doing this! It just seems like every time he's almost rational something happens to make him completely incoherent!"
Midnight and Matthew were having a tripping contest. It was a close match. It truly was.
Janet pulled out a whistle and blew it, gathering everyone's attention. "Alright, there are too many characters here! I kind of miss when we were all separated, everyone was much more bearable that way. My God..."
Rocket the Raccoon tackled her in the middle of her speech. Da Zeke chuckled. "Man, good raccoon."
"If you all would listen," Peter sighed. "Never mind. Whatever. Let's not find the way out of here. That works for everyone. Whoop de doo."
"Is it just me or does everyone here seem to be divided into insane and snarky?" Jairo asked rhetorically as Leslie attempted to talk to him to no avail.
"Alright, everyone just needs to calm the fuck down, per usual," Michael said, trying to regain his former position as leader. "Come on now! We can do this!"
"Eh, not really." The voice came from one of the doors. The thirteen turned to see Sam with his hands in his pockets, looking bored out of his mind. Next to him and towering over him was Chef.
The thirteen pulled out their respective improvised weapons. Janet a knife, Leslie a dildo, Midnight a duck, Aurora a sword, Peter a book, Lauren a...um...she didn't pull anything out. Da Zeke his raccoon, Michael a gun, Belinda the shotgun, Jairo a boomerang, Matthew a knife, and Leanne didn't even bother to pull anything out.
Sam just rose his hands up in surrender. "Whoa. Chill. I'm not here to harm you. I'm here to warn you."
"Oh yeah?" Leanne asked, sticking her tongue out. "So Chef can stab us?"
"Chef has been busy stabbing a large number of Chris's in many different authorverses," Sam deadpanned. "He's had enough stabbing for today."
"I can't tell if you're joking," Belinda bewilderingly said.
"Mission accomplished, then," Sam grinned. "Regardless, this is actually a serious matter. You know that LEL guy?"
"Yes," all of them said at the same time except for Midnight, who said "no."
"Well, he killed an agent. That's kind of a big deal."
"And we should care because..." Peter and Jairo inquired at the same time.
Sam sighed, stepping closer to find that most of them were taller then him and could easily beat him up. "Because you won't be able to get out." He pointed to the light door. "You see that? It'll vaporize you from existence if you don't have the five keys to the authorverse. One key is hidden in each of my multichapter fics. If you can gather them before that 'Bard of Space' can, then I can let you out and kill him permanently. Capische?"
"Not really," Da Zeke replied, scratching his head.
"So what you're saying is that each of us need to go back into a fic and find it before that thing does?" Leanne gulped.
"What happens if we fail?" Lauren asked, speaking up for the first time.
"What happens if we don't succeed?" Matthew asked right after her.
Sam shrugged. "Well. For one-"
BOOM.
The explosion rocked the lobby, sending them to the ground. The door to Beyond the Fourth Wall had flung off its hinges and behind it strolled a familiar grinning psycho. No, not Leslie. The one and only LEL.
He was quiet.
Michael looked confusedly at the approaching figure. "Why are you quiet? Aren't you...supposed to be doing that weird 'LEL' thing you usually do?"
"would you prefer that to how i act now?" the lunatic asked. The thirteen stopped in their tracks.
It was quiet for a moment.
"KILL HIM!" Sam yelled, and Morpheus Chef quickly hurled a cleaver at LEL.
The enemy agent sidestepped and snatched the knife out of midair.
He then hurled it right back at the point from which it came from.
Stab.
Morpheus Chef looked down to see his own knife protruding from his chest and blood flowing from it.
"NO!" Sam screamed as the burly man fell over, a pool of blood spilling out. The thirteen watched, not sure what to do.
It was quiet for another moment.
"KILL HIM!" Leslie screamed, and the thirteen charged.
Midnight hit LEL with the duck. LEL calmly snapped the duck in two and slammed Midnight in the face before breaking his neck. The weirdo was out.
"YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" Aurora screamed only to receive a stick of dynamite in her hands for her troubles.
BOOM.
Without even looking back at Aurora's bleeding body, LEL turned and calmly latched onto Janet's wrist before tightening his grip.
SNAP.
Janet let out a cry as LEL grabbed her knife and proceeded to sheathe it in her gut.
He was promptly slammed in the face by a book as an enraged Peter brought the book down on him full force. Jairo and James appeared next to him with their respective weapons.
LEL snarled. "you really don't know what you're up against."
"Au contraire," Peter smirked, raising the book for another blow.
"my apologies," LEL said before taking Janet's knife and lunging for him. Peter yelped and held the book in front of him. The knife pierced the book. The tip hovered in front of Peter's face as the two struggled on the ground. Jairo and James attempted to help but were knocked out of the way by a speeding Leslie.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!"
Leslie took the dildo...and proceeded to jam it down LEL's throat.
LEL coughed and sputtered, screaming and panicking as he took the thing out of his mouth. He let out a screech as his wrath was directed towards Leslie, who'd had the tenacity to shove a motherfucking dildo down his throat.
"you shouldn't have done that."
He calmly slit Peter's throat before kneeing Jairo in the balls. As James tried to get him while he was down, LEL punched him in the face before hurling himself at Leslie, proceeding to stab her repeatedly.
"die die die die die die die die..."
Leslie screamed as Sam watched, mouth hung open as he observed the carnage around him.
"die die die...DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE LELELELELELELLEL HA HA HA! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"
Leslie whimpered as she began to bleed out.
BANG.
LEL let out a scream as he fell to the ground. Belinda stood over him with a shotgun. LEL stood up, wavering, black blood staining his features.
She shot again.
:LEL was once again knocked backwards to the ground, more oily blood staining him, but still he got back up.
Shot after shot after shot, and LEL would not stop. The bloodied psycho turned to see Rocket the Raccoon lunging for him.
Calmly, he broke its neck.
"NO! NO! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" Da Zeke charged him but was shoved out of the way by Leanne before LEL could murder him. Snarling, LEL ran for the FDTD door. Another moment and he was gone.
Michael stood in shock far away from the proceedings as the others bled out before him.
Belinda was crying.
Lauren, for once was glad that she'd been overlooked.
Da Zeke was sobbing on the ground observing the corpse of his beloved raccoon.
Leanne was comforting him.
Matthew was lying on the floor, entangled by his cape, still struggling to get out.
And Sam just stood there in shock as everything seemed to unravel until there was nothing left.
There was no point anymore. Everyone was dying. Nothing could be done.
Unless...
An idea slowly formed in his head. It would be wasting time, but it would be the only way to get them out alive. He couldn't take on LEL alone. He needed them. And the only way to prevent the OCs from dying permanently would be to go to a fic where the laws of death did not apply.
"Guys," Sam said weakly, but a determined look set on his face. Da Zeke was still crying. Leanne was uncharacteristically hugging him. Lauren was inspecting Leslie's dying form. Belinda looked up as the author spoke. There was little left, but
"We need to return to Total Drama Deception."