Day 8 - Onboard Orion Ship - Outside Cardassian Space
The next three days pass by largely without incident. Kirk loses their chess games four to six, and Spock tells him a total of fifteen anecdotes about his childhood on Vulcan and time in Starfleet Academy in attempt to deflect more personal lines of questioning (i.e. sex). On Day five Kirk proposes a food fight, to which Spock politely declines, thus incident avoided. Dr McCoy calls on day six and Kirk finally gives in; Spock spends most of the day attempting to meditate away from the increasingly loud and frivolous verbal jousting.
Kirk rewires the Orion ship's power conduit on day seven and suddenly they are replicating exotic food items, however Kirk soon develops an anaphylactic reaction to a Betazoidian cake, thus the experiment is aborted.
Upon review, Spock decides the fact that he had to manually enter the molecular structure of epinephrine into the replicator in order to save Kirk's life, warrants the event as An Incident.
Kirk is feeble for the whole of Day seven: feeble, because Spock is too polite to use the word 'pathetic'. The swelling in Kirk's face is going down slow, so are the rashes on his arm; Kirk is so miserable that he begs Spock to nerve-pinch him into oblivion. Spock informs him that Vulcan nerve pinches are not a substitute for general anaesthesia, which he does not need in any case, and Kirk scratches his arm viciously in reply.
In the end, Spock has to pin Kirk's arms above his head in the bed, and considers the situation dire enough when Kirk does not even make a single remark about their compromised position. He traces his fingers over Kirk's face, and applies a light meld that places a surprised Kirk straight to dreamless sleep.
Spock does not spend the next hour sitting next to Kirk's bed, monitoring the rise and fall of Kirk's chest.
Day eight starts with a Yellow Alert. Kirk, freshly rash free, sits cross-legged in the Captain's Chair and beams at him, when Spock walks onto the bridge.
"We are an hour away from Cardassian space," Kirk informs him. "Let's keep an eye out. Cardassians aren't the most friendly bunch, and we don't want any trouble."
Spock sits down at the navigational console and enlarges the sector map in front of him. "In that case," he says slowly, "I believe we should circumvent Cardassia Prime altogether."
Kirk narrows his eyes. "Why?"
"Cardassia is a military regime," Spock says. "Their relationship with the Federation is uncertain at best. While we do not represent Starfleet on this visit, we are certainly recognisable among their higher official ranks. Entering into Cardassia unannounced might cause complications for our onward journey."
"I thought so too," Kirk says. "Which is why I had Harromad leak our warp trail a few days before. By now those interested would have figured out that we have skipped Betazed and are going straight for Cardassia."
Spock waits for the rest of the plan, but Kirk seems to have finished speaking. "That is all?" he asks, brow raised.
Kirk shrugs.
"How much do you know about Cardassia and their political culture?" Spock asks slowly.
Kirk scratches the back of his neck. "I met one in a bar once?"
"You met one in a bar once," Spock repeats, flat.
Kirk flushes pink. "There are literally only six pages of information on Cardassia in the whole Xenoculture syllabus!" he says defensively. "Ten, if you count the classified info in the Starfleet database. Just — look, from what I heard, Cardassia wants to improve relations with the Federation. Right? But Starfleet doesn't want to be seen doing a lot of business with a military dictatorship, so, I figured, they'd jump at the chance of inviting a Starfleet Captain and Commander for a personal visit. You know. To test waters."
In his mind's eye, Spock can see A Huge Incident approaching in capitalised letters, with Red Alert for sound effect. "It is just likely that the Cardassians will arrest us on grounds of espionage," he says. "In fact, there is an 76.2% chance that they will view our unofficial visit in a negative light. Cardassians neither read nor trust tabloids."
"You had no objections until now!" Kirk says. "You knew we were headed here since like, day one!"
"Who informed you we were heading for Cardassia?" Spock says, with no small amount of sarcasm.
Kirk narrows his eyes.
"It has always been my intention to correct our course before we entered into Cardassian space," Spock says calmly, working on the co-ordinates as he speaks. "We will circumvent their territory and make way for the neutral trading hub behind the sector. Beltane XII is protected by Intergalactic Trading Law, which means it has no sovereign territory claims."
"Fine, fine," Kirk says sulkily. "But for the record? The reason I didn't tell you we were changing course was cos the idea just sprung into my mind. You, on the other hand," Kirk squints at him and licks his lips, "You are a master manipulator."
"Vulcans do not manipulate," Spock responds automatically. "We do, however, prefer to plan ahead."
"So much hatred," Kirk mumbles.
Spock notices something on the long range sensors. There is a fast warp signal approaching them: faster than anything they can conceivably outrun.
"Out of the chair," Spock says, standing up.
"What?" Kirk says indignantly. "No. Still your Captain. Suck it, Spock."
"Then I believe mutiny is in order," Spock replies, and readily manoeuvres Kirk out of the Captain's chair, just as their screen lights up with a hail.
"Orion ship," a gruff male voice announces. "You have trespassed into Cardassian space. Respond to hail, or we will open fire."
Kirk's mouth drops open. "Okay, first? We are not in Cardassian space yet," he says, double tapping the sector map. "Second? Spock, now is really not a good time for a mutiny."
"Cardassia has a mutual non-violation treaty with Vulcan," Spock says calmly. "The same cannot be said with Earth. Please let me handle this, Jim."
Kirk regards him intently for a few seconds, and Spock meets his gaze levelly. Finally, Kirk exhales through his nose.
"On screen," he says, and opens hail.
The Cardassian Lieutenant looks taken aback at the sight of Spock on the Captain's Chair. "A Vulcan," he says. "What business do you have in Cardassia?"
"A non sequitur," Spock answers. "As we are not yet within Cardassian space."
The Cardassian Lieutenant harrumphs. "We have just acquired the space three parsecs around this asteroid belt," he says. "Keep up with your interstellar bulletin's. You are charged with trespassing."
Spock flicks a brow. "When did the acquisition take place?"
"Five hours ago," the Lieutenant barks. "Prepare to be boarded! We will take you to Cardassia for trial."
The screen flickers dark, and Spock tightens his grip on the armrest of the Captain's Chair.
"We could shoot them," Kirk says nonchalantly. "Although we'd only last like, five minutes."
"Inadvisable," Spock murmurs.
"Yeah. I don't think it'd look good if we start some sort of Intergalactic Incident," Kirk says ruefully.
Spock gives him a look that clearly says 'if you wanted to avoid this situation we should have boarded the civilian ship to Betazed'.
"Whatever you are thinking right now," Kirk says, "I bet it's illogical."
"You seem to find our present situation amusing," Spock observes.
"Damn right," Kirk says. "Two minutes of you in the Captain's Chair and we are already getting boarded. I'm never agreeing to a mutiny again."
Spock's eyelid twitches.
"Cardassians might not follow tabloids," Kirk continues, unabashed, "But most of Federation does. Everyone knows we are in Cardassia."
"Intergalactic attention for our predicament is hardly a comfort," Spock says.
"Public media attention is your best friend when you are faced with military dictatorships," Kirk reasons. "With the whole Federation watching, the charges won't stick. How much are you willing to bet that I can squeeze a military ride to Beltane XII after this?"
Spock releases his grip on the armrest, and exhales through his nose. "I realise now that it is a mistake for the Vulcan High Council not to update the Federation with all our knowledge on Cardassia," he murmurs.
A high pitched noise indicates the arrival of Cardassians onboard, and Spock stands up. Kirk steps up to join him, and peers at him sideways.
"Am I going to like this?" Kirk asks.
"Negative," Spock says.
"Well, they are five seconds away from the bridge," Kirk says. "So if you are gonna tell me they are actually cannibals or something, it's really now or never."
Spock comes to a parade rest, and looks straight ahead. "The Cardassians have a very peculiar trial system," he says, low.
Kirk eyes him dubiously. "Peculiar how?"
"Once charged, they never find anyone not guilty," Spock answers.
"Right," Kirk says, nodding slowly as five Cardassian security guards thunder onto the bridge. "Shit."