cinderalpha story
once upon a late night, ms. pauling was working. she's always working, but this time she was really, really working. like, hard. anyway as she was working she heard a knock on her office door. i wonder who it was
"come in," she said cooly. it could've been a serial killer or something and she'd just told this person to come in. but, friendly reminder, ms. pauling was pretty much your ideal cosmo fun fearless female of the year. if you want to know what dress she was wearing, it was a form-fitting, sexy, light lavender eggplant violet dress with a whisper of puce. or just google 'purple dress'
"ah, hey, it's me, the scout," the whatever-team scout said really quickly, bursting in
"hi, scout, i'm dad," she said
"ah, ahahaha. yous is a wicked funny gal," scout laughed nervously, not sure how to react in the face of a badly-executed dad joke
"true," she said, going back to her work, completely ignoring the scout. this went on in a good half hour of silence, the scout fidgeting like a coke addict without a fix
"do yous eva like the red sox?" he asked awkwardly, because his entire life was literally only baseball ever
"do i...ever...like them? i don't really watch baseball…"
"oh. yeeeeeahh, i wicked figured," he said bostonly.
"you ever wonder why they call some baseball teams 'sox'?" she asked, tapping her pen on her chin in thought. "kinda dumb name if you think about it."
"did yous just insult my sox?" scout asked incredulously, hands on his hips
"no? i just pointed out that it's kind of a weird name."
"you fuckin' take that back," he screamed, his face turning a flattering shade of grape
"uh, alright. whatever, i take it back," she shrugged, looking extremely weirded out and wiping a bit of spit off her face
"good, good, i was, uh, afraid you was a yanks fan or som'in," he mumbled, realizing what a blatant fucking nutcase he'd just been
"...yeah," ms. pauling said, not looking up from her work. this resulted in another ten minutes of painfully awkward silence before the door burst open to reveal the demoman. no wait, nobody gives half a shit about the demoman. never mind, i'll pick a character that people sort of care about
the door burst open to reveal a nervous engineer holding five rotten daisies in his gloved hand
"evenin' ms. paulin'," the texas man said softly and amiably. he softly walked in and up to ms. pauling's desk. he then softly opened his hand and just fucking dropped the miserably wilted flowers on top of her paperwork like an idiot.
"ah gohja sum flahrs," he drawled like a texan who'd just had a debilitating stroke
"i know..." she said disgustedly, gingerly brushing them off her paper and continuing to work
"ah hope y'all enjoy 'em," he whispered, creepily clasping his hands together.
"thanks...eggineer," she snickered. the engineer inhaled sharply and started weeping but nobody cared or saw because he was wearing goggles. at night. indoors. anyway, he was crying because eggineer was what the kids used to call him on the playground before they pantsed him and laughed as he tried to run away and then tripped over his own stupid nerd pants
"eggineer," scout howled, clapping like a large, dumb bostonian seal. "fuckin' classic"
"ah, ah, ah," engineer breathed, trying to hold his shit together and failing miserably
"you are dismissed, egg," ms. pauling snapped, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at him.
"yeah, egg, get outta heah," scout said, swinging his bat and sending the sniveling engineer out the open door and into the night. the crowd went wild in the distance
"wow," ms. pauling breathed, thoroughly impressed as she squinted her eyes and used her hand as a mock forehead visor. "you really nailed him."
"yee-yah. i freakin' fuckin' did," scout said, proud of himself. this show of dominance suddenly turned ms. pauling from apathetic ice queen nerd woman to rabidly horny geek succubus. kind of like elsa in frozen. i think
"oh scout," she moaned, ripping her top open and exposing her supple milky white soft bouncy young breasts, "i need you now"
"yeah," he said huskily in a seductive macho alpha way
"as a geek girl i do love your fun-loving yet assertive bostonian attitude," she moaned
"yeah," he rumbled as his velvety voice dropped two octaves and his shirt began ripping from more muscles
"take me now, you man," she screamed hotly
"absolutely." the scout stood up straight and grew impossibly large, twice the size of the heavy. then he ripped ms. pauling's clothes off like a crazed ape
"oh yes," she screamed hotly
"yeah," he said, lifting her with one hand and ripping her clothes off with his other hand. though his body grew bigger, his head stayed disproportionately tiny. that isn't really important to the story, i just thought it would be a nice detail to share
"wow scout, your dong is huge," she swooned. now that is an important part of the story.
"yeah," he said, whipping out his corinthian column of a yogurt-slinger.
"i don't think it's gonna fit," she giggled
"where there's a will, there's a way," scout suddenly roared, slamming his gargantuan, throbbing love muscle into ms. pauling's quivering spasm chasm. immediately, fluids from both parties literally exploded and painted the room a translucent off-white.
"oh my god, scout, that was amazing," she wheezed, her naked body lying limply on the sleazy 70s shag carpet
"i know," he said plainly, picking her up with one hand and gently placing her on her desk on top of her important paperwork that didn't matter anymore
the engineer hungrily watched the entire scene through the window from afar with binoculars because he's a creepy fucking voyeuristic peeping tom weirdo. it was hard making out the details with tears in his eyes, but he'd managed okay...up until that point. the scout looked out the window and had spotted the engineer because he gained night vision and was able to see him. engineer saw scout say something to ms. pauling, and then saw him make direct eye contact with him. engineer promptly soiled himself and began crying uncontrollably again in his own fecal matter as the scout explosively left the office, slamming the door behind him and running full speed towards the bushes
"dog gone dangnabbit darn dog diggity dang it to heck," engineer whinnied to himself like a small, frightened horse as the ground shook ominously. "what in god's green heck am ah gone do?"
"i'͞ll͡ ͞fu̶cḱi̸n̴g͡ tęl̷l ̷y͏o͜u,͘ ҉yo̸u͟ ҉p͞ie̴c͢e o̡f ̡shi͢t̸," exploded the hulk-scout satanically, yanking the engineer into the air by throat with two fingers.
"a-ahh! ah'm sorry! please, don't kill me! i've got a wahfe n kids at home!" he squeaked.
"n͜o ̕͘y̴̨o͜͡͠u͘͜ ͟d͜o͢͡n̛͠'t̴̛," scout said, confused. the engineer did not, in fact, have a wife, nor did he have kids. his ownership of an actual home also seemed dubious
"n-n-no, ah don't. ah wish ah did so ah could have some'in'a dang live for," engineer weeped in a texan manner
"well, why didn'tcha say so?" scout said cheerily, placing him on the ground.
"ah...ah didn't think a-anyone cared…" he murmured sadly.
"you͞ ̀w͘͝a͢͢s̴̡ ̷̧r͡ig͝h̀t̵,̧" scout laughed maniacally. then he snapped the engineer's spinal cord in half, killing him instantly. he dropped his limp body to the ground and went back to ms. pauling's office to find her still naked and sitting on her desk
"how's my sugah plum doin'," he roared sweetly, flexing his bulging muscles
"mmm," she moaned hotly
"that's what i fuckin' thought," he screamed. they tangoed the whole night long and it was a grand ole time. when the sun rose, however, the scout noticed a change in his body. his voice rose, his body shrunk, and he became much more beta.
the cinderalpha spell had broken with the day.
"i'm gonna pummel the shit outta you," scout yelled as he began returning to normal.
"please do," ms pauling meowed in pleasure
"i-i mean, if you want me to, if that's what you wanna do," he said meekly. shit. ms. pauling instantly lost her woman boner and sat up in alarm
"scout what the fuck. i thought you became an assertive dominant alpha man that would boss me around?"
the scout then decided to take matters into his own shaking hands. do you know what happens when people take matters into their shaking hands? they drop the matters on the floor, that's what happens. and then the matters smash into millions of tiny pieces.
"m-ms. pauling i'm gonna be honest heah. i'm crazy in love with y-yous. you make me go wild. last night was a dream come true. so, h-are you, why don't we, you, we, me...get married?" he spluttered, dropping to one knee. idiot didn't even have a ring lol what a beta
"scout, no. not unless you roid the fuck up and get alpha," she sighed in mild annoyance, putting her clothes on and returning to work as if nothing had ever happened
"nooooooooooooo," scout yelled, dropping his other knee and yelling at the ceiling.
"scout. scout wake up." the scout opened his tired south boston eyes to find the engineer waking him up from his afternoon nap. "you okay, boy?"
"whuhs goinnon?" scout mumbled stupidly
"ya had a bad dream. you were screamin' a whole bunch."
"oh. oops," scout said, getting up. "thanks fah wakin' me up."
"no problem," he said, adjusting his tie.
"whoa, hardhat, the hell is the fancy suit for?"
"i'm goin' to take ms. paulin' out on a date tonight," he said, adjusting his tie. "i've got reservations at la good restaurant."
"la good restaurant?" scout exclaimed not only incredulously but also in disbelief. "that's, like, one of the nicest restaurants in the world! it's received nine michelin stars..."
"ahem. ten, actually," engineer corrected alpha-ly, adjusting his tie.
"whoa, wicked ahhsum. how'dja get a spot there? the waitin' list is like fifty miles long."
"scout, ah may be a soft-spoken and amiable texan from bee cave, texas who solves practical problems and likes all things mechanical, and specializes in constructing and maintaining Buildings that provide support to his team, rather than fighting at the front lines. The Engineer's various gadgets include the Sentry Gun, an automated turret that fires at any enemy in range, the Dispenser, a device that restores the health and ammunition of nearby teammates, and Teleporters that quickly transport players from point A to point B...but ah know how to get stuff done," he uttered, with a badass adjustment of his tie.
"yeah," scout sighed, hands in his face. "yeah. ya do. good luck with ms. pauling."
"ah will, thanks. good luck," waved the engineer assertively, adjusting his tie and walking away from the scout and into the sunset
"g-gaaaaaahdspeed," scout sobbed, spiraling into bostonian betadom