Title: Leave Me Where I Am
Author: Acoustic Heart
Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.

A/N: Ok OHMIGOSH you guys so this one author who I really particularly like and is amazing (I'm not going to mention names) put this story on their alerts and I like FREAKED out hahaha :D

JUST ANOTHING WARNING! THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE PROBABLY GOING TO BE A BIT GRITTY AND GRAPHIC!

(Told in Ponyboy's point of view)

Chapter 6

I stood there.

I just stood there across the street, across the street from my house. I leaned heavily on a telephone pole, just looking at my house.

There were various cars in the drive way, Darry's and Steve's, Two-bit's and Dally's . Everyone must have been there, waiting for me.

Lucky fucking guess.

I had been like that for thirteen minutes, only because I was counting every single second that went by, lack of better things to do I suppose besides, oh yeah, going in and confirming everyone that I'm not fucking dead.

God, I would rather be. I wished they listened to my fucking requests, my endless pleads for them to kill me.

I just want it to be over.

Tears started streaming down my face again.

God, I was so fucking sick of crying.

"Aww, don't cry, you don't look to pretty when you cry."

Double checking that there weren't any cars coming, I carefully crossed the street, just staring at the door, I barely noticed myself pushing the metal fence open but next thing I knew I was face to face with the entrance to my home, the place last night I was dying to get back to, know I would rather be any place but.

Then I knocked on the door…

I knocked on the fucking door to my own goddamned house.

I really was stupid.

I heard noises, then voices

Darry's; "Soda, get the door!"

Johnny's; "I got it!"

The mixed voices of the rest of the gang, then the door opened.

And I was face to face with my best friend. The shock was apparent on his face.

What if he was my ex-best friend now?

What if he didn't like my anymore?

Before he could even open his mouth and despite absolutely everything, I started bawling like a four year old girl.

"Ponyboy!" He exclaimed, gently slinging his arm around my waist and pulling me into the house.

At his outburst there was a whole other commotion.

I was standing in the living room with the gang surrounding me.

I was still crying and I could barely recognize what was going on around me. Johnny was now standing next to Dallas, who was looking at me with an unreadable look on his face, but it wasn't cold or mean. I didn't actually even get that much time to try and figure out what it was before Sodapops face was clouding my vision.

His brown eyes looking intensely into mine were distorted and blurry due to the tears pouring down my face.

"Baby?" He questioned softly, his calloused hands cupping my face, I flinched away at first, a look of confusion and shock briefly flashed across his face, there wasn't a previous time in my life I've ever flinched away from my older brother.

He swiped his thumbs across my cheeks, catching tears, blood and grim on the tips.

Dally cursed loudly, Two-bit said something, too, but I wasn't paying attention.

I was crying too hard to really grip what was going on around me, so hard it hurt.

There was a slight ringing in my ears and I barely registered Sodas mouth moving.

"He has awfully pretty lips, don't he?"

I abruptly cut my sobs off.

And then I tried to stifle my laughter but I couldn't stop the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Could you imagine something like that happening to my brother? It never would he was so much stronger than me, a lot tougher and he had a hell of a lot more common sense then I did.

He gave me a concerned look and shook my shoulders slightly.

"Honey, did you hear me?"

I just gave him a questioning look.

"I asked if you were ok." He responded, he's a good mind reader.

Did he just ask me if I was ok?

I started to giggle.

He let go of my shoulders, shocked.

Then everything just seemed so fucking funny.

I started laughing hysterically; I was laughing so hard it hurt.

I laughed harder at my own little inside joke.

I could hear concerned words spilling from the gangs mouths; I was finding it hard to breath with how hard I was actually laughing.

A shocked silence filled the room, hell the entire house besides my disturbing and ridiculously loud laughter.

I couldn't even remember what I was laughing at.

There were shocked and concerned faces all around the room. Johnny actually looked scared. That made my laughter die down a little bit, seeing my friends faces, I must have scared them something awful.

My weak legs decided to give out and I found myself kneeling on the living room floor.

I felt my chin roughly grabbed and again I flinched, a bit more violently this time and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up again.

I came face to face with Steve Randall. He was stopped down so his face was level with mine and he held my chin, not as rough this time and looked into my eyes, studying my face carefully.

"Jesus Christ kid, are you high?" He asked peering at me.

I started giggling.

"Steve, let go of him." Dallas commanded, grabbing Steve's shoulder and pulling him away from me.

To my surprise Dally gently grabbed me underneath my arms and lifted me to my feet again, but my lower half couldn't quit function and I stumbled into his chest, my bloody hands weekly fisting his black shirt.

His larger hand came up to cup the back of my head, softly petting me. "Sh, you're all right kid." He soothed gently.

Then I remembered just who the fuck this was.

Dallas fucking Winston.

He decided to take me to that fucking party in the first place.

He was the one that should have been looking after me.

He shouldn't have left me to fend for myself.

I unclenched my hands, splaying my hands flat against his chest I used what little strength I had and pushed myself away from him.

Then I spoke for the first time since I came home.

"I fucking hate you Dallas Winston." I spat at him.

"Look-" He started, hurt was actually apparent on his face, he was actually showing some sort of emotion and I was the one that could fucking put it there.

"No! I hate you!" I screamed a bit hysterically, pushing against him harder.

He stumbled back looking hurt.

"I shouldn't have gone with you in the first place!" I cried out.

"This is your entire fault! I fucking hate you! I should have known better then to trust a fucking scum bag like you!" I could hear how hysterical my voice sounded, it was high pitch and piercing and hurt my already raw throat, but I was so fucking angry at him.

I wanted him to hurt like I did.

Not physically or mentally.

But emotionally, I wanted him to feel as fucking broken and stupid and worthless as I did.

He put his hands up in defense. I was surprised he hadn't tried to punch me yet; his face didn't even show a bit of anger, but I could see some sort of emotion on his face.

I didn't care enough to want to find out what it was.

"Kid, please, I never meant for you to get hurt." He said sincerely.

I laughed, but it wasn't kind of the hysterical laugh from earlier, or a genuine one, but it was bitter and angry.

"You don't get it Dally! That's not the fucking point!" I hissed.

"Then would you please just try to calm the fuck down and explain to me and everyone else here what the point just so happens to be?" His voice had risen in volume and it was evident he was trying not to shout.

I didn't know what to say.

I didn't want to talk to them, I didn't want them to find out I just wanted to go and take a fucking shower and curl up under the covers, no even safer, underneath the bed.

Someplace that they wouldn't be able to find me.

But, god what if they were already underneath the bed. Or in our closet, what if they had actually followed me home and were in there right now waiting or me?

My breathing started to quicken.

What if I was to go in the bathroom and open the curtain to find Jim just standing there waiting for me.

I started crying harder.

"Kid, I didn't mean to scare you-" Dally started, coming towards me.

"Dallas, leave him alone you scared him enough." Darry cut him off, pulling him back by his shoulder.

I looked up at Dallas's face, I could see now how sorry he looked, how worried he looked how caring he looked.

"Then why did you leave me?" I whispered breaking off into tears.

"Oh, Pone." He whispered softly.

Soda put a hand on my shoulder, this time I violently pushed him away, why the fuck were they touching me?

I started crying again, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, clenching my eyes shut.

"Oh my God." I heard Darry dead pan, but I ignored him and whatever the fuck he was 'Oh my god-ing' about.

"Just stop fucking touching me." I sobbed.

I pressed myself against the wall and covered my face with my shaking hands.

I don't think I can live like this.

xxx

A/N: So uh, sorry this took so long…and sorry it's short and sucky. Bleah.

Again, reviews, criticism and ideas are always welcomed and encouraged!