Title: Leave Me Where I Am
Author: Acoustic Heart
Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders and I do not claim to. No profit is being made from this story.

PLEASE NOTE I CHANGED THE SUMMARY.

Warnings: This story does contain rape. There may be a possible slash relationship in the future.

A/N: Ok, so you guys are absolutely amazing. I love hearing from all of you and I am SO happy people are actually enjoying my writing!

(Told in Ponyboys's point of view)

Chapter 8

They stared at me.

The entire gang just stared at me.

And I felt so intimidated and horribly exposed. It felt like they could see right through me, like they could see everything that had happened to me.

I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to shrink back into the wall, wishing for the ground to swallow me up, wishing to just get out away from all of them.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I could feel the blood all over me.

I needed to shower, to get clean. I just needed to get into the goddamned bathroom and clean.
I stared fixatedly down at my shoes.

"Pony" I heard Dally, I snapped up, glaring at him, but my vision was so blurry I couldn't tell if it was even affective.
Everything seemed blurry around the edges; I couldn't really hear anything properly, the only point of focus was Dally, standing there, close to me. It made me tremble, it made me frightened. Not from him, I wasn't that afraid of him, I was afraid of the contact that would come about if he was closer, if anyone was closer.

I was actually afraid of the sensation of skin on skin, of someone else's warmth connecting to me.

"Ponyboy, calm down, please, don't be like this." I heard someone plead.

I looked over in the direction to see Soda. Soda looking upset and worried and god there were even tears in his eyes.
I looked at him and I felt my senses return to me.
Right, I should probably say something back to him.
"Soda?"
Great response Pony, keep up the good work.

I hated how my voice sounded, scratchy and distant.
I looked around the room. My gaze skipped over Dally entirely. Everyone was looking at me, Darry's
eyes were scrutinizing, picking every detail of me apart, I wondered if he knew just by looking at
me.

"I'm gonna….I'm gonna go get cleaned up, kay?" I whispered. I pressed my left hand against the wall and tried to regain my center of balance.
I stumbled down the hallway; I could barely move my lower body. Pain shot up through my spine to the back of my skull, making my dizzy and nauseas after every small movement I made.
I grasped the door knob to the bathroom tightly, carefully turning it and letting myself into the bathroom.
Finally.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it heavily. My eyes closed, trying to even out my breathing and stop my shaking.
I tensed at the thought of having to pass the bathroom mirror. Did I actually want to look at myself? Fear coursed through my body at just the sickening thought of having to look at my face, my torso or my arms.

I decided to close my eyes as I passed it

Without opening my eyes, I gripped the counter tightly, inching my way until I felt the counter disappearing from my fingers, signaling I was past the dreaded mirror.
I inhaled slowly and opened my eyes.

The shower.
I don't think I've ever been so happy to see that bathroom fixture in my entire life. I turned the water up as high as it could possibly go; steam flooded the bathroom fogging up the small window.

I inhaled, and then exhaled, trying to even out my still trembling breathing.

My body quacked in pain and I had to hold my breath as I moved to carefully lift my dirtied tank-top above my head (that was now clinging to my body uncomfortably, suffocating me and oh God why in the world did I wear it of course I looked like a slut)I quickly pulled it over my head. I never wanted to see the shirt again. I crumpled it into a ball and threw it into the waste basket.

Next were my pants. I closed my eyes tightly as my shaking fingers struggled with the button. I relaxed trying to calm myself.

Jesus Christ Pony, stop taking so goddamn LONG. The sooner you get yourself undressed the sooner you can be under that deliciously scalding water a wash the blood and cum away, the feel of their hands and their laughter and moans and groans.

I let out a strangled sob, I could feel myself so close the breaking down, I was teetering on the edge of losing any semblance of sanity I had so carefully piece together. I hastily opened and pulled my jeans of, flinging them into the waste basket I didn't give myself a second thought before I was pulling off my boxers caked with blood, nearly ripping them in my urgency to just get them off of me and clambering into the shower.

The water burn and stung at first, painful of the open wounds and were my skin was red and raw but it felt so unbelievably good. The burning that encased my entire body was what was working to make me pure again to make me fucking clean. I let my head drop down, the water pulsed down on my head, wetting my hair and down on my neck and shoulders soothing the sore muscles. But when I opened my eyes I was looking down at the damage they had done.

There was blood and cum caked on my groin gradually being washed away by the running water, dark finger shaped bruises littered my hips, indicating the different grips that each of them had. Cuts and hickeys littered my chest and stomach and god if the bruises wrapped around my upper thighs didn't look like handprints…

My vision began blurring, I couldn't tell if it was just the water running into them or if it was the tears I knew were starting to drip down my face.

My legs became week and shaky, I pressed my palms against the white slippery tile of the shower wall as my knees buckled and I fell to the shower floor. I barely registered the pain the shocked through my knees as I landed, harsh sobs escaped me, tearing at my throat, they rose in volume until I was almost screaming. I didn't care who could hear me. I just wanted to scream and cry until I ran out of oxygen.

My fingers curled as if I was trying to scratch the tile off the wall. I just wanted to grip something, cause my grip on reality was fading quicker than I thought.

Someone was knocking loudly on the door now.

I just continued crying and screaming as water continued to wash everything down the drain, my sanity with it.

xxx

A/N: Uh…hey guys, right so I AM SO TERRIBLY FREAKING OBNOXIOUSLY SORRY! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I PROCRASTINATED THIS MUCH IN UPDATING THIS STORY! I feel terrible D: Hopefully the updating will go back to normal :D (Feedback and ideas are always appreciated and welcome!)